What if you find out 6 years later your a daddy ?

[canbreathethroughearsmale]

There would be alot of awkwardness, no matter what. There is no way that feelings won't be hurt in one way or another. Emotions will come out of this. I know I'd be hurt if I didn't find out. Being a dad is one of my true treasures in life. It could hurt more than just the mom or dad though. There is the child too. Also the dad might be married and has his own kids already and now they are also involved.

On why someone wouldn't say anything, maybe the child keeps asking about their dad and now the mom feels the time is right.

IMO I think it's good that is made right, that Alexis's friend, or anybody in the same situation do the right thing providing the circumstances aren't extreme. The child and father might have lost 6 years together, but better that than losing anymore.

Hopefully it will be a blessing for everyone involved, the child, the father and whoever else is involved.

 

[Sexy_Dave]

?

a man can plant the seeds but that doesnt make him a father ...she on the other hand will carry that child for 9 mnths and become a mother regardless thats the difference

Careful....
What you are saying is that female biology makes a woman a mother but male biology doesn't make a male a father. This is a myth that causes the disparity in custody battles and Family Court. The presumption that men by virtue of their biology are less of a loving parent, less worthwhile, that their emotions for the child are minimalized, that their rights to be a loving parent and more importantly the right of the child to have that male in their lives is one of the great discriminations in our and other cultures.

Biology does not determine suitability as a parent, mother or father.

My fridge magnet says "Anyone can be a father; it takes someone special to be a Dad."

IMO I believe this applies to women as well...

 

[baci2004]

Well said Sexy_Dave!

 

[Esco!]

Thank God I'm getting a vasectomy

 

[papasmerf]

Thank God I'm getting a vasectomy

I second that

PS

If you can get a 2 for 1 deal, see if GB would like to get one

 

[sbbohm]

well then maybe guys that have sex unprotected should stick around longer to see the results after planting there seeds

it is kidnapping if you took away a child from a mother -yes

If you both were married would be kidnapping for the mother as well


a man can plant the seeds but that doesnt make him a father ...she on the other hand will carry that child for 9 mnths and become a mother regardless thats the difference


taking full custody of a child is very serious for a childs life to be deprived of the other just cause the parent hates the other parent is no justification for it --thats just being selfish and vengeful why its not common ....... for a child unless there is grounds of abuse from the other parent .....trying to find fault and being emotional isnt a reason to obtain custody

If a man sees this girls reason of not bending over backwards to try and track him down even though he dumper her .........and shes not positive its him .......... as to being selfish so be it but by her trying to reach out now is what should be focused on not then IMO

Hi Alexis,

First, I applaud you in trying to be supportive to a friend.
Based on my understanding of your post, I'm not sure that I completely agree with your position. As it's your friend, and you certainly would know more details about it than I would, I hope you won't find my comments to be insensitive or callous since that's not the spirit in which they're intended.

I agree with the other TERB member that questioned your definition of 'father'. If a man sires a child, he's the father. Period. He may not fall under public opinion's definition of a "good father", but he's still the father. The fact that the mother is the one that gets pregnant after the union doesn't necessarily make her a superior PARENT. Also, your comment about how men should "stick around longer to to see the results after planting there(sic) seeds" seems a tad ironic given the fact that there might be some question as to who actually got her pregnant (pardon me if I've misinterpreted your post).

Although, I can't really think of a good reason to hold a secret like that for 6 years unless a) the conception was not consentual or b) the father was in a coma for the last 5 1/2 years, I'm sure your friend had her reasons. I hope for the father's sake that they were good ones.

For your own sanity, you might want to consider the advice of the other members on this board that suggested distancing yourself from the front lines of this situation. There are many ways to be a supportive friend.

Good luck! I hope you and your friend find peace.

 

[xix]

Dna

It is always best to do the DNA test. I hear a few stories at work where their friends were paying shild support and later find out they are not.

What if the guy is married now???
OR in Jail?
OR worse getting married to his love of his life next month?

I would like to know why she is seeking him. I am not accusing him but what is her will power now?

 

[Svend]

First I'd get DNA proof, then I'd try to make up for lost time and be a good father. The needs of the child should come first even if the parents aren't together or if I've already started another family.

 

[bestillmehard]

I personally have a DNA test that will need to be done in just over 5 months.

gee hammer....thats sounds to me like ......there may be a mini hammer soon?

 

[papasmerf]

I personally have a DNA test that will need to be done in just over 5 months.

Daddy is thatyou????????????