Wives or S.O.s - - How Long Does it Take for Sex to Fizzle?

[frankcastle]

First suggestion, get to a sleep clinic and get tested for sleep apnea or other sleep disorders.

Are you overweight? I had a borderline case of sleep apnea but couldn't deal with the cpap machine. So after losing 15 pounds the snoring is gone. Had to do with weight off the chest and neck/

Get a king sized bed and splurge for a nice mattress. Budget for some nice sheets too. Some women love that sort of stuff. New furniture/sheets and what not.

 

[nottyboi]

Went thru the same thing for about a year........sleeping in guest bedroom. Finally i called it quits. sexless relationships, whats the point of staying together? One time just to piss her off i jerked off on her face when she was deep asleep only to have her face stuck to the pillow in the morning.

ha ha good one. lol how would she have felt if you hired an SP to join you in your room ....lol

 

[homerjsimpson]

I'm kind of on the opposite side of this.

First of all, my wife and I love sleeping together. We're very touchy/feely. And when my wife hears stories of married folks taking up separate bedrooms, she looks at me with concern and asks, "That won't ever happen to us, will it?" And I toss and turn all night, but it doesn't bother her a bit. If I start to snore, she turns my face sideways and snuggles. Also, I sleep hot. She sleeps cold. She's always trying to get closer to warm up.

And, oddly, I don't want sex as much as her. In every relationship before her, I wanted sex more than my partner. Much more. A lot much more. But then I met my wife, and she wanted it more than me. And my appetite waned. A lot. No idea why. All I can figure is that if one person wants sex more than the other, the two wants diverge wildly. Don't get me wrong, my wife is beautiful and takes care of herself and she's fun to have sex with. Almost nothing is off-limits with her and she gives in to my crazy desires (sometimes I tie her up for fun). But, there it is.

But, my sex-drive has not waned. As crazy as that sounds. Just my sex-drive with her. I can't explain it. If I had opportunity, I'd bang hot young chicks every day of the week. But with my wife, it's ho-hum. Also, we almost never do it in the evenings. I'm a morning guy. No idea why. And she'll take it almost any time she can get it. If, on the rare occasion she says, "No," she usually regrets it.

I remember being in relationships where I always wanted it more than my SO. And it was the same in reverse. The more I wanted it, the less they wanted it. And I hated not getting enough. Makes me feel sorry for my wife. I try to put out more often, but I find it difficult.

 

[frankcastle]

ill tell you how to get your wife to chase after you. start going to work dressing sharp, always wearing cologne etc if you don;t do that already. itll get her thinking there may be a new woman in your life, itll draw her more closer to you and make her want you

Or it might make her more standoffish and paranoid. That makes for a great environment to come home to. Furthermore, what if his job is not one that you dress in nice atire for?

And some women find cologne to be a turn off. Unless you know what kidn they like.

 

[frankcastle]

In my experience it took about a year for the sex to fizzle. You pretty much nailed all the factors that go into the fizzling. But the good news is that we both noticed it and made a point of having "date nights."

She is like a lot of women who like to be made to feel special so doing an activity out of the ordinary gets her in the mood. By activity it could be anything from antiquing to new restaurant to play to concert.

What helped us was talking about it, being open, but we kind of cheated and focused more on how can we fix things rather than what's been bothering us. If I aired out my laundry list of petty complaints she will fire back with whatever she has locked and loaded. But the topic of what can help each other be less stressed did come up and it meant helping each other out with some mundane day to day tasks.

There's hope. just make sure when you broach (sorry for the earlier typo) the topic it's from a finding positives rather than being negative.

 

[Petzel]

well don't you talk about it? I would think her not wanting sex would be the elephant in the room. why not just one day start with her in the kitchen, put her up on the kitchen table and start eating he rpussy after morning breakfast and see what happens.

You'd be surprised how many couples don't talk about it because they're dysfunctional as a couple. They think by ignoring it that it will go away or get better on its own but it doesn't. Once they acknowledge there's a problem then that means it has to be fixed or resolved so many choose to ignore it and then they don't have to do anything about it.
Sad but true and that's what dysfunctionality is all about.

 

[msog87]

In my experience it took about a year for the sex to fizzle. You pretty much nailed all the factors that go into the fizzling. But the good news is that we both noticed it and made a point of having "date nights."

She is like a lot of women who like to be made to feel special so doing an activity out of the ordinary gets her in the mood. By activity it could be anything from antiquing to new restaurant to play to concert.

What helped us was talking about it, being open, but we kind of cheated and focused more on how can we fix things rather than what's been bothering us. If I aired out my laundry list of petty complaints she will fire back with whatever she has locked and loaded. But the topic of what can help each other be less stressed did come up and it meant helping each other out with some mundane day to day tasks.

There's hope. just make sure when you broach (sorry for the earlier typo) the topic it's from a finding positives rather than being negative.

im assuming that since your a terb member you cheat on your wife....I believe if your married its important to have sex with other women itll make you a better husband

 

[msog87]

You'd be surprised how many couples don't talk about it because they're dysfunctional as a couple. They think by ignoring it that it will go away or get better on its own but it doesn't. Once they acknowledge there's a problem then that means it has to be fixed or resolved so many choose to ignore it and then they don't have to do anything about it.
Sad but true and that's what dysfunctionality is all about.

yeah but if you arnt fighting and seem to be getting along, whats wrong with random sex? how is it so hard? I would think its only hard if there is negative tension between you two. otherwise makes no sense to be platonic unless you both have lost your sex drive

 

[Petzel]

yeah but if you arnt fighting and seem to be getting along, whats wrong with random sex? how is it so hard? I would think its only hard if there is negative tension between you two. otherwise makes no sense to be platonic unless you both have lost your sex drive

Well it sounds as though he hasn't lost his libido but it sounds as though his wife has!

 

[letsn0twastetime]

There are a lot of things that can cause married sex life to fizzle: kids, fatigue from work or other activities, familiarity, boredom, I'm-not-in-the-mood or she's-not-in-the mood, stress, spending too much time together, smoldering, unresolved issues, money worries, going to bed a different times etc....

In my case my wife began to prefer to sleep alone because I snore/move around during my sleep which really annoyed/annoys her. Also, we both realized that a Queen-sized bed isn't particularly big for two people unless both people sleep motionless for 7-8 hours. So I'm now in a sexless marriage (what Dr Phil termed "an epidemic" so I guess I'm not alone) and I sleep in the quest bedroom.

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone here (God I hope not)

I am most interested in the comments or experiences of others. Thanks,

Drooler

For us it was mechanical before we even got married while we were dating. At first I thought its because of boredom, then fatigue, then kids but now I realize its just that we're incompatible physically. Now I just due it for the bareback. After seeing a number of SP, for me personally it can't compare to bareback. I thought doing the stuff I was 'missing' would help but that doesn't do anything either. This leads me to the conclusion of why having a mistress is so appealing if you have the money to support one.

 

[Petzel]

It's always best to play on the insecurities of others

That's hitting below the belt and not very honest or fair. It's just best to be honest.

 

[GameBoy27]

I've been with my wife for 10 years and the sex is still great with no sign of slowing down. Sometimes it's better than it was in the first year. We're both in great shape and have lots of energy. We have the usual stuff going on in our lives that could have the potential to interfere with having a great sex life but we both know how good it makes us feel that we don't push it aside. It is possible to have a long healthy sex life but I know lots of people who get stuck in a sexless marriage.

 

[bridgette_xo]

That's hitting below the belt and not very honest or fair. It's just best to be honest.

I apologize if my sarcasm didn't shine through there.

I agree, honesty is the best policy. I never meant to offend and I apologize if I did.

 

[mrsCALoki]

In my experience it took about a year for the sex to fizzle.

I have been married for a little over a year and seems the sex just gets better and better as we learn more about each other. I have however discovered if I do not feel him against me in bed I cannot sleep. I just cannot imagine not sharing a bed with him.

I hope fizzle does not occur for a few decades

 

[fmahovalich]

Drooler..I'm seeing ME in you.

Ahhh yes...the ol snoring excuse.

I just passed seven years with no sex ( with wife)

It will bother you...she will see no reason to have it.

We went thru the Queen size bed thing...now have a King.

The only difference..I caught her cheating years ago...and she was floored by it. Insecure I would say. I chose to be civil and stayed with kids in picture. We did the whole counseling deal. It is bullshit if both of you not engaged. She did not like being told to change.

Only thing, if I go to bed first..I always sleep in MASTER. I make HER chose not to be here. Yes..she is STILL very desireable after over 20 years.

So we remain civil...but the whole deal is actually quite stupid. Accepting it cause EVERYONE ELSE DOES, is not a solution.

The kids are almost outta the nest.......ahhhhhhh

 

[mur11]

I have been married for a little over a year and seems the sex just gets better and better as we learn more about each other. I have however discovered if I do not feel him against me in bed I cannot sleep. I just cannot imagine not sharing a bed with him.

I hope fizzle does not occur for a few decades

I think the fizzle will occur much earlier than that. Not your fault, just biology
80-year old men have difficulty maintaining and sustaining erections

 

[mur11]

Drooled..I'm seeing ME in you.

Ahhh yes...the ol snoring excuse.

I just past seven years with no sex ( with wife)

It will bother you...she will see no reason to have it.

We went thru the Queen size bed thing...now have a King.

The only difference..I caught her cheating...and she was floored by it. Insecure I would say.

Only thing, if I go to bed first..I always sleep in MASTER. I make HER chose not to be here. Yes..she is STILL very desireanlevafter over 20 years.

So we remain civil...but the whole deal is actually quite stupid. Accepting it cause EVERYONE ELSE DOES, is not a solution.

The kids are almost outta the nest.......ahhhhhhh

Just so I understand, you were refused sex, not necessarily Greek or Russian or whatever kinky shit you might really want, but just basic sex for 7 years straight!
And then when you caught your wife cheating on you, she didn't even throw a bone with some pity sex or apology sex
Your wife sounds like a real piece of work, no offense.

Hobby like the wind my friend, hobby like the wind

 

[MayDay Malone]

I've been with my wife for 10 years and the sex is still great with no sign of slowing down. Sometimes it's better than it was in the first year. We're both in great shape and have lots of energy. We have the usual stuff going on in our lives that could have the potential to interfere with having a great sex life but we both know how good it makes us feel that we don't push it aside. It is possible to have a long healthy sex life but I know lots of people who get stuck in a sexless marriage.

Serious question for you and others still enjoying great sex: do you have kids? For us, after engagement it became more restrictive (she was less wild than when we dated), but after kids it came to a complete halt.

 

[msog87]

Just so I understand, you were refused sex, not necessarily Greek or Russian or whatever kinky shit you might really want, but just basic sex for 7 years straight!
And then when you caught your wife cheating on you, she didn't even throw a bone with some pity sex or apology sex
Your wife sounds like a real piece of work, no offense.

Hobby like the wind my friend, hobby like the wind

think about it, she knows hes cheating on her too, women are smart in this area. he like her is getting it somewhere else

 

[fmahovalich]

Yes Mur..normal sex.

It had really slowed....cheated about ten years ago...then the counseling..but she has checked out.

In my case, there is a ton of selfishness, and insecurity on her part. Of course I never saw that when marrying, but boys...be real careful with a 'me first' insecure woman.

Its a bit like those 'housewives' television show.