Are Single Moms Worth Your Time?

[Jasmina]

I would go gay before I would enter a relationship with a man who expects to come first in my life or who thinks all (or majority) single moms are out there targeting dudes for child support for kids that arent even theirs. Not saying it doesn't happen but to think that is the norm says how jaded and bitter and skewed your perception is on women.

By all means, the men in my life do not come first or last; my family, friends, career, myself, are always going to be as high up on that priority list. As they should be and as I would expect for him as well. Neither of us should feel like we have to give up or choose any part of life over our partner. Key word there - partner.

No one is asking men to make a life altering decision, you have assumed and projected, no one even said this dating was going beyond casual. The OP did not even mention age ofsaid children. Single Moms like myself with college aged children would not be requiring a damned thing from you besides basic civility to my kids IF you should be so lucky as to meet them at all.

Luckily for me, there are plenty of men out there who do not suffer this mentality.

So you'd go gay because you're frustrated or because you think it's the best choice for your child?

Trust me, I've had this conversation many times. I know what I'm seeing and talking about.

Most guys in here are probably incels, true.

But come on, you want a man to make a life altering decision in 30 days or less? WTF!!!

 

[angrymime666]

In general females are more understanding in all senses especially when it involves kids. A female isn't gonna just walk away from a possible partner just because they have kids. We understand kids come first. But honestly the amount of negative SM comments certain men leave is something else....they are basically saying a SM is like the plague and anyone who inteacts with her will get infected.

By god most SM arent asking you to be a damn father figure to their children...if a man wants to do it then so be it. Hell my sister is a SM and it wasnt by choice, she had to make the call to end the relationship and save my niece and herself from a terrible situation.

its not that SM are a plague, its the life they have to offer a man that isnt appealing as a single man with no kids. they have made a life choice which means if I choose to date a SM it obligates me to live that choice of life. if I wanted to have kids it would be with a woman who doesnt have another mans child or picked poorly when it comes to a partner.

 

[Vermeer27]

This seems to be hitting close to home for some ladies, but I don’t understand why this is so controversial. How many women won’t date a man whose shorter than her, or even just under a certain height. How many won’t date an unemployed guy, or one who makes a modest income. Depending on your perspective, these are either superficial criteria or they’re total dealbreakers, but no one gets to tell someone else what their priorities should be.
.

 

[rex_baner]

dated 5.

I wont say there's a big issue with dating them. In their 20s... I wouldn't because the women are young, but I dated on who was in her 30s and she was more responsible with great carreer. She simply is a mom who came out of a failing marriage. Unless you plan to get kids with the woman, I would not advise to it.

Take money out of the equation... take support out of the equation... which are still reasonable issues to pay attention to....the kids are in their live and that means at least 80% of the time you have to expect your relationship involves them. You have to accept you're dating her + the kid and the time you have alone is either when the kid is with their fathers. It was super rare since out of the 5 I dated, the fathers were never in the picture except for 1 and it was for 1 weekend every other week. Are the kids under 10? In that case... don't expect much alone time. I can go on and on...

honestly... unless you really like who you're with I wouldn't bother...

 

[Starstrike]

In general females are more understanding in all senses especially when it involves kids. A female isn't gonna just walk away from a possible partner just because they have kids. We understand kids come first. But honestly the amount of negative SM comments certain men leave is something else....they are basically saying a SM is like the plague and anyone who inteacts with her will get infected.

By god most SM arent asking you to be a damn father figure to their children...if a man wants to do it then so be it. Hell my sister is a SM and it wasnt by choice, she had to make the call to end the relationship and save my niece and herself from a terrible situation.

Nah, that's BS. There's no intrinsic personality differences between males and females, it's just societal conditioning. Lots of women will not date single dads, lots of women HATE children. So all this bullshit about women being more empathetic and self sacrificial is just nonsense gender essentializing sexism that ironically feminists are supposed to be against.

Even if a SM isn't asking for a boyfriend to be a father figure to her kid it's what she wants, and it's what's naturally expected from the kid too. Sorry, but single mom's really are a plague. I feel bad for them, but not enough to sacrifice my own happiness.

 

[Starstrike]

This seems to be hitting close to home for some ladies, but I don’t understand why this is so controversial. How many women won’t date a man whose shorter than her, or even just under a certain height. How many won’t date an unemployed guy, or one who makes a modest income. Depending on your perspective, these are either superficial criteria or they’re total dealbreakers, but no one gets to tell someone else what their priorities should be.
.

Exactly right! Women are JUST as superficial and shallow and selfish as men.

 

[Starstrike]

And more and more are we tempted to just settle into a relationship with our own sex. Sides a females sexuality is fluid and can vary based on emotional, mental and physcial attraction to someone. Woohoo for being a female

Nope. There are lots of goldstar hardcore lesbians out there (both butch and femme) who have never had sex with men and never will. If you want I can give examples of some gorgeous 10/10 lesbians I wish were bisexual but are completely not into men at all. Your gender assumptions are baseless. Men and women are the same mentally and only differ physically.

 

[Jasmina]

It is absolutely not normal or healthy to think like this.

Sorry, but single mom's really are a plague.

 

[Starstrike]

It is absolutely not normal or healthy to think like this.

It is though, you just don't like that it's so pervasive.

 

[ExoticSpirit]

Single Moms like myself with college aged children would not be requiring a damned thing from you besides basic civility to my kids IF you should be so lucky as to meet them at all.

This is actually quite interesting. So are you saying that you and perhaps other single moms with adult kids are able to completely separate your dating lives from your family lives? That is, guys in your life would not be expected or required to be present at any family get togethers you have with your adult kids? Because if this is the case, it's the complete opposite of what I've heard so far from single moms I met with adult kids.

 

[Don Draper]

Yes. They are.

So long as it's convenient to YOU.

 

[Jasmina]

If we are dating casually, absolutely! Preferred even.

This is actually quite interesting. So are you saying that you and perhaps other single moms with adult kids are able to completely separate your dating lives from your family lives? That is, guys in your life would not be expected or required to be present at any family get togethers you have with your adult kids? Because if this is the case, it's the complete opposite of what I've heard so far from single moms I met with adult kids.

 

[WetSeeker]

It is absolutely not normal or healthy to think like this.

100% agree that is true - having been burned (badly) once I am more cautious but SM are not "bad". My choice was bad - she had one abortion and one marriage and child before me - clearly she was not stable or a good choice for a LTR - but I have my kids for life and they are fantastic and I do the best I can for them.
I saw a SM out today with a really nice child at Harbourfront it was fully obvious she was doing her best as a SM - her mom was very attentive. Tbh that interaction made her more attractive - I could see that she fully cared about someone other than herself which is always attractive.

 

[ExoticSpirit]

If we are dating casually, absolutely! Preferred even.

I understand the casual phase but if things were to potentially move towards being more serious, then would family involvement become essential? Another side question to this would be high long can single moms sustain the casual phase until they need something more serious?

 

[Tomoreno]

I understand the casual phase but if things were to potentially move towards being more serious, then would family involvement become essential? Another side question to this would be high long can single moms sustain the casual phase until they need something more serious?

May I ask how you define a Casual Phase?

Why do you want to be in a relationship and what do you expect from it?

I can't speak for everyone, but I'd say that most people past mid 30's look for a meaningful relationship.

How meaningful is a relationship when you live separately and meet each other once in a while... when you don't socialize as a couple with friends/family or perhaps even have to hide it?

 

[curr3n_c1000]

I would go gay before I would enter a relationship with a man who expects to come first in my life or who thinks all (or majority) single moms are out there targeting dudes for child support for kids that arent even theirs. Not saying it doesn't happen but to think that is the norm says how jaded and bitter and skewed your perception is on women.

By all means, the men in my life do not come first or last; my family, friends, career, myself, are always going to be as high up on that priority list. As they should be and as I would expect for him as well. Neither of us should feel like we have to give up or choose any part of life over our partner. Key word there - partner.

No one is asking men to make a life altering decision, you have assumed and projected, no one even said this dating was going beyond casual. The OP did not even mention age ofsaid children. Single Moms like myself with college aged children would not be requiring a damned thing from you besides basic civility to my kids IF you should be so lucky as to meet them at all.

Luckily for me, there are plenty of men out there who do not suffer this mentality.

Lets reverse this.

If a man told you, You're not a top priority on his list, is that someone you'd keep dating?

And from what I've heard, some lesbian women are more abusive then men.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

I understand the casual phase but if things were to potentially move towards being more serious, then would family involvement become essential? Another side question to this would be high long can single moms sustain the casual phase until they need something more serious?

You are thinking bout this from a mans perspective. You have to think about this like a woman.

 

[HAMSTER INSPECTOR]

I would go gay before I would enter a relationship with a man who expects to come first in my life or who thinks all (or majority) single moms are out there targeting dudes for child support for kids that arent even theirs.

I would say not all and certainly not the majority. I have known a few single moms that would enter into a relationship it it made their lives easier. This is not an uncommon thing even with women that do not have kids. With the recent pandemic and the effects it will have on the economy in the next 5-10 years I suspect you will see more of that sort of thing. I know an aging masseuse ( over 50 ) that was out man hunting. She even bought a Mercedes ( lowest price model ) to improve her chances. She snagged a well to do guy and he strung her along for a couple of years before he just walked away from her. I also knew a younger woman in her 30s that snagged a 55 year old guy with two businesses so she could sleep all day and do coke. He had to close both his store and she suddenly parted ways with this guy to look for another meal ticket.

 

[Jasmina]

I have been in two long term casual relationships for years... they don't hang out with my kids. If that helps answer that...

I understand the casual phase but if things were to potentially move towards being more serious, then would family involvement become essential? Another side question to this would be high long can single moms sustain the casual phase until they need something more serious?

 

[Jasmina]

Read my comments up above. I do not expect to be his "everything" and I he will not be mine. We are not 12.

Lets reverse this.

If a man told you, You're not a top priority on his list, is that someone you'd keep dating?

And from what I've heard, some lesbian women are more abusive then men.