What would you do if your daughter......

[frankcastle]

started going out at night, not coming home and that sort of shit.

This is inspired by on of the articles in the pakistani thread about girls lured into prostitution.

The girl was offered booze and what not and was sneaking out against her parents wishes..

Point I'm getting at is if your kid is out of control what do you do?

I've seen tough love backfire. And letting it go doesn't work either so what's the solution?

Edit let's say she is 15 and skipping school

 

[simon482]

you would need to stay calm. yelling and screaming is just going to drive that wedge deeper and run her off a little faster.

 

[frankcastle]

Yeah and when she continues to go against you then what?

 

[LKD]

Don't try to control her if she is an adult. Let her know I'm there for anything she may need - support, talk, help. Ask her what she is up to. Tell her I don't like her going out at night, would prefer she not do it and why it isn't good but that I'm not going to stop her if that's how she chooses to live.

 

[frankcastle]

Don't try to control her if she is an adult. Let her know I'm there for anything she may need - support, talk, help. Ask her what she is up to. Tell her I don't like her going out at night, would prefer she not do it and why it isn't good but that I'm not going to stop her if that's how she chooses to live.

What if she is fifteen and skipping school on top

 

[DigitallyYours]

I know someone who was a wild child. Parents didn't know how to deal with her. She was sent to a boarding school. She told me that decision essentially saved her life.

 

[mykonos]

I know someone who was a wild child. Parents didn't know how to deal with her. She was sent to a boarding school. She told me that decision essentially saved her life.

very true, however not everyone can afford that

 

[LKD]

What if she is fifteen and skipping school on top

Based on my personal experience, there is not much one can say or do, besides locking them up in a cage, that will stop a teenager from doing what he/she wants or change their stubborn mind. The school will probably suspend her, give her warnings or even throw her out of school. Unless she is doing drugs or prostituting herself, I probably wouldn't try to be over-controlling on her for fear that it will back lash. I skipped 75% of my classes in highschool, got suspended numerous times, had to switch schools twice, but I made it into one of the toughest programs in a top ranked university and graduated with honours. Had my parents tried to control me, it probably wouldn't have turned out this way. Don't abuse your kids physically/verbally, directly feed/encourage their bad lifestyle or control them, rather give them love, try to understand and be there for them, and they will turn out fine.

I know someone who was a wild child. Parents didn't know how to deal with her. She was sent to a boarding school. She told me that decision essentially saved her life.

not everyone can afford sending their kid to boarding school... Some families are struggling to even pay rent.

 

[frankcastle]

Lkd did you go to university as a mature student how did you get marks skipping. 75% of classes.

Most kids with a past like yours don't end up like you.

 

[LKD]

I'd find out who cut the chain that I had used to keep her in the basement.

you sure would... Many psycho parents in Austria do that I hear.

 

[LKD]

Lkd did you go to university as a mature student how did you get marks skipping. 75% of classes.

Most kids with a past like yours don't end up like you.

High school was overrated for me - a joke. Just need to make sure you hand in assignments, show up for tests and exams no matter how late or whatever excuse you need to make up xD If you need to write 5 notes to skip a test a few times, do it, but make sure you eventually take the test. In the end, they determine your final marks, not your attendence in class. Its ok if you barely pass all your classes... Make sure you pass and get the credits the first few years, but do really well in the final year courses you need for university entrance. I remember the time the school admins finally caught up to me, they pulled out my folder and saw the thick stack of forged parent's notes I had handed in.

 

[peter4025]

Send her to military school. It may save her life

 

[LKD]

Send her to military school. It may save her life

yeah... that might help. That would take away some of the guilt of over-controlling parents.

 

[frankcastle]

High school was overrated for me - a joke. Just need to make sure you hand in assignments, show up for tests and exams no matter how late or whatever excuse you need to make up xD If you need to write 5 notes to skip a test a few times, do it, but make sure you eventually take the test. In the end, they determine your final marks, not your attendence in class. Its ok if you barely pass all your classes... Make sure you pass and get the credits the first few years, but do really well in the final year courses you need for university entrance. I remember the time the school admins finally caught up to me, they pulled out my folder and saw the thick stack of forged parent's notes I had handed in.

Like I said most kids can't turn it on like that, not to mention any course where the material builds on previous years is difficult to do well in. Anyways, bravo to you. hopet this isn't advice you dole out to many youth. Most kids lack the aptitude to be able to coast the way you did.

 

[LKD]

Like I said most kids can't turn it on like that, not to mention any course where the material builds on previous years is difficult to do well in. Anyways, bravo to you. hopet this isn't advice you dole out to many youth. Most kids lack the aptitude to be able to coast the way you did.

advice to youths? hahah far from.. only for the ones about to drop out of high school ;P

 

[Bubbles99]

Send her to military school. It may save her life

There a great idea!

 

[kynorth]

There isn't a "one size fits all" answer. Just like anything else in life, different people respond to different stimuli in different ways. So to say boarding school or giving her some room or whatever would work is a bit presumptuous.

Having said that the one solution I could not see working for anybody is putting the parental controls on so tight that you drive the fat part of the wedge between you. i.e. keeping them bottled up in the house 100% of the time so they can't get in trouble is not a long term solution.

 

[great bear]

Keep her away from guys who drive delivery vans.

 

[FatOne]

If pimps are a problem it would seem to be not a big idea to have smokes and booze available at home. That would be the take away from that story.

On a more serious note, the rents had the philosophy that if cigs and beer were openly available than it would take all the allure of it away. Neither of us smoke, I've never been drunk and the brother unit never had a drinking problem. YMMV of course. Anyhow it isn't as if kids are not going to be able to access the stuff.

Myself I think with daughters I'd look into one of those convents in Greece on those hill tops that are accessible via those baskets that have to be hauled up by hand.

 

[Catherine St.Claire]

I was once 15 and altho I didn't stay out all night, I was not the easy child my older sister was. I was angry at my dad for a lifetime of wrongs and angry at my mom for letting him get away with it. To this day my sister and I don't have a relationship with him.

This child is angry and you need to find out why. Her behavior is a symptom of something else and you need to understand it. There is no one "solution" or piece of advice that is applicable to every situation when an out of control teenager is the problem because the teenager isn't in a family alone. Every member plays a part in the relationship and needs to take responsibility for their part. I would suggest private professional help outside of the school system. There is obviously a communication break down and you need to get her talking and she needs to know you are listening. Even if her issues are blown out of proportion (happens with hormone overloaded teenagers), she needs to feel that you at least acknowledge the issues at hand and are willing to work on them with her.

There is no quick fix. You need to do the work with her and it will take a tremendous amount of time and effort but it's worth it. If you don't, she could very well end up fulfilling your worst nightmares as I fulfilled my parents...

cat