Men and Women
I'm far from being an expert on the subject, but I have made a few observations from the few relationships women have been kind enough to share with me.
The two big issues for me are communication and understanding. If ones doesn't communicate their needs and feelings in an open way, one can't expect those needs and feelings to be fulfilled and validated. Similarly, it isn't enough to just communicate, one needs to help foster an understanding of what is being communicated. You may not like what is being communicated, but there is a need to understand and empathise and to a degree compromise.
I don't see a lot of this happening in my relationships anymore, nor do I see it much in the relationships of others. It seems we are very closed off from others, including our loved ones. Both sexes seem to display this fear of vulnerability, fear of each other, and general mistrust all around.
When I look back on my earliest relationships as a teenager, I don't really remember having this fear. I was with one girl for most of my teen years and we always seemed to communicate well, didn't fear being vulnerable to each other (in fact it was a relief having someone we could be vulnerable with), trusted in each other and felt secure.
I haven't experienced that anywhere near the same degree since. And I think I know why.
In early relationships we have no fear because we've never really been hurt. We leave ourselves open, having typically no reason to be closed. Then, as we gain experience we also gain hurts. The hurts compound and we take steps to avoid pain, closing ourselves off to potentially painful experiences, and hence closing off some of the very things that make a truly loving relationship, IMHO.
Women tend to become bitter and suspicious about men. They become more restrictive in their attitudes. Suppressing feelings that might scare a man off.
Men, on the other hand, are already raised to suppress a whole host of emotions and thoughts. They too become bitter and mistrustful and start to think of every woman as some kind of controlling nag. Their suppression becomes compounded by their mistrust, often leading to feelings of being trapped by the woman, when in fact he is trapped by his inability to express himself.
In short, we need to open up to each other. Stop seeing things in this "us and them" framework. Yes there will be pain, but there will be the most exquisite pleasure as well. That's what I'm counting on, anyhow.
Now I just need someone I can "open up" with...lol
I'm far from being an expert on the subject, but I have made a few observations from the few relationships women have been kind enough to share with me.
The two big issues for me are communication and understanding. If ones doesn't communicate their needs and feelings in an open way, one can't expect those needs and feelings to be fulfilled and validated. Similarly, it isn't enough to just communicate, one needs to help foster an understanding of what is being communicated. You may not like what is being communicated, but there is a need to understand and empathise and to a degree compromise.
I don't see a lot of this happening in my relationships anymore, nor do I see it much in the relationships of others. It seems we are very closed off from others, including our loved ones. Both sexes seem to display this fear of vulnerability, fear of each other, and general mistrust all around.
When I look back on my earliest relationships as a teenager, I don't really remember having this fear. I was with one girl for most of my teen years and we always seemed to communicate well, didn't fear being vulnerable to each other (in fact it was a relief having someone we could be vulnerable with), trusted in each other and felt secure.
I haven't experienced that anywhere near the same degree since. And I think I know why.
In early relationships we have no fear because we've never really been hurt. We leave ourselves open, having typically no reason to be closed. Then, as we gain experience we also gain hurts. The hurts compound and we take steps to avoid pain, closing ourselves off to potentially painful experiences, and hence closing off some of the very things that make a truly loving relationship, IMHO.
Women tend to become bitter and suspicious about men. They become more restrictive in their attitudes. Suppressing feelings that might scare a man off.
Men, on the other hand, are already raised to suppress a whole host of emotions and thoughts. They too become bitter and mistrustful and start to think of every woman as some kind of controlling nag. Their suppression becomes compounded by their mistrust, often leading to feelings of being trapped by the woman, when in fact he is trapped by his inability to express himself.
In short, we need to open up to each other. Stop seeing things in this "us and them" framework. Yes there will be pain, but there will be the most exquisite pleasure as well. That's what I'm counting on, anyhow.
Now I just need someone I can "open up" with...lol
