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Workplace bullying

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jw01

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Jul 3, 2005
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Hey all

I am currently being bullied at my work per say and although I do not want to make a big deal out of it, I am caught in a dilemma. should I report this to my boss?

I have drafted an email but not sure if sending it will make me look bad or selfish. the person who is acting as a form of a bully is a lady that that is junior to me. we work on thr same team however she is, I guess sees me as her competition. my boss made is clear to her that we both have diff objectives however I do not understand her issues with me.

she was away on pregnancy leave and got back in Jan. prior to her departure she was training me on a few of her reports, but gave me serious attitude and probs. she was very rude and didn't give two shits really. that said, I did tell my boss last year of her negative behavior and he did speak to her. he said he spoke to her as if he had over heard to not make matters worse, kudos to him.

now with her back, she is again acting talking shit about me and constantly judging when I am not at my desk to making remarks. for ex, the other day my lunch ended up being longer than an hr; when I got back she pretended to talk to my coworkers about me in 3rd person, stating it must be nice to take longer lunches and how she wants to report me to hr etc.

I really don't get her issue or the insecurity she had.... now should I notify my boss? it's come to a point where I worry if I leave my laptop unlocked she will go in a file and corrupt it. I sit close to her but want to move away from her to avoid all this. is it fair for me to ask my boss and tell him the circumstances?

Thanks all... help!
 
document all the instances of where you feel its bullying
Then present them to your boss...with a CC to HR
now they have to respond
And be prepared for the backlash
you also have the M of L as a backup.....you can always go off on stress leave and say its a result of a toxic work environment...
 
I'm a really nice guy and pretty cool. So, from time to time someone who has not work with me for long, may try to push me around. So you have 2 options:

1. You are true type A personality (I mean true, not halfway there as in you care to being loved by other)
If these are just comments done passing. Feel free to answer loudly. The lunch hour break is easily address by a: "Yes it is, just like spending hours chitchatting with colleagues! You should try it sometimes or you can get HR to waste all our hard earned money in getting punch cards!"

May not work for you, it worked for me. Be nice while doing it and be sure it's heard as a joke and laugh it off. Nothing bums a bully more than being laughed at for their pettiness.

2. Ask your boss.
One of my staff felt bullied by another Director (same a s me at the time). I just went straight to his VP and explained that if he did not address this behaviour, I will go higher up until it stops. It worked.
You tried and it did not work the first time. So, just tell (don't write yet) your boss that if he does not address the situation swiftly, you will have to take it over his/her head. You will feel bad about it, but you have to take your well being into account.

3. Go to HR
Don't unless you suffer a medical condition, because of the "workplace hostile environment" you have been put in.

My 2 cents above. Some will disagree, but without more details, which I understand you cannot give here, it will be difficult to do more.
 
This is what I am writing to my boss...I am trying to angle from being a good team player prospective:

Hello BOSS


Hope all is well.

I wanted to speak to you in regards to Jane's behavior. Her behavior has been very erratic and disrespectful towards other and myself. For example, just the other day, she was bad mouthing Tom very openly (to Jen and Nicole) for asking her for the GST #. I am appalled as a team member that she is often talking behind the backs of her colleagues , myself including. This is something that was brought to my attention by multiple people in this office. More specifically, just last week she mentioned how "Adam" called for me or so; I communicated with both, Adam S., and Adam P., and none of them had called for me or called the office for that matter. I do not know her intentions but I feel it is to tarnish my image and my work experience here at ABC Inc - creating a very unpleasant atmosphere throughout the workplace.

With that, I have decided to take initiative and report this situation in the workplace and keep our company's work environment friendly and positive. Her negative behavior is the same as prior to her maternity leave, which I had spoken to you about. I act in a professional manner and expect the same from my colleagues. Since this is a much smaller office, I do not want my reputation here to be tarnished with her foul actions. As you know, I am team player and I always ensure that my work is completed at the highest level of excellence in a timely manner. I have often worked on weekends and worked late evenings in the office and never "watched the clock", unlike others. Although, I wanted to handle this myself, seeing that her actions have not changed from the past year, I do not have any option but to bring forth this issue, as it is psychologically affecting me. In addition, I noticed on multiple occasion that she takes any opportunity she has to pin-point any potential mistakes from me and escalates without any form of communication between her and I. She appears to be friendly but, I am not sure why she has animosity towards certain people. Just this past week I was told by multiple people not to "trust her" which I found quite random, and made me feel very uncomfortable .


All in all, please note that I do not want this to escalate beyond yourself for the time being, but to shed light and make you aware of the situation at hand. Also, I am wondering if I can switch my desk as I do not feel comfortable, due to her actions. I am not aware of any personal or work related issues between us, but I hope she can grasp the concept of working as a team and abiding by the ABC Inc's value of "For one".


Thank you for your time and help with this matter
 
I got bullied at work. HR did nothing so I quit. I was going to take it to Human Rights but I already had other legal issues so I left it alone.
Tbe psychopath almost caught a right hook, lucky dude.
 
jw01 said:
This is what I am writing to my boss...I am trying to angle from being a good team player prospective:

Hello BOSS


Hope all is well.

I wanted to speak to you in regards to Jane's behavior. Her behavior has been very erratic and disrespectful towards other and myself. For example, just the other day, she was bad mouthing Tom very openly (to Jen and Nicole) for asking her for the GST #. I am appalled as a team member that she is often talking behind the backs of her colleagues , myself including. This is something that was brought to my attention by multiple people in this office. More specifically, just last week she mentioned how "Adam" called for me or so; I communicated with both, Adam S., and Adam P., and none of them had called for me or called the office for that matter. I do not know her intentions but I feel it is to tarnish my image and my work experience here at ABC Inc - creating a very unpleasant atmosphere throughout the workplace.

With that, I have decided to take initiative and report this situation in the workplace and keep our company's work environment friendly and positive. Her negative behavior is the same as prior to her maternity leave, which I had spoken to you about. I act in a professional manner and expect the same from my colleagues. Since this is a much smaller office, I do not want my reputation here to be tarnished with her foul actions. As you know, I am team player and I always ensure that my work is completed at the highest level of excellence in a timely manner. I have often worked on weekends and worked late evenings in the office and never "watched the clock", unlike others. Although, I wanted to handle this myself, seeing that her actions have not changed from the past year, I do not have any option but to bring forth this issue, as it is psychologically affecting me. In addition, I noticed on multiple occasion that she takes any opportunity she has to pin-point any potential mistakes from me and escalates without any form of communication between her and I. She appears to be friendly but, I am not sure why she has animosity towards certain people. Just this past week I was told by multiple people not to "trust her" which I found quite random, and made me feel very uncomfortable .


All in all, please note that I do not want this to escalate beyond yourself for the time being, but to shed light and make you aware of the situation at hand. Also, I am wondering if I can switch my desk as I do not feel comfortable, due to her actions. I am not aware of any personal or work related issues between us, but I hope she can grasp the concept of working as a team and abiding by the ABC Inc's value of "For one".


Thank you for your time and help with this matter
Click to expand...

First, I hope your boss is not on this forum. :Eek:

Back to the subject at hand. I'm starting to get a better picture of the situation. Although mind numbing this quite common in many workplaces and his often not addressed. As for you letter, I would try to structure it in a way that is factual, neutral and actionable.

Tone. I am not sure if you use "Hope all is well" often. If you do, fine. If not, I'd stay away from using any formulas that may imply you are apologizing for interrupting. It's your boss' job to take care of what you'll say.

Paragraph 1 should be all about you:
I've worked for X years with ABC company, getting my objectives and working overtime including weekends, etc. Show yourself in a good light, how people love working with you.

Paragraph 2, state your issue:
While I enjoy working here, I have been feeling put down by 1 particular peer/colleague. Although she can be talented and hard working her attitude towards me does not seem to meet the values of ABC Inc and is affecting me morally. For example... state 3 concrete dated examples that can be corroborated by a neutral 3rd party.

Paragraph 3, present your expectation:
Based on the fact that I raised the issue to your attention previously and that your intervention did not seem to have had influence on her, I have decided to {explain your internal process}. I hope to receive your support with this matter that has been affecting my work performance and personal well being.

Conclude with:

I am available at your convenience to discuss this matter in more details should you wish to do so.

Respectfully yours
JW

I hope this is the king of input you were looking for and that it helps.

PS: Please note that I already had a few glasses of champagne before and one more while writing this post. So if you intend to use any part of make sure to check for typos and grammar.
 
zefroggy said:
I'm a really nice guy and pretty cool. So, from time to time someone who has not work with me for long, may try to push me around. So you have 2 options:

1. You are true type A personality (I mean true, not halfway there as in you care to being loved by other)
If these are just comments done passing. Feel free to answer loudly. The lunch hour break is easily address by a: "Yes it is, just like spending hours chitchatting with colleagues! You should try it sometimes or you can get HR to waste all our hard earned money in getting punch cards!"

May not work for you, it worked for me. Be nice while doing it and be sure it's heard as a joke and laugh it off. Nothing bums a bully more than being laughed at for their pettiness.

2. Ask your boss.
One of my staff felt bullied by another Director (same a s me at the time). I just went straight to his VP and explained that if he did not address this behaviour, I will go higher up until it stops. It worked.
You tried and it did not work the first time. So, just tell (don't write yet) your boss that if he does not address the situation swiftly, you will have to take it over his/her head. You will feel bad about it, but you have to take your well being into account.

3. Go to HR
Don't unless you suffer a medical condition, because of the "workplace hostile environment" you have been put in.

My 2 cents above. Some will disagree, but without more details, which I understand you cannot give here, it will be difficult to do more.
Click to expand...


I liked that response (although I didn't get the punch cards part).

The OP should also check the companies policy on workplace bullying and harassment. It may be included within their Health and Safety Policy, if there's not an official office policy manual.
 
GPIDEAL said:
I liked that response (although I didn't get the punch cards part).
Click to expand...

Call me old school, but these guys sell this crap: http://www.infotronics.com/index.html

bizreviewoak_punch.jpg


I only used one when I was night watch in office buildings in university.
 
zefroggy said:
First, I hope your boss is not on this forum. :Eek:

Back to the subject at hand. I'm starting to get a better picture of the situation. Although mind numbing this quite common in many workplaces and his often not addressed. As for you letter, I would try to structure it in a way that is factual, neutral and actionable.

Tone. I am not sure if you use "Hope all is well" often. If you do, fine. If not, I'd stay away from using any formulas that may imply you are apologizing for interrupting. It's your boss' job to take care of what you'll say.

Paragraph 1 should be all about you:
I've worked for X years with ABC company, getting my objectives and working overtime including weekends, etc. Show yourself in a good light, how people love working with you.

Paragraph 2, state your issue:
While I enjoy working here, I have been feeling put down by 1 particular peer/colleague. Although she can be talented and hard working her attitude towards me does not seem to meet the values of ABC Inc and is affecting me morally. For example... state 3 concrete dated examples that can be corroborated by a neutral 3rd party.

Paragraph 3, present your expectation:
Based on the fact that I raised the issue to your attention previously and that your intervention did not seem to have had influence on her, I have decided to {explain your internal process}. I hope to receive your support with this matter that has been affecting my work performance and personal well being.

Conclude with:

I am available at your convenience to discuss this matter in more details should you wish to do so.

Respectfully yours
JW

I hope this is the king of input you were looking for and that it helps.

PS: Please note that I already had a few glasses of champagne before and one more while writing this post. So if you intend to use any part of make sure to check for typos and grammar.
Click to expand...

hey, this is great. thank you so much for your structural input; i was really pissed when i wrote the letter and the reason i had not sent it, was simply b/c i was not comfortable with the way i had it laid out.

i will use this structure and hopefully get somewhere.

thanks again
 
jw01 said:
hey, this is great. thank you so much for your structural input; i was really pissed when i wrote the letter and the reason i had not sent it, was simply b/c i was not comfortable with the way i had it laid out.

i will use this structure and hopefully get somewhere.

thanks again
Click to expand...

Just take your time. These situations do not resolve themselves or quickly.

I don't know how good of a relationship you have with your boss, but I would still recommend talking to him before sending anything in writing. Even if it's just to let him know that you are sending something. As a people manager I do my best to keep the communication going as I don't like being surprised. A few weeks back and employee send me an invite to discuss issues he was having and I met with him. I then discussed an action plan with him. And after we agreed on the plan, we were able to resolve most his issues in a day.

In all cases, don't let this drag on or it will drag you down.
 
So... from your original post you take extra long lunch breaks then feel she is bullying you because she complains to others about it?

Erm... yeah...
 
I would be careful about what you are doing. You do have a degree of a problem but not enough if your letter covers the entire situation. It reads like an office gossip column with you as the primary gossiper. Complain to the boss at this point & you could find the finger pointed at you as the problem.

Start to document any real problems, not just hurt feelings. You need date, time, full description of the bullying activity and the names of any potential witnesses that will support you position.

When you have at least 6 real complaints, find someone who can write an intelligent business letter for you and then submit that.
 
zefroggy said:
Just take your time. These situations do not resolve themselves or quickly.

I don't know how good of a relationship you have with your boss, but I would still recommend talking to him before sending anything in writing. Even if it's just to let him know that you are sending something. As a people manager I do my best to keep the communication going as I don't like being surprised. A few weeks back and employee send me an invite to discuss issues he was having and I met with him. I then discussed an action plan with him. And after we agreed on the plan, we were able to resolve most his issues in a day.

In all cases, don't let this drag on or it will drag you down.
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's my feeling on it-- Talk informally with your boss first, and written complaint second (if needed). Then go from there. You don't want to make it a 'whole big thing' with HR, or even have an email trail, unless you REALLY have to. Personally, if somebody seems to be having an issue with me I'll actually try to talk to them discretely first to see if that helps, but that's not for everybody. Use your 'I words'.
 
I totally agree with the, start off low key and informal and only ramp it up to a formal written complaint if needed, approach.

Think of it in three stages: high School, College and Grad School

1. High School level: backroom negotiations
Start with a casual comment to someone that will likely pass it on to XYZ, "What's up with XYZ. He/she gives me a lot of attitude? Am I doing something wrong?" (Use whatever language you are comfortable with, but with humility.) Make a subtle reference to the formal, written complaint process and how much you'd like to avoid it, for the obvious reasons.

Repeat this subtle approach, off and on until you get some feedback, usually from the contact. Who knows, XYZ might be under a lot of stress and be feeling insecure. This gives XYZ a chance to back down, "Oh, I didn't realize.", without having to defend themselves or fight back. Who knows. You could end up becoming friends. Or you might here back that XYZ wants you fired, or something nasty.

One way or the other, you'll have a better idea of how serious it is.

Keep it as informal as possible at first, so that everyone can save face and react without having to deal with a formal (written) complaint.

2. College level: sucking up to the professor to get a better grade
This is where you have an informal chat with your boss, whether or not your boss is also XYZ's boss. The same approach, "Have you noticed that XYZ is giving me a hard time?", shuffle, shuffle, "All I want is to get along so that we can get the work done.", grovel and wait. This gives the boss a chance to save face and quietly diffuse or deal with the situation and to look good doing so. Of course, this only works if the boss isn't an idiot.

3. Grad School: writing a thesis paper and having it critically reviewed
This is the last step with no turning back and with the potential for the most danger. Someone might lose their job so that the company can save face.

Imagine yourself poking a sleeping grizzly bear with a stick. A grizzly is fierce and fast. You have no chance to outrun it, so your only hope is to outrun your friends.

Every word that you write will be carefully analyzed by the corporate "grizzly", who's main interest will be to get back to sleep as quickly as possible.
If the grizzly ends up going on a rampage then the park warden (Ministry of Labour) can be called for help, but they often end up spending a lot of time cleaning up blood and guts. And all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Tread carefully and good luck.
 
You guys are all overthinking this. Approach the bully, with a witness present. Calmly inform her that if she does not cease making defamatory remarks, you will have no choice but to begin any and all steps available to you to end it. Indicate you are more than pleased and eager to work with her in a pro social, positive working environment, but as of today, her toxicity has to end, and this is yor notice to her. End of story for now. Then it's up to her
 
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