What makes a man want a sex worker as their significant other?

[renuck]

To answer the original question, my guess would be because she's an awesome person.

If I ever find myself not married I'd like to go into a permanent dating mode. Meaning find a few I care about, spend some time quality time together and have some fun. I don't know from experience but I suspect you could have a meaningful relationship with someone without having to assume you need to move in together, give up your past lifestyle, and get joint bank accounts.

If you decided to date an SP i don't see anything that would cause an issue. Yeah she has sex with other guys so I can't imagine she would expect you to be monogamous either so you can go have other fun too. Still doesn't mean you can't connect on a deeper level so I'm not seeing anything that would get in the way of having a long term relationship. Besides you probably met her because you are not into traditional relationships in the first place.

 

[mademan]

This kind of thread has been beaten so many times is crazy. Sometimes people love their job, and are passionate about it. a lot of women see this as a kind of public service they can make a living from. Having said that we all know that most men also cheat, even when dating super models it happens. Most of the SW workers that I know that are in relationships are swingers, or have a basic understanding of work vs sex.

I think you marry/or have a great relationship with someone that loves and cares about you, it has no boundaries. If youre ATF fell in love with you guys does not mean you would want to stop seeing other providers. If you are in love with your S/O, that never stopped you from seeing an SA. There are truly some great actors out there, they let us buy the dream, we are happy to buy it. next.

 

[essguy_]

How do you know if she is ever truly retired? Come Xmas time each year she's suddenly flush with cash to buy gifts but you have no idea where she got it from. But you can take a good guess...

Assuming that you're both "retired" in your scenario, you can answer it with a question. i.e. How would she know that YOU'RE truly retired? The answer to both is that you trust each other completely, or you wouldn't be together as SO's.


This type of thread comes up regularly but always has some good insights from others. I have to laugh at some of the answers though - especially those relating to fidelity and trust. I mean, c'mon, unless you're a single guy on Terb (i.e. not in a relationship) then expectations of fidelity and trust are not subjects you can broach without the danger of a LOT of hypocrisy. Eg: I was married for a long time and except for a few years (well, almost a year.... LOL!!) cheated throughout, rationalizing that SP's were just about sex, so "OK" vs cheating in real life and having an affair. So who am I to make any judgements on fidelity/trust issues? I was a good husband in all other aspects but fidelity wasn't one of them and I took advantage of my ex-wife's trust (and no - to this day she has no idea, so in addition to being unfaithful, I was a skilled lying cheat! LOL!). So the weird thing is - if I care about somebody, would I want to subject them to an SO (me) who can't stay physically faithful? In this case, maybe dating a provider (still active) would be ideal - if there was an understanding that I still see other providers? maybe not...

I have had outside the box relationships with SP's and MPA's but have always tried to keep it on a somewhat professional level even when there were signs that it could morph into something else. I always tried to maintain a distance. Once you get to know a provider outside of work - you learn that they're just like any other person - doing a job, earning a living - some are great people, others aren't. I think that the real problem is the stigma attached to the profession. So you would have to be strong and secure enough that you don't care what others think if you were to show up with an active or former professional at your side. Everybody likes to think they're THAT person, but in reality, few are. To be totally honest with myself, I'm not even sure if I'm that person (Eg: when I've gone on dates or outside activities with certain providers, I seem to become hyper-aware about glances from others and avoided public places in my usual life.) When you see each other long enough that you pass some hurdles (real names, seeing each other in your homes, off-the-clock activities) you run through the scenarios of: If we go out with friends - how do you answer the question of how you met? The truth? A concocted story? So now that I'm 99% divorced, and older and wiser, I've formed the conclusion that I'm not suited for fidelity, and I still don't know whether I would be strong/secure enough to not give a damn what other people in my world think about dating a provider. So any thoughts/fantasies about a deeper relationship are off the table. So my advice for others is to ask yourself some questions because the real questions are not about the provider, it's about you. I think anybody thinking of pursuing a deeper relationship with a provider has to be honest with themselves about whether they could really do it.

 

[ravencroft]

I would have preferred a sex worker as my long-term partner because at least they are able to talk about sex and not necessarily suffer from the same hang-ups / insecurities civilian women have. Instead I went the monogamy route and have never been so bored in my life. I practically pray to be either divorced or widowed so I can get back to enjoying the company of fun women and never entertain the thought of "settling down" again unless the lady is truly exceptional both inside the bedroom and outside of it. I've dated a few MPAs in the past, but sadly they tended to flake out on both me and the industry without warning so no real relationship got formed. I've also got 2 that are friends to this day, and if either of them wanted to take it further down the road I wouldn't hesitate as they're both stellar people (inside and out).

 

[IM469]

Would an SP really want to date a customer who frequents lots of different SP's ? I can't quite fathom why men frequenting SP's are so judgmental on the women they visit. It seem to be a concept that oozes hypocrisy.

 

[Perry Mason]

One my long time regular SP told me once (and she was very successful provider):

"Top level escort business is not about sex. It is about client dream, client fantasy. It may be dream to be in love again, to have close friend, to have young attractive lover who admires him... Satisfy this client fantasy and you will have loyal regular who always returns to you"

Now there is a woman who understood what the "Sex Business" is all about.

But what she says is equally true if, instead of escort and client, you talk about spouses or SO's... or whatever... just man and woman!

The whole "sex thing" is a fantasy. For me, romantic, erotic fantasies... for you, whatever other kind of fantasy floats your boat!

Season's Greetings everyone!

Perry

 

[Sophia Sinclair]

Would an SP really want to date a customer who frequents lots of different SP's ? I can't quite fathom why men frequenting SP's are so judgmental on the women they visit. It seem to be a concept that oozes hypocrisy.

Yes the double standard is alive and well. Things really haven't changed as much as we might like to think. I know a psychologist who enjoys reading Roman poetry. He pointed out that if you read someone a poem from that time period and didn't tell them when it was written they would never know the difference between it and a more contemporary one. The reason being that when it comes to emotions we really haven't evolved that much over time. We still have the same petty jealousies, etc.

 

[mclarkez1980]

I dated an SP for over a year, while she was transitioning to a new career. I used to call her before/after outcalls. I think a balanced, secure, self assured person should have no issues seeing an SP. We parted due to distance but I'm still in touch with her. The heart wants what It wants! To me, It's all about the person and anything else is irrelevant.

 

[sempel]

Would an SP really want to date a customer who frequents lots of different SP's ? I can't quite fathom why men frequenting SP's are so judgmental on the women they visit. It seem to be a concept that oozes hypocrisy.

Big time hypocrisy. I think the only real argument against it is the fact that your social circle will judge you if they know. Some people can handle it but most cannot (or will not).

Yes the double standard is alive and well. Things really haven't changed as much as we might like to think. I know a psychologist who enjoys reading Roman poetry. He pointed out that if you read someone a poem from that time period and didn't tell them when it was written they would never know the difference between it and a more contemporary one. The reason being that when it comes to emotions we really haven't evolved that much over time. We still have the same petty jealousies, etc.

Good point. Some people are trying to modernize English classes by not teaching classic novels. There's always a question of why is Shakespeare being taught. Fact is the Bard was considered brilliant in his time and when people analyze the plays, you not only see the complexities, but he nails the human condition many times over. Part of the reason history repeats itself is because humans have not changed, especially on an emotional level. Society has evolved, certain things are now accepted that were not, especially with a more conservative past, but people are still people.

 

[likwid]

I’m not sure because I’ve never formed that type of connection with an SP. But at least I could be honest about seeing SP’s with her. No facade needed, that’s why I don’t date.

 

[Richard.TO]

some men (and women) are able to overcome petty, elementary emotions like jealousy because they are confident with themselves and not insecure about it. i know plenty of SPs with husbands and long-term boyfriends who know what they do and are perfectly fine with it.

if you believe you are truly meant for someone else, and that you have a connection with them no one else can replace, you would not feel threatened by your significant other being physical with other people. when i was in an open relationship, i was confident enough to know that the connection i shared with that person was strong enough to override any temporary flings, but at the same time, i knew it was important for us to not feel burdened by the shackles of monogamy. if someone else were to come along who your significant other felt that they were better suited with, then it wasn't meant to be anyway. love is a free market; don't burden it with possessive rules.

Well said Dawn.

 

[renuck]

Would an SP really want to date a customer who frequents lots of different SP's ? I can't quite fathom why men frequenting SP's are so judgmental on the women they visit. It seem to be a concept that oozes hypocrisy.

Hey pardon my ignorance but I'm not really following what you're saying here. For your first question... Would a SP really judge a guy for seeing other SP's? Like I said in my last post, they see other guys so is it fair they expect us to be monogamous? I wouldn't think that's a fair scenario if you were to start dating an SP. Is this the hypocrisy you mention and the double standard Sophia is talking about? It's OK for the ladies but not for us? I also don't get your comment about guys judging SPs, what are "we" judging them on? Sorry not trying to be an ass I just don't understand what you and Sophia are saying.

Cheers!

 

[chrischris1980]

I think the breadth of responses here indicates a key point: it really depends on the guy.

I think your average guy would have a huge problem with it. I know for example that I could not handle it...it may be ok initially but the jealousy would get to me by a month in. I predict that over 90% of guys have this opinion. Even if the girl said "its just work etc etc" it wouldnt change my view.

That being said, some guys are just not jealous and wouldnt care. Its hard for me to wrap my head around, but I know its true.

Because of the fact that most guys would be bothered by it, however, makes me think that in the dating world, it would likely be best for an SP to lie. I think this is true whether she is still working or not. It would just eliminate too many partners otherwise. Also, the guys you could find that would be ok with you being a current or former sex worker are likely not "normal" dudes on average. Its similar to the fact that I would never tell a gf that I hobby--if I did and she was ok with it, it likely wouldnt be the type of girl I would want to continue dating.

Edit: and yes, I understand the inherent hypocrisy to this opinion. Most guys in relationships on terb probably have this--we expect our partners to not cheat but were on terb. I accept that it is hypocritical, but my opinion is my opinion haha.

 

[Jasmine Raine]

Hey pardon my ignorance but I'm not really following what you're saying here. For your first question... Would a SP really judge a guy for seeing other SP's? Like I said in my last post, they see other guys so is it fair they expect us to be monogamous? I wouldn't think that's a fair scenario if you were to start dating an SP. Is this the hypocrisy you mention and the double standard Sophia is talking about? It's OK for the ladies but not for us? I also don't get your comment about guys judging SPs, what are "we" judging them on? Sorry not trying to be an ass I just don't understand what you and Sophia are saying.

Cheers!

I think they meant that for all the guys who say there is no way they would date a sex worker due to her job discription, there are probably ladies who would equally decline on dating a client because of his sexual involvement in the industry.

Then adding how hypocritical it would be on both sides. But reality is that men do judge women for the amount of sexual partners she has and women do judge men who lie and cheat. Which is a perception that some have regarding both sides of the industry. She is a slut and gold digger and he is a lair and a cheat.

To clarify, he is not a cheat for seeing other escorts. It is because the other impression is all clients are married. Which we know is not true but that doesn't mean general perception isn't what it is.

 

[sempel]

I think the breadth of responses here indicates a key point: it really depends on the guy.

I think your average guy would have a huge problem with it. I know for example that I could not handle it...it may be ok initially but the jealousy would get to me by a month in. I predict that over 90% of guys have this opinion. Even if the girl said "its just work etc etc" it wouldnt change my view.

That being said, some guys are just not jealous and wouldnt care. Its hard for me to wrap my head around, but I know its true.

Because of the fact that most guys would be bothered by it, however, makes me think that in the dating world, it would likely be best for an SP to lie. I think this is true whether she is still working or not. It would just eliminate too many partners otherwise. Also, the guys you could find that would be ok with you being a current or former sex worker are likely not "normal" dudes on average. Its similar to the fact that I would never tell a gf that I hobby--if I did and she was ok with it, it likely wouldnt be the type of girl I would want to continue dating.

Edit: and yes, I understand the inherent hypocrisy to this opinion. Most guys in relationships on terb probably have this--we expect our partners to not cheat but were on terb. I accept that it is hypocritical, but my opinion is my opinion haha.

Well at least you can admit it - lol. I think it would be very hard for many guys because many guys are territorial in nature, many guys have the old-school attitude of their SO must be a saintly prude while they can philander at their own discretion, and many guys are self-conscious (is she getting better sex from her clients). In general it's difficult to separate sex/love (and this is true for both sexes else nobody would get upset if their partner was cheating). I'll agree with you that there's a large majority of men that wouldn't date an SW for a number of reasons (as mentioned before, part of it is the stigma/judgement if the man's social circle finds out). Some guys will say yes in theory but in practice it wouldn't work. Then some guys are ok with an open relationship so then it's no biggie. You have to decide for yourself where you stand.

Hey pardon my ignorance but I'm not really following what you're saying here. For your first question... Would a SP really judge a guy for seeing other SP's? Like I said in my last post, they see other guys so is it fair they expect us to be monogamous? I wouldn't think that's a fair scenario if you were to start dating an SP. Is this the hypocrisy you mention and the double standard Sophia is talking about? It's OK for the ladies but not for us? I also don't get your comment about guys judging SPs, what are "we" judging them on? Sorry not trying to be an ass I just don't understand what you and Sophia are saying.

Cheers!

I think they meant that for all the guys who say there is no way they would date a sex worker due to her job discription, there are probably ladies who would equally decline on dating a client because of his sexual involvement in the industry.

Then adding how hypocritical it would be on both sides. But reality is that men do judge women for the amount of sexual partners she has and women do judge men who lie and cheat. Which is a perception that some have regarding both sides of the industry. She is a slut and gold digger and he is a lair and a cheat.

To clarify, he is not a cheat for seeing other escorts. It is because the other impression is all clients are married. Which we know is not true but that doesn't mean general perception isn't what it is.

Exactly - the double standard or hypocrisy is saying you wouldn't date a SW because she sees multiple men when most guys saying this are seeing multiple women.

I think there is a difference between dating a SW and a non-SW. Ignoring some SW's where limited/no sexual contact is allowed on them, there is going to be a good deal of sexual contact as long as the SW is working. It's different for the guy because that's not his job. So while he may see other ladies, including other SW's, he can choose not to because it's not part of his job (excluding male sexworkers). The lady cannot unless she quits her job or changes the parameters which may not be possible for some (or some may not want to). I think this is a factor that is part of the decision.

 

[scdave2003]

Most I've met I'd say no way, but I've met a couple women in the industry who I feel are genuine real people, in the business due to life circumstances. I'd consider a long term relationship, I'm the type of person who looks at long term as marriage.

 

[4pack]

Surprised no one mentioned it would be a cuckold's ultimate fantasy.

 

[renuck]

I think they meant that for all the guys who say there is no way they would date a sex worker due to her job discription, there are probably ladies who would equally decline on dating a client because of his sexual involvement in the industry.

Then adding how hypocritical it would be on both sides.

Hey Jessica, thanks for the clarification. I agree this would be hypocritical on both sides. I'm assuming how the original question was worded that the guy knows she is an SP. He would know what he's signing up for, and she knows he sees SPs (otherwise they never would have met in the first place) so the expectation of fidelity is unrealistic on both sides, at least how I see it. I suppose that is the point here though.

But reality is that men do judge women for the amount of sexual partners she has and women do judge men who lie and cheat. Which is a perception that some have regarding both sides of the industry. She is a slut and gold digger and he is a lair and a cheat.

It appears I'm not seasoned enough in this hobby yet to be familiar with these points of view. If this is a common perception then it makes the arguments in some of the posts makes sense. I'm not convinced they are valid arguments though.

To clarify, he is not a cheat for seeing other escorts. It is because the other impression is all clients are married. Which we know is not true but that doesn't mean general perception isn't what it is.

I would suspect a large percentage of us are married, and those of us who are participating in this hobby does expose a personality flaw. I don't think it should automatically brand us as bad or untrustworthy people though for the most part, if that is what general perception is. TBH I never really thought about how I'm being judged by an SP when I tell her I'm married. Sure I'm looking for multiple sexual partners but so is she. Again the hypocrisy thing LOL.

 

[james t kirk]

Surprised no one mentioned it would be a cuckold's ultimate fantasy.

I was thinking this too.

 

[sempel]

Hey Jessica, thanks for the clarification. I agree this would be hypocritical on both sides. I'm assuming how the original question was worded that the guy knows she is an SP. He would know what he's signing up for, and she knows he sees SPs (otherwise they never would have met in the first place) so the expectation of fidelity is unrealistic on both sides, at least how I see it. I suppose that is the point here though.

It appears I'm not seasoned enough in this hobby yet to be familiar with these points of view. If this is a common perception then it makes the arguments in some of the posts makes sense. I'm not convinced they are valid arguments though.

I would suspect a large percentage of us are married, and those of us who are participating in this hobby does expose a personality flaw. I don't think it should automatically brand us as bad or untrustworthy people though for the most part, if that is what general perception is. TBH I never really thought about how I'm being judged by an SP when I tell her I'm married. Sure I'm looking for multiple sexual partners but so is she. Again the hypocrisy thing LOL.

The perception is not necessarily hobby related, it's a general fact/societal view. A man who sleeps around is mostly not judged as a male slut. Most guys think he's the man, and society doesn't think too badly of him - "sowing his wild oats" is the phrase. It's different for a woman. A woman who sleeps around is labelled a slut by both men and women. Some men will sleep with her because to them it's just sex but they would never contemplate a serious relationship with her. So that is the double standard of society. I think the double standard of a client is fairly obvious - he sleeps around but doesn't agree with the fact that she does too.