The question of "connection."

[mrsCALoki]

Connection is something that can be faked by a good SP. With a great SP, you'll never know.

Unless you discover she want to marry you. If she wants to marry you and insists on a Pre-Nup, you can be certain there is a connection

 

[canada-man]

 

[Plain_Jane]

You sound like a true gentleman - the ladies you choose to spend time with, I am certain, will be appreciative of the quality you represent.

I want it said that "being the man", to me, as a provider of services, means to BE FULLY HERE and that requires me to BE FULLY HERE too. It is a two way street and that connection you seek, even if it is fleeting, is critical in ensuring the absolute best time possible (for all).

Thanks for your thread - it was refrehing.

xo Jane

 

[canada-man]

 

[freespirit]

It's very nice to see there are still gentlemen on this board! This thread has truly been a delightful read!

May I add that some communication before the appointment is always helpful in establishing that connection ahead of time. I can tell from a gent's posts what kind of person he is (generally speaking of course).

It's those gentlemen who exude intelligence and respect that I want as clients..........the others.......not so much and will likely refuse to see them.

SPs are people too! It comes down to the basic common courtesy of "you treat me with respect and I will treat you with the same".

Diana

 

[staggerspool]

You sound like a true gentleman - the ladies you choose to spend time with, I am certain, will be appreciative of the quality you represent.

I want it said that "being the man", to me, as a provider of services, means to BE FULLY HERE and that requires me to BE FULLY HERE too. It is a two way street and that connection you seek, even if it is fleeting, is critical in ensuring the absolute best time possible (for all).

Interesting, thanks for this.

So: being the man. Being "the man" in the sense I implied is a kind of weakness... the controlling man who can't stand being out of control, even though in life it happens often; the RIGHT man who never makes a mistake that he can recognize; the man so busy making sure he gets "respect" that he doesn't notice that no-one really respects him, they just try to stay out of his way... everyone on this remarkably civil thread knows that guy. No one aspires to be him, if they can see who he really is. If they can't, they are probably him.

The sense of "man" you suggest is another, more evolved animal. Perhaps in the sense you mean, sometimes the woman is the man? Maybe it changes from moment to moment in a real conscious relationship, in the business or outside? What you are pointing to is a man who knows what he really is, and brings that to the encounter. How do you meet that, except with the same kind of awareness and open-ness. One might imagine two authentic individual beings, who see roles like "man" and "woman" as open for exploration.

In my adventures in the hobby, I am often looking to learn from my partners, so I take a more passive role. Other times, and in other situations, I feel called to act with clarity and authority, from the heart and with a firm hand or other body part.

I heard a wonderful interview years ago on the cbc, a woman was describing sex with her husband. They were both intellectuals and some variety of "feminist" in the political sense, all for equality and respect, etc. She said that in sex, she was ALWAYS the receptive partner - she experienced herself as the ocean that her partner moved with his masculine energies. For her to be that ocean, he needed to be the force that moved the ocean. His quality as a force was met with her quality as a receiver of that force, and together they were the whole world.

In that sense, I aspire to be the man, though possibly there are occasions where I will also be the ocean. Whatever is appropriate for the creative act in question.

My fascination with this hobby is in how a lot of this stuff can be explored in a sort of laboratory setting. In real life, sex is hooked in to babies and contractual obligations, both real and imagined.

I've really enjoyed reading responses, and find this sort of exchange helpful and encouraging. Thanks to everyone for contributions!

 

[staggerspool]

It's very nice to see there are still gentlemen on this board! This thread has truly been a delightful read!

May I add that some communication before the appointment is always helpful in establishing that connection ahead of time. I can tell from a gent's posts what kind of person he is (generally speaking of course).

It's those gentlemen who exude intelligence and respect that I want as clients..........the others.......not so much and will likely refuse to see them.

SPs are people too! It comes down to the basic common courtesy of "you treat me with respect and I will treat you with the same".

Diana

I agree that some sort of communication before the actual meeting is very useful to judge compatibility. I usually call an agency, and that sort of communication doesn't happen there, the function is handled (hopefully) by the hiring choices, and the willingness/knowledge of the phone person to play match maker. I've tended to trust two agencies and the situation has worked out well. In the last year I had a couple of sessions that weren't particularly satisfactory, but in both cases the ladies were nice people. One was someone who I just didn't connect with, the rhythm was all off, another was a person who was new and discovering that the business wasn't for them.

It can be that even when two people like and respect each other, it just doesn't work. I've known two musicians who were both great players, but while they could get through a song together, their individual senses of rhythm just didn't fit. It was a chore for them to play together. Sometimes that is just the way it is... but even that sort of situation is redeemable - I have leaned more from situations that don't quite work out than from those that go perfectly (though the latter case is clearly more rewarding in other ways).

I am looking at seeing some independent providers, where some sort of dialogue can set the ground, as you suggest. Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[canada-man]

 

[staggerspool]