What's your story for seeing an SP or being in this hobby?

[feek76]

Once you start this you can't stop. My boss took me to a massage parlour when I was 19. been seeing a girl almost once a week since. i'm happily married, have kids, and still have sex with the wife at least once a week too.

It's the thrill and living out certain fantasies you'd rather not talk about to your significant other. Its not an affair so your not emotionally or financially obligated to anyone else. That being said, I've met some great ladies over the years young and mature and been a regular client. So the friendship is through the appointed meeting and ends with no contact until you meet again.

I've managed to keep this from my wife (at least I think I have) for the last 20 years. Nothing like the attention of another sexy woman that makes a man feel like a king, except a million bucks to wine and dine and add more women to the 'to do list'

interesting thread. I didn't expect so many contributors.

 

[Butler1000]

I also hate the dating world. Main reason I came back.

Stay away from online dating sites

Go with common social and hobby groups. It's tough right now because of Covid but there are tons of resources for finding like minded people.

 

[JeanGary Diablo]

I started hobbying about eight years ago. Why did I start? Easy: I want intimate female companionship but didn't want a committed relationship.

Twenty years ago I used dating websites. For those of you who don't know (and for those who do, give me a big HELL, YEAH!!!!), the years between 2000 and 2006 were the Golden Age of Online Dating. No fake profiles, no bots, no Russian scammers, just lots of women looking for fun. Lavalife, which is a small player in online dating today, was the best website ever for hooking up. It makes Tinder today look like a joke. It was easy to meet great women who were looking for the same thing you were -- it was no fuss, no muss.

I'm sure a few others on here are the same as me: I've never had trouble getting women, but I'm also not a scumbag player -- I'm not going to act like I want more from someone than just sex and then ghost them right after we do the nasty.

As I get older -- I'm now in my mid-40s -- I find it nearly impossible to find women who are just looking for flings. I've had quite a few dates on Tinder and Plenty of Fish, but women 35-plus are nearly all looking to settle down, and that's just not for me.

The solution? Hobbying.

 

[Coolsin000]

Stay away from online dating sites

Go with common social and hobby groups. It's tough right now because of Covid but there are tons of resources for finding like minded people.

Definitely, the online dating platforms are a joke - all the girls just want to promote their Instagram or Onlyfan account. I find that going to any social or hobby groups - the girls are never single. They are always taken.

Once you start this you can't stop. My boss took me to a massage parlour when I was 19. been seeing a girl almost once a week since. i'm happily married, have kids, and still have sex with the wife at least once a week too.

It's the thrill and living out certain fantasies you'd rather not talk about to your significant other. Its not an affair so your not emotionally or financially obligated to anyone else. That being said, I've met some great ladies over the years young and mature and been a regular client. So the friendship is through the appointed meeting and ends with no contact until you meet again.

I've managed to keep this from my wife (at least I think I have) for the last 20 years. Nothing like the attention of another sexy woman that makes a man feel like a king, except a million bucks to wine and dine and add more women to the 'to do list'

interesting thread. I didn't expect so many contributors.

Yeah, I know what you mean. After discovering TERB/MERB/PERB.CC - it has become dangerously addictive for looking and reading reviews for beautiful SPs. It's hard to stop - the lust.

Good question.

So I’ve decided to be single until im settled at work. There is also a girl I dated since I was 16 and we had to separate across the country for our jobs/training (no choice ) and I’ve committed to waiting it out untill we can be in the same city . She is in a similar situation with her career. We can literally only meet at most once or twice a year for 5+ years. I offered to be in an open distant relationship but she rather not cause if she commits she reallt gets emotionally attached as do I and it can be painful. So here I am single and not looking to settle with anyone.

I’m pretty young and have the means to explore the dating world for the one night stands but things get messy and I can see my self ending up in a less than ideal relationship doing that. Any girl I meet I compare to the girl I know and they never win the battle so I don’t settle.

This hobby to me is perfect. It satisfies my need for intimacy and allows me to focus on work while I hopefully wait to get reunited with my ex.

Honestly, if you found someone that is perfect for you. It's hard to imagine being with someone else. I know a girl (Let's call her Amelia), that was perfect in every way. Amelia was young, intelligent, beautiful, tall and combination of cute and flirtatious personality. However, she is married to someone else (that was last year on August 23rd 2019 - it was a day after my birthday). She want us to be friends. But, I told her, "I can't because I can't stand you (Amelia) being with another guy instead me." So, if you could be with her - take the opportunity or else you will regret it.

SPs taught me a lot about women

You got that right. I definitely got better on my performance.

 

[Archer2012]

I think we are having a disconnect because you are equating extramarital sex with cheating and potentially ending the marriage, while I am equating lack of sex in a marriage with potentially ending it.

I'm saying why would you walk away from a good marriage just because of lack of sex. It's better to just outsource that part of the relationship.

When it comes to sex - just explain to your spouse that you decided to look for “professional consultations”.

 

[Goodoer]

Lavalife, which is a small player in online dating today, was the best website ever for hooking up.

From everyone I know, it really was...

I was coming out of long relationship and wanted to break out of my social group... I was young, in (better) shape and a pervert, so joined TERB and LavaLife at the same time. I was on it for literally less than two weeks before I met my wife (she was on it for a while before me, she approached me). We hit it off, she was hot as Hell, liked to fuck and I so I never bothered to play around... Moved in together, then got married...

Warp years later: Sexless marriage (< 6 times per year)... It was so sexually frustrating as I worked in a field with lots of hot women. I wouldn't cheat... After 8 years of this, I was away with the boys when I met a lady who I immediately knew I was going to be with that night. Great and memorable connection and I clearly moved my moral needle... I waited almost another year of no sex and then really fired TERB back up... Figured out where SFTO was (old location), made an appointment, blood was pumping walking up (what a rush!). I couldn't believe it was this easy to fuck a chick!

Anyways, tried a couple 'affairs', which were weird and risky... Decided to just focus on SPs as it was just too easy.

My wife is in near-constant rejection-mode and I'm not willing to blow up my kids' life. As such, seeing SPs to take the sex edge off is a gamble that I'm willing to make... The way I look at it is that I'm racing against impending ED and a lack of sex drive... I'm probably pushing child support and alimony payments off each time I see a SP.

TERB is mostly full of failed relationships/marriages... So if you're young and/or looking to have an honest relationship, don't listen to us. I play sports, have other interests and hobbies and a good circle of friends as a result. You can meet civilian women that way. There is a 50/50 chance that you'll be a success.

 

[Combat Shock]

I read a quote once and it was something like..

Some people find joy in going fishing and catching the fish, others in eating the fish.

I feel like I'm part of the second category.

 

[curvluvr]

Once you start this you can't stop. My boss took me to a massage parlour when I was 19. been seeing a girl almost once a week since. i'm happily married, have kids, and still have sex with the wife at least once a week too.

It's the thrill and living out certain fantasies you'd rather not talk about to your significant other. Its not an affair so your not emotionally or financially obligated to anyone else. That being said, I've met some great ladies over the years young and mature and been a regular client. So the friendship is through the appointed meeting and ends with no contact until you meet again.

I've managed to keep this from my wife (at least I think I have) for the last 20 years. Nothing like the attention of another sexy woman that makes a man feel like a king, except a million bucks to wine and dine and add more women to the 'to do list'

interesting thread. I didn't expect so many contributors.

I don't really need too, for me it is largely a combination of desire for variety and the anticipation of secretly being with another woman who is not your SO. Plus, a lot less risk than trying to have an Affair, especially when all UR interested in is a Booty Call (adult fun).

It does give U a warp sense of independence of secretly not being so dependent on SO.

100%. I don't have anything more to add than this.

 

[thirdcup]

I don't really need too, for me it is largely a combination of desire for variety and the anticipation of secretly being with another woman who is not your SO. Plus, a lot less risk than trying to have an Affair, especially when all UR interested in is a Booty Call (adult fun).

It does give U a warp sense of independence of secretly not being so dependent on SO.

I think it gives a legit sense of independence. Do not be a pussy (or anything else) beggar.

Women respect strength. If you can demonstrate to your woman that you don't need her, then she will follow you, willingly.

This is a lesson I learned in the dating and girlfriend game, which I have long since retired from.

 

[thirdcup]

Well, a marriage isn't only about sex.

Your spouse is probably going to be one of your best friends, someone you can rely on and who is there for you and vice versa.

They might be co-parents with you of children.

For most people, their spouse is their most important business partner.

When you get married, you are also gaining family members.

It would be a shame to give all that up over some sex.

I think we are having a disconnect because you are equating extramarital sex with cheating and potentially ending the marriage, while I am equating lack of sex in a marriage with potentially ending it.

I'm saying why would you walk away from a good marriage just because of lack of sex. It's better to just outsource that part of the relationship.

I think there are many wives or SOs who tacitly agree. Having a different sex drive from your partner should not be crime. Some (women) do not want to 'put out' on the regular. Every first year law student learns - do not ask if you do not want the answer. Ask only if you want the answer, and you want it on the record.

 

[thirdcup]

It was tongue in cheek to the reply I quoted. Not meant to be taken seriously. Based on his often used slang phrase.
I tried to make sure I made it clear I was not judging. I am sorry you missed that part in my posts.

FYI sarcasm does not work so well in print. You have to say as much. Good save, though.

 

[Jenesis]

FYI sarcasm does not work so well in print. You have to say as much. Good save, though.

True.

I should have used the rolling eyes emoji. But new software makes you click the tool above instead of being able to write the code outright. It’s a bit of a pain to click on the phone.

 

[malata]

i watched pretty woman and fell in love with johansson roberts

 

[Mencken]

Question;

Why not get married to an open minded person or just not get married at all?

Is the need for secretly betray someone that needy for you?

I mean this with no judgement intended. I am just really curious to how this type of thinking works with some people since I am the complete opposite. Secrecy gives me such anxiety that it is something I would never seek out.

I don't think there are many women that are open minded about their partner having sex with someone else. Perhaps that's just in my demographic, but even those that may say they are ...it doesn't work out. It also may be the same the other way around...men are more likely to say they are open minded about sex, but if their wife or girlfriend is having it when they are not it also doesn't work.

For me, whatever I felt I needed, I was faithful for over 30 years. But as my marriage became very unhappy I eventually wasn't...not saying that as an adequate excuse, but I was totally ready for my marriage to end, and it did. I don't think I could have survived staying in my marriage, and so I guess I could also say that the catalyst that ended it was at least in part the "pay for play" option, and in a way I'm grateful for that.

 

[Goodoer]

men are more likely to say they are open minded about sex, but if their wife or girlfriend is having it when they are not it also doesn't work.

I don't think a working man can have an open arrangement... My wife is off a lot and has way more free time meet people and/or fuck... She'd be getting plowed all the time.

Having said that, I did try to discuss the matter with my wife in an effort to get her to start having at least some sex... I said I hoped it would be with a women (as I cannot match that experience), but if it was a dude, I'd appreciate it if she made more of an effort with me beforehand.

I believe she has never tried in any of the cases.

 

[kherg007]

I don't think there are many women that are open minded about their partner having sex with someone else. Perhaps that's just in my demographic, but even those that may say they are ...it doesn't work out. It also may be the same the other way around...men are more likely to say they are open minded about sex, but if their wife or girlfriend is having it when they are not it also doesn't work.

For me, whatever I felt I needed, I was faithful for over 30 years. But as my marriage became very unhappy I eventually wasn't...not saying that as an adequate excuse, but I was totally ready for my marriage to end, and it did. I don't think I could have survived staying in my marriage, and so I guess I could also say that the catalyst that ended it was at least in part the "pay for play" option, and in a way I'm grateful for that.

A mate of mine works with a couple (accountants, if you can believe it) with whom the wife is allowed to have sex w women any time she wants, and the hubby can have sex w other women but he has to get her approval first. He says that's how they negotiated their marriage. He said at a big industry conference he saw the wife making out w a woman. Rumour had it that hubby boned some other woman at same conference. I'd be totally good w such an arrangement, particularly if she brought some friends home to share lol. He says she's not DDG but she's above average attractive, like a 6.

 

[Jenesis]

I don't think there are many women that are open minded about their partner having sex with someone else. Perhaps that's just in my demographic, but even those that may say they are ...it doesn't work out. It also may be the same the other way around...men are more likely to say they are open minded about sex, but if their wife or girlfriend is having it when they are not it also doesn't work.

For me, whatever I felt I needed, I was faithful for over 30 years. But as my marriage became very unhappy I eventually wasn't...not saying that as an adequate excuse, but I was totally ready for my marriage to end, and it did. I don't think I could have survived staying in my marriage, and so I guess I could also say that the catalyst that ended it was at least in part the "pay for play" option, and in a way I'm grateful for that.

See I have found that men are actually less open minded. They are ok with having sex outside of the relationship but they are not ok the woman doing it. Even when the guy is getting sex.

I was in a relationship eons ago and I was taking care of my ill mother. I told him I was not available as much so he should find someone else. He insisted he didn’t need to. I expressed that I didn’t want to be losing a mother and BF at the same time and that I took relationships seriously. Especially my part. Since I can’t do my part, I would understand him stepping out.

He did step out but lied about it. Then 3 days after my mother’s death, he broke up with me. Finally telling me he has been dating other women and after a first date the night before, he had a good feeling about her. He didn’t want to jeopardize what he was starting with her.

I was pissed. Not because he “cheated” but because he was given the chance to openly do what he was doing and yet he chose to lie about it.

I was opened mined enough to actually allow it for lack of a better word. His wife was as well. Although their relationship was over but they shared the house for the sake of the kids. No divorce for him means no child support, no losing the house. It was a good deal for him.

After getting over the upset about the lying, and him changing his mind, we got back together. He continued to see other people for years. I was fine with it. When I went to do the same, it was an issue. When I was thinking of escorting because I enjoy the dynamics of those types of “paid mistress” style relationships and he was really a no-go on that.

He had an open-minded GF, an ex-wife not going the divorce route but staying in the house to share the work/Financial load of life and yet he still felt the need to lie about fucking other women. I still to this day don’t understand why.

I guess this is where my curiosity for the need for secrecy for some men come from. It is a turn on some how for them. I don’t get how lying is a turn on. And I have never really seen it work out. Even in other relationships. I guess I feel that more people are upset about the lying and not the actual act of fucking someone else. I know a lot of women who would trade the pressure put on them so that someone else can meet the need. I have heard it plenty of times.

But then communication is usually always lacking in most relationships. From what I have heard. I haven’t really had many. For my own reason, I just am too independent for them. So what do I really know anyway. LOL.

 

[Dcoat]

See I have found that men are actually less open minded. They are ok with having sex outside of the relationship but they are not ok the woman doing it. Even when the guy is getting sex.

I was in a relationship eons ago and I was taking care of my ill mother. I told him I was not available as much so he should find someone else. He insisted he didn’t need to. I expressed that I didn’t want to be losing a mother and BF at the same time and that I took relationships seriously. Especially my part. Since I can’t do my part, I would understand him stepping out.

He did step out but lied about it. Then 3 days after my mother’s death, he broke up with me. Finally telling me he has been dating other women and after a first date the night before, he had a good feeling about her. He didn’t want to jeopardize what he was starting with her.

I was pissed. Not because he “cheated” but because he was given the chance to openly do what he was doing and yet he chose to lie about it.

I was opened mined enough to actually allow it for lack of a better word. His wife was as well. Although their relationship was over but they shared the house for the sake of the kids. No divorce for him means no child support, no losing the house. It was a good deal for him.

After getting over the upset about the lying, and him changing his mind, we got back together. He continued to see other people for years. I was fine with it. When I went to do the same, it was an issue. When I was thinking of escorting because I enjoy the dynamics of those types of “paid mistress” style relationships and he was really a no-go on that.

He had an open-minded GF, an ex-wife not going the divorce route but staying in the house to share the work/Financial load of life and yet he still felt the need to lie about fucking other women. I still to this day don’t understand why.

I guess this is where my curiosity for the need for secrecy for some men come from. It is a turn on some how for them. I don’t get how lying is a turn on. And I have never really seen it work out. Even in other relationships. I guess I feel that more people are upset about the lying and not the actual act of fucking someone else. I know a lot of women who would trade the pressure put on them so that someone else can meet the need. I have heard it plenty of times.

But then communication is usually always lacking in most relationships. From what I have heard. I haven’t really had many. For my own reason, I just am too independent for them. So what do I really know anyway. LOL.

I'm sorry you had a difficult time with someone you trusted.

I don't know him and can't even begin to analyze him.

So here's the general comment. Women are not always rational nor consistent. Thats not a judgement (you will understand that phrase). Being given permission to step out may not be the final word and the risk is pretty high that it'll come to bite you in the butt. I'll bet if you think hard, you'll find some example of changing your mind with that guy.

Some won't take the risk in what they believe is a high value relationship.

But the itch can get pretty intense. So the solution is take a bit of a chance that it really is ok, and keep it quiet (in your terms, hidden).

Just my thoughts.

 

[Jenesis]

I'm sorry you had a difficult time with someone you trusted.

I don't know him and can't even begin to analyze him.

So here's the general comment. Women are not always rational nor consistent. Thats not a judgement (you will understand that phrase). Being given permission to step out may not be the final word and the risk is pretty high that it'll come to bite you in the butt. I'll bet if you think hard, you'll find some example of changing your mind with that guy.

Some won't take the risk in what they believe is a high value relationship.

But the itch can get pretty intense. So the solution is take a bit of a chance that it really is ok, and keep it quiet (in your terms, hidden).

Just my thoughts.

No mind changing, I promise you. He dated other women for years while we were together. He was with another woman steady for two years while with me and living at home with the wife. We all knew. Well the girl didn’t know about me and the wife but the wife and I knew. She didn’t care because they were done and I didn’t care because it doesn’t bother me. He was the one who got bored of the chase and just stopped on his own.

SIDE NOTE: I taught her back when I was teaching night school. I never told her. I taught her, spent extra time because she couldn’t get the subject matter and she would even talk about him and I would have to stay quiet. It sucked but wasn’t my place to say anything.

And I will say that even though I knew about the other women as there were many, he would still lie. Say he is staying home but would be going out. 2/3 years of him dating other women and me not giving a damn, but he needed to hold on to his “secrets“

He was abusive and that was what ended the relationship. Without giving details, that abuse is what finally made it a sexless relationship. I could not have sex with him anymore and he knew and accepted the reason why. By the end I was hoping he would have gone back to sleeping with other women. Lord knows I told him. I went to escorting and was straight up with him about doing so. He hated it, but by this point I didn’t want another relationship with anyone And there was nothing he could say to me about sex outside of the relationship. He had no leg to stand on there.

Again, to be clear, I am not judging those who step out of the relationship and even those who keep it secret. Either by need or desire.

It’s been well over 10 years but I will just always wonder why a guy who had permission, lied about it.

 

[Dcoat]

No mind changing, I promise you. He dated other women for years while we were together. He was with another woman steady for two years while with me and living at home with the wife. We all knew. Well the girl didn’t know about me and the wife but the wife and I knew. She didn’t care because they were done and I didn’t care because it doesn’t bother me. He was the one who got bored of the chase and just stopped on his own.

SIDE NOTE: I taught her back when I was teaching night school. I never told her. I taught her, spent extra time because she couldn’t get the subject matter and she would even talk about him and I would have to stay quiet. It sucked but wasn’t my place to say anything.

And I will say that even though I knew about the other women as there were many, he would still lie. Say he is staying home but would be going out. 2/3 years of him dating other women and me not giving a damn, but he needed to hold on to his “secrets“

He was abusive and that was what ended the relationship. Without giving details, that abuse is what finally made it a sexless relationship. I could not have sex with him anymore and he knew and accepted the reason why. By the end I was hoping he would have gone back to sleeping with other women. Lord knows I told him. I went to escorting and was straight up with him about doing so. He hated it, but by this point I didn’t want another relationship with anyone And there was nothing he could say to me about sex outside of the relationship. He had no leg to stand on there.

Again, to be clear, I am not judging those who step out of the relationship and even those who keep it secret. Either by need or desire.

It’s been well over 10 years but I will just always wonder why a guy who had permission, lied about it.

Thanks for the complete, open, honest response, Jenesis.