You’re right. I’m sorry but I’m so mentally exhausted that I can’t see any light at all. Also I have borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed with it last year. I had a few session with a psychologist out of desperation last year. Just didn’t follow up because I didn’t feel like we were going anywhere. Anyways, It explains my impulsivity, abandonment issues, emotional instability, depression, mood swings, everything that’s wrong with me basically. It also made me realize that I am a toxic person in my close relationships. I push people away myself. I am self destructive. I am basically crazy. The scary thing about my disorder is that I’m incredibly self aware and analytical about my behaviours but I lack the ability to do anything about it. It’s like watching someone destroy your life….. but that person is yourself. It’s paralyzing
Fell in Love/Lust with an escort. Young sex addict
- Thread starter gabelogan
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@massman and others who shared lengthy and genuine responses, I’m sorry that I’m like this. I wish I could come on here to share something positive but I can’t. So I’m sorry. I know my venting on an anonymous escort board isn’t something anyone wants to read lol. All great advice. But I just don’t think I can get better. I think dying young would be better than to prolong this suffering over a lifetime. The funny thing is, it’s just as hard to take your life. Most methods are risky and painful. The painless methods are difficult to set up. For instance, I cant find a way to get a pressurized helium tank that would allow for a painless exit. They dilute helium tanks sold on the market lol. Life is hard and it seems death is just as hard lol
The inability to do something about it is a symptom of the disease. The fact that you can’t see the light is a symptom. The disease is what is destroying your life, and that is treatable. But the feeling you have that you are is common. I read something Greg Gilhooly (who as a teen was abused by hockey coach graham james and suffered from mental illness since) that he always seemed to “snatch defeat from the jaws of victory”. That quote really resonated with me the times that depression has caused disaster in my life. I know that feeling of paralysis well and it gets better when the depression is treated.
Your self awareness is a good sign and probably makes it more likely that you will benefit from therapy.
It’s good that you had some therapy, but
You can’t expect too much after only a few sessions. I read somewhere that it takes at least 10 sessions (sometimes 20) for CBT to have an impact. I think also that CBT is quite effective for BPD, which you have been diagnosed with.
Don’t be sorry. The fact that you are here telling us the story shows that deep down you feel there is some hope, otherwise you wouldn’t be sharing it with us. Talk to your doctor, tell them how you are feeling. And like I said in another post, the belief that you can’t get better is a classic symptom of the illness. You feel hopeless and that life is pointless because you are depressed, not the other way around.
Talk to your doctor. You have experienced joy, satisfaction and accomplishment in your life before so the capacity is in you to do so again, once the illness is treated.
Talk to your doctor, see the psychologist again, talk to a friend / family member if you can. Do it today. Allow someone else to give you some help and carry some of the weight you feel is crushing you. Even just the act of telling a trusted friend, family or health professional that you feel this way will lift some of that weight.
Hey man. Im in the same exact boat as you believe it or not. I go to university in a good program and have my life together in terms of my career and my path. Over the years I've become quite an emotionally unstable person, like you described yourself to be. I am impulsive, have blown thousands on this. I just recently got scammed for so much money. Now I just dont know what to do.
What happened? I can do my best to help you recover any money that was taken from you by ways of a scam.
DM me if this is the case. I eat scammers for breakfast..including scamming escorts.
