Toronto Passions

Sex with the Ex

needinit

New member
Jan 19, 2004
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I was approached last night (we were at a 'mutual' event) by my Ex. I was there without my SO.

A bit of an awkward conversation, but then she started asking about us spending more time together. She knows (through the kids) my SO is going away for a week for a conference for her work in a weeks time and my Ex asked if she could come over and spend time with me and the kids (dinner etc).

Then she outright said that once the kids were asleep we could do the 'Sex with the Ex thing' - her exact words!!

I know my answer is a complete and utter NO WAY IN HELL as I would never trust her to keep it quiet and she could use it against me etc.

But it got me wondering " Have any terbites done this and was it as good as I have heard it is (some sort or elicit type thrill etc).?
 

blackrock13

Banned
Jun 6, 2009
40,085
1
0
If the sex was good before its will be good again.
However she'll first tell your SO how much of a bastard you are because you did it and then all of your friends too.
Mind you I sort of think it makes her look like a whore.
What he said.

What are you thinking, if there's an SO anywhere in the picture?

I've hooked up with an Ex after some time but it was when we were both unattached an it's a different comfortable time. No exploration or practice needed. Just a sense of get down and enjoy the moment. It can also be a bit of a 'nyah nyah' moment when you hear that the guy she hooked up with after you was a Schmuck, just like you said/thought and you don't look so bad after all.

Then get on back to your lives.
 

Brill

Well-known member
Jun 29, 2008
8,679
1,192
113
Toronto
No, not if you have a Significant Other. The idea is appealing if you can be assured that it will remain a secret but it won't.
If you need to cheat on her, go to a discreet escort. If your Ex wants to get laid she can go to a thousand other guys but she wants to stir shit.
 

HetroGuy

New member
Apr 6, 2010
523
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0
Never. When I'm done, I'm done.
Beyond comprehension for me also. You go through all the hell grabbing what belongings and dignity you can to get out of the trap and I am going to stick my head in for some fresh cheese? Fool me once shame on you ... fool me twice - I should have my d*ck cut off.
 

randygirl

New member
Apr 7, 2010
660
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erin.therouge.ca
Sex with the ex works if you are both still unattached, and if your breakup has been resolved without hard feelings. I tried sex with an ex, it was good sex, comfortable and without pretense. However, when I realized he wasn't over me, it became a question of whether or not it the right thing to do. Having sex with him knowing he still loved me and was hoping for a reconciliation was cruel, in my opinion, and I had to kibosh it. I had no intention of rekindling our relationship, and having sex with him after it was over was leading him on, and it felt really wrong. Even though he knew we wouldn't be getting back together, because I told him outright, having sex with him kept that hope alive for him. Not cool.

It can work in certain circumstances, but when there are strong feelings and history there, sometimes it is better just to stay away.
 

ready2rock

New member
Jun 2, 2009
600
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the road of life.....
No. Absolutely not. A cordial conversation now and again, but not sex. It wasn't any good before the divorce - doubt it would have been any better afterwards.

HetroGuy - we think a like...

R2R
 

The Options Menu

Slightly Swollen Member
Sep 13, 2005
4,506
232
63
GTA
I know my answer is a complete and utter NO WAY IN HELL as I would never trust her to keep it quiet and she could use it against me etc.

But it got me wondering " Have any terbites done this and was it as good as I have heard it is (some sort or elicit type thrill etc).?
Excluding people I've 'just dated' or just had 'drunken rolls in the hay' with, who may or may not breeze in and out of my life-- I have 2 (and a half, it's complicated) ex's that I'm still friends with and we'll sleep together if we're otherwise unattached. The big things to make sure of is that nobody is hoping to use sex as a vehicle for reconciliation, and you should avoid sleeping with each other if either of you is monogamous, or in a relationship that could be monogamous. (The reason why I have a 'half' is that there's one Ex who's prone to use sex as a way to weasel her way back into my life in a romantic context. I've gotten smart enough to 'just say no', mostly.)

Of the two ex's that I will sleep with-- The sex is good. We know each other well. We're friends. We also all know we should never be together in any romantic context, and we respect each others' relationships. Just because sex does make things complicated, we are careful to keep things down to 'a fuck of last resort', and in the case of one of my ex's, she's only very seldom in the GTA. So, for me at least, it works well-- and one on one, everybody is upfront with things. And no, there's no 3somes and I don't mention girl A to girl B, or spend too much time going into the inner workings of my current love life. That sort of thing is always slightly awkward for everybody.

As far as your situation, with the kids in bed, the wife away, and the ex wife hanging around, as Admiral Ackbar would say, "It's a trap!". Your ex may or may not know it's a trap-- But it's a trap.
 

needinit

New member
Jan 19, 2004
1,193
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To Those that are responding as if I am thinking about it....I put in CAPS: NO WAY IN HELL.

It just got me thinking about those who may have...
 

Berlin

New member
Jan 31, 2003
11,410
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Have any terbites done this and

was it as good as I have heard it is (some sort or elicit type thrill etc).?
To answer : Yes , did that. And no, nothing spectacular ... same old.

Dude, in your case, don't go there. Not worth it.

If you like the thrill of that idea, let it happen in your head or do it when you're not attached to anyone.
 

El_Cid

Member
Oct 25, 2002
312
21
18
A few times.. with different EX's.. although I think it's different if it's someone who you were married to as opposed to someone you just dated..

the last incident was with a girl I dated for about a year.. we broke up (my idea) 'cause she was thinking marriage and I was thinking about the redhead I worked with. After we broke up she'd call me over regularly for one of many reasons.. help with her computer, her car was acting up, needed help putting furniture together, and due to the fact that we had agreed to remain friends I'd go over and help her out.

Usually afterwards we'd have a drink, she'd offer to thank me with a bj, we'd have sex and then I'd leave. It was GREAT. No spending the night required, no commitment, only a little manual labor.

This went on for months until one night she got drunk, and called me in the middle of the night to bitch at me for using her for sex. I thought she was using ME for free manual labour. We argued and I asked her never to call me again.
She did call a few times, I never responded and then it all went away. I still don't see the downside of sex with the ex.
 

papasmerf

New member
Oct 22, 2002
26,531
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0
42.55.65N 78.43.73W
I was approached last night (we were at a 'mutual' event) by my Ex. I was there without my SO.

A bit of an awkward conversation, but then she started asking about us spending more time together. She knows (through the kids) my SO is going away for a week for a conference for her work in a weeks time and my Ex asked if she could come over and spend time with me and the kids (dinner etc).

Then she outright said that once the kids were asleep we could do the 'Sex with the Ex thing' - her exact words!!

I know my answer is a complete and utter NO WAY IN HELL as I would never trust her to keep it quiet and she could use it against me etc.

But it got me wondering " Have any terbites done this and was it as good as I have heard it is (some sort or elicit type thrill etc).?

I am not positive if I slept with your ex.

A description would help me narrow it down.
 
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