Two Stories on the same theme- a contest

Marla

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Mar 29, 2010
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I offered to submit a story for an unidentified member who wanted to have his topic written about. He then said he wanted to write his own version of the story and turn it into a contest. I don't know what the winner is supposed to get. He wants his name to be withheld. Here is his story:

Her name is Anna. Even though better off than most people, she has tried all her life to have the wealth and fame she craved. She was born in a eastern European country and lived much the way everyone lived there, but by Canadian standards it was a life of poverty. When she turned 16, her parents sent her to live in Canada with relatives that she barely knew. After a year of school in Toronto, she went to work in different factories and earned minimum wage. Each month, she gave two weeks of her wages to her uncle for her room and board, one week of wages she kept for herself and one week of wages she sent home to her family in the old country. In the old country, two days of Canadian minimum wages would feed the family for a month. She was the bread winner for her family. After five years of minimum wage drudgery, she was introduced to a man from the old country and a year later they were married. Anna married this man only because he was a fellow countryman and spoked her language and knew her customs. Anna secretly longed to be rich and famous, but that was not realistic. Even though Anna could speak English quite well she had the old country accent. Anna was a plain girl and did not have the talent, experience or looks to be an actrice or model that she longed to be. She settles into family life and has two children, a girl and a boy. As these children grew up Anna saw her opportunity to live her dreams through her daughter Nicole. At twelve years of age, Nicole was two inches taller than her mother and had the shape of a woman. Anna convinces Nicole that modeling was her destiny. Many photographers were excited by Nicole's looks for three years things go well and the agencies offer he contracts for catalog and advertising shoots. Things start to slow after the third year, the agencies are tiring of the same faces and are looking for new talent. She is quickly becoming a second tier model. Anna is desperate to rejuvenate Nicole's career. and takes her to Montreal and Vancouver where there are some opportunities but can not take full advantage of them because of the distances they must travel to get there when called at a moments notice. Anna hears about a Japanese advertising agency that has arrived in Toronto to look for talent, she contacts the Canadian representative to inquire about opportunities. The Canadian agent gives Anna an appointment to see her in her office. Anna arrives to meet a beautiful woman that is representing several Japanese and Korean ad agencies. After reviewing Nicole's portfolio the agent is impressed and tells Anna that this is the sort of girl that the Asian agencies are looking for. The agent tells Anna that her client has to understand that things are done differently in the orient. Anna naively asks what the agent means. The agent tells Anna that it happens all the time, if your client is friendly and co-operative they will be friendly and co-operative. The agent tells Anna that she has seen this sort of thing not only in the orient, but in the US, and Europe as well. I know, said that agent. I was once a model myself. Anna accepts a modeling job for Nicole in Japan. Two weeks later they were jetting to Tokyo and Anna has not told Nicole about the casting couch mentality. The first two days for Anna and Nicole in Tokyo was bright lights and shopping. On the second night Nicole was scheduled to go to a agency party. There were girls from North America, Europe, South America, she even heard Australian accents in the crowd. There were about 120 models to 40-50 ad and agency executives.The party started off with nothing unusual, introductions compliments and drinking. Soon, the tone of the party changes, soon the girls seem to be going wild. Some girls are sitting on the agency executives and putting their breast into their faces. Anna sees one girl grope a man as you might expect to see a man groping a woman. Nicole had heard from some of the other models that this sort of thing does happen but now she is right in the middle of things. Suddenly she feels a hand on her breast, it was all like a dream, as if she is watching it happen to someone else. The three cognacs she has had only made things feel more like a fantasy to her. After several weeks of the same scenario of parties by night and photo shoots by day, The Hotel penthouse suites were different, the people were different but it all played out the same way at each party with the girls going after the men like. After three weeks of work by day and party by night Nicole was tired of the dog eat dog mentality of the business where she has to hunt down her own meat and bring it back. She confided in her mother that at the parties she was going to the girls were all over these men without actually mentioning that some even are openly giving oral sex to some men at the parties and going off into bedrooms. Anna tells Nicole that sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get what you want, without telling her daughter to offer sex to achieve her goals. After several more weeks of photo shoots, shopping and parties, Things start to slow down, a week goes by without a photo shoot, and then two weeks. Anna gets worried and makes an appointment to see the casting agent. She is told that same story she has heard before,the agencies want new faces. The casting agent tells Anna. maybe I send you to other city, Yokohama, Osaka. Local manufacturers need advertising too. Maybe. The way the casting agent was beating around the bush was very suggestive. Anna knew what she had to do. Anna. now in her early 40s dressed well and had make-up on would barely get a notice back home, but in the orient she is seen as a very exotic woman. After over 20 years of marriage to the only man she has ever had sex with, Anna is giving oral sex to a Japanese man and he has his hand up her skirt and slipped has his hands in her panties fingering her vagina. Strangely, she felt no regret or resentment in offering herself up to get modeling gigs for Nicole. In convincing her daughter that it is OK to have sex to get advancements, she had convinced herself. There were modeling gigs in Yokohama and Osaka but they were lesser ads for local businesses. After 7 months Nicole wanted out and back to Canada for the simple life as a university student, but she is affraid of her domineering mother and her instance that she continue in her modeling career. Nicole arrives at her next photo shoot for swimwear, As she takes off her dressing robe there is a gasp in the studio. Nicole is angrily ordered out and told people like you are not welcome and to never come back. Nicole has sabotaged her career by getting a tattoo on the back of her shoulder of the Japanese word for Yakuza - Japanese mafia. The tattoo indicates that she is the property of the Yakuza. This is so unacceptable in Japan that no photographer, model agency or agent will have anything to do with such a woman.
This was 12 years ago, Nicole has competed he university studies and is happy in her career in the field of physiology. Anna has divorced Nicole's father and is on the look out for a wealthy man to marry.
 
My eyeballs hurt.

Me too. Is this for real? A medal for anyone that actually reads it.

par·a·graph noun \ˈper-ə-ˌgraf, ˈpa-rə-\

: a part of a piece of writing that usually deals with one subject, that begins on a new line, and that is made up of one or more sentences
 
For you old geezers :

1) Press Ctrl ( lower left hand side )

2) Then press + ( upper right hand side )
 
I don't know if it's true or not, but if it is true, the old lady sounds like a real piece of work.
 
I am going to make a suggestion. Next time I would post a poll. The first post is to explain the poll. Second post is story one, titled of course. Post three is story two also titled and then people can comment. The way to guys set this up makes me not want to bother to participate. Which I assume negates the purpose.

This is besides the obvious paragraph, grammar and spellings issues. I know I am bad for them, but I am not involved in a "writing" contest.
 
For you old geezers :

1) Press Ctrl ( lower left hand side )

2) Then press + ( upper right hand side )


For the missing the point geezers, it is not about the size of the font.
 
Ok, want some constructive feedback?

The basic premise of the story is good. I think this storyline could easily be turned into short novel. The writing needs work. It sounds like it was written by a non-writer, over a large cup of coffee. It lacks pace and rhythm. Even as a short story, you need to be mindful of the flow. At times it seemed rushed; too often it felt abrupt and left me wanting details. The themes and issues that the writer is trying to tackle are far too complex and nuanced to gloss over in a rush.

Writing takes time, and writing well is very difficult.
 
Marla,

Since you started both threads, put the two stories in a new thread and kill the old ones. Stop letting the loud mouths sent the thread off topic.
 
I have asked the mod to close them and they haven't. Anyway things have died down and I am just going to leave it alone.