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mens relationship rules.

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simon482

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Feb 8, 2009
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These are our rules!

Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher columbus did not need directions and neither do we...

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1 .. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...
 
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**Sophie**

Women's response to Men's Rules

1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out.

2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

3. Don't say you understand when you don't.

4. Girls are petty, get over it.

5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.

6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.

8. Zit's happen to everyone. Yes, Mr. Perfect, even to you.

9. We don't like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big.

10.A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.

11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig.

12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.

13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it.

15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it.

16. We are drama queens.

17. Fashion police do exist.

18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.

19. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, or anything else you and your friends talk about, like: how much you know about the video games, porn, computers, Star Wars, etc.

20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

21. We don't shave our legs every day, get over it.

22. Don't make bets about us, we always find out.

23. Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.

24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it's not.

25. Don't compare our breasts with Brittany Spear's, hers are fake.

26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.

27. We are beautiful, but make-up helps. (All girls love makeup, do not call us prissy or tell us we worry to much about the way we look for wearing it.)

28. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't.

29. It doesn't make you look cool to make fun of someone else.

30. If you ever beat us in a sport or game, it's always because you cheated, even if you didn't.
 
R

Rockslinger

Banned
Apr 24, 2005
32,774
0
0
The OP forgot:

Male cumming within a range of 2 to 3 hours is not premature ejaculation. It is not men's fault that women take decades to cum.
 
S

SMFX

New member
Sep 8, 2012
2
0
0
simon482 said:
These are our rules!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Click to expand...
The problem about the toilet seat is that while men approach it head on, we just go for the bowl, and with the seat down.. more often than not the woman is falling into the toilet. So the complaint isn't about putting the seat down, it's about sitting on your piss.
 
D

Don Draper

Cufflinks & Cognac
Nov 24, 2009
6,364
644
113
**Sophie** said:
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
Click to expand...
This is so fucked up, dysfunctional and reprehensible on so many levels that it creates a whole new category of heinous communication between the male and female psyche.

Woe to those that might even marginally subscribe to this weakened notion of communicating.
 
S

**Sophie**

Don Draper said:
This is so fucked up, dysfunctional and reprehensible on so many levels that it creates a whole new category of heinous communication between the male and female psyche.

Woe to those that might even marginally subscribe to this weakened notion of communicating.
Click to expand...
So what you're saying is now your definitely not getting married? LOL

I didn't write the thing, it was a copy and paste. If I had written it, the list would have been twice as long :wink:
 
D

Don Draper

Cufflinks & Cognac
Nov 24, 2009
6,364
644
113
W

WoodPeckr

Protuberant Member
May 29, 2002
47,041
6,058
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North America
thewoodpecker.net
simon482 said:
mens relationship rules.
These are our rules!

Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!
Click to expand...
Now that is funny!!!.....:D
 
S

staggerspool

Member
Mar 7, 2004
708
0
16
Both lists are excellent and should first be memorized, then modified as necessary for particular relationships. Bottom line, no two people see things the same way, and it is a good idea to find a way to laugh about as many of these points as is humanly possible.
 
M

mrsCALoki

Banned
Jul 27, 2011
4,943
3
0
Don Draper said:
This is so fucked up, dysfunctional and reprehensible on so many levels that it creates a whole new category of heinous communication between the male and female psyche.

Woe to those that might even marginally subscribe to this weakened notion of communicating.
Click to expand...

No problem!

Just keep paying for sex fore ever and you will never have to worry about it :)

When you are paying you get a dispensation from most rules.
 
B

blackrock13

Banned
Jun 6, 2009
40,084
1
0
**Sophie** said:
Women's response to Men's Rules

1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out.

2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

3. Don't say you understand when you don't.

4. Girls are petty, get over it.

5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.

6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.

8. Zit's happen to everyone. Yes, Mr. Perfect, even to you.

9. We don't like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big.

10.A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.

11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig.

12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.

13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it.

15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it.

16. We are drama queens.

17. Fashion police do exist.

18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.

19. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, or anything else you and your friends talk about, like: how much you know about the video games, porn, computers, Star Wars, etc.

20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

21. We don't shave our legs every day, get over it.

22. Don't make bets about us, we always find out.

23. Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.

24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it's not.

25. Don't compare our breasts with Brittany Spear's, hers are fake.

26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.

27. We are beautiful, but make-up helps. (All girls love makeup, do not call us prissy or tell us we worry to much about the way we look for wearing it.)

28. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't.

29. It doesn't make you look cool to make fun of someone else.

30. If you ever beat us in a sport or game, it's always because you cheated, even if you didn't.
Click to expand...

Wise beyond your years, well said.:hail:
 
I

IM469

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2012
11,134
2,465
113
Rockslinger said:
Men only pretend we don't know when women are faking orgasm.
Click to expand...
I liked Jerry Seinfeld's take: "Women have two types of orgasms, the actual one and the ones that they make up on their own. And I can give you the male point of view on this, which is... we're fine with it. You do whatever the hell you gotta do. "

A women's fake orgasm is a gift to men. I'm long done but the fake orgasm means I can roll off and watch the last of the game on TV with a clear conscience.
 
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