Women with kids... question
- Thread starter LKD
- Start date
I think the question is directed at women.
If they would adopt or go thru childbirth.
Synchronous with the Charlize Theron adoption thread.
If they would adopt or go thru childbirth.
Synchronous with the Charlize Theron adoption thread.
From a physical point of view for me, having them is easier than cutting the lawn but from an ethical perspective I would adopt an older child because there are so many stuck in the system that need a real family. I wouldn't adopt a baby because having had babies, I prefer the older children. They sleep thru the night...
cat
cat
Nope, I was born a breeder. My last L+D was 13mins from first contraction to final delivery. I've never cut the grass that it didn't take me at least a couple of hours...You must be doing something wrong then!
cat
So you're not counting the 9 months leading up to L&D, getting your body back into shape (if you even needed to do that) or possible postpartum blues.
It is human nature that parents are emotionally attached
to only their own biological children. The selfishness genes
in us dictates that parents are more willing to make sacrifices
for the well being of their offsprings than for others. It takes
someone with a heart of gold to raise an adopted kid the
same way he'd raise his own. I would never adopt a kid
merely because I thought it was a noble thing to do or
because of the convenience of raising an older kid as
opposed to an infant of my own. Abuse of foster children
by foster parents is already an unfortunately overlooked issue.
I don't want to contribute to the statistics of unwanted teenage
orphans.
to only their own biological children. The selfishness genes
in us dictates that parents are more willing to make sacrifices
for the well being of their offsprings than for others. It takes
someone with a heart of gold to raise an adopted kid the
same way he'd raise his own. I would never adopt a kid
merely because I thought it was a noble thing to do or
because of the convenience of raising an older kid as
opposed to an infant of my own. Abuse of foster children
by foster parents is already an unfortunately overlooked issue.
I don't want to contribute to the statistics of unwanted teenage
orphans.
The flaw in your analysis is that it is relative. Would the same biases exist if you did not have any biological children?
As for foster parents, that's a different situation.
In addition to what you've pointed out; there is a fundamental error in his basic premise about human nature. I have biological children and step-children. I love them all equally and can say that I have the same emotional attachment towards them all. I'm certain that if I had adopted children I'd feel the same about them.
That's a good point. I have a very good friend who has two kids of her own and two step kids. She loves the steps as her own, and has indeed taken them with her own.
Older children do not necessarily sleep through the night. Our daughters were 1 year old when we adopted them. The first woke us every hour of every night for a year. She would cry, histerical, for half an hour until too exhausted aand get back to sleep. It took us a full year to understand why: she was scared of loosing us. All this stoped when we tookmher in our bedroom. She would wake up, look at us, then go back to sleep.
The other one controled her food intake. On a very good day, she would drink 8 onces of milk, eat one or two cookies and a carrot jar. That's the total for a day.
One must understand that these children have been traumatised before being adopted. Some cwere born of mother drinking or getting high during pregnancy. This has long term side-effects on the child like foetal alcohol syndrom. In my opinion, it is far easier to raise a biological child than an adopted one.
The question in your post as I understood was asking if someone would opt to have
a baby through adoption rather than procreation. That is childbirth is also an option I
presume. I do understand that there are circumstances where one has to adopt a
baby to be a mom like if she is sterile. I am also open to such life arrangement
like being a stepfather to the children of a single mom I am going to marry. My point is
just that in between procreation and adoption the former is the natural choice. But I guess
adoption is an easy choice for someone as well off as Madonna who could afford the best
nanny for her babies.
As for the household I grew up in it was far from perfect but not abusive. But
I can't see how having grown up in a sad household will led one to be more
inclined towards procreation.
Obviously I'm not a woman.
That said I've known several couples who have adopted children and then later were able to have a biological child or children of their own. The vast majority have said that they struggled to treat all of their children equally and most of them admitted that they felt there was something different about a child who was biologically theirs.
Take it for what it is worth.
That said I've known several couples who have adopted children and then later were able to have a biological child or children of their own. The vast majority have said that they struggled to treat all of their children equally and most of them admitted that they felt there was something different about a child who was biologically theirs.
Take it for what it is worth.
I've heard utter horror stories on this exact topic. Just brutal stories that would make a motherfucker lose all hope in humanity and make you think Bill Hicks has a point.
I don't count the 9 months because it never impacted my life on any level and I was actually healthier during my pregnancies. The only "work" part was the delivery. The 25 years after birth is the hard work part. I think I missed my true calling as surrogate mother.
Speaking to the older children issue, I raised several children that were family blood but not biological. Never mattered to me what their issues were, we just did the best we could for them. I would look at older children 7+. Most genetic and invitro issues are identified by then and by law it must be noted and signed off on with any Canadian adoption to my knowledge. I see so many children stuck in the system that just need a safe place to belong and be loved.
cat
Speaking to the older children issue, I raised several children that were family blood but not biological. Never mattered to me what their issues were, we just did the best we could for them. I would look at older children 7+. Most genetic and invitro issues are identified by then and by law it must be noted and signed off on with any Canadian adoption to my knowledge. I see so many children stuck in the system that just need a safe place to belong and be loved.
cat
Cat, just to be clear... I was just having a little fun with your comparing having a baby to cutting the grass. I actually enjoy cutting my grass and, having been in the delivery room when all of my children were born, didn't think that child birth looked "easy" at all.
I could not agree with you more in regards to the sad state in which so many children exist (in the system or otherwise). Even many biological children live in homes where they are not truly loved and cared for.
I could not agree with you more in regards to the sad state in which so many children exist (in the system or otherwise). Even many biological children live in homes where they are not truly loved and cared for.
