If you don't want to hear me vent, complain and whine, I suggest just hitting the back button now...
In retrospect, I should have known the last week was going to catch me up. Short nights (4-4 1/2 hours of sleep a night), long days, and many a skipped meal ( ie from 8pm Tues to 6pm Wens with out a proper meal) were just a whammy in the making.
Friday started out good though. Typical 4 hours of sleep that night. Up at 4:30, to work for 6:30 and out at 3. Home, shower and changed for my date with Ms Lajoie that night. But, I thought I'd be smart and pick up the beer in TO rather than bring it with me from home. After all a 2 hour drink, it's bound to get warm right? Pity I couldn't find a beer store. Got bad directions on to where to find them. Realized I left my donation back in the car on my way up the street. When I finally gave up on finding the beer store, I realized my date was 10 minutes away...And I had been walking for 30!! So when I finally got to Gen's place I was late, stressed about being late, winded and had a head of steam on. (Go me!!)
Now I could talk about how the date went, but what can I saw that hasn't been said about Genevieve? The conversation was terrific. She talked about some things that might help me talking to people. She also pointed out that I appear to have a thing for short haired ladies. And in return I told her a few things about myself that I haven't even told my best friends...And it wasn't sexual in nature either. As for the sex? Well, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. (Ok, a proper gentleman probably wouldn't frequent these boards to begin with, but that's the stance I'm taking).
After several hour of Ms Lajoie's company, I stumbled back to the Agent of Fortune. (Yes, I've named my car, but guess where the name's from) Genevieve questioned if I was in shape to even be driving. Let's just say leather seats, a big v8 and thundering metal do cure a few things. So off I went, to drive to Kingston from Toronto...at 12am and I've been up since 4:30.
Except for the construction in Ajax/Whitby, driving was smooth. A solid buck 10/20 all the way with almost no traffic. 3 cokes, several sticks of gum and a donut saw me to Kingston without incident...Though my GPS was off where the hotel was.
Got there, checked in, stripped down and passed out around 4am...Ok, followed some of Genevieve's instructions, then passed out.
Alarm goes off 6:30am, and I finally struggle out of bed at 7. Let's just say 10 years ago, I could have pulled that off. 4 hours of sleep I can function on...2 1/2? No damned way.
So the day went by as something of a blur...Until finally 4:30, class ends and time to crash for a bit before dinner, drinking and party!
I head back to my room, post off my phone and in general chill, until it's time to head down.
As luck would have it, there's a few people I know there, so I grab a table with them and join them for dinner...But the last few days are now really catching up to me. So while the raffle's on, I head out to try to clear my head out.
Once the raffles are over and the music starts, 2/3s of the people clear out. What's left are couples. And myself alone....Alone...A-freaking-LONE
Now what's wrong with being alone? I've pretty much made my peace with being alone. That's what I'm going to be, and that's how I'm bound to die.
But standing in that room, by myself while nearly everyone else had some one hurt. It hurt alot.
That's all it took. Washed away with the euphoria of the previous. The good places my head's been for the past month now mired. And that's all that it took for my "demons" to get the upper hand. Now some refer to alcoholism or drug abuse as demons. No such thing for me. My demons are in my own mind. They're the parts of me that like to tear myself down, and to take the good/pleasant things and twist warp them into something suspicious, painful and unpleasant.
So here I am back from what should have been a terrific weekend, and instead I'm mired in my self imposed black moods.
When was the last time you though "I should have just stayed home"?
In retrospect, I should have known the last week was going to catch me up. Short nights (4-4 1/2 hours of sleep a night), long days, and many a skipped meal ( ie from 8pm Tues to 6pm Wens with out a proper meal) were just a whammy in the making.
Friday started out good though. Typical 4 hours of sleep that night. Up at 4:30, to work for 6:30 and out at 3. Home, shower and changed for my date with Ms Lajoie that night. But, I thought I'd be smart and pick up the beer in TO rather than bring it with me from home. After all a 2 hour drink, it's bound to get warm right? Pity I couldn't find a beer store. Got bad directions on to where to find them. Realized I left my donation back in the car on my way up the street. When I finally gave up on finding the beer store, I realized my date was 10 minutes away...And I had been walking for 30!! So when I finally got to Gen's place I was late, stressed about being late, winded and had a head of steam on. (Go me!!)
Now I could talk about how the date went, but what can I saw that hasn't been said about Genevieve? The conversation was terrific. She talked about some things that might help me talking to people. She also pointed out that I appear to have a thing for short haired ladies. And in return I told her a few things about myself that I haven't even told my best friends...And it wasn't sexual in nature either. As for the sex? Well, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. (Ok, a proper gentleman probably wouldn't frequent these boards to begin with, but that's the stance I'm taking).
After several hour of Ms Lajoie's company, I stumbled back to the Agent of Fortune. (Yes, I've named my car, but guess where the name's from) Genevieve questioned if I was in shape to even be driving. Let's just say leather seats, a big v8 and thundering metal do cure a few things. So off I went, to drive to Kingston from Toronto...at 12am and I've been up since 4:30.
Except for the construction in Ajax/Whitby, driving was smooth. A solid buck 10/20 all the way with almost no traffic. 3 cokes, several sticks of gum and a donut saw me to Kingston without incident...Though my GPS was off where the hotel was.
Got there, checked in, stripped down and passed out around 4am...Ok, followed some of Genevieve's instructions, then passed out.
Alarm goes off 6:30am, and I finally struggle out of bed at 7. Let's just say 10 years ago, I could have pulled that off. 4 hours of sleep I can function on...2 1/2? No damned way.
So the day went by as something of a blur...Until finally 4:30, class ends and time to crash for a bit before dinner, drinking and party!
I head back to my room, post off my phone and in general chill, until it's time to head down.
As luck would have it, there's a few people I know there, so I grab a table with them and join them for dinner...But the last few days are now really catching up to me. So while the raffle's on, I head out to try to clear my head out.
Once the raffles are over and the music starts, 2/3s of the people clear out. What's left are couples. And myself alone....Alone...A-freaking-LONE
Now what's wrong with being alone? I've pretty much made my peace with being alone. That's what I'm going to be, and that's how I'm bound to die.
But standing in that room, by myself while nearly everyone else had some one hurt. It hurt alot.
That's all it took. Washed away with the euphoria of the previous. The good places my head's been for the past month now mired. And that's all that it took for my "demons" to get the upper hand. Now some refer to alcoholism or drug abuse as demons. No such thing for me. My demons are in my own mind. They're the parts of me that like to tear myself down, and to take the good/pleasant things and twist warp them into something suspicious, painful and unpleasant.
So here I am back from what should have been a terrific weekend, and instead I'm mired in my self imposed black moods.
When was the last time you though "I should have just stayed home"?
