Unreciprocated love........

[Male4Strapon]

I was catching up with a female friend who I hadn't talked to since precovid. I was shocked to learn that she months ago had to get a restraining order against an ex boyfriend who just could not accept her decision to end the relationship. She thought covid and lockdowns would force him to go away but sadly it didn't.
I won't get into specifics but if any of you guys are in a situation where you are trying to rekindle things with an ex then I want to plead to you in a non judgemental way....... I don't want you to get defensive instead I want you to read and absorb this as if it's advice from whomever your best friend is..........

> Making a girl uncomfortable is NEVER going to win her affections. In fact if she ever uses the phrase "You're making me uncomfortable" then treat that like a blaring siren and stop what you're doing immediately.
> If she tells you that it's over, you can HOPE that absence will make the heart grow fonder but let her come to that decision on her own. Do not try to persuade her
> When an ex tells you not to contact them again, respect their decision. You will NOT convince her by pestering her. If there is any hope of a future then she will reach out to you.
> Showing up unexpected to her work or her place, her parents home, where she hangs out etc......... will only push her away further.
> Giving her gifts when she has told you it's over is not loving or romantic. Save your money, you cannot buy her love and you shouldn't want to. If you have to shower her with gifts for her to love you then you're better off without her.
> Do not contact her family members, friends or coworkers, especially if you're doing so because she has blocked you or is just ignoring you.
> You may be rationalizing to yourself that your feelings for her are sincere and come from true love, but it's not true love if you are doing the exact opposite of what she has told you what she wants.
> Throw out any of her belongings you might still have (edit: or give to a donation centre Dropbox). Just Do not attempt to return to her under any circumstances. Delete any photos or videos of her. Lose her contact info.
> If it reaches the point that you are being visited by police, it is not a misunderstanding. She is not overreacting. It has reached a point where you need to please seek help. Own it and fix yourself. Do not attempt to apologize to her, just worry about yourself and see someone who can help you accept this and avoid a repeat with your next girlfriend.

If she has moved on then you need to as well.

I hope other terb members, especially women can add other insights.

 

[mandrill]

CRIMINAL CODE of CANADA
Criminal harassment

• 264 (1) No person shall, without lawful authority and knowing that another person is harassed or recklessly as to whether the other person is harassed, engage in conduct referred to in subsection (2) that causes that other person reasonably, in all the circumstances, to fear for their safety or the safety of anyone known to them.
• Marginal note Prohibited conduct
  (2) The conduct mentioned in subsection (1) consists of
  • (a) repeatedly following from place to place the other person or anyone known to them;
  • (b) repeatedly communicating with, either directly or indirectly, the other person or anyone known to them;
  • (c) besetting or watching the dwelling-house, or place where the other person, or anyone known to them, resides, works, carries on business or happens to be; or
  • (d) engaging in threatening conduct directed at the other person or any member of their family.
• Marginal note Punishment
  (3) Every person who contravenes this section is guilty of
  • (a) an indictable offence and is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding ten years; or
  • (b) an offence punishable on summary conviction.
• Marginal note:Factors to be considered
  (4) Where a person is convicted of an offence under this section, the court imposing the sentence on the person shall consider as an aggravating factor that, at the time the offence was committed, the person contravened
  • (a) the terms or conditions of an order made pursuant to section 161 or a recognizance entered into pursuant to section 810, 810.1 or 810.2; or
  • (b) the terms or conditions of any other order or recognizance, or of an undertaking, made or entered into under the common law, this Act or any other Act of Parliament or of a provincial legislature that is similar in effect to an order or recognizance referred to in paragraph (a).
• Marginal note:Reasons
  (5) Where the court is satisfied of the existence of an aggravating factor referred to in subsection (4), but decides not to give effect to it for sentencing purposes, the court shall give reasons for its decision.

 

[richaceg]

People chasing ex's need to hobby more...having a gf doesn't get you free sex....sex is never free...

 

[james t kirk]

I had a GF for 3 years in university that I lost my soul to. I loved her so much I would have taken a bullet for her. In short, I was pathetic. At the time, after she dumped me, I used to "show up" where I knew she'd be. I kept tabs on her from afar. I was devastated and wanted her back more than anything in my life. She was all I could think about. At the time I remember a friend of mine telling me, "I think God is doing you a favour.". It took me a long time to get over her but I finally I did. My friend was right too. (Long story.)

That singular event changed me forever. I've been through the wringer with a few women since those university days, but I can honestly say I have never lost a moments sleep, nor did I ever look back when breakups occurred. It sounds cold, but now I look at it like no woman is worth getting all fucked up over or ending up with a restraining order against you.

Wish them all the best, don't drag it out and never look back.

 

[Tashki]

I thought this thread would be about an SP not loving me back.

 

[Male4Strapon]

I thought this thread would be about an SP not loving me back.

I wasn’t sure what title to give this.

I didn’t want to use the term stalker or bash these guys in any way because I think it would be counterproductive. They don’t seem to realize that they are crossing the stalking line. I think they’re mostly good guys who mean well but can’t accept the reality that it’s over. This guy seems to have a mental block like this is all normal in relationships.
He told the police it was just a misunderstanding and that they were simply going through a rocky time in their relationship. He was shocked it came to this even though she warned him it would if he didn’t leave her alone. The cops kept telling him there is no relationship and for him to leave her alone, which of course he couldn’t.
My heart just sank hearing how scared she is and how oblivious he seems to be about that despite everything. She isn’t comfortable going out alone, is now habitually looks around everywhere she goes for his car. She’s imprisoned by his inability to accept that it’s over.

 

[Mandalorian]

I had a GF for 3 years in university that I lost my soul to. I loved her so much I would have taken a bullet for her. In short, I was pathetic. At the time, after she dumped me, I used to "show up" where I knew she'd be. I kept tabs on her from afar. I was devastated and wanted her back more than anything in my life. She was all I could think about. At the time I remember a friend of mine telling me, "I think God is doing you a favour.". It took me a long time to get over her but I finally I did. My friend was right too. (Long story.)

That singular event changed me forever. I've been through the wringer with a few women since those university days, but I can honestly say I have never lost a moments sleep, nor did I ever look back when breakups occurred. It sounds cold, but now I look at it like no woman is worth getting all fucked up over or ending up with a restraining order against you.

Wish them all the best, don't drag it out and never look back.

Same here, and same lesson learned. Respect.

 

[y2kmark]

Agree with all points except throwing her stuff in the trash. Don't they have Salvation Army or Goodwill Industries up there?...

 

[Male4Strapon]

Agree with all points except throwing her stuff in the trash. Don't they have Salvation Army or Goodwill Industries up there?...

good Point. Key is that they should not in any way try to get it back to the ex gf.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Yup. Women are like banks. Your chances of getting acceptance from them depends on your ability to show you don't need them.

 

[Bobzilla]

After having my heart ripped out about 25 years ago, I learned that when she tells you it's over, you just walk away, don't call her, don't try to get back with her, don't keep in touch in any way or let on that you want to get back with her. Just move on with your life. If she really cared about you & you do this, there's a possibility she might want you back. Happened to me & I screwed it up. It sucks that you have to go through something like this before you really learn the lesson.

 

[rhuarc29]

I had a GF for 3 years in university that I lost my soul to. I loved her so much I would have taken a bullet for her. In short, I was pathetic. At the time, after she dumped me, I used to "show up" where I knew she'd be. I kept tabs on her from afar. I was devastated and wanted her back more than anything in my life. She was all I could think about. At the time I remember a friend of mine telling me, "I think God is doing you a favour.". It took me a long time to get over her but I finally I did. My friend was right too. (Long story.)

That singular event changed me forever. I've been through the wringer with a few women since those university days, but I can honestly say I have never lost a moments sleep, nor did I ever look back when breakups occurred. It sounds cold, but now I look at it like no woman is worth getting all fucked up over or ending up with a restraining order against you.

Wish them all the best, don't drag it out and never look back.

I had a similar experience in university, but rather than dumping me, she just became gradually more distant. At first I took it as her needing more space, and I was busy with my studies anyway, but then she started cancelling our plans. The more distance she put, the more I tried to "fix" it, which pushed her further away. Eventually she ghosted me. For the record, being ghosted sucks. There's no finality to it, you have no idea what went wrong, and no reasonable way of finding out. I refused to try tracking her down and confronting her, but am ashamed to say I left one very upset voicemail with her letting her know what I thought about her cowardly method of breaking up, before going my own way. Don't know how you can ghost someone that you ever cared for.

But I learnt a lesson from that. If I sense a woman pulling back, I let her go now. And when I break up with a woman, I make sure to do it to her face, instead of gradually disappearing from her life. Don't want to crush someone the way I was crushed by that one woman.

 

[bazokajoe]

This should also apply to the bat shit crazy women out their too that stalk their ex's.

 

[|2 /-\ | /|/]

Nothing in OPs post signals love. It signals a sickness, and toxic behaviour. Unrequited love would be him accepting the fact that she doesn’t want anything to do with him and moving on while still loving her and having her in his mind and heart.

If you love them you will want them to be happy with or without out and will enjoy to actually see or know they are happy even or especially if this means without you.

You guys have a strange sense and definition of the word love. Maybe love of self is better and what self wants or how to I exploit this person to tame my urges and instinct for affection and loneliness would be more appropriate explanation what’s happening in majority of the cases when people use love on here lol

 

[Jenesis]

My ex follows me on TERB still to this day.

Within 24 hours of posting a phone number, he texted me.

Caught him driving by my place just a week or so ago.

Some will never learn.

I just ignore, ignore, ignore. It doesn’t phase me anymore.

 

[luvdog]

Walking away from the situation and living your life is the best course of action.
The most difficult break ups, are the ones where the ex doesn't communicate their intentions, and leaves it vague.
In the end, I had to ghost them.
It is bad for your health, thank god for the Hobby.

L.D.

 

[fall]

Nothing in OPs post signals love. It signals a sickness, and toxic behaviour. Unrequited love would be him accepting the fact that she doesn’t want anything to do with him and moving on while still loving her and having her in his mind and heart.

If you love them you will want them to be happy with or without out and will enjoy to actually see or know they are happy even or especially if this means without you.

You guys have a strange sense and definition of the word love. Maybe love of self is better and what self wants or how to I exploit this person to tame my urges and instinct for affection and loneliness would be more appropriate explanation what’s happening in majority of the cases when people use love on here lol

Well, only a very small fractions are able to have that much love. Many others stop at the level when they cannot let it go. And even more just do not care and move on. This is a very delicate situation, because both people are suffering, and, I believe, the guy suffers more from the rejection than the girl from stalking. It is not possible to resolve it to everyone's satisfaction. There should be some psychological help for people in this situation to help the guy to move on.

 

[Jenesis]

Well, only a very small fractions are able to have that much love. Many others stop at the level when they cannot let it go. And even more just do not care and move on. This is a very delicate situation, because both people are suffering, and, I believe, the guy suffers more from the rejection than the girl from stalking. It is not possible to resolve it to everyone's satisfaction. There should be some psychological help for people in this situation to help the guy to move on.

I don’t know about that. I mean I can see that now because I have all the security in the world that he wouldn’t dare try something but for a while, the fear and anxiety created by being stalked is awful.

The stalker is choosing their suffering by not moving on but the stalked is a victim and trust me, being stalked is not fun. I have been stalked by this same person for years now. Yes - years. So I have come to learn how to deal but I don’t know if I would say the stalker feels suffering more.

 

[Male4Strapon]

Nothing in OPs post signals love. It signals a sickness, and toxic behaviour. Unrequited love would be him accepting the fact that she doesn’t want anything to do with him and moving on while still loving her and having her in his mind and heart.

If you love them you will want them to be happy with or without out and will enjoy to actually see or know they are happy even or especially if this means without you.

You guys have a strange sense and definition of the word love. Maybe love of self is better and what self wants or how to I exploit this person to tame my urges and instinct for affection and loneliness would be more appropriate explanation what’s happening in majority of the cases when people use love on here lol

I agree with you but you’ve missed my point that in the jilted ex’s view it IS love.
There are those who are controlling and are chasing their ex because of that. Those guys are not doing it for love as you said.
I wrote my post trying to connect with the others who don’t mean harm. They don’t even understand what they’re doing is wrong. My friend’s ex thinks they’re going through a low point in the relationship that she ended in early 2020.
Odds are high that there are some guys here who are or have been is such situations and I am trying to get through to them some perspective that they are not seeing on their own.

 

[JeanGary Diablo]

This story isn't about unreciprocated love -- it's about one man's obsession.

Love and obsession are not even remotely the same things, but an obsessed person will think they are in love because they cannot differentiate between the two emotions.

If you truly love someone and the relationship ends, you will not continue to chase after the other person, or call them, or text them, or email them, and you will certainly not harass them. Instead, you will respect their decision not to be with you and you will genuinely hope they find someone more suitable to be with than you were.

Loving someone means you genuinely wish the best for that person because you have their best interests at heart; obsession is utterly and completely about one-sided selfishness.