When would you want to know...

[Ophelia Black]

Suppose you met a sexy, fun, and interesting woman socially - someone you had seen around the neighbourhood, and who you had been really hoping to meet sometime - who then told you she was an escort.

Would you want that news right up front, ie; in answer to the inevitable introductory "...So what do you do for a living?"

Or would you like to have a little bit of time to get to know this woman - chat for an hour or so, before she steers the conversation towards her occupation?

Myself, I always tell anyone I'm truly interested in, and so far so good, but I've just been winging it up 'til now...and it just so happens that he's a sexy, fun, and interesting man who I've seen around the neighbourhood, and who I have been really hoping to meet sometime...we've been checking each other out for at least six months now.

The upfront version may intimidate someone who otherwise may have been able to handle that info after talking to you as a regular person rather than as whatever stereotype they have of escorts.

On the other hand, that information coming later, after a guy has gotten comfortable with who he thinks you are, might be like a bucket of cold water, leaving him feeling somehow tricked.

I am about to have this very situation - we've broken the ice and chatted briefly a couple of times now - and am curious as to how you gentlemen might feel in his place. I realize that you are a specific group - men who appreciate/visit/are familiar with escorts - but I still think your opinions would help me with regular guys not as hip to the world of us special girls as you may be.

How would you prefer to to find out my occupation if you were him in this situation?

 

[zydeco]

Ophelia, I would want to know very early - as soon as possible. Let's face it - some guys will just not be able to deal with this - you are better off to let him know pretty much up front. Good Luck!

 

[incognito]

I think you should talk a bit more so you get to know him. i.e., to guess how he would react. If he's open-minded, then certainly better to tell him upfront.

And if he's not "liberated", would you want to pursue a relationship in any case?

I agree

 

[xarir]

You're probably asking the wrong type of people; we're TERBites so we all hobby or at the very least, we're very aware of the hobby. So to us, I think that being told up front would be the best. Then again, we can probably handle it quite well.

In very general terms I believe in open communication in a relationship. Thus I do think it is important to be told up front, ar at least very early on. Being told later on would be, as you put it, a bucket of cold water. I don't think anyone wants to be deceived in a serious relationship either, so again it's best to be told up front.

Good luck!

 

[gramage]

personally, as soon as the conversation enters the realm of getting together on a date or some such thing, thats when I'd want to know. sort of like a "before this goes somewhere..." kind of thing.

 

[midLifeCrisis]

How would you prefer to to find out my occupation if you were him in this situation?

At that point on the first date when you start to think you might want a second one.

And tell him that part, too.

 

[Arfur]

Ophelia, let's say you approach it like this:

You're walking your dog, and run into this sexy, interesting guy, you get to chatting again, ask how he's been, ruffle your respective dog's ears, and then decide to move past small talk.

What would be your first question?

"What do you do?" or
"Sooooo (coy smile clearly telegraphing potential romantic interest) do you have a girlfriend, wife, or ......(hair flip, deep look into his eyes) boyfriend? (giggle girlishly, stretching a bit, revealing your neck). "

I think once you get through with him, (using scenario 2), he really won't care what you do, or will treat it as if it's the most interesting thing he's ever heard in his life, just to get you to talk to him some more.

 

[drlove]

If it was me, I'd want her to be completely upfront and tell me the truth before anything else. However, I can understand that the lady may be somewhat apprehensive, not knowing what the initial reaction would be. So, to be fair, I would want to know by the second or third date at the latest. Btw... It wouldn't bother me in the least!

 

[einar]

Just to throw in a contrary point of view: there are some good reasons for not telling him at all. Men can be insanely jealous, territorial, and easily hurt. If he's an American, there is often a prudishness to his views about sexuality. If he's from many other parts of the globe, he might not get it, either. Chances are you are not going to be an sp for more than a year in any case.

He needn't know everything about your life, just because you are attracted to him and want to start dating.

I'd also say it depends on his age, and yours. If you are both old enough to have been hurt a few times in love, and to have matured a bit, then maybe. But I wouldn't rush to tell him, unless escorting is your life's work and all-consuming passion.

Einar

 

[einar]

Dear Abby,
1.When should I tell this cute girl that I enjoy cocaine? On the first date or before? She seems really nice.
2. When should I tell this cute girl that I am not monogamous? On the second date or the third? She doesn't carry a Bible or anything.

Signed,
Confused and Eager T.O. Dater

 

[Snook.fr]

Nothing beats the Truth, be upfront.
I agree with Gramage, you owe it to him to be aware before it kinda goes somewhere.
....and.....good luck with him.......honestly.

 

[Bobzilla]

I was in this situation over a year ago...my big problem was not that the woman concerned might be an MP, but that she hadn't been upfront with it. However, having said that, it seems like your situation hasn't progressed to where mine was at the time. We had been dating for about 2 mths, were exclusive, etc. I would agree with gramage. Get to know him better, but if you're just chatting, & not strictly speaking, dating, why tell him? If things progress to a point where you feel he's invested some emotions, then I would say tell him.

Good luck!

 

[JeremytheWicked]

Being open and honest up front is probably the best way to go. If you scare him, he is just giving you a preview of what would be in store if the relationship went further. If you wait too long, he could start to be having feelings for a person he truly doesn't know and that could cause problems all on it's own when he does find out. It's better for you as well because you won't feel like there is something looming over you at a time when you should be enjoying getting to know someone.
My experience is honesty is the best policy. You would just want to be able to explain your position/ideas as well - the chance to elaborate is needed most times when one honest.

Good Luck!

 

[Dorm201]

Depends on what you want out of the relationship.

If it's just a fling, it's not all that necessary to disclose extremely intimate parts of your life.

If it looks like it's going to head towards something deeper and more serious, then you have to be honest. Doubt in a relationship has a way of festering. If you begin to question your significant other's honesty, open-ness, etc... it's really hard to gain that trust back.

 

[duMaurierguy]

I think that you should tell the fellow early on. If you are both just getting to know each other and haven't started dating, no need to let him know. However, I think if you are dating and think that there may be something there, let him know. This isn't something you want hanging over your head if it gets more serious. It won't work out otherwise and there will be hurt feelings allround.

Now the other question you would have to ask is when you tell this new guy about the great live-in boyfriend you posted about. Now that could be messy!

 

[sourpuss1969]

I would say tell him early but not up front. That way if there are no sparks between the two of you, you don't expose yourself but if there are sparks then I would have a serious conversation about it sooner then later.

 

[Ophelia Black]

Maybe he's around here somewhere hunting wabbits...

"Now the other question you would have to ask is when you tell this new guy about the great live-in boyfriend you posted about."

I did? I'm thinking he must be very, very small and vewy vewy quiet, because I don't see a boyfriend anywhere...of course, it is possible I forgot him a while back at Future Shop in front of the 120" plasma screen tv they had tuned to the playboy channel with the PIP of a double OT Canucks game.

Christmas shopping is so hectic!

BTW, you guys are giving me incredible advice! Thank you so much

 

[gala]

There's no rule. You have to judge it for yourself. You owe it to him to tell him before he gets emotionally involved with you, but when exactly that is you'll just have to judge for yourself as best you can. Maybe with some people you click right away and it's the first hour, maybe with others it takes a few months to get there.

 

[JeremytheWicked]

Sheik speaks truth

Him smart

 

[Ophelia Black]

Him heap smart, like many TERB braves.

I tend to err on the sooner rather than later side of things, so I think that the first conversation that gets past "So...those raids on the legislature sure were a hoot, eh?" and gets into personal territory, I'm going to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me Jebus.

I give it about 60/40 to the good that he'll be cool with it - he's in his late thirties at least, and a long time West End resident I think, so, actually, should I mention I have something to tell him, he'll probably think my real name is Larry, and the callgirl thing will be positively anti-climactic.

I'll keep you posted on method used and reaction received...