Hi. I'm new to Terb but have been relatively active mainly in the MP and SC scenes. My problem is this. I used to see a dancer who was my ATF many years ago. She retired (got married) and disappeared for aprox. 7 years until I ran into her again last year (divorced). We have rekindled the chemistry and I really like her. Our sessions are GFE/PSE...best I ever had. She seems to be getting even warmer towards me and we have gone out for dinner together. The problem is I am married and she does not know this. I've always felt that what I do at the clubs etc is just a fantasy and it is no ones business regarding my personal life. She has shown signs of liking me more then a customer ie. travelling together or going outside of the club to F-ck at no charge. I really like this womean and do not want to hurt her. Should I tell her I'm married or continue on with this incredible fantasy without divulging anything. If there are any women who read this I would appreciate your feedback . Thanks.
moral dilemma
- Thread starter schrodeman
- Start date
You know what to do, you're just afraid to do it because you know you've been selfish.
You don't need to tell her that you are married, but you need to make sure she clearly understand the limits of what sort of relationship are possible.
Telling her that you are married would clearly accomplish that, but you could tell her the same thing in other ways too, although you have to be careful to find the right way to say it, and if she's smart, she'll just figure it out anyway.
The main thing is not to lead her on by allowing her to believe something is possible when in reality it's not possible at all.
You know she might just be looking for some fun on the side too and it might not bother her that you are married...
Telling her that you are married would clearly accomplish that, but you could tell her the same thing in other ways too, although you have to be careful to find the right way to say it, and if she's smart, she'll just figure it out anyway.
The main thing is not to lead her on by allowing her to believe something is possible when in reality it's not possible at all.
You know she might just be looking for some fun on the side too and it might not bother her that you are married...
I kinda fall somewhere inbetween fuji and Mervyn on this. You definitely want to let her know that she's never going to be more than a sex partner, but if you don't let her know that the reason for this is that you are married you leave the potential for her to think that the window is still partially open. (assuming she is looking for more than just casual sex of course)
Leave the wife and shack up with her. If you are going to make one woman unhappy, make it the one you fuck less.
Do I *have* to add a smiley here, or are we okay without a disclaimer advertising satire?
Do I *have* to add a smiley here, or are we okay without a disclaimer advertising satire?
You need to tell her that you are married.
By not paying for play, you have already crossed into personal boundaries.
If you do not want to hurt her, tell her that you are married. At least she will be aware of your marital situation. It will not guarantee that she will not become more emotionally attached, but at least then she knows it will not go further.
By not paying for play, you have already crossed into personal boundaries.
If you do not want to hurt her, tell her that you are married. At least she will be aware of your marital situation. It will not guarantee that she will not become more emotionally attached, but at least then she knows it will not go further.
... women don't have sexual relationships if they don't have emotional attachment when money is not involved.
It may sound crude - and I am a girl who feels uncomfortable talking "business" even during a session.... When talking business is a necessity....
The reality is though... if she is seeing you in a non-work environment, she will be hurt unless you clearly-define your position in the "relationship". She will probably still feel emotional attachment but you will not be "at-fault" for misrepresenting your intentions with her.
just my ever-so-humble-opinion....
It may sound crude - and I am a girl who feels uncomfortable talking "business" even during a session.... When talking business is a necessity....
The reality is though... if she is seeing you in a non-work environment, she will be hurt unless you clearly-define your position in the "relationship". She will probably still feel emotional attachment but you will not be "at-fault" for misrepresenting your intentions with her.
just my ever-so-humble-opinion....
Ignore the ladies. I mean, bless them, but they aren't the people you want advice from (in this context anyhow).
If you are slimy enough to pay a woman for a lap dance, a tug, or full sex, you are slimy enough to string a woman along then potentially break her heart when things get too hot for your personal comfort. So, the slimy TERB advice is to keep seeing her, use her for your entertainment, make TRIPLE, no, QUADRUPLE sure that you don't leave fingerprints of any kind (so you can deny deny deny when this blows up in your face), and enjoy the ride. To do this, though, you have to be certain that you are a creep. If you are, then enjoy!! I would.
If you are slimy enough to pay a woman for a lap dance, a tug, or full sex, you are slimy enough to string a woman along then potentially break her heart when things get too hot for your personal comfort. So, the slimy TERB advice is to keep seeing her, use her for your entertainment, make TRIPLE, no, QUADRUPLE sure that you don't leave fingerprints of any kind (so you can deny deny deny when this blows up in your face), and enjoy the ride. To do this, though, you have to be certain that you are a creep. If you are, then enjoy!! I would.
String her along and break her heart, dancers don`t have a problem doing it to guys, so why should you, who knows she may even be playing you. Just don`t give out any of your personal info, she`ll be sure to destroy your life if you do. Have sex with her as much as you can.
Bottom line - you're dealing with a person here. You should have told her from the get go.
The question is very simple - What's the right thing to do? (Though by extension, one could argue that the "right thing" would include being faithful to your wife and you've already thrown that one right out the window - so the question becomes how low do you go?)
The "right thing" is to be honest with her and make sure that she knows your married. (Maybe she's similarly attached, who knows.) If she is having genuine feelings for you, then it's best that she knows where she stands.
The question is very simple - What's the right thing to do? (Though by extension, one could argue that the "right thing" would include being faithful to your wife and you've already thrown that one right out the window - so the question becomes how low do you go?)
The "right thing" is to be honest with her and make sure that she knows your married. (Maybe she's similarly attached, who knows.) If she is having genuine feelings for you, then it's best that she knows where she stands.
Or at least she assumes you are. How do you know she isn't? Why wasn't that a part of the tale. Just asking.
The advice you've had is pretty much as my thinking goes: The less you've concealed, for her to find out unhappily, the better.
Thanks for the responses. In the world of hobbying, obviously the lines can get pretty blurred in terms of what the relationship actually is. I always felt that as long as I continue to pay for services rendered (and I have), my fantasies are my fantasies and there is not much need for reality in these situations. I always assumed a dancer etc. should be well aware of this being in the "industry". That being said, human relationships follow their own path. I'm not exactly sure where this will lead.......but I will be carefull.
It's funny that of all the people on here telling you to be truthful with her, the only piece of advice you take away is "I will be carefull", not "yeah, I need to be honest with her"
(You stated that you are now having sex with her for free - so your statement about this being part and parcel with "the industry" no longer apply. You know and we all know that this relationship has now changed categories. If you wanted to keep it "in the industry", then you should have continued to pay her. But you took the free sex. Newsflash - there is no such thing as a free lunch.)
Why do I have the feeling that you have no intentions of telling her that you're married?
If you clearly are NOT PAYING.....EVER...then she is personal.
Just explain your feelings...that 7 years you feel strong..that your happy to have her back...BUT NEVER NEVER PAY.....it business.
If she continues to insist she see you ...divulge that you are torn...because you are 'dating' another woman.
Explain its hard to keep a secret.
The test will then come when you learn how hard SHE tries to earn your love..your trust.....and how hard SHE WANTS YOU FOR SERSELF.
BUT...does she have a future? Is she back in the scene...being a SP or dancer?
Because if that is the case.....that is the other issue you have to deal with!!
You may just be her 'personal' fuck... and she has no desire..nor will she fight for your attention!
At least then you will know that....your staying with the wife and YOU HAVE TO CUT IT OFF for your own sanity!!...
You ol lover boy you!!
Just explain your feelings...that 7 years you feel strong..that your happy to have her back...BUT NEVER NEVER PAY.....it business.
If she continues to insist she see you ...divulge that you are torn...because you are 'dating' another woman.
Explain its hard to keep a secret.
The test will then come when you learn how hard SHE tries to earn your love..your trust.....and how hard SHE WANTS YOU FOR SERSELF.
BUT...does she have a future? Is she back in the scene...being a SP or dancer?
Because if that is the case.....that is the other issue you have to deal with!!
You may just be her 'personal' fuck... and she has no desire..nor will she fight for your attention!
At least then you will know that....your staying with the wife and YOU HAVE TO CUT IT OFF for your own sanity!!...
You ol lover boy you!!
Um, no I have not had "free" sex as yet. We went out to dinner once (I paid, no sex). It's been offered on numerous occasions but I have not taken advantage because of the statements I previously made. Because our "relationship" has evolved from a fantasy situation involving two adults, my dilemma is that the dancer should be mature and aware enough to handle the situation no matter where it leads. I always assume that women working in the industry would have built up a thick skin. So I am not sure if I want to proceed to "free" sex. Frankly, I'd rather just keep paying her for whatever and still not having to bring anything personal out in the open, thus continuing the fantasy.
