"It used to really tick me off," said Hagar frankly, "whenever those two
brought up my greatest hits record. I had participated on the Unboxed record for two reasons. One, I needed the cash for my divorce. Two, I really believed the release of the greatest hits package would stop any speculation on Eddie and Al's part, that I was angling toward reviving my solo career. Hell, I didn't need the extra money for those two songs. If push came to shove, I could have taken the money out of my bank account to settle the property issue with Betsy. As I look back on those events now, I realize there really wasn't any one thing I could have done to forestall the inevitable. Ray Danniels was slowly gaining control of the brothers. I'm sure he was behind the scenes telling these guys, 'Hey, you better watch out for this guy.'
When Hagar received his publishing check from Warner/Chappell, the divorce lawyers for both sides got together to hammer out a settlement. It was not a very happy scene. Betsy's attorney even had to pull her away from Sam as the terms for the divorce were being finalized. "While the lawyers were talking," said Betsy, "Sam and I were sitting in an empty courtroom waiting for our hearing. I said, 'Sam, we've probably got 30 or 40 more years on the planet. You can always come home if you ever change your mind.' He said, 'Well, I'm not closing any doors Betsy.' I started crying, and he put his arm around me. He said, 'Oh God, we shouldn't even be here.' My lawyer then came inside and dragged me away saying, 'Don't sit near him. Don't you go anywhere near him.' Sam knew I loved him, but you know, I realized that people have a different capacity for love. I'm a person that cares and loves deeply. Sam was very tender and passionate with me the whole time we were together. A part of me was spiritually evolved enough to forgive him, and willing to believe he would return some day."
"I'm so thankful that I had Andrew and Aaron in my life when Sam left. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had anything and been totally alone. I'll tell you what's interesting. Most of the times women in divorce retain everything, and the men go off by themselves. In this case it was reversed. I was the one that was cast adrift. Sam kept the house, the lifestyle and all our friends. I was the one left holding the bag. Right after he left me, I thought the only way I was going to get through it was to replace him as soon as possible. I got involved with this guy who was totally in love with me and wanted to get married. The problem our relationship had was my inability to let Sam go. Let me tell you something. No one going through a divorce has any business dating. Every time I was with him, I did nothing but cry about Sam. We went back and forth over this subject for over a year, and it was awful. Finally,
we both knew our relationship wouldn't work out, because I still wanted my husband to come home."
Betsy's lawyers made it clear to her that since she had been married for so long, California's tough divorce statutes entitled her to support for life. To their astonishment, she didn't care about the financial aspects of her case. Her attorneys often got upset with her, she says, because of the dispassionate manner in which she viewed the proceedings. They were looking out for her best interests, but were hampered by the strong feelings Betsy still harbored for her soon-to-be ex-usband. In her mind, she had come to the conclusion that a friendly settlement would make Sammy feel more comfortable to come back home to her one day. When an agreement was finally reached, Hagar's wife only accepted the cash value for her half of their community property and alimony for nine years. She steadfastly refused to take any royalties her husband earned from his music, or make him financially responsible for her well-being the rest of her natural life.
"I know it must have been rough for my lawyers to deal with me," admitted
Betsy. "They were trying to do the best job they could for me, and there I was going, 'I don't want to make Sam mad. I want him to come home.' I was so stupid about the divorce, even my son Aaron wanted me to fight for everything. My friends would say, 'Betsy, you got so screwed in your divorce settlement.' I said, 'No, no, I'll be fine. I got enough, I'll be fine.' I'm not a malicious or vindictive person. I wanted Sam to come home so bad, I thought if I made the divorce easy on him, he would. The whole situation was so horrible in the first place, I just wanted to make sure I had something coming in. I didn't complain about the arrangement. I always felt I was going to be fine. My lawyers wanted to go after everything of Sam's. They wanted to go through his home studio in Mill Valley and confiscate all his tapes. They said, 'You are entitled to the royalties of any song that was written while you were
married.' I said, 'No, don't do it. I don't want to do that.' The other lawyer involved said this was the most amicable divorce he had ever been involved with."
Betsy admits that her intense love for Sammy blinded her to the realities
of divorce. Instead of settling for what was fair, she went for less. She received half the value of the three homes they owned and other real estate holdings her husband had around Southern California. Betsy also retained some IRA accounts and half the gold Hagar always kept in a safe. Her total take from the 23 years of devotion to her marriage was a fraction of her husband's net worth. The alimony payments would stop in December 2003. From that point on, with no job skills other than her songwriting talent, she would have to fend for herself. Even that important fact of life didn't phase her. Money had never held any real value to her, especially after everything she'd been through with Sammy. Love was the one commodity she took stock in. For over two decades, Betsy had gladly stood by her man. Sadly, that sentiment was not returned.
"The one thing I'm very sorry I didn't get was my mother's silverware,"
confided Betsy. "Sam wouldn't let me have it. Once, I went up to Mill Valley to get all my things out of the house. All the locks had been changed and the gate recoded so I couldn't get in. I told my lawyer about it, and he said he'd get the police to escort me up there so I could get whatever was mine. Like a fool, I told him no, I didn't want to do that. Sam and No. 2 decided which of my things I could have. They just threw things into boxes, and one of the band's roadies drove them down to Spindrift. The only thing I got from my home of all those years were the items he decided were okay for me to have. I remember a time Andrew came back from visiting his father, and he told me he'd polished silver during his stay. I thought to myself, 'How funny; that's my mother's silverware.' Sam had a library built for me too, and I had
several beautiful books I had collected over the years. I asked him if I could have them back, and he said no."
"Sam always told everyone how horrible I was during the divorce, and how
I went after him. He has no idea how easy I was or maybe he does. When my lawyers got involved, right away, they started thinking Sam had moved
money and hidden it somewhere. They saw that he was a lying, cheating jerk. The way to get to Sam is through his money. If you mess with it, you're in big trouble. In the beginning, he was furious about having to give me anything. He said, 'Betsy, you spent all of the money you deserved while we were married. You shouldn't get a penny!' He seemed to forget that I was the one who was responsible for redecorating and furnishing all the houses we lived in. I bought all the clothes and our food. Sam didn't go out and do any of that stuff. It was so comical of him to accuse me of spending all this money on the family, yet he would go out buy Ferraris without thinking twice about it. Finally, Ben Winslow, his attorney says, 'Hey look, this is California. You have to give her half.' He was totally upset about having to give me anything. Again, I didn't care about the money. All I wanted was for Sam to come home, and at one point, I thought he would. When I flew into Los Angeles to see my attorney, this one particular driver I knew from the limousine service we always used met me at the airport. He told me he had picked Kari up one time, and they started talking. She said, 'Look, don't worry. I know about Betsy. Sam and I are just going to have fun; he won't leave her.' Obviously that didn't last very long."
The saddest part of divorce, says Betsy, was losing touch with her husband's family, especially Bobbi. Once they accepted Kari into the family, she quietly bowed out of their lives altogether feeling betrayed. "Divorce is a ruined concept," offered Betsy. "I likened the experience to high school. When you're going through it, you are nowhere ready to deal with it. I could have been very mean to Sam, but I wasn't. Throughout the proceedings I wanted him to come home, so I made every effort to be nice. You know his entire car collection was registered in my name. He had eight cars at the time of the divorce, half of which were Ferraris. He had put all his automobiles in my name, because of his awful driving record. Sam could not get any insurance. Since the cars had to be insured, the only way we could get a decent premium was to register them all in my name. One of my friends said I should have rented a flatbed truck, drove it up to Mill Valley, and taken possession of all them. The only thing I got out of it was my 1953 Chevy truck, and half the cash value of his collection."
cont.
