Are there many of us here? I've never wanted children, and never been much of a long term relationship guy. I am very skeptical of marriage, and am very scared of the woman taking half my money/home. I often work very long hours, out of town at times, and that is not conducive to a successful marriage either. I work hard to make my 6 figures, and I know I don't want some woman blowing my money. I don't like spending all my time with a woman either... I need my space. I don't mind spending a night at a woman's place, or vice versa, but the next day I want to do my own thing. I can be in a monogamous relationship (which I think is somewhat stupid too), but I just don't want to live together, get married, or most of all have children. Am I crazy/neurotic? Trapped in adolescence? Or am I smart for wanting to live like this?
any other guys who don't want kids and never want to get married?
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Neither.... Am I crazy/neurotic? Trapped in adolescence? Or am I smart for wanting to live like this?
You're selfish (and I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just a statement of fact) and more importantly, you're HONEST about it. The last thing you should be is a husband or a father, and you KNOW it. Many people don't, and ruin other people's lives as a result. Kudos to you, and enjoy your life. As long as you're not hurting anybody else there is no problem.
How old are you?Are there many of us here? I've never wanted children, and never been much of a long term relationship guy. I am very skeptical of marriage, and am very scared of the woman taking half my money/home. I often work very long hours, out of town at times, and that is not conducive to a successful marriage either. I work hard to make my 6 figures, and I know I don't want some woman blowing my money. I don't like spending all my time with a woman either... I need my space. I don't mind spending a night at a woman's place, or vice versa, but the next day I want to do my own thing. I can be in a monogamous relationship (which I think is somewhat stupid too), but I just don't want to live together, get married, or most of all have children. Am I crazy/neurotic? Trapped in adolescence? Or am I smart for wanting to live like this?
I'm in the same boat. I think no-fault divorce and the one sided family court system have destroyed marriage. There's very little in it for men unless you want kids. Even if you do it to have kids, there's at least a 50/50 chance of divorce and you may never see them again.
I'm actually at a critical crossroad in my life. I'm 35 years old, never married, never been in a relationship.
I think almost daily of what's best for me. I honestly still don't know. I love kids, but don't know if I really would want them. They take a lot of time, energy, and money. Given that I feel tired most of the time from depression, I can see them wearing me down.
I am very cynical. Is the woman going to only marry for her convenience, and just want me to support her? Will she leave me when I'm in difficulty and have no money? Just like a man in his fifties leaves a wife that is no longer young and pretty? Because he can afford to, and what's the point in staying with an old hag when you can marry a younger, better looking woman?
There is the complete freedom that I enjoy, being single. But lately it's getting boring. A lof of things that I do would be a lot more fun with someone special.
It's lonely being single. What will my life be when I'm old and have no one? I think it would be sad. So, then I guess marrying and having kids is a solution. But then, I would be getting married and having kids to cure my own problems, which is selfish. But then, isn't life about doing what's best for you?
My parents are getting old, and they really want to see me married have kids. They want to see me happy. They are great people, and if it would make THEM happy, I would probably marry just for that reason alone. I want to see them die happy. None of my siblings have children or ever will, though one is married. I think it's sad for my parents.
I have never met the right person. There's no point in getting married just for the sake of it, it has to be with the right person. Someone who's sexually attractive, kind, has high morals, intelligent, genuinely cares about me, wants kids, shares similar interests, and whom I enjoy being around with. There aren't many people like that left in the world, let alone those who would reciprocate their feelings of love towards me.
As the clock ticks, I am kind of stoic about the whole thing. I think everything happens for a reason, and we really have no control over our destiny. What happens is what is meant to be. We may not know the reason now, but later on we see the meaning of why things happened.
Maybe one day, out of the blue, I'll meet someone who I will truly love, and we will marry and have kids and live happily ever after. For whatever reason, it hasn't happened. I think that it's god's plan. I have experienced the freedom and loneliness that comes from this lifestyle. I don't know if I want it for the rest of my life. Perhaps when I finally do get married, this whole experience being single will make me appreciate the wife and kids I have. And maybe it'll make me reflect back to the time when I was single, free, and could spend all my money on myself, but was genuinely not happy because I had no one to share my life with.
I do think that if being single makes you happy, that you should remain single. Do whatever makes you happy. Everyone is different, and has different needs.
I think almost daily of what's best for me. I honestly still don't know. I love kids, but don't know if I really would want them. They take a lot of time, energy, and money. Given that I feel tired most of the time from depression, I can see them wearing me down.
I am very cynical. Is the woman going to only marry for her convenience, and just want me to support her? Will she leave me when I'm in difficulty and have no money? Just like a man in his fifties leaves a wife that is no longer young and pretty? Because he can afford to, and what's the point in staying with an old hag when you can marry a younger, better looking woman?
There is the complete freedom that I enjoy, being single. But lately it's getting boring. A lof of things that I do would be a lot more fun with someone special.
It's lonely being single. What will my life be when I'm old and have no one? I think it would be sad. So, then I guess marrying and having kids is a solution. But then, I would be getting married and having kids to cure my own problems, which is selfish. But then, isn't life about doing what's best for you?
My parents are getting old, and they really want to see me married have kids. They want to see me happy. They are great people, and if it would make THEM happy, I would probably marry just for that reason alone. I want to see them die happy. None of my siblings have children or ever will, though one is married. I think it's sad for my parents.
I have never met the right person. There's no point in getting married just for the sake of it, it has to be with the right person. Someone who's sexually attractive, kind, has high morals, intelligent, genuinely cares about me, wants kids, shares similar interests, and whom I enjoy being around with. There aren't many people like that left in the world, let alone those who would reciprocate their feelings of love towards me.
As the clock ticks, I am kind of stoic about the whole thing. I think everything happens for a reason, and we really have no control over our destiny. What happens is what is meant to be. We may not know the reason now, but later on we see the meaning of why things happened.
Maybe one day, out of the blue, I'll meet someone who I will truly love, and we will marry and have kids and live happily ever after. For whatever reason, it hasn't happened. I think that it's god's plan. I have experienced the freedom and loneliness that comes from this lifestyle. I don't know if I want it for the rest of my life. Perhaps when I finally do get married, this whole experience being single will make me appreciate the wife and kids I have. And maybe it'll make me reflect back to the time when I was single, free, and could spend all my money on myself, but was genuinely not happy because I had no one to share my life with.
I do think that if being single makes you happy, that you should remain single. Do whatever makes you happy. Everyone is different, and has different needs.
@StinkyNuts: I really think you should talk to a professional about what you wrote....35 and never been in a relationship points to bigger social issues than whether you will decide one day to get married...you need to experience being ina relationship first and it sounds like depression/outlook on life/ lack of social skills may be impeding that more than anything.
Having good friends is almost as much work sometimes! and you need those if you don't have a spouse or kids (and need them anyway)
Having good friends is almost as much work sometimes! and you need those if you don't have a spouse or kids (and need them anyway)
Good point.I have never met the right person. There's no point in getting married just for the sake of it, it has to be with the right person. Someone who's sexually attractive, kind, has high morals, intelligent, genuinely cares about me, wants kids, shares similar interests, and whom I enjoy being around with. There aren't many people like that left in the world, let alone those who would reciprocate their feelings of love towards me.
It's not like most people who are fine with being single are turning down great offers and opportunities.
Some are but for many there really isn't much of a choice.
Like many people I suspect your standards are too high, do you live up to each of these? Could you settle for someone less than average looking who isn't too bright but makes up for it by being kind and friendly?I have never met the right person. There's no point in getting married just for the sake of it, it has to be with the right person. Someone who's sexually attractive, kind, has high morals, intelligent, genuinely cares about me, wants kids, shares similar interests, and whom I enjoy being around with.
I'll never do it. That being said, I have to emphasize I have nothing against good relationships.
A friend of mine was in a damaging, dysfunctional relationship once. Arguments, resentments, tantrums, walking away from each other and then returning ten minutes later only to sulk, pout and not communicate. All this in public! I can only imagine what it must have been like in private. Finally, one day when we were alone, I asked him: "Why do you put up with this shit? This is an awful way to live. Walk away from this shit and get some peace in your life." He looked at me like a child who had soiled his pants in church and said: "I'd rather have something shitty than nothing at all."
In all honesty, this outlook has never, ever occurred to me. I simply don't see how anyone can live their life like this. You're better off single with the options in your life open than in this emotional prison that always ends badly. It still astounds me to see how many people sill don't know this.
I like my freedom. I have an interesting life because I have an interest in life itself. I don't fear growing old because only God knows how much time I have anyway so I want to get in as much as I can. If there is something I have learned is that there is always, always, always another woman who doesn't want to have dinner alone on Saturday night. I'm all for going to the theatre, parties, vacations and dinner with a lovely, feminine woman. I'm not going to sign any document though. Children will just put a cramp into that lifestyle that I worked so hard to earn. I have found an oeuvre that works for me and I will enjoy it for as long as the fates give me life.
I also see so many of my friends and colleagues marrying mostly for 'like' and seldom for 'love'. Within a few years, all these marriages fall apart and their lives are forever compromised. The men get lonely, succumb to desperation, fear aging and will settle with any woman that comes along and is sufficiently 'nice'. The lack of strength usually alters the rest of their lives for the worse. Sticking out the lonely times and finding your strength is a damn sight better than watching a woman who once said she loved you now trying to take your very own life away from you. Don't mortgage your soul to someone you married and then found out later was a total stranger. The women basically just wanted someone to pay their bills for them and won't let go until that arrangement is made to their convenience. It was fiscal for them all along with Love never involved, only 'like'. I have witnessed this same scenario repeated time and time again. Regrets and more regrets.
I will not be one of those men. I'd rather be dead.
For those that suit this particular outlook: this brief life is meant to be enjoyed. Do so while you can.
A friend of mine was in a damaging, dysfunctional relationship once. Arguments, resentments, tantrums, walking away from each other and then returning ten minutes later only to sulk, pout and not communicate. All this in public! I can only imagine what it must have been like in private. Finally, one day when we were alone, I asked him: "Why do you put up with this shit? This is an awful way to live. Walk away from this shit and get some peace in your life." He looked at me like a child who had soiled his pants in church and said: "I'd rather have something shitty than nothing at all."
In all honesty, this outlook has never, ever occurred to me. I simply don't see how anyone can live their life like this. You're better off single with the options in your life open than in this emotional prison that always ends badly. It still astounds me to see how many people sill don't know this.
I like my freedom. I have an interesting life because I have an interest in life itself. I don't fear growing old because only God knows how much time I have anyway so I want to get in as much as I can. If there is something I have learned is that there is always, always, always another woman who doesn't want to have dinner alone on Saturday night. I'm all for going to the theatre, parties, vacations and dinner with a lovely, feminine woman. I'm not going to sign any document though. Children will just put a cramp into that lifestyle that I worked so hard to earn. I have found an oeuvre that works for me and I will enjoy it for as long as the fates give me life.
I also see so many of my friends and colleagues marrying mostly for 'like' and seldom for 'love'. Within a few years, all these marriages fall apart and their lives are forever compromised. The men get lonely, succumb to desperation, fear aging and will settle with any woman that comes along and is sufficiently 'nice'. The lack of strength usually alters the rest of their lives for the worse. Sticking out the lonely times and finding your strength is a damn sight better than watching a woman who once said she loved you now trying to take your very own life away from you. Don't mortgage your soul to someone you married and then found out later was a total stranger. The women basically just wanted someone to pay their bills for them and won't let go until that arrangement is made to their convenience. It was fiscal for them all along with Love never involved, only 'like'. I have witnessed this same scenario repeated time and time again. Regrets and more regrets.
I will not be one of those men. I'd rather be dead.
For those that suit this particular outlook: this brief life is meant to be enjoyed. Do so while you can.
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The OP is a fake. That first post was actually written by me!!!
So...... you're not alone. If you travel for business, I suggest you find 1-2 long-term but non-committal girlfriends in the major cities you visit. Its best if they also do not want to commit to you. Perhaps they are married already, and just want some fun on the side. That way you can have fun when you travel, you can, but she is gone the next day as you prefer. In any event, if you change your mind about her or meet a woman in Toronto that you want to make some sort of commitment to, then its easy to ignore the out-of-towner.
So...... you're not alone. If you travel for business, I suggest you find 1-2 long-term but non-committal girlfriends in the major cities you visit. Its best if they also do not want to commit to you. Perhaps they are married already, and just want some fun on the side. That way you can have fun when you travel, you can, but she is gone the next day as you prefer. In any event, if you change your mind about her or meet a woman in Toronto that you want to make some sort of commitment to, then its easy to ignore the out-of-towner.
At the end of the day, you're working hard for your money but will have no significant other to share your happiness with. Once your friends get married and have kids, you will almost never see them again. Loneliness in without a doubt, one of the worst cons for a single guy.
Eating all your dinners alone being 40+ is a good enough reason to get married imo since I would rather go to nice restaurants with a nice women I care about as opposed to being alone at the table.
Eating all your dinners alone being 40+ is a good enough reason to get married imo since I would rather go to nice restaurants with a nice women I care about as opposed to being alone at the table.
It's very unfortunate lamgos, but I know from first hand experience that the VAST majority of people in old age homes get 1 or 2 visits a year from their kids at most. It's quite sad to see.read about the abuse going on in old age homes, being an old man there with no family visiting will make you a prime target for abuse
Don't rely on children to take care of you when you're older.
Then there are some good women out there who are very happy you don't, but if you don't want to, you don't wantTo the OP. Your thoughts echo mine exactly. Children never - marriage, extremely doubtful.
