Is my friend in trouble??

The Oracle

Pronouns: Who/Cares
Mar 8, 2004
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On the slopes of Mount Parnassus, Greece
I must be missing something here.

Where's the upside for him?

He should also be thinking if she's using sex as a bargaining tool now you know that she going to pull the same crap down the line even if they do end up together.
 

theycallmebruce

Active member
Nov 17, 2002
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So he's paying for everything and getting no sex? He must as well get married. Ha. Seriously, what's his deal? He likes the girl so he's willing to pay for her but he's not ready to commit? BTW who is paying for her tuition?
she paid the tuition..cost her a small fortune due to foreign student status....
 

theycallmebruce

Active member
Nov 17, 2002
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Are you sure this is the _whole_ story?
Okay, here is my friend's logic: If he had agreed to marry her, bring her to Canada, then she tell him to f... off, then he would have been pissed for being a chump.
On the other hand, if she gets to Canada by herself, they live together, things go well, and he feels that she is not using him, then he will take the next step towards commitment. If they don't get along, he tells her to f.....off, end of story...

bruce
 

theycallmebruce

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Nov 17, 2002
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Bruce, the critical issue for your friend is whether this woman is merely trying to use him to get into Canada.

You say that she asked him to marry her so that she could come to Canada, however, this was after they had a five year long "on and off" relationship.

The issue boils down to was this her version of "fish or cut bait" OR "hey sap I want to immigrate to Canada", not knowing anything other than the length of the relationship I tend toward the former, but may be completely wrong.

Will your friend "fall for her": again is that because they are spending more time together and they truly fall in love, or is it that the honey pot is sending out fantastic odors?

For you, as for parents and siblings, the bottom line is that although your friend may later say you did indeed try to tell me. At present, when someone is in love and family or friends attempt to dissuade, all that will happen is that your friend will “rally to the flag” - you are trashing on their girlfriend and who on earth likes that?
How can I know what her motives are? Is she playing my friend? He tells me that they have been intimate. She played the sex card for leverage. He accepted the no sex part, which I think was stupid, but I couldn't tell him that. Like the rest of us single suckers looking for real and lasting relationships, he is no different. His non commital at this stage is to protect himself, if things go sour.
bruce
 

Master_Bates

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Nov 13, 2003
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I'm just playing devil's advocate here. Maybe she feels like he just wants sex. Why else would he be in a relationship with someone for five years, ask them to relocate to another continent, take care of them, and not want to get married? Maybe she's with holding sex to see his true intentions.
 

djk

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Apr 8, 2002
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the hobby needs more capitalism
Don't know how he could be screwed, but he sure is stupid.

Most chicks I know put out by the second or third date.
My thoughts exactly.

He's paying simply to have a woman in his presence?

Yikes. This is heading into omega territory fast.
 

tegR

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Jun 14, 2008
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Your friend should speak to a lawyer specializing in asset protection. Being unaware of his financial situation I can't say what he has to protect, but if he's going to play this stupid game he should at least make sure it doesn't end up destroying his financial life. Anything that he would lament losing should be re-registered in the ownership of a holding Trust or some similar arrangement.

Immigration sponsorship can be rescinded. Common-law (or full-on marriage on dubious pretenses) cannot.
 

djk

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Apr 8, 2002
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the hobby needs more capitalism
Your friend should speak to a lawyer specializing in asset protection. Being unaware of his financial situation I can't say what he has to protect, but if he's going to play this stupid game he should at least make sure it doesn't end up destroying his financial life. Anything that he would lament losing should be re-registered in the ownership of a holding Trust or some similar arrangement.

Immigration sponsorship can be rescinded. Common-law (or full-on marriage on dubious pretenses) cannot.
1+

One should always protect their assets regardless of what type of situation they're in. Marriage, employment, business partnership and so on.
 

randygirl

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Apr 7, 2010
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Your friend should speak to a lawyer specializing in asset protection. Being unaware of his financial situation I can't say what he has to protect, but if he's going to play this stupid game he should at least make sure it doesn't end up destroying his financial life. Anything that he would lament losing should be re-registered in the ownership of a holding Trust or some similar arrangement.

Immigration sponsorship can be rescinded. Common-law (or full-on marriage on dubious pretenses) cannot.
Yes!!! If he does anything less, he is giving an open invitation to be taken for a ride.

A cautious and prudent person who is looking to the future will do this at least, to ensure that what he originally said he would give up (do) is the only thing he has to give up in the end. Until the terms change, as in marriage, they are the same and he should make sure they stay the same! He needs legal counsel to ensure that he is protected in this current circumstance.
 

Thousand

Male Dancer in Brass Rail
Jan 19, 2002
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None of your business, I'd say.

Sounds like they both agreed to this, I don't see a problem.
Can't you see the obvious? The OP is "his friend"

I feel sorry for the him tho, since there isn't a relationship at all. The girl just wanted to get her Canadian citizenship and he is being used.
 

Brill

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2008
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Toronto
Okay, here is my friend's logic: If he had agreed to marry her, bring her to Canada, then she tell him to f... off, then he would have been pissed for being a chump.
On the other hand, if she gets to Canada by herself, they live together, things go well, and he feels that she is not using him, then he will take the next step towards commitment. If they don't get along, he tells her to f.....off, end of story...

bruce
This is fine if they follow through and make a decision on which direction to go with their lives.
Is he currently resentful and feeling he made a bad deal? If not, don't put that thought into his head - support him.

He's not out much, she's living in his home so the expenses aren't so great.
 

danmand

Well-known member
Nov 28, 2003
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Absolutely agree. Not doing it these days is a recipe for disaster.
Agreed, Make sure you do not get heartbroken and broke at the same time.
 

thompo69

Member
Nov 11, 2004
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Good points already made but I will toss in one more. If they are cohabitating, after 12 months Canada Revenue will consider them to be common-law regardless of whether she is putting out or not......
As far as CRA goes, if you are living in a conjugal relationship for 12 months, then yes, they will consider you common-law. However, that is only for income tax purposes. Marriage is a provincial matter, and the conditions for a common-law relationship differ by province, and can require as long as three years.
 

Aardvark154

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Jan 19, 2006
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Your friend should speak to a lawyer specializing in asset protection. Being unaware of his financial situation I can't say what he has to protect, but if he's going to play this stupid game he should at least make sure it doesn't end up destroying his financial life. Anything that he would lament losing should be re-registered in the ownership of a holding Trust or some similar arrangement..
Very sound advice!
 

Tokyo Heights

Tokyo Heights
Aug 29, 2009
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I simply think the you friend is being made a SUCKER, by this cleaver chinese girl, she is getting very thing that a Chinese girl would dream off and in return she is giving your friend nothing at all! I think your friend is a bit not normal to do all these things for her for Zero Return, rather he can have a common law girl over here and bang her every night till she is with him at his house and sleep with her whenever they can find time to make adult love!
 

Aardvark154

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Jan 19, 2006
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How can I know what her motives are? Is she playing my friend?
You really can't. The best that you can do (or any of us could do in your place) is to give sound neutral advice such as see a Lawyer and discuss asset protection, and be a sounding board for your friend. As I previously mentioned attempting to say you are making a mistake will in all likelyhood merely get him p.o.'d at you.
 
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