This Divorce rate surprised me.
- Thread starter JEFF247
- Start date
Agreed.
But it will never happen. The politicians don't want to lose the woman vote.
But it's still better to be married "common law" than officially married. The big one is property. You own your house outright, you get married, she automatically owns half (or at least the right to stay in the damn thing.)
Common Law, if you own your own house, but shack up, you still own your house, she has no rights to your property you owned prior to living together. Of course, whatever you buy together once you live together gets split 50 / 50 regardless of who paid.
NEVER underestimate the intuition of a woman...........I hope you don't get caught but if you do...well let's just say what comes around goes around
BTW I think I know who your wife is....hee hee
We live in a society where women are still not given equal opportunities. It is still far too often the case that women are denied opportunities to advance to positions as senior as what men get, and far too often the case where women are not paid the same as a man for similar work.
That said, there are also a lot of men who, for whatever reason, fail to marry their equals. It's not an issue for me if my wife someday takes half the house in a divorce because she paid for half. The divorce would bother me--the division of assets 50% down the middle would be entirely fair.
First off, let's take a look at the " statistics " .. There is no categorical breakdown of the 50% of first timer's breakdown. What are the rates for those married earlier than 25 years old? Earlier than 25 years old with kids, without kids? What are the stats for married at over 3o years old, with kids? Oh, and when you look at the Canadian stats, watch the rates drop if you exclude Quebec ( no, I'm not kidding ). Last time I checked, the failure rate of marriages where both were over thirty, with kids, was around twenty per cent.
Second and third marriages have a statistically higher failure rate, true, but once again, if the stats are broken down further, you'll see a significant differrence when you look at seconds and thirds where one or both sides already have kids. More kids, higher divorce rate. How many people do you know that got re-married, and their kids didn't like the "new" Mom or Dad, that ended in divorce? Stuffing an unwanted parent or sibling down a kid's throat is a receipe for disaster.
If it cost 100 K to get married and $50.00 to get divorced, what would that do to the stats?
•More than 100,000 children each year are affected by divorce and separation. (Conway, John, Children of Divorce/Canadian Family in Crisis,1993)
•37.7% (70,155) of Canadian marriages end in divorce. (Stats Can 2002)
•41% of children with single mothers have one or more emotional, behavioural, academic or social problems - a rate 1½ to 2 times that of children in two-parent families. (Stats Can 1996)
•Divorce is a direct cause of poverty for a large proportion of women and their children.
•65.8 % of children in single-mother families lived in poverty. (Vanier Institute Study, 1994)
•56,000 Canadian grandparents (or 1% of the total) are raising their grandchildren. (Stats Can 2002)
•Children who experience a parent's death or divorce are more likely to leave home earlier, are less likely to finish school and are more likely to rely on income assistance as adults.(Ambert, Dr. Ann-Marie, Divorce: Facts, Figures and Consequences 1998)
•From 50% to 80% of patients treated by Canadian mental health clinics are from separated families. (Fine, Stuart, Children in Divorce, Custody and Access Situations, CCIC)
•Parental loss was the single most powerful predictor of adult psychopathology. (Brier et al, CCIC)
Second and third marriages have a statistically higher failure rate, true, but once again, if the stats are broken down further, you'll see a significant differrence when you look at seconds and thirds where one or both sides already have kids. More kids, higher divorce rate. How many people do you know that got re-married, and their kids didn't like the "new" Mom or Dad, that ended in divorce? Stuffing an unwanted parent or sibling down a kid's throat is a receipe for disaster.
If it cost 100 K to get married and $50.00 to get divorced, what would that do to the stats?
•More than 100,000 children each year are affected by divorce and separation. (Conway, John, Children of Divorce/Canadian Family in Crisis,1993)
•37.7% (70,155) of Canadian marriages end in divorce. (Stats Can 2002)
•41% of children with single mothers have one or more emotional, behavioural, academic or social problems - a rate 1½ to 2 times that of children in two-parent families. (Stats Can 1996)
•Divorce is a direct cause of poverty for a large proportion of women and their children.
•65.8 % of children in single-mother families lived in poverty. (Vanier Institute Study, 1994)
•56,000 Canadian grandparents (or 1% of the total) are raising their grandchildren. (Stats Can 2002)
•Children who experience a parent's death or divorce are more likely to leave home earlier, are less likely to finish school and are more likely to rely on income assistance as adults.(Ambert, Dr. Ann-Marie, Divorce: Facts, Figures and Consequences 1998)
•From 50% to 80% of patients treated by Canadian mental health clinics are from separated families. (Fine, Stuart, Children in Divorce, Custody and Access Situations, CCIC)
•Parental loss was the single most powerful predictor of adult psychopathology. (Brier et al, CCIC)
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A friend of mine's sister just last weekend told her husband of 15 years that she wanted a separation.
I've met the guy a few times, he seems like a "good guy" to me and my friend agrees - he's a very decent guy. Works hard, pays the bills, keeps his head up, good father (2 young kids), no substance issues, blah blah blah.
But for whatever reason, she's lowering the boom on him. He knew that she was unhappy, but he had NO IDEA just how unhappy. They tried counciling, but to no avail. He was shocked by her announcement that she is leaving him. I can only imagine how he feels. To be honest, of what I've heard, it's 100% her doing (i.e. she's the one who wants a separation, not him in the least.)
Women have the ability to analyze anything to death. They work themselves up, their friends egg them on (misery loves company) and first thing you know they want a divorce.
On top of this one, two other couples (all close friends of mine) who have been married close to 20 years that I know are ready to pack it in - though they still have not thrown down the gauntlet yet. One is being initiated by the woman because she's unhappy and sick of the old man's constant complaining and the other being initiated by the male because he's sick of her inabilities in the bedroom. She's not that good in the sack, and there are other minor issues (she has no friends, he is the sole bread winner, he has to do all the planning and legwork, etc.)
Anyway, all three of these couples got married in their mid 20's and all three are headed for splitsville.
It's interesting because of my married friends, some were getting divorced after 1 to 3 years, then everything went quiet. Now, 15 to 20 years later, they are exploding again.
I've met the guy a few times, he seems like a "good guy" to me and my friend agrees - he's a very decent guy. Works hard, pays the bills, keeps his head up, good father (2 young kids), no substance issues, blah blah blah.
But for whatever reason, she's lowering the boom on him. He knew that she was unhappy, but he had NO IDEA just how unhappy. They tried counciling, but to no avail. He was shocked by her announcement that she is leaving him. I can only imagine how he feels. To be honest, of what I've heard, it's 100% her doing (i.e. she's the one who wants a separation, not him in the least.)
Women have the ability to analyze anything to death. They work themselves up, their friends egg them on (misery loves company) and first thing you know they want a divorce.
On top of this one, two other couples (all close friends of mine) who have been married close to 20 years that I know are ready to pack it in - though they still have not thrown down the gauntlet yet. One is being initiated by the woman because she's unhappy and sick of the old man's constant complaining and the other being initiated by the male because he's sick of her inabilities in the bedroom. She's not that good in the sack, and there are other minor issues (she has no friends, he is the sole bread winner, he has to do all the planning and legwork, etc.)
Anyway, all three of these couples got married in their mid 20's and all three are headed for splitsville.
It's interesting because of my married friends, some were getting divorced after 1 to 3 years, then everything went quiet. Now, 15 to 20 years later, they are exploding again.
Note... I have nothing against fuji as I don't remember having any issue with him now or in the past
What does 'class' have to do with it? I think you meant 'stealth'.
Or perhaps 'talent'?
But lets not be judging someone else's sex life, I think by definition being on terb means you're not in a position to judge (myself included)
I agree totally. I may not be married, but I still have no problem with people going about their business as they see fit. Are we 'pooners'? Yup? Are we all forthcoming (at least to one another)? Why not, we're all in this (TERB) together.
There are times that fuji an I are shoulder to shoulder on some topics, but not here. If I was the only one that saw his comments as way over the top, there might be something to it, but I'm not. His views on marriages/partnerships/commitmet, however you want to label it, are just nuts. The best friend thing is just an extension of that.
We are all on Terb because we share some common traits/ideas/observations and are willing to share these with like minded/similar people. There are enough diverging positions to make for interesting discussions, some going a long way from friend banter and that's what make for a good BB.
The divorce statistics are truly frightening. It’s amazing that anyone would want to get married knowing what the odds are. Yet everyone thinks that they will be different because they are just so much in “love”.
The split is usually initiated by the one that is suffering the most in the relationship. Usually they are the more sensitive of the two who is more in tune with what’s going on in the relationship. In most cases, that’s the woman.
In my case, I was the one who split with my ex. The problem is that the sympathy usually goes to the person being left rather than the person doing the leaving, even though the leaver probably suffered more.
The split is usually initiated by the one that is suffering the most in the relationship. Usually they are the more sensitive of the two who is more in tune with what’s going on in the relationship. In most cases, that’s the woman.
In my case, I was the one who split with my ex. The problem is that the sympathy usually goes to the person being left rather than the person doing the leaving, even though the leaver probably suffered more.
Perhaps for the sake of a statistical discussion like this, we should define a successful marriage as one that is still together, and not get into the nuances of whether it is successful if they are unhappy, or if they are both happy, but she does not know he is cheating. I have some opportunities outside my marriage, but that does not mean that marriage is not hard work, or that I am not committed to my marriage or to my wife's happiness. As with everything to do with women, it is complicated.
I didn't know that about common law and ones house. Thanks for sharing. Does that apply to all property and items in your possession before you become common law?
What fuji posted, although not something I think I would be doing, as I got other vices, but that seems okay if he does not hurt his wife or leave his wife. Every marriage is a little different.
What I have learned in many years of marriage, is that sex with the spouse is only a minor part of marriage. A real marriage, is based on much more than stuff like sex and cheating.
Those who disagree, are not married, or do not know what it really is like to be in a real long term relationship with a real woman, or still cling onto out-dated Christian dogma for their ideals of love, sex and marriage.
The dogma getting tiring to read.
You know, this is like the last place we should come across that type of dogmaitc thought process. You can sense the sermonizing waiting to burst out.
What I have learned in many years of marriage, is that sex with the spouse is only a minor part of marriage. A real marriage, is based on much more than stuff like sex and cheating.
Those who disagree, are not married, or do not know what it really is like to be in a real long term relationship with a real woman, or still cling onto out-dated Christian dogma for their ideals of love, sex and marriage.
The dogma getting tiring to read.
You know, this is like the last place we should come across that type of dogmaitc thought process. You can sense the sermonizing waiting to burst out.
I started this because of a girl I was interested in said she (mid 40's) just got engaged to be married for a second time. That's when I looked for success rates for 2nd marriages. Looks like she may be available at a later date. Maybe I can get her on the rebound!!
One of my sisters got divorced (what a nightmare) and another sister is in a shitty marriage (staying together til kids go to college). Both sisters & husbands are very sucessful and had everything going for them. Turns out they really didn't love each other, I guess.
One of my sisters got divorced (what a nightmare) and another sister is in a shitty marriage (staying together til kids go to college). Both sisters & husbands are very sucessful and had everything going for them. Turns out they really didn't love each other, I guess.
I'm not an expert, just know what I have read. You'd need to talk to a lawyer before moving in. My personal belief is what's mine is mine and what's your's in yours. I don't want yours. If you buy shit when your together, so beit. But savings, businesses, earnings, properties are off limits. (IMHO.)
Here is an excellent link:
http://www.cleo.on.ca/english/pub/onpub/PDF/family/livtogethr.pdf
Page 7 speaks to property ownership and it clearly states that Common Law is different than marriage. (Marriage, she (or he for that matter) automatically owns HALF your house the second you say "I do".
Here is the Link to Ontario's Family Law:
http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/familyla.pdf
(They should make these stickies at TERB)
It's not really about loving each other enough. At one point, they probably did love each other enough.
From what I've been through and seen, I think people just get sick and tired of each other. "Familiarity breeds contempt" It's very true. The little things start to drive you crazy - how she drinks her tea, or brushes her teeth, or leaves shit laying around everywhere. Then you add in the old ball and chain notion, boredom, no sex, minimal sex, shitty sex, if you're really lucky - money issues, substance abuse, run of the mill abuse, self centeredness, their family, your family, work, kids, blah blah blah. It all adds up and you blame the other person for your sorrows and you want the fuck out.
If 50% of all marriages end up in divorce, that certainly does not mean that the remaining 50% are happy. Probably half of those are fucking miserable and they just don't want to do anything about it.
