Just be sure to remind them that this could have been Ipad time if not for "......". You can keep the punishment time down and make it more effective if you follow up a couple of times a day with the issue that cause the removal of the item. It is much better then waiting to follow up a week or two later when all the kid remembers was he was in trouble for something. Sometimes waiting too long just teachs kids how to live with out a certain item because then know it will come back in time.
Spanking Your Child?
- Thread starter demien2k5
- Start date
Yeah, definitely and sometimes it backfires. We definitely do not have a perfect thing happening and daughter probably should not be spending that much time on ipad so that taking away will have such an impact on her behaviour. I do see many advantages of ipad and kids but thats for another discussion.
I think titalian nailed it with his love statement. If you really love them to put them beyond our selfish needs you will not have such problems with their behaviour and will catch it early enough. This is what I think from my experience although I only have one. With this kind of love you will study them, observe their development and try everything that might benefit them. With persistence you will find a way to deal with them conventional or nonconventional as you will be after their best inerest not motivated by your behaviour or social deficiencies.
I would like to think that I would never let my kid get to a point that they think it's ok to kick the mom or sister. Normally, there would be clues in their behaviour before 5 years old and if you pay attention and invest the time they will know it is wrong to cross this line.
Yeah, love is the key although it is easier said vs. practiced as many parents love their kids. However not many are prepared to always put their kids ahead of their own or to say that they would die for them and mean it. I always say that even the rain carves mountains becuase it is persistent, fluid, finds little voids and openings to explore and wash away the smallest of weaknesses to the point of drastic change. Love unleases your ability to shower them. Every person has these weknesses and does not matter of their age. If you really love them or find something that motivates you enough, you will find these little openings to the point that they make a change.
I can only speak what works for me, and in my eyes it is the only thing that matters. Yes I admit I have "spanked" at times but feel like shit after and hurts me more then the it does to my kid. Becuase of her personality sometimes I feel that this is the only way to get through knowing I exhausted all my other fluid options. I still would keep it as a last option if I felt it was necessary.
The question I have for myself that I still need my answer is when is it to old to spank. I would think maybe 8 or 9 but 7 could be the limit. After too old is just might have negative consequences which I am aware of.
I think titalian nailed it with his love statement. If you really love them to put them beyond our selfish needs you will not have such problems with their behaviour and will catch it early enough. This is what I think from my experience although I only have one. With this kind of love you will study them, observe their development and try everything that might benefit them. With persistence you will find a way to deal with them conventional or nonconventional as you will be after their best inerest not motivated by your behaviour or social deficiencies.
I would like to think that I would never let my kid get to a point that they think it's ok to kick the mom or sister. Normally, there would be clues in their behaviour before 5 years old and if you pay attention and invest the time they will know it is wrong to cross this line.
Yeah, love is the key although it is easier said vs. practiced as many parents love their kids. However not many are prepared to always put their kids ahead of their own or to say that they would die for them and mean it. I always say that even the rain carves mountains becuase it is persistent, fluid, finds little voids and openings to explore and wash away the smallest of weaknesses to the point of drastic change. Love unleases your ability to shower them. Every person has these weknesses and does not matter of their age. If you really love them or find something that motivates you enough, you will find these little openings to the point that they make a change.
I can only speak what works for me, and in my eyes it is the only thing that matters. Yes I admit I have "spanked" at times but feel like shit after and hurts me more then the it does to my kid. Becuase of her personality sometimes I feel that this is the only way to get through knowing I exhausted all my other fluid options. I still would keep it as a last option if I felt it was necessary.
The question I have for myself that I still need my answer is when is it to old to spank. I would think maybe 8 or 9 but 7 could be the limit. After too old is just might have negative consequences which I am aware of.
The thing with new tech and kids is to use structured time. You only get some much computer time, TV time, Ipad time in a day. There is eating time, school time, play outside time, play indoor time, read a story time, so there should be play tech/TV time.
When you have more structured time, you also have more options of taking something away.
I am not talking about 3:15 to 3:45 is "...." where it is overly structured, but some structure goes a long way.
Also when the time would be "Ipad" time but they are on consequence, it doesn't just get changed to TV time because mommy is busy with something else. This is where you are already set up for follow through on that consequence with your child. When parents use tech as a babysitter, it makes the situation worse.
Parents have a hard time, not because they don't love their kids, but because they don't understand that raising a kid there more administrative and planning to parenting them most people are aware of or even understand. Raising a child is like nothing else in the world but like EVERYTHING else all combined in the world. Raise kids a little like school, a little like a Fortune 500, a little like a play ground, a little like this and that, and make what works for you, your home, your family and your child. I think that is why they say it takes a village to raise a child. LOL
AS for when is too old to spank, I can't answer that, but I would assume that when reasoning can be introduced, spanking should be removed.
Well that's easy, you chuck him in the shower and hose him down with cold water blasts until he apologises :Eek:
Deprivation is a poor behaviour modifier, the subject soon learns to not care about the item they are being deprived from, and they don't really link deprivation to bad behavior.
Fear is a very strong behaviour modifier, which is why spankings initially work, but they have some side effects depending on how the spanking is done, it can undermine trust and instil the wrong fear (fear of you)
Rationalization of behavior is very difficult for kids under 7.
It does start early, but your child has to view you as an authority, someone who guides them, who they can trust, and who they believe there will be a consequence for not meeting your expectations.
If you fail to do that early on, you've set the path yourself.
How do you set your self as an authority, early on its with tone of voice and facial expressions, even babies know a disapproving tone of voice.
A little further on, it's with tone of voice, body language and action.
A bit further on is making it real through stories, scenarios and discussion.
By the time they are entering their teens they'll be in good shape.
Because after they are in their teens you will have little control of them.
Start early or wage an uphlil battle.
Well, you leapfrogged over this one pretty quickly LOL! THIS is exactly the crux of the discussion. The problem remains - when and what type of 'action' is appropriate with young children to instill that (dare I say it?) fear and respect for you as an authority....? So far, I've heard:
1) controlled spanking is good, but not uncontrolled beatings (pros and cons stated)
2) targeted social isolation (time outs)
3) deprivation of possessions and privileges (pros and cons stated)
4) emotional blackmail (e.g. I'm sooo disappointed in your behavior..)
5) intellectual reasoning
Strange. With all the quantum leaps forward in civilized society today, we still can't find any better or more effective ways....:frown:
You missed couple of important points to include such as psych evaluation/treatment, drugs, and cold showers. This is if you want to table all points mentiomed thus far and have an intellectual not discussion about best ways to raise these little devils....wait a minute nobody has mentioned electric shock therapy...hmmmm...this could be something civilised to consider....
It seems that not many Terbs attended British (boarding) school in the 1950's or early 60's. The strap, or a wooden cane was used often. This punishment was harmful to the skin and would cause welts and abrasions.
The Headmaster ruled with a iron fist!
The Headmaster ruled with a iron fist!
Very true. Many North American Catholic schools not so long ago employed nuns as teachers, who subsequently terrorized elementary school children with their severity, cruelty, and corporal punishment-oriented discipline techniques.
What would you, as a modern day parent of small children (say aged 5-12) do if your elementary school-aged child came home and told you they'd been on the receiving end of some form of corporal punishment at the hands of a teacher or school principal? How would you react?
Let's drop the fluff and anecdotal home remedies from the good old days when everyone got and deserved a good spanking, and turn this into a an evidence based discussion. Show me one piece of research which identifies the benefits of spankings, or suggests that spanking will leave children emotionally unharmed.
There are virtually thousands of research studies/articles to the contrary however, identifying all kinds of harm and ramifications for kids who are spanked up to andd into their adult years.
So go with hillbilly folklore and spank those little hellions, ( as the spanking crowd seems to enjoy attributing negative characteristics to those whom they spank), or grow up yourselves and treat your kids with dignity and respect
Yeah...so forward the research in favour of spanking..please
There are virtually thousands of research studies/articles to the contrary however, identifying all kinds of harm and ramifications for kids who are spanked up to andd into their adult years.
So go with hillbilly folklore and spank those little hellions, ( as the spanking crowd seems to enjoy attributing negative characteristics to those whom they spank), or grow up yourselves and treat your kids with dignity and respect
Yeah...so forward the research in favour of spanking..please
Ever wonder why no cars are vandalized in Singapore? Remember that young American male who sentenced to be caned for vandalizing cars?
Here is an interesting tid bit: the clients that pro dominatrix see under 40 don't have the same fetishistic interest in caning or corporeal punishment as those older. It would seem that the classic days of,caning a naughty submissive's bottom and bottom only with a stern reprimand are dying off. Amazing what you imprint on when younger, and how it becomes internalized,huh?
All I know is that of my say closest 40 friends from childhood, all of us were spanked...it's just how it was. We are all contributing members of society. None of us seem emotionally damaged. Many of us are great parents with well adjusted kids today.
That's the only 'study'/'research' I need to form my opinion.
That's the only 'study'/'research' I need to form my opinion.
Do those studies clearly distinguish between parents who hit their kids in anger, and those who do it calmly with genuine sadness?
If not I can see the parents who hit in anger, which is basically child abuse, skewing the statistics entirely. Maybe there is no harm done by parents who spank children in a more responsible manner, but it is masked in the data.
My personal opinion is that harm comes from treating children with aggression, and that children know the difference between being disciplined with love and being hit in anger.
This is true with any type of discipline. Any discipline given out of aggression can have the same harmful affects. Children view it as a lack of respect and rightly so. Children often feel disrespected and therefore rebel. Why should they respect their parent{s} when that parent doesn't respect them?
This is a very interesting thread and very enlightening. It has tweaked responses from many on this board.
I can tell that most of us here, whether we are for, or against spanking, we genuinely care for our children and want the best for them.
When I brought up the post, about the unfortunate circumstances, that my cousin went through, its to be noted that his father did his punishment in a sober state,
this man never consumed alcohol, in fact he was dead set against it. But when, I use to walk into that household as a child, I could feel the tension in the air.
So what provoked these violent outbursts on his son. It was brought to my attention by my mother later on in life.
My uncle (my cousins Father) had a father, who was degenerate drunk and he also was beaten as a child.
His father died from complications of cirrhosis of the liver. Its ironic how my uncle was dead set against drinking,
but carried on his father's example for disciplining his children.
If you haven't seen the documentary on Richard Kuklinski (The Iceman)
Here is an excerpt of the physiatrists conclusion to Kuklinski's warped personality.
I realize, these are both extreme cases, so the question becomes, how much of a spanking is just enough.
I can tell that most of us here, whether we are for, or against spanking, we genuinely care for our children and want the best for them.
When I brought up the post, about the unfortunate circumstances, that my cousin went through, its to be noted that his father did his punishment in a sober state,
this man never consumed alcohol, in fact he was dead set against it. But when, I use to walk into that household as a child, I could feel the tension in the air.
So what provoked these violent outbursts on his son. It was brought to my attention by my mother later on in life.
My uncle (my cousins Father) had a father, who was degenerate drunk and he also was beaten as a child.
His father died from complications of cirrhosis of the liver. Its ironic how my uncle was dead set against drinking,
but carried on his father's example for disciplining his children.
If you haven't seen the documentary on Richard Kuklinski (The Iceman)
Here is an excerpt of the physiatrists conclusion to Kuklinski's warped personality.
I realize, these are both extreme cases, so the question becomes, how much of a spanking is just enough.
How do you know that for sure. Did you grow up in a middle class? If so, Then your only generalizing.
Now that you are great parents with well adjusted kids today, have you ever spanked your kids?
