Why Women lie about being Raped

[Mister K]

There are two sides...

I have seen both sides of this issue.

In the first instance a 14 year old girl was raped by a 17 year old male. No question that he was guilty (I found him passed out drunk, covered in his own semen and the girl's blood). For many reasons I can't get into the specifics.

Ten years later I was involved in an investigation as an impartial thrid party. A 19-year old woman claimed that a 22-year old male had entered her dormitory room and "sexually assaulted" her. The institution had reacted and suspended the 22-year old without a proper investigation. It turned out that it was physically impossible for the guy to have assaulted the girl - he was a member of a wedding party over 300 miles away with 250 witnesses (including the chief of police) at exactly the same time as the assault was alledged to have occurred.

After 18 months the thing was finally resolved. It came out that the woman had been interested in the guy (who had a girlfriend) and when he had told her he was not interested in pursuing a relationship with her,she decided to get even. While he didn't go to jail, the young guy's life was really screwed up by the accusations.

As an impartial observer I was stunned at how poor the original investigation was, and how clear evidence was disregarded or never followed up on. The young guy did in fact sue the institution and he ended up with more than $250k in a settlement.

I also remember a lot of guys talking about dating girls when I was in high school. There were a lot of stories about how "she said no at first, but once things got going she wanted it". This was in the early 70's. I later came to realize that many of these stories, if true, were probably what we would now consider cases of date rape.

 

[tboy]

Mister K:

I have heard that college story before, even including the chief of police part.

As for high school and earlier. In that era, I personally don't feel it is any sort of sexual assault when 2 horny teenagers are pawing each other in the back seat of a chevy while watching the submarine races at the local makeout spot. What was known then as copping a feel is now deemed sexual assault.

Back then too, girls were taught to say no to everything. Just watch any episode of "that 70's show". 9 times out of 10 what Eric did with donna is now considered sexual assault, and it's on TV.

If we take everything too seriously, you take the fun out of life. For eg: grabbing a chick's ass on the dancefloor, that was the first step to manhood. Now? Sexual Assault. Flirting with someone? Sexual harassment. I'm a smart ass in real life and at any given moment I get swatted at least a dozen times. That's assault.

 

[poker]

I think there is still bias in court in the woman's favour even in these days of supposed equality. When I was working in the US, our secretary went through a bitter divorce and she was no wallflower about doing battle. She waited until he was out of town and sold everything he valued including his boat for almost free. She took the daughter, emptied the house and moved. She wanted full custody of her daughter and told her ex that if he didn't comply she would tell the authorities that he molested his daughter. I asked her if she would really do it and she said -' for my daughter - I know all the the things to tell her to make it stick because there's no way that bastard was getting joint custody.'

YOu know.... it goes the other way too. Its not like I've never heard of a man threatening physical violence or death if a woman were to go after him for child support or alimony.

A friend of mine just finished paying off the braces for the kid she shares joint custody with.... His ins. paid 25%, and the rest came out of her pocket.... nothing out of his and he threatens her if she tries to take him to court for it....

my neighbors are in the middle of a divorce... while together, they kept separate accts.... she paid the bills, mortgage and groceries, and he went out drinking every fuckin night, and did a fair bit of blow. She finally smartened up and left him, but guess what, she isn't even trying to get her half of the house....

Its not a man or woman thing.... its a vengeful thing that some special people in both genders are capable of doing....


Cheers!

 

[poker]

Mister K:

I have heard that college story before, even including the chief of police part.

As for high school and earlier. In that era, I personally don't feel it is any sort of sexual assault when 2 horny teenagers are pawing each other in the back seat of a chevy while watching the submarine races at the local makeout spot. What was known then as copping a feel is now deemed sexual assault.

Back then too, girls were taught to say no to everything. Just watch any episode of "that 70's show". 9 times out of 10 what Eric did with donna is now considered sexual assault, and it's on TV.

If we take everything too seriously, you take the fun out of life. For eg: grabbing a chick's ass on the dancefloor, that was the first step to manhood. Now? Sexual Assault. Flirting with someone? Sexual harassment. I'm a smart ass in real life and at any given moment I get swatted at least a dozen times. That's assault.

OK..... i have to put my foot down.

TBoy..... You are not ever, EVER allowed to win an argument by referencing "that 70's show".


Ahhh, k, I feel better. Carry on.

Cheers!

 

[S.C. Joe]

Sorry if I insulted but if some gal had your butt thrown in prison for 4 years for raping her and here you never ever made out with her, well.

Sure in some countries her butt would had been stone to death.

NY Post had more info and her picture today. Shes pretty and the guy did have a long record for assaults, believe non sexual.

I bet he isn't going to get much $ if anything at all. Everybody can just blame this women for lying. Guess he can sue her if shes got anything--likely not much.

Everybody who goes to jail by mistake does not always make big $ once they get out. Some get nothing at all but a sorry...if that...sometimes the other side still disagrees and stand firm that they believe the person is guilty but they just can not prove it now.

 

[burt-oh-my!]

Women's studies! Bah! If there EVER was a program with an idealogical pre-conceived bent, this is it.

 

[tboy]

LOL @ poker, it wasn't because of that show per se, just an example of what life WAS like in the 70's and that show has it bang on. Heck I was eric and his basement was my basement. Now my folks didn't feed everyone all the time but it seems like we were always there.

The thing is, smacking around the wife used to be the norm and acceptable. Bill Maher just said in his latest comedy act that people pine for the amerca that was, only problem is the america that was, wasn't good for you if you were black, spanish, female, etc.

So, yeah, I'd say that at some point in our history sexually assaulting your wife or ?? was acceptable. Thankfully we've gotten past that for the most part but I also think that maybe we've gone too far in some areas (alluding to what used to be considered flirting, is now sexual harassment and what is now sexual assault used to be considered "making the first move".......)

 

[poker]

Tboy, I know what you are saying.... (you just seem to be my fav person to raz at the moment) but I don't think we've gotten past it at all, we're just better at calling it out. Thing is when we do call it out, some get on board with you, and then others argue that political correctness has gone to far, and start to cite examples of perfect white guys losing jobs to unqualified ppl, or something of the sort.... case in point.... TERB!


cheers!

 

[djk]

Women's studies! Bah! If there EVER was a program with an idealogical pre-conceived bent, this is it.

Amen.

 

[VirginJohn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EmbZ1X3M5w&feature=fvw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgL86liWujw

Hofstra False Rape case in New Jersey.

A girl here made up a gang rape story which almost ruined the lives of five students.

This was a cover story made up to appease her jealous boyfriend.

One of the students took a cell phone video and gave it to authorities. She immediately recanted and agreed she was a willing participant and it was not a gang rape.

Look at both of the above videos to see for what superficial reasons a girl will wreck the lives of men in jail.

Now, keep in mind, there is a men on men prison rape problem out of control in the US.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4_uvvcaDqw

To add insult to injury, a victim of a false allegation could also end up being raped or killed by other inmates in prison....so a false allegation like that is like committing murder.

Again, this girl here did it because she was worried about her jealous boyfriend, and the other woman, probably another superficial stupid reason.

There is one story that really touched me. A yonge guy was arrested for putting garbage on fire. He went to jail and was prison raped and ended up committing suicide. I saw it on youtube sometime, but can't find the video right now.

 

[fuji]

Another answer to the "why" part, that takes into account both sides presented above:

It is possibly much EASIER for a woman to make a false accusation of rape, than a true one. In a true rape case the woman experiences extremely negative emotions and seeks to avoid "reliving" the experience. In the false case it is much easier to put on an act and a show, emotionally. "Reliving" the experience is not such a big deal if the experience never happened, the woman may even enjoy *playing* the victim (quite different than *feeling* it).

Accusing someone of rape is extremely powerful, more or less guaranteed to cause harm and injury and possibly permanently fuck the other individual over. Women do it because they CAN.

Meanwhile true cases of rape are under-reported by victims who are terrified of the experience, (wrongly) blame themselves for it having happened, and so on, and they avoid lodging the true accusations.

Net result is that a larger than expected proportion of actual rape reports are false reports.

 

[buttercup]

...if that...sometimes the other side still disagrees and stand firm that they believe the person is guilty but they just can not prove it now.

This is Canada. There's no difference between that and being not guilty.

 

[Kyra.Graves]

Here I am reacting to another thread which is just based on a stupid premise. My advice to me is, just ignore these - too bad I seldom follow my own advice.

The false rape and eventually recanting story is tragic. That's all, just tragic. It doesn't prove any point or suggest a fault in the justice system, or provide insights. It is an anomaly.

Why not just start a thread - why men cheat at golf, why teenagers lie to their parents, why parents lie to their teenagers, whatever. If this thread was about why some people lie even though. there are extreme consequences - ok. This situation is not about why women lie about about rape, it is about why one woman lied. No further conclusion can be drawn.

Maybe next time I'll ignore this type of thread. I should start a TERB support group - Just say no to stupid threads! This is your brain. This is your brain after responding to another stupid thread.

Where do I sign up? I am already kicking myself wondering if I'll have the inner strength to just walk away from what I anticipate will be my next post.

 

[GotGusto]

I heard that the statistic was 25% of women in college have been raped sometime in their life. Of course that’s utter nonsense. That would mean that 1 in 4 girls you knew in college have been raped.

It would also mean there are tons of male rapists among us.

Pigshit.

 

[GotGusto]

Now, keep in mind, there is a men on men prison rape problem out of control in the US.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4_uvvcaDqw

Anybody here been to prison? How did you deal with this?

 

[Kyra.Graves]

As for high school and earlier. In that era, I personally don't feel it is any sort of sexual assault when 2 horny teenagers are pawing each other in the back seat of a chevy while watching the submarine races at the local makeout spot. What was known then as copping a feel is now deemed sexual assault.

Back then too, girls were taught to say no to everything. Just watch any episode of "that 70's show". 9 times out of 10 what Eric did with donna is now considered sexual assault, and it's on TV.

If we take everything too seriously, you take the fun out of life. For eg: grabbing a chick's ass on the dancefloor, that was the first step to manhood. Now? Sexual Assault. Flirting with someone? Sexual harassment. I'm a smart ass in real life and at any given moment I get swatted at least a dozen times. That's assault.

TBoy, have you ever tried to reverse the role and imagine how you would feel to have these men touching you uninvited? Are you capable of truly understanding what that might feel like if the situation were as you describe it?

Would you enjoy having a much larger man touch you? Do you like when a man grabs your ass in a bar? How would you respond to a man that used his size to intimidate you then kissed, fondled and touched you? If his kissing, grabbing your ass, etc. was just innocent flirting and is legally allowed whether you welcome it or not what would you do to respond?
The issue with this type of "flirting" is that the person has not consented to being touched, grabbing my ass in a bar is just as unacceptable as one of my male friends grabbing your ass, uninvited touch is uninvited and shouldn't be allowed.

 

[Iconic One]

Where do I sign up? I am already kicking myself wondering if I'll have the inner strength to just walk away from what I anticipate will be my next post.

I hear ya. I just goes on and on doesn't it? There's no end to this train wreck in sight.

 

[fuji]

Would you enjoy having a much larger man touch you? Do you like when a man grabs your ass in a bar? How would you respond to a man that used his size to intimidate you then kissed, fondled and touched you? If his kissing, grabbing your ass, etc. was just innocent flirting and is legally allowed whether you welcome it or not what would you do to respond?
The issue with this type of "flirting" is that the person has not consented to being touched, grabbing my ass in a bar is just as unacceptable as one of my male friends grabbing your ass, uninvited touch is uninvited and shouldn't be allowed.

I agree with you, Kyra. However if a guy grabbed my ass I would be pissed off, but I would probably not even remember it a week later. It is not in the same league as rape.

It's like the difference between being pushed and having the crap beat out of you to near within an inch of your life. Both are forms of assault but you will remember one for the rest of your life, and forget the other the next day.

 

[tboy]

TBoy, have you ever tried to reverse the role and imagine how you would feel to have these men touching you uninvited? Are you capable of truly understanding what that might feel like if the situation were as you describe it?

Would you enjoy having a much larger man touch you? Do you like when a man grabs your ass in a bar? How would you respond to a man that used his size to intimidate you then kissed, fondled and touched you? If his kissing, grabbing your ass, etc. was just innocent flirting and is legally allowed whether you welcome it or not what would you do to respond?
The issue with this type of "flirting" is that the person has not consented to being touched, grabbing my ass in a bar is just as unacceptable as one of my male friends grabbing your ass, uninvited touch is uninvited and shouldn't be allowed.

No, you cannot do partial role reversal, if you're going to say "how would you feel if....." then it HAS to be "how would you feel if a woman....". Personally? I have experienced unwanted advances by someone I had no interest in (and frankly, wouldn't touch with someone else's dick) and while it was a little revolting, it wasn't the end of the world. I've even had someone grab my crotch as I walked by and again, I didn't like it but BFD, shit happens. Now once again we touch on the subject of: it is only unwanted if she's not attracted to the toucher. If she's attracted to him? She'd probably have a witty retort. Now are we mind readers as to whether she finds us attractive or not? I'm not so I don't...ever! This goes back to the thread about "why men don't approach women" because it is UNWANTED unless she is interested in him and unless SHE gives a blatant sign, we have no idea...(least I don't).

As for highschool, if it was so revolting then why do they continue to date the guy or go back to the makeout spot? You'd think they'd say no the next time the guy asked her out........

Just reading Fuji's post and he's got a point. An ass grab is just that. Nothing to pull out your hair over. And just thinking, I've been in gay bars (long story lol) and had guys come on to me and frankly? I found it flattering (I was "tricked" by someone into meeting her there as a sort of test to my openmindedness).

 

[Captain Fantastic]

I agree with you, Kyra. However if a guy grabbed my ass I would be pissed off, but I would probably not even remember it a week later. It is not in the same league as rape.

It's like the difference between being pushed and having the crap beat out of you to near within an inch of your life. Both are forms of assault but you will remember one for the rest of your life, and forget the other the next day.

Nope, sorry man. I think you've got this one wrong. Your analogy shows that you have a basic lack of empathy with and understanding of the female psyche.

The scenario Kyra described and that you deconstructed is not so much an innocent one-off; it is more like systematic bullying. Unfortunately (for what it means regarding some men) this is not isolated or rare and it is a very real fear for many women. There are still a lot of men who believe that they can force themselves on a woman - crowd their space, touch them without invitation, make them feel uncomfortable - and that it's all right - or even their right - to do so. This happens enough that it is a real fear and becomes engrained in many women's psyche. Or sometimes it just manifests itself into a severe dislike and mistrust of men.

I think the person who mentioned the prison scenario (or is that another thread?) is closest to what women feel. Scared. Helpless. Desperate to feel safe and secure. Try and imagine what it would be like going to prison and knowing that there are big, bad-ass convicts who if they want to, can and will forcibly rape and degrade you - either alone or in a group. That is much closer to what women feel when they their space is encroached upon, when they're touched without consent or when they feel physically threatened - whatever that means to them.

I'd like to hear the thoughts of the ladies of TERB, but that's how it's been explained to me numerous times.