This wasn't the point of my thread but divorce talk always brings up the panic and lawyering up. I'm not arguing any of this but help me understand it. I have done some homework but I know I have a lot more to do. As far as I've read assets/investments/debts get split 50-50, there are online calculators for alimony, and calculators for child support. Can you give me an example of where that isn't valid or something I might be blindsided with? I mean she can't say she wants 100% of the equity in the house just because and expect it to stand in court, can she?
She is a pro negotiator, and I'm a detail oriented person who is good with numbers. We both know (I hope) neither of us is going to be able to fool the other. I'm expecting to use mediation to get things sorted out. I'm aware things can go sideways but she is educated and intelligent so I can't see her going for any hype a lawyer tries to sell her, and same with me.
Again an example would be helpful so I can prepare for it.
Thanks!
You are correct about the split of marital assets but do you have enough info to do the calculation so that you have an estimate of equalization, if any? Also, if kids are involved, future support and custody? For major assets like your house - do you want to keep it or sell it and split the proceeds? Eg: In my case, my kids were still finishing high school so I wanted to keep the house so I bought out my ex’s half at a negotiated value. So a house we bought 20 years ago and which was paid off fully about 10 years ago (majority by me) and had approx tripled in value had to be paid out as a part of the settlement and that is not including equalization and split support payments. So even though in your head you may know that marital assets/debts are split 50/50 you really need to do the math to get an idea if the size of the cheque you might need to deliver at settlement.
Oh and just as an example of the way things can go sideways and eat up time and legal - if your ex gets a bad lawyer she may be encouraged to lie or exaggerate during the disclosures. Why? Because everything you do towards negotiating a separation agreement is not applicable if you end up in divorce court. I believe the legal term is “Without prejudice”. In my case, I can say that I was 100% honest in all my submissions but my ex (possibly encouraged by her shitty lawyer) tried to lie about pretty much everything. I won’t go into details but some were so off the wall as to be jaw dropping. So that tied up the process as I would need to make a reply to correct the record. By the time of our case conference - the brief was over 900 pages. It’s one of the stupidest aspects of divorce in Canada - you go through all these steps to avoid divorce court but if you DO end up in court then you start from zero. Fortunately for me, the Judge in the Case Conference stage and later in the settlement stage (a different judge because it took so long) were both level headed straight shooters who had seen everything (my lawyer had told me not to worry all along). But if we had ended up in divorce court, none of this would have mattered as you start from zero again. That’s why there’s the old joke that in a divorce, only the lawyers win.
In the end, we split assets 50/50 and I paid equalization that was pretty close to what I would have guessed at the start and would have gladly paid on day 1. But the journey to get to that point was paved with a lot of expensive detours because the process was adversarial and took time. Eg: with the crazy house market, the paper value of our house rose by almost $250k from the start of the divorce to settlement. So for me, that was an extra $125k to add to the large pile, not to mention legal fees.
