Paying for women on dates

[superdavey2002]

Is chivalry completely dead? Whatever happened to being a gentleman? You know what I mean, opening doors, laying your coat over a puddle, paying for dates, etc., etc. I believe the right thing to do is for the man to pay, especially on the first date. Things like total cost or time of day shouldn't be a factor either. Personally I believe it is my responsibility to pay for the date and it is one that I readily accept. As for the question of when is it o.k for the lady to pay... an argument could be made for occasions like birthdays and ..... i'm sure there's more.

Just my personal opinion, not right, not wrong, just one point of view.

 

[Bif_Butkiss]

if i ask someone out on a date - I pay.

Ditto.... I've had a couple of occaisions where the girl that I asked out wanted to pay for the date. I felt uncomfortable with this and told them so, one of them told me that I could make up for it on the second date..... That date lasted about 6 years. DAMN..... I still miss her.

 

[The Fruity Hare]

Is chivalry completely dead? Whatever happened to being a gentleman? You know what I mean, opening doors, laying your coat over a puddle, paying for dates, etc., etc. I believe the right thing to do is for the man to pay, especially on the first date. Things like total cost or time of day shouldn't be a factor either. Personally I believe it is my responsibility to pay for the date and it is one that I readily accept. As for the question of when is it o.k for the lady to pay... an argument could be made for occasions like birthdays and ..... i'm sure there's more.

Just my personal opinion, not right, not wrong, just one point of view.

there is probably at least 4 out of 5 chance that you will not like the girl enough to go on a 2nd date. It is just plain ridiculous to waist two plus hours of your time on somebody who you don't feel like seeing again.

I must admit that I have recently helped a female friend of mine to set up a dating profile and I promised her that she would not have to pay for dinners during the next months and that she might want to stop buying groceries. It was a couple of days ago, so i haven't heard back, but i will report to you guys

Unfortunately it is not just a question of chivalry these days, but also a question of sorting out the internet dating freeloaders from the genuinely interested ladies. There are many women who will go on a date for the meal and drinks with no intention of dating the guy, just getting their free dinner.

I don`t see a problem with the OP doing the share thing with them.

If , however, I met a girl I am genuinely interested in and who appears to feel the same way about me and we decide to go for dinner, I would not expect her to pay anything whether she suggested it or I did.

 

[Roamin' Bee]

edit: Ugh, and a first meet weeds out those only interested in free dinners. Tell them dinner is for the second time you get together..fercrissakes, make her work a bit to get dinner out of you.

lmao!!

 

[biogenicx]

not sure how old you all are here but I'm younger and from what I've seen for the younger crowd chivalry is dead and doesn't seem to be making a return.

 

[fuji]

When I go out with my girlfriend, I pay for the women we hire.

 

[randygirl]

Is chivalry completely dead? Whatever happened to being a gentleman?

Chivalry is not dead, at all. BUT, this is INTERNET DATING, and it is a completely different ballgame.

No, first meet = coffee or a pint, you can drink those in five minutes and get the hell out of there if things are sketchy.

Second meet = date. He should do the asking, and the paying.

After that, it's a free for all.

But seriously, anyone who has internet dated knows that the first meet is absolutely essential to weed out the whackos and those looking for free dinners. After that, if you like her enough to see her again, be the knight in shining armor.

 

[afterhours]

not sure how old you all are here but I'm younger and from what I've seen for the younger crowd chivalry is dead and doesn't seem to be making a return.

this is quite logical, since women became manly they should be treated as such

 

[rhuarc29]

I'm curious what other people's views are about paying for the woman you're going out on a date with, whether it be her meal, drinks, movie ticket etc.

I'll state the obvious... if you're on a date with a woman and it's going well, she's hot, and you both seem to be into each other, you obviously pay for her meal, drinks etc., that's if you want a second date and want a chance to get into bed with her. My question is, if you're on a date and say you met her from an online dating site, and you're either not attracted to her in person, or you're just not that into her, or you feel that she's just not that into you, do you still pay for her?

I used to always pay for my dates even when I wasn't into them and knew that there wouldn't be a second date, because that's the gentlemanly thing to do, and that's how I was raised, but I go on a lot of dates, and just adding up all the costs it was getting to be too expensive, so now if I'm on a date and I'm not into her, I just offer to split the bill. I'd never let the woman pay for me, ever. Most of the time when I say we should split the bill, she's shocked, but I don't feel bad because the setting up of the date is mutual in all cases i.e. I didn't ask her out, and if I'm never going to see her again, why should I be footing the bill? I'd rather spend my money on a woman that I like.

What are your thoughts, and what do you do in those situations?

ALWAYS pay, unless she offers, then pay 50% of the time.

 

[djk]

If you're worried about the cost of dates, there are ways to significantly reduce that burden.

 

[afterhours]

If you're worried about the cost of dates, there are ways to significantly reduce that burden.

chemical castration?

 

[The Options Menu]

As a 30ish male-- It depends.

If it's a first date I instigated, especially to someplace 'nice', I'll usually offer to pay. That may or may not be accepted. If it's 'wings and beer' or 'coffee' I may gingerly offer to pay. That's pretty resoundingly rejected in most cases. What I do like to do is 'treat'. That can be pretty much anything, but I try to tailor to the date and the woman.

I usually date women 'about' my own age. In most cases they make as much or more than me. I would take a person who makes as much or more than me, regularly expecting me to pay, as a very bad sign. (We wouldn't be dating for long.) If it was a grad student with no income and no trust fund, then I'd be happy to pay as long a the relationship was otherwise reciprocal. I like to eat, drink, and be merry (and otherwise generally do things), but I'm nobodies breadwinner or sugar daddy.

If you're worried about the cost of dates, there are ways to significantly reduce that burden.

If it's spring or summer in Toronto, and you can't find something cheap and fun to do, you're not trying hard enough. Victoria Day just went by. At a minimum there were free fireworks as the Beaches. If you can't cobble that into a cheap, fun, and romantic date you really shouldn't date. Ever. Especially with the multitude of fairly cheap restaurants and ice cream shops in the area. Or a picnic basket and a blanket. Clean your place, grab a bottle of wine, and put some decorative food in the fridge. Would suggest a box of condoms and a spare toothbrush, not a box of toothbrushes and a spare condom.

 

[SweetSerenity]

As a younger female, I still like the idea of chivalry, but I understand that most people don't practice it anymore. When I agree to go on a date with someone, unless we have prearranged the payment method, I always bring enough money to pay my way.
I make the offer at the start of a date, so that the guy knows right off I am not in for a free dinner, and so the waiter can put our orders on two bills if we decide that. I like to order certain foods, and the guys meal will rarely be the same price. It is always either more or less expensive by a significant amount, depending on the guy. I have had guys who have offered to split the bill, then ordered highly expensive foods, because he knew he was going to have me pay half. I try my best to even the odds. If my meal is more expensive by a certain amount I'll split 40/60 or 30/70 depending on how much more expensive it is. That being said, if he has ordered highly expensive foods with the expectation I will go 50/50, I will demand he pay his own bill entirely, not split the bill by percentages.
Alternatively, if I make the suggestion, and the guy wants to pay for it himself, I will try to keep my choices less expensive, or if I want something expensive, I will ask if it is acceptable. I hate to waste my own money, and I hate it even more to waste someone elses.

 

[red]

this is quite logical, since women became manly they should be treated as such

my guess is they only become manly to fill the void left by the younger guys

 

[SweetSerenity]

my guess is they only become manly to fill the void left by the younger guys

>.> I agree..... there is a reason I choose to date older guys most of the time. Guys my age are usually clueless.

 

[rama putri]

What are your thoughts, and what do you do in those situations?

Simple. If I ask her on a date, I pay; regardless of outcome, what she orders or anything. Always. It's the right thing to do. I can't believe men ask this question or worse, argue against paying 100%. It's one of many indicators how screwed up our society has become.

 

[A.J. Raven]

What's She Thinking? One girls perspective on the "Who Pays" date issue...

For my generation - daughters of the feminist movement, coming of age in the 1980s & 1990s - dating was a minefield without a map. Our mothers expected us to take advantage of the fruits of their struggle & be independent, yet still imposed antiquated ideas upon our virtue. On the one hand we were expected to hold the fabled aspirin between our knees, while the 3 date rule came into play. This was all very confusing, at least for me. Perhaps that confusion was, in part, why I ended up "here".

What I learned, through much trial & error, was this:

If I pay for my portion of the date, the "3 date rule" is off the table. If I pay, I don't put out (until a significant amount of time has been invested, where the guy seems to genuinely care about me).

Of course I don't date anymore, and haven't in a very long time, for reasons I think are obvious.

Maybe it was the caliber of men (boys) I was dating, but while I was dating, guys still expected a girl to put out on a date. It was a rare occasion - and usually a very good one, garnering a second, third, fourth, etc. date - if a guy paid & left satisfied with a kiss.

Those of us here on TERB & participating in this business, while possibly jaded to one degree or another, know that sex is as much a currency as money. To think it is not a monetary exchange while dating, I think, is naive. Women often are still subjected to judgement in the dating world when it comes to sex & if you actually like the man it can be very precarious.

If you "put out" too soon, you are deemed a slut and unworthy of a serious relationship. If you hold out too long a guy will cut his losses and move on. While there is a lot to be said of the sexual freedom we have today, I wonder if it may be a case of us cutting off our noses, etc...

The old dating rules meant a man had to invest not only money, but time, with a woman before he received sexual satisfaction. The hope being an attachment would be formed making it less likely for him to "cut & run" once he got what he wanted. Because a woman would be branded a slut & shunned by other men, she needed to hold out until a significant investment of money & time was made in her.

Despite my current occupation, I think the old model is a better one than todays. Freedom is great, but I think there are more lonely people as a result, myself included.

 

[afterhours]

my guess is they only become manly to fill the void left by the younger guys

That's woman talk. They became manly as a result of feminist movement moving onto men's territory.

 

[afterhours]

>.> I agree..... there is a reason I choose to date older guys most of the time. Guys my age are usually clueless.

there is a reason and it's called money.

 

[onthebottom]

if i ask someone out on a date - i pay.

+1

otb