Need you opinion. Was I wrong or in the right ?

[feetastic]

Hi all,

So I had something happen and it bothers me. I've asked a few trusted friends their opinion, now I curious what strangers have to say.

A little background, I'm a very straight up person. I don't hold back. A while ago I was set up on a date by a mutual friend. The dates (5-6) went well so I decided to ask her if she wanted to make it official. She agreed.

On our next date, now being a couple, I politely brought up smoking. On date one we chatted about how she smokes and I hate it. Now that we are a couple, I figure I would see what she thought about quitting. After a slightly awkward convo, she essentially says we should break up. She doesn't want to disappoint me and frankly isn't interested in quitting any time soon.

Here's my issue,
- was I wrong to bring it up so soon ?
- should my approach have been more Indirect? Perhaps talm about overall health ?
- although I know she really likes me, maybe she doesn't like me enough to quit ?

Aside from this, she's a great girl. Should I try to patch things up or just move on. I'm a very fit and healthy person, I don't think I could handle a smoker (even if they don't smoke in my company) in the long run.

Thanks
F

 

[Mr Bret]

You should have brought it up sooner.
For me, that's a real deal breaker. Have to know right up if she'd even consider quitting for me or any other guy if things got serious.

 

[Peegies]

Since you think smoking is a deal breaker, you were right to bring it up. Better to deal with it now.

Alternatively I suppose you could get over the smoking, but do you want to do this?

 

[Chloë.]

Lifestyle choices are a big factor in a relationship.

Judging by the fact that you are a fit and healthy person making healthy lifestyle choices, it would affect you eventually.

You would be around the smoke. You would inhale it indirectly constantly.

Her breaking up with you is for the best regardless of how great she was, because it probably wouldn't have worked.

Smoking is a common deal breaker. I wouldn't stress too much about it.

You'll find someone who doesn't.

 

[Ridgeman08]

Move on...

I once got involved with an otherwise great girl, and the fact that she partook in an activity that is not only disgusting to you, it is also EXTREMELY dangerous for her and those around her, and like me, it will eat away at you.

Frankly, I'm surprised you decided to ask her if she wanted to make it official. Smokers are a deal breaker for me... (I literally watched my sister waste away and eventually die of lung cancer.)

It reminds me of all those women that get involved with men, and proceed to try and "change" them. NO ONE can change another person. That is up to that other person and that person alone.

Move on...

 

[Bobzilla]

You knew from the first date she was a smoker. Put yourself in her shoes: you ask to make if "official" after 5-6 dates, she agrees. Once that happens, she has to assume you're ok with her being a smoker. You then use the fact that you're now an "official" couple to bring up that maybe she should quit smoking. You've now come across as a dirtbag who moved things along before you classified her smoking as a deal-breaker.

I quit smoking 12 years ago & can no longer stand the smell, but IMO she has every right to be pissed off. A smoker definitely has to be ready to quit & she isn't. But she can see that there's no point wasting time with a guy who doesn't know enough to call a spade a spade at the proper time.

 

[MadonnaLove]

You knew from the beginning that she was a smoker and now your trying to change her. No wonder she broke up with you she has to want to quit for herself not you.

 

[Titalian]

You knew from the first date she was a smoker. Put yourself in her shoes: you ask to make if "official" after 5-6 dates, she agrees. Once that happens, she has to assume you're ok with her being a smoker. You then use the fact that you're now an "official" couple to bring up that maybe she should quit smoking. You've now come across as a dirtbag who moved things along before you classified her smoking as a deal-breaker.

I quit smoking 12 years ago & can no longer stand the smell, but IMO she has every right to be pissed off. A smoker definitely has to be ready to quit & she isn't. But she can see that there's no point wasting time with a guy who doesn't know enough to call a spade a spade at the proper time.

I agree totally with this statement. I don't blame her for dumping you. You basically started controlling the relationship. Not a good start.

 

[punter]

The girl did the right thing by dumping you. She sees a potential control freak after only 5-6 dates. You go, girl!

 

[theycallmebruce]

Wrong of you to ask her to quit. How would you like it if she ask you to stop doing something you enjoy doing?

 

[Aardvark154]

You knew from the beginning that she was a smoker and now your trying to change her. No wonder she broke up with you she has to want to quit for herself not you.

Sometimes you know, other times they hide it from you. I've experienced this in the past, a true bolt out of the blue.

 

[Frosty]

It looks like she ain't going to quit smoking for you and you even knew she was a smoker from the get go. I would say forget about it and move on.

 

[Chevy57]

So first you say after 5-6 dates you made it official, In my opinion you don't even know her in that short amount of time,than right away you are pushing her to quit a very addictive habit . It has been said quitting smoking is as hard as quitting heroin ... A person will not stop smoking EVER unless they want to . I agree it is an awful habit I would of bought her a big jug of scope and shoved my cock in her mouth instead of a smoke for an oral fixation !! Lmao ,,

 

[feetastic]

Thank you all for the feedback. It's always nice to get a different perspective or at least hear someone else say the same thing.

For the record, when I first found out, I made some comments and jokingly said I'd give her a reason to quit. She replied that maybe I'm just that person and she needed a motivator. So although I appreciate everyone's feedback, I'd like to point out I'm not a controlling jerk who wants to change someone. We left on good terms and there is no hard feelings.

The main point of my topic was answered. Thank you all.

 

[Malika Fantasy]

I've dated two smoker in my life, both were basically occasional. One I moved in, and this person basically stop for me ( thought the smoking was on and off for years)
The other person was maybe 2-3 a day and when we were together wouldn't do it around me and was really carefully to brush their teeth/use gum/something after smoking and kissing me so it never really bother me...but I couldn't never date a "true" smoker.

 

[saxon]

She chose cigarettes over you, move on.

 

[Chloë.]

She chose cigarettes over you, move on.

Well when you put it like THAT..

Lol

 

[oil&gas]

Smoking is a disgusting habit I can't tolerate. More to my
disgust I often could not help taking my eyes off a sexy smoking
woman.

 

[Titalian]

Smoking is a disgusting habit I can't tolerate. More to my
disgust I often could not help taking my eyes off a sexy smoking
woman.

That was classic ! I agree.

 

[MattRoxx]

Smoking is a disgusting habit I can't tolerate. More to my
disgust I often could not help taking my eyes off a sexy smoking
woman.

I find the opposite: a woman becomes immediately less attractive when puffing on a cigarette.