My friends and I are looking to go to a dinner/dancing party but the only parties so far just seem to be at clubs. =\
What are you guys all planning on doing?
What are you guys all planning on doing?
What are you doing for Halloween?
- Thread starter SilentLeviathan
- Start date
That is nasty. Do you not know how cold it has been lately? It will most likely be more cold by the time Halloween gets here and at night too. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRoss Eyerie said:Sitting in the bushes infront of my house with the water hose to douse potential T.P.'ers!
Tailgaing in the Field museum parking lot, then walking into Soldier field and hopefully a football game breaks out.
You too!
Looking for a virgin to sacrifice, know where I can find one?Drunken Master said:Performing rituals of thanksgiving to my demon overlord.
Re: You too!
cuz I know some virgins at this nunnery
does the virgin have to be vestal or are you talking about the 'modern day' virgins like Britney Spears 2 years agocrash said:Looking for a virgin to sacrifice, know where I can find one?
cuz I know some virgins at this nunnery
Re: You too!
I'm just looking for a virgin. Are there any left?crash said:Looking for a virgin to sacrifice, know where I can find one?
Hear about the woman who married three different Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?
Her first husband was in Training, and he kept teaching her how to do it herself.
The second one was in Sales, and he kept telling her how good it was going to be in the next release.
The third was in Tech Support, and he kept saying, "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now..."
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! 'But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him $5.
The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin."
The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark.
The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing.
The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another $5 bill.
Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin".
At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that's twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?".
"Yes," says the kid, "a tight c**t "
GABRIEL'S HORN
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved." "Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun. "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
"Did he now," said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."
"Is that a fact,"said the old nun even more evenly. "At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the path way to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved." "That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for forty years!"
Her first husband was in Training, and he kept teaching her how to do it herself.
The second one was in Sales, and he kept telling her how good it was going to be in the next release.
The third was in Tech Support, and he kept saying, "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now..."
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! 'But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him $5.
The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin."
The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark.
The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing.
The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another $5 bill.
Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin".
At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that's twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?".
"Yes," says the kid, "a tight c**t "
GABRIEL'S HORN
It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved." "Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun. "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
"Did he now," said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."
"Is that a fact,"said the old nun even more evenly. "At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the path way to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved." "That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for forty years!"
