Can someone please tell me why regulars get so weird?

[SinnamonFairbanks]

I don't understand it. I get these guys who become my hardcore regulars. I see them once or twice a week for a long time a year or two maybe and then things get weird... They start becoming really demanding and asking for things I don't provide like bbfs. In one instance the guy wanted a free session and wanted me to come over for dinner, like a real date. But I'm not in the business of providing free sessions and this man had been really verbally abusive to me on several occasions and blamed being under the influence of drugs. I kept letting it go because he was a loyal customer and it would be a significant loss if I let him go. It got to the point where he was so verbally abusive to me I finally had enough and blocked him. He became verbally abusive after I refused to go to dinner with him and give him a free session. He demanded I give him BBFS or he'd stop seeing me. I said that was fine, he could stop seeing me. It wasn't a big deal. He kept calling me up and asking me to come over, I did but when I was there he was pressure me into things I wasn't interested in doing (I'm pretty used to people doing this at this point and I have never budged on my restrictions so it's not like I gave him the impression I was going to do anything I had never done before. Before I even met up with him I would make it clear what I was willing to offer and for how much) He then started degrading me and telling me how I'm not worth the money and how I'm fat and ugly and he can find better for less money. That wasnt even the first time he's told me that. I had had enough at that point and blocked him.

Another instance,

I saw another guy every week or so for a year. He started asking me for bbfs and I refused. Since then he became more and more demanding wanting me to do different things to spice things up. I didn't mind so much. But then it got to the point where it was making me uncomfortable. He wanted me to leave my door unlocked and wait for him upstairs while he came in and started cancelling at the last minute. Then he would book and not show up. He was such a good customer for so long I don't know where to draw the line. I keep giving him another chance and he blows it. I don't understand why he would book and appointment in the first place if he's not interested in coming by. Why even bother?

Anyway, those are just the most recent incidences. There is a pretty obvious pattern with these guys where everything is fine for a while, then they ask me to do things I don't feel comfortable with or they want to see me on a personal level and things get weird and often times abusive.

I'm not looking for pity, but someone who can give me an understanding of what these people are thinking. I have a life and I have a boyfriend. These people are paying for me to be on call for them and do something I wouldn't normally do for free, they can't expect me to provide a service for them for free. I try to maintain friendships with everyone but there comes a point where it gets weird and I just can't continue on taking their bs. I have to put up with enough verbal abuse because I'm overweight and I'm not blonde and 120lbs. I'm not trying to get those people. I'm full filling a need for guys who love chubby curvy women but people seem to love to tell me how gross I am. Apparently even the people who have spent thousands of dollars on me. He always had the option to find someone else. He had no obligation to only see me. He chose to see me over and over again. Suddenly he doesnt get what he wants and I'm a fat and ugly. It's really frustrating.

 

[bucky88]

I'm curious to know the ages of these guys. Do they tend to be younger or older?

B88

 

[Butler1000]

If they are seeing you that regularly it's because they can't keep a GF. They are assholes, socially inept, unhappy in their life, and unable to have any long term contact with someone unless they pay for it.

It's not you. It's them. They are unhappy people who need to bring down people around them to feel good.

It's the real downside of the business. Guys like me are in it for the occasional romp. We have lives and the ability to function normally in society.

Trust me when I say the idiots you speak of are hated at work, by anyone they deal with, and even members of their own family.

So simply either continue to have a ducks back or dump them at a certain point. But unfortunately these types will exist for all SP's. Because the idoits in fact have no where else to go.

 

[SinnamonFairbanks]

I'm curious to know the ages of these guys. Do they tend to be younger or older?

B88

Older. In their 40's and 50's

 

[wazup]

Were there any warning signs, did they seem like normal guys in the beginning, well adjusted, we'll dressed etc. Why did you go back to them?

I'm sure many girls have these stories. I remember my regular, 2 half hour appts a year. Each time she would say, nice to meet you mister.

Does this happen under 10% of the time or how often.

 

[SinnamonFairbanks]

If they are seeing you that regularly it's because they can't keep a GF. They are assholes, socially inept, unhappy in their life, and unable to have any long term contact with someone unless they pay for it.

It's not you. It's them. They are unhappy people who need to bring down people around them to feel good.

It's the real downside of the business. Guys like me are in it for the occasional romp. We have lives and the ability to function normally in society.

Trust me when I say the idiots you speak of are hated at work, by anyone they deal with, and even members of their own family.

So simply either continue to have a ducks back or dump them at a certain point. But unfortunately these types will exist for all SP's. Because the idoits in fact have no where else to go.

That's true. I try to keep that in mind. I just don't understand what makes them do it. What self respecting woman would tolerate that kind of behavior from someone? I obviously don't respond well to it and it gets them nowhere.

 

[wazup]

If they are seeing you that regularly it's because they can't keep a GF. They are assholes, socially inept, unhappy in their life, and unable to have any long term contact with someone unless they pay for it.

It's not you. It's them. They are unhappy people who need to bring down people around them to feel good.

It's the real downside of the business. Guys like me are in it for the occasional romp. We have lives and the ability to function normally in society.

Trust me when I say the idiots you speak of are hated at work, by anyone they deal with, and even members of their own family.

So simply either continue to have a ducks back or dump them at a certain point. But unfortunately these types will exist for all SP's. Because the idoits in fact have no where else to go.

It's not you, its them......really, I think she figured that out.

This isn't a normal job so freebies aren't expected but in a normal business situaton a regular client might get thrown a bone every so often,;raptors leafs tix etc. , maybe that's their thinking.

 

[SinnamonFairbanks]

Were there any warning signs, did they seem like normal guys in the beginning, well adjusted, we'll dressed etc. Why did you go back to them?

I'm sure many girls have these stories. I remember my regular, 2 half hour appts a year. Each time she would say, nice to meet you mister.

There were warnings signs. He was always drunk and at one point I thought he suffered from schizophrenia. He would say delusional things and say things that didn't make any sense. People have a tendency to lie through their teeth with me so I just ignored it and let him have his moment where he got to pretend he was something he's not. It's not my life. I just have to deal with him for an hr at a time.

 

[Caelus]

IMHO, they think they earned the privilege to abuse you because they spent X amount of money "on you".
The solution is clear, you have draw the line the first time they fuck up and not let them get their way with it at any moment. Otherwise, it gets worst the next time around.

 

[HobbyHorse]

If I recall correctly you've had other unpleasant experiences in the past with stalker-types and generally weird guys.
You are probably a generous and tolerant person at heart. Sometimes manipulative people seem to be able sense this and then push boundries.
You may need to give more priority to self-care by being more direct and setting firm limits, cutting off those who dont observe them. Yes, it may cost you the occasional client, but think of it as a cost of doing business in a healty manner.

 

[italianguy74]

Sounds like they may have a temper or bipolar disorder, that is only noticeable when spending more time with them to witness an episode. I had a friend that couldn't keep a relationship because he would snap and start insulting his girlfriends for no reason. When he would go off it was continuous asshole texting and ignoring him would just make matters worse.

Being his long time friend I understood he had this disorder, but even knowing that I eventually had to let him go, I just couldn't deal with his mood swings and insults. I held on to our friendship as long as I could, but it was starting to make me depressed and moody as well. My suggestion to you is don't give them more than two chances when that attitude surfaces, there may be plenty of good conversations and apologies in between but
unless they seek help those outbursts will never ever stop.

 

[spraggamuffin]

They mistake your kindness and tolerance for submissiveness and that they can take advantage.

Give some people an inch and they will take a mile.

With familiarity they feel entitled to take liberties they wouldn't take with someone they just met.

You simply need to put your feet down and know when to call it quits with a client despite all the money in the world.

 

[bazokajoe]

Your love of money is your down fall. You stated that if you stopped seeing him "it would be a significant loss".But you keep contact with him and even went to go see him after he first insulted you. When he first mentioned BBFS that's when you should have terminated contact. Don't tell me you didn't see it coming?

 

[Mr. Piggy]

Why do you always come on here to complain about your customers. I remember a thread you posted a few years ago, under your old handle, complaining about how horrible it was having to see clients that were fat. I wish I could find it so I could post it. I saw you once way back and it was supposed to be a nude massage but you stayed dressed. I was kinda glad though. I just had to chime in here and say my thing.

 

[Insidious Von]

Didn't get beyond the "hardcore regular" part.

You're doing yourself and your regulars a disservice by seeing them more than once a month. For you because they want to experiment into areas you're uneasy with. For them because their sense of reality has become clouded and they are becoming dependent. This wont end well.

 

[james t kirk]

Imagine if you were married to them.

Run away and don't look back.

 

[IRIS]

Anyone who asked me BBFS is going to my blacklist. Doesn't care his money. Doesn't matter if he come first time or 100th. times. It's not offend me, I just don't trust him anymore. If he ask me, he ask others too, and someone will say yes sooner or later. If a girl is addicted (Not all of them) she will do everything for the money, include BB anal...etc

 

[fuji]

Here's WHY:

A few million years of evolution have conditioned men to bond with the women we have sex with and it inherently makes us become somewhat possessive.

Turns out to be beneficial to the resulting children and the possessive element limits the chances that we end up spending our resources on somebody else's child.

Beneficial in an evolutionary context. Likely still a pretty healthy thing in a modern marriage situation.

Not so healthy in an escort context, which I think is what is resulting in the weirdness. Your regulars are trying to process their inherent emotional response into something that fits the paid relationship, but it doesn't really fit, so it just gets weird.

 

[Insidious Von]

Speak for yourself, my good friend fuji.

Most men know how to seperate sex from love. If you haven't developed that intuition by the time you're 30, you can take part in the sucker's parade.

It's a business. The op isn't treating it as a business, for her it's a bank raid.

There's a difference between guys and men. If they don't learn from life lessons, this is what guys eventually become (fuji's anthem).

 

[shack]

Speak for yourself, my good friend fuji.
Most men know how to seperate sex from love.

So you are agreeing with Fuji.

She is not talking about all her clients. These are obviously just the minority for her.