This Divorce rate surprised me.

[Samurai Joey]

First off, let's take a look at the " statistics " .. There is no categorical breakdown of the 50% of first timer's breakdown. What are the rates for those married earlier than 25 years old? Earlier than 25 years old with kids, without kids? What are the stats for married at over 3o years old, with kids? Oh, and when you look at the Canadian stats, watch the rates drop if you exclude Quebec ( no, I'm not kidding ). Last time I checked, the failure rate of marriages where both were over thirty, with kids, was around twenty per cent.

Second and third marriages have a statistically higher failure rate, true, but once again, if the stats are broken down further, you'll see a significant differrence when you look at seconds and thirds where one or both sides already have kids. More kids, higher divorce rate. How many people do you know that got re-married, and their kids didn't like the "new" Mom or Dad, that ended in divorce? Stuffing an unwanted parent or sibling down a kid's throat is a receipe for disaster.

If it cost 100 K to get married and $50.00 to get divorced, what would that do to the stats?

•More than 100,000 children each year are affected by divorce and separation. (Conway, John, Children of Divorce/Canadian Family in Crisis,1993)
•37.7% (70,155) of Canadian marriages end in divorce. (Stats Can 2002)
•41% of children with single mothers have one or more emotional, behavioural, academic or social problems - a rate 1½ to 2 times that of children in two-parent families. (Stats Can 1996)
•Divorce is a direct cause of poverty for a large proportion of women and their children.
•65.8 % of children in single-mother families lived in poverty. (Vanier Institute Study, 1994)
•56,000 Canadian grandparents (or 1% of the total) are raising their grandchildren. (Stats Can 2002)
•Children who experience a parent's death or divorce are more likely to leave home earlier, are less likely to finish school and are more likely to rely on income assistance as adults.(Ambert, Dr. Ann-Marie, Divorce: Facts, Figures and Consequences 1998)
•From 50% to 80% of patients treated by Canadian mental health clinics are from separated families. (Fine, Stuart, Children in Divorce, Custody and Access Situations, CCIC)
•Parental loss was the single most powerful predictor of adult psychopathology. (Brier et al, CCIC)

I concur with the statements made above. The statistics on divorce listed on the OP's link does not take into account the underlying demographics of either the 50% of those marriages that end up in divorce, or in the re-marriages that also ultimately end up in divorce. If you control for a number of variables (age, income level, number of children, etc.) there would be consistent differences that could arise in the success rates of marriages.

What would be more interesting to me is to look at the following: (1) are there significant differences in various social factors between those marriages that are still "successful" (i.e. still married) after 10 years vs those that are divorced/separated; (2) are there differences between those marriages that end in divorce say after 5 years vs 10 or 25 years; (3) are there significant differences in social factors between divorces after re-marriage vs first time divorces (suggested by the quote above); and (4) among the "successful" marriages, what percentage of these marriages can be identified as "satisfied" or "happy" (these can be assessed with surveys) and determine any psychological characteristics of those "successful" marriages that are identified as "happy".

 

[blackrock13]

I concur with the statements made above. The statistics on divorce listed on the OP's link does not take into account the underlying demographics of either the 50% of those marriages that end up in divorce, or in the re-marriages that also ultimately end up in divorce. If you control for a number of variables (age, income level, number of children, etc.) there would be consistent differences that could arise in the success rates of marriages.

What would be more interesting to me is to look at the following: (1) are there significant differences in various social factors between those marriages that are still "successful" (i.e. still married) after 10 years vs those that are divorced/separated; (2) are there differences between those marriages that end in divorce say after 5 years vs 10 or 25 years; (3) are there significant differences in social factors between divorces after re-marriage vs first time divorces (suggested by the quote above); and (4) among the "successful" marriages, what percentage of these marriages can be identified as "satisfied" or "happy" (these can be assessed with surveys) and determine any psychological characteristics of those "successful" marriages that are identified as "happy".

Now we have some critical thinking going on here. Nicely put.

 

[fuji]

A different way of of saying, 'it's my life, get out of the way.

No, that is not what it means. I mean what I said: Carpe Diem.

I was responding to "is your marriage really successful or just living on borrowed time?" which unlike your crap response contains a valid point. His view is that something is potentially not a success if it is not a success in the long run. My response to that point is that what matters is not the long run, but the here and now, because in the long run insert-your-favorite-carpe-diem-cut-and-paste-expression.

All things involve risk, and sometimes, in the long run, risks materialize into issues. It is my view that the value in life is in the living, and so taking a risk is acceptable if it means a fuller life and a small chance of a bad outcome sometime in the foggy future.

His question was an intelligent question. He was participating in the debate. You are just being an ass.

 

[blackrock13]

No, that is not what it means. I mean what I said: Carpe Diem.

I was responding to "is your marriage really successful or just living on borrowed time?" which unlike your crap response contains a valid point. His view is that something is potentially not a success if it is not a success in the long run. My response to that point is that what matters is not the long run, but the here and now, because in the long run insert-your-favorite-carpe-diem-cut-and-paste-expression.

All things involve risk, and sometimes, in the long run, risks materialize into issues. It is my view that the value in life is in the living, and so taking a risk is acceptable if it means a fuller life and a small chance of a bad outcome sometime in the foggy future.

His question was an intelligent question. He was participating in the debate. You are just being an ass.

I'll remember you words of 'whizdom', the next time I taking the garbage to the curb or making chocolate milk.

I don't know what worse. The fact that so much of your last statement is pure twaddle or that you actually believe what you're saying.

Just for fun; http://www.funny2.com/odds.htm


Odds of bowling a 300 game: 11,500 to 1

Odds of getting a hole in one: 5,000 to 1

Odds of getting canonized: 20,000,000 to 1

Odds of being an astronaut: 13,200,000 to 1

Odds of winning an Olympic medal: 662,000 to 1

Odds of an American speaking Cherokee: 15000 to 1

Odds that a person between the age of 18 and 29 does NOT read a newspaper regularly: 3 to 1

Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2

Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1

Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1

Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1

Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to 1

Odds of fatally slipping in bath or shower: 2,232 to 1

Odds of drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1

Odds of being killed on a 5-mile bus trip: 500,000,000 to 1

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1

Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 69 to 1

Odds of being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1

Odds of being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1

Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1

Odds of getting away with murder: 2 to 1

Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1

Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1

Odds of being considered possessed by Satan: 7,000 to 1

Odds that a first marriage will survive without separation or divorce for 15 years: 1.3 to 1

Odds that a celebrity marriage will last a lifetime: 3 to 1

Odds of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1

Odds of being born a twin in North America: 90 to 1

Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1

Odds of winning a straight up on a single number in online roulette: 37 to 1

Odds of being audited by the IRS: 175 to 1

Odds of having your identity stolen: 200 to 1

Odds of dating a millionaire: 215 to 1

Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1

Odds of writing a New York Times best seller: 220 to 1

Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1

Odds of catching a ball at a major league ballgame: 563 to 1

Odds of becoming a pro athlete: 22,000 to 1

Odds of finding a four-leaf clover on first try: 10,000 to 1

Odds of a person in the military winning the Medal of Honor: 11,000 to 1

Odds of winning an Academy Award: 11,500 to 1

Odds of striking it rich on Antiques Roadshow: 60,000 to 1

Odds of getting a royal flush in poker on first five cards dealt: 649,740 to 1

Odds of spotting a UFO today: 3,000,000 to 1

Odds of becoming president: 10,000,000 to 1

Odds of winning the California lottery: 13,000,000 to 1

Odds of becoming a saint: 20,000,000 to 1

Odds of a meteor landing on your house: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1

Chance of an American home having at least one container of ice cream in the freezer: 9 in 10.

Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820

Chance of dying from intentional self-harm: 1 in 9,380

Chance of dying from an assault: 1 in 16,421

Chance of dying from a car accident: 1 in 18,585

Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666

Chance of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065

Chance of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524

Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787

Chance that Earth will experience a catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 years: 1 in 5,000

Chance of dying in such a collision: 1 in 20,000

Chance of dying from exposure to forces of nature (heat, cold, lightning, earthquake, flood): 1 in 225,107

Chance of dying in an airplane accident: 1 in 354,319

Chance of dying from choking on food: 1 in 370,035

Chance of dying in a terrorist attack while visiting a foreign country: 1 in 650,000

Chance of dying in a fireworks accident: 1 in 1,000,000

Chance of dying from overexertion, travel or privation: 1 in 1,428,377

Chance of dying from food poisoning: 1 in 3,000,000

Chance of dying from legal execution: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564

Chance of dying from parts falling off an airplane: 1 in 10,000,000

Chance of dying from ignition or melting of nightwear: 1 in 30,589,556

Chance of dying from being bitten by a dog: 1 in 700,000

Chance of dying from contact with a venomous animal or plant: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from being bitten or struck by mammals (other than dogs or humans): 1 in 4,235,477

Chance of winning a bingo game where 100 players manage four cards each: 1 in 100

Chance of dying from a mountain lion attack in California: 1 in 32,000,000

Chance of dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000

Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6

Chance of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3

Chance of getting arthritis: 1 in 7

Chance of suffering from asthma or allergy diseases: 1 in 6

Chance of getting the flu this year: 1 in 10

Chance of contracting the human version of mad cow disease: 1 in 40,000,000

Chance of dying from SARS in the United States: 1 in 100,000,000

Chance of American man developing cancer in his lifetime: 1 in 2

Chance of an American woman developing cancer in her lifetime: 1 in 3

Chance of getting prostate cancer: 1 in 6

Chance of getting breast cancer: 1 in 9

Chance of getting colon / rectal cancer: 1 in 26

Chance of beating pancreatic or liver cancer: 1 in 9

Chance of beating thyroid or testicular cancer: 9 in 10

 

[fuji]

I don't know what worse. The fact that so much of your last statement is pure twaddle or that you actually believe what you're saying.

To be clear, this is what you think is pure twaddle, what you find so hard to believe:

"taking a risk is acceptable if it means a fuller life and a small chance of a bad outcome sometime in the foggy future"

 

[blackrock13]

To be clear, this is what you think is pure twaddle, what you find so hard to believe:

"taking a risk is acceptable if it means a fuller life and a small chance of a bad outcome sometime in the foggy future"

It's interesting how you reduced your paragraph down to ~15 words and assumed that's what I was calling twaddle. Virtually the whole thing is twaddle.

As far as risk is concern, I've probably have taken more risks in my life than most on this BB. My posts have indicated some of the details, but you'd have had to be paying attention. There are a few on this BB that can relate, but they tend to be the quieter less active members.

All this claptrap to justify your cheating on your wife and, here's the biggy, you're proud of it.

 

[JEFF247]

I had to go back and see what the OP question was, and it was me!!

"First marriages have about a 50% chance of ending in divorce , that risk becomes greater with each successive marriage (about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages)."

Do you think we make worse choices after a divorce? Even dating?

I have never married, but had a bunch of great "short term" relationships. Most still my friends.

 

[Archie2212]

For me not getting married was the easyest decsion l could make, just looked at my parent's and all my friend's, no one was happy!!! they all wanted out and l guess that's way l have so much money!!

 

[fuji]

All this claptrap to justify your cheating on your wife and, here's the biggy, you're proud of it.

Yes I am, and for the reasons given--your replies have more to do with how much this bothers you, how it clashes with your worldview, yet you have not got any way to reject it intelligently. So, out of character for you really, you resort to personal attacks.

 

[blackrock13]

I had to go back and see what the OP question was, and it was me!!

Do you think we make worse choices after a divorce? Even dating?

I have never married, but had a bunch of great "short term" relationships. Most still my friends.

It's rare, but I know a few divorced couples who are still friends, not bosom buddies and admit that they're better off as friends than as man and wife. I've been lucky with the exception of one, maybe two (depending on your definitions), I'm still friendly with most of my SOs since school.

 

[wop]

This is the problem

I think there's some truth to this, though I think "quit" is a loaded term for leaving a failed relationship. Divorce doesn't happen when a relationship fails, a relationship fails, and THEN you file for divorce IF you're willing to go through all that hell to get out of a situation that you'll never be happy in. It's hard to decide to do that, but once you've done it the next time the relationship fails your more prepared to go through that.

The thing that confuses me is why people get married so many times. You'd think once you've learned "happily ever after" is harder then you thought as a kid you wouldn't put yourself in such a difficult/painful situation again.

Gramage, it is this exact point of view hel by everyone born after the war the is causing the problems we have today. Once folks realize there is no option, then and only then can they find a way to make it work.
The relationship doesn't fail, the people involved fail to make the relationship work. This is what has been said, people are not willing to do what it takes to make it work. That means being somewhat selfless and looking at the greater good, but today people want everything their way and they want their partner to see it their way too, there is only take and little give.
The only ones that suffer are the children and hence the society.

 

[LateIAM]

Sexual relationships are inherently hypocritical. Sexual hypocrisy IS the human condition. You either accept that, and love being human, or you reject it, and hate life.

There are several different answers to the question this raises:

1. Suppress your desires, and live a life that is less full than it should be

2. Suppress your jealousy, and suffer a failure to engage emotionally as fully as you should.

3. Accept that this is life, and live it fully.

I chose #3. Those of you who say "I don't cheat" are choosing #1. Those of you who say "open relationship" are living #2. I have no qualms in saying my way is superior.

I'm not married, but I've had a girlfriend who I was in an open relationship with. We were always very honest with each other, and she even gave me my first threesome. If I got jealous (I didn't suppress it), then she'd pick up on it, and reassure me that she loved me, and the other guys were just sex. The situation wasn't always perfect, but I'd have to say, by far, the best relationship I've ever had.

So no, your way is not "superior." You're just afraid to lose your wife, so you hide things from her.