Making friends after 30 How the hell do you do it?

[D-Fens]

I already touched on this topic earlier when I made a thread about this really depressing documentary regarding Joyce Vincent but I'd thought I'd come back to it.

I've always been very introverted, I spend an awful a lot of time by myself. but there are times where I do get quite lonely for a long time I try to convince myself, I didn't need friends. I guess it was my coping mechanism but I feel like I am kidding myself. I want friends but it seems like the older i get the harder it gets. When you were a kid, making friends was so easy but when you become an adult and you don't have friends, it's like there is this expectation that you should have made all you lifelong friends already. I had friends in high school, but those friends have moved on and i guess I never really made any new ones and now it is to the point I don't know how. Forget about finding a girlfriend. I don't even know how to make friends. I enjoy being by myself, but there are times where I would rather talk to other humans rather then my parrot. I tried going to meetup events, and it was pretty hit and miss and the meet up scene in my area is rather piss poor in terms of the kinds of events and the number of people who bother to show up. I guess one reason I struggle to make friends is that I am afraid to show I am vulnerable, I'm scared of being judged for not having friends or other reasons.

As anyone else had this issue? How do you make friends as an adult? What do you do to expand your social network? It was so easy in school and college but once you hit 30 it seems everyone is wrapped up in their careers or families.

 

[hooktonsc]

One way I always found was to join some type of team. I was somewhat good at sports but even if you are not there are many different levels and organizations where you don't have to be. There was something called Toronto social sports club - a friend of mine joined and met a few women. If not sports, there are other organized social activities - find a group with a common interest. Hopefully you have more interests than this hobby.

 

[Smallcock]

i assume you work long hours from home cut off from the rest of society?

Most people make friend through school and work. Now that you're beyond school years, best way to make friends is at your job and extra curricular activities like adult sports leagues, gym training classes, etc.

I can't think of too many other ways.

Once you make one good friend they usually have a network of friends that you branch out from.

 

[roxyfan]

There is no shame in being an introvert. I love being alone as it allows me time to read, focus on my personal development and contemplate the complexities of the universe. Join a curling club, tennis club or something of the sort...get out of your shell and just start saying hello and good morning to people you run into in the elevator or anywhere else. People respond to positivity so start with that and you will eventually meet people who want to hang around with you and be friends.

 

[sanderson3d]

Join a club of some sort.
Chess club, church, video game club, board game club

Join because you like the activities.

And STOP "trying" to meet friends. Just go and enjoy the activity.

We are social creatures. It will work out.

 

[SkyRider]

Join a protest. You have lots to choose from.

 

[Goodoer]

I agree... Go out into social environments, be pleasant, work on being social (if you're not able to do so) and don't try too hard to make friends... If work is your avenue, big companies are better than smaller ones. If you work in Toronto all the better... If not, joint a sports team or lessons. You'll meet other guys/girls who're in the same position you are.

30s is tough as there is a huge chunk of that age group dealing with young kids.

Never get down on yourself. Just relax and wait.

 

[frankcastle]

much like dating it is a numbers game.

Like you i went to a bunch of meetups and luckily one guy cherry picked people he liked to form a smaller group and for the last 7 years we get together at least once a month.

what kinds of things do you enjoy? i started taking private lessons and really hit ut off with the teacher. we dont hang out putside of class but i always look forward to class and our chats. not the same as a friend but it is a nice social opportunity.

You could try to start your own meet up.

Pay attention to local events and as others said just go and enjoy the event if you happen to meet people bonus.

Good luck and dont take it personally once people start marrying and having kidd suddenly they all become busy.

 

[whynot888]

I agree with most of you, join a rec league of some sort like softball.

 

[frankcastle]

I agree with most of you, join a rec league of some sort like softball.

keep in mind the guy might not like sports

 

[explorerzip]

I think you need to take inventory about what you really love to do and what you hate to do. Getting out of the house is important, but don't do activities just for the sake of it. If you're not a sports, dancing, singing, etc person, it would be a total waste of time to do those activities. You can easily reconnect to your old friends through Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. Then try to organize a reunion get together like a dinner or picnic. Yes, it is a pain in the ass to get people together, but it's worth while. You'll find that a few people will come up then more and more.

Personal development would also be a wise use of your time. Join a Toastmasters club to work on public speaking where you'll definitely meet people. Or volunteer for a cause that you care about.

You might also have a look at a book called The Introvert Advantage https://www.amazon.ca/Introvert-Adv...73633&sr=8-1&keywords=the+introvert+advantage I haven't read it, but some of my friends have and they enjoyed it.

 

[wazup]

Most people get along at first then start to dislike each other after they get to know each other. Most real friendships are the ones from childhood, the rest are artifical. Most adults make friends through their kids. I'm the opposite, went to a family funeral 2 weeks ago, hadn't seen people in 2 years, I was ready to go in an hour. Not that I'm much company either.

Adult friends are more aquantances

 

[Frosty]

There is no shame in being an introvert.

Exactly!!! I'd rather have one good friend than to have 10 fake friends.

 

[stinkynuts]

I have like 40 friends ... on Facebook. Only one is a friend in real life.

I am 41, turning 42 this year.

I said it before and I'll say it again, making friends in Toronto is nearly impossible. When I was in the States, people were so much more open to giving me their number and hanging out. I never initiated friendships, but had no lack of friends.

Nearly everyone I talk to agrees that people in Toronto are extremely uptight and it's hard to make friends.

After the age of 40, you might as well forget it. There is no chance. Trying to meet people through meetups is a contrived way. Most people my age already have a family and are not interested in making friends with me.

As you get older, you become less desirable in many ways: in employment, dating, and even friendships. That's why the elderly are all alone. No one wants to be with them.

30 is still youngish. I'd say up until 35, you're OK. But once you hit 40, your social life is pretty much over if you don't have connections already (parents of your chiildren's friends, old friends, coworkers, relatives, etc).

 

[Born2Star]

It is true that in the adult world friends are mostly acquaintance. But really, nothing wrong with that. True lifetime friends are rare. We all lucky to have one or two.

OP are you single, no family at all? Think about everyday how many people that you interact with? To me everyone I interact with is a natural opportunity for (acquaintances type of) friendship. Nothing serious needed. I can pretty much go for a beer with anyone I know, from my CEO to the janitor. Watch some sport talk some shit or dirty jokes that's a great night. And you have more than a thousand posts here. Did you bump into someone you can exchange some thoughts and something deeper than just a PM asking for mileage (lol)? I had a few "friends" here on terb after a few PM we extended the convo into emails which we went way beyond this industry. We talked sports like golf, exchanged life experience and philosophy and it's quite interesting and fun exchanging them anonymously too!

You can have friends everywhere, as long as you don't take "friendship" all too seriously. Good luck.

 

[eternalbachelor]

find a group with a common interest. Hopefully you have more interests than this hobby.

my interest would be to find bachelors with whom I would be able to enjoy this hobby!

One sugarbaby I met told me about this group of buddies (mostly doctors i think) who were always hanging together doing pool parties etc and they were inviting sugarbabies they met and told them to bring their girl friends along.

Now this is the proper bachelor lifestyle as far as i am concerned and this is a group of friends I want! How does one go about accomplishing that?

 

[fuji]

I find it easy to make aquaintances: people who I can do activities with and such. Nice people I enjoy spending time with.

But they never feel quite as close as the friends I made when I was still in school.

 

[lynn_ha]

I already touched on this topic earlier when I made a thread about this really depressing documentary regarding Joyce Vincent but I'd thought I'd come back to it.

I've always been very introverted, I spend an awful a lot of time by myself. but there are times where I do get quite lonely for a long time I try to convince myself, I didn't need friends. I guess it was my coping mechanism but I feel like I am kidding myself. I want friends but it seems like the older i get the harder it gets. When you were a kid, making friends was so easy but when you become an adult and you don't have friends, it's like there is this expectation that you should have made all you lifelong friends already. I had friends in high school, but those friends have moved on and i guess I never really made any new ones and now it is to the point I don't know how. Forget about finding a girlfriend. I don't even know how to make friends. I enjoy being by myself, but there are times where I would rather talk to other humans rather then my parrot. I tried going to meetup events, and it was pretty hit and miss and the meet up scene in my area is rather piss poor in terms of the kinds of events and the number of people who bother to show up. I guess one reason I struggle to make friends is that I am afraid to show I am vulnerable, I'm scared of being judged for not having friends or other reasons.

As anyone else had this issue? How do you make friends as an adult? What do you do to expand your social network? It was so easy in school and college but once you hit 30 it seems everyone is wrapped up in their careers or families.

D-Fens, maybe joining a nudest resort may be an "uplifting" opportunity. Lots of people to chat & get to know, dances on the weekends! A new adventure to experience & is located outside of Hamilton!

 

[nottyboi]

my interest would be to find bachelors with whom I would be able to enjoy this hobby!

One sugarbaby I met told me about this group of buddies (mostly doctors i think) who were always hanging together doing pool parties etc and they were inviting sugarbabies they met and told them to bring their girl friends along.

Now this is the proper bachelor lifestyle as far as i am concerned and this is a group of friends I want! How does one go about accomplishing that?

Its quite easy, go to whoring hotspots and you meet lots of people. FKKs etc etc

 

[fuji]

I've always been very introverted, I spend an awful a lot of time by myself. but there are times where I do get quite lonely for a long time I try to convince myself, I didn't need friends.

Nothing wrong with being introverted but it doesn't mean you need to be shy. Some very social people are introverted. Nothing at all wrong with liking spending some time alone doing your own thing.

But when you are out with people make a point of being friendly. Talk. Ask questions and listen. Tell some jokes. It's something you can learn to do if you aren't doing it now.

Then you can go home and do your own things and be comfortable about enjoying your own time.

But do get yourself out there. Introverted doesn't mean antisocial and it doesn't mean shy. It just means you like more time alone than others.

Famous introverts: Gandhi, Spielberg, Zuckerberg, Warren Buffett, Obama, David Letterman, Tom Hanks. None of them strike me as antisocial or shy. Just the opposite, they are very social people, but they identify as introverts and enjoy time alone more than they enjoy group activities.

Introvert may be who you are, but shy you can overcome.