Overheard just before the attack...
Mohammed: Okay, so we will all run into the auditorium and detonate our suicide vests.
Ali: Ummm, sad to say but my vest doesn't really fit me anymore. I think one of my wives washed it and shrunk it.
Mustafa: Who the hell washes a suicide vest? It's a one-time use garment. You wear it... then boom...you don't wear it no more.
Ali: Well I have taken to wearing it around the house. Once you take out the dynamite it's very light weight and comfortable. Plus it's not as heavy as my cardigan.
Saeed: I don't think it shrunk. Ali, you have been doing nothing but binge eating since Ramadan ended.
Ali: Screw you Saeed! Who made you the calorie police?
Nazir: He has a point, Ali. I have noticed that you do eat a lot of carbs. I was watching Good Morning America the other day and they were saying that carbs...
Mohammed: Uh, hellooooo....can we get back to plotting terrorism here?
Nazir: Sorry. What about just shooting him with our AK-47s?
Saeed: You know....I would but I have bursitis in my right shoulder. I have a doctor's note that says no shooting automatic weapons for two weeks.
Mohammed: That is the same note you used to get out of your Rogers telemarketing job!
Saeed: Hey, you try holding a phone to your ear 8 hours a day and see if you don't get bursitis! No shooting period. It's very painful.
Mustafa: I got it! I saw a field of cows as we drove over here. I say we grab a cow and heave it at him. We will crush him for sure!
All but Mohammed: Praise be to Allah! Crush the infidel!
Mohammed: What is wrong with this plan? Anyone? Anyone? Buhler? Buhler?
All stare blankly at Mohammed.
Mohammed: A cow is sacred you morons! You can't just go throwing them around at infidels!
All: Oh, ya the sacred thing. Right!
Saeed: I saw a 7/11 across the street. We can get some eggs and egg him.
Mohammed: So like a stoning but with eggs. Hmmm, I like it! Mustafa, go get some eggs for this egging!
Ali: Hey Mustafa, pick me up a Big Gulp and some Slim Jims while you're there, would ya?
Saeed whispers to Nazir: And he wonders why his suicide vest doesn't fit him anymore? Shrinkage my ass!