"Tis the Season" and feeling like crap.

[Kev]

I went to get some cash out of a ATM machine, and in the enclosed booth was a man in his late thirties early forties sitting in a wheelchair. His hair was matted and dirty, he had no shoes just a pair of heavy woolen socks. His head was hung down cocked to one side like it was a chore to look up and face the world. I wasn't sure how he could find access in here without a credit card (i assumed he didn't have one) but i was annoyed that he could, so i asked him "what are you doing in here?" He replied " i'm trying to get twenty bucks so i can get something to eat." I said " food doesn't cost no twenty bucks." "It does if your starving" he says. I proceeded to go about my business, although the while hes giving me pleasant small talk. I guess he was assuming that twenty bucks was in his future. Mean while i'm thinking, why is this guy asking for twenty bucks? Is that what a fix of crack cocaine costs? or heroin? I have i have no idea what drugs cost on the street. Or maybe its booze hes after.
As i thought about it. The cogs in my head made the assumption that he was user or an alcoholic, even though i had no evidence to prove it? He was grubby looking but he didn't have that drugged out look thats so prevalent with users and abusers you see on the more seedier side of town. As the machine spit out my money i grabbed it, and said "you have a good evening." and i aimed straight for the door. With a desperate look, he said "you too sir" and i walked out.......and i have been feeling like crap ever since.

Vancouver is inundated with panhandlers, young and old, that are to lazy to work. At every turn there is someone asking for money. You can't even stop your car at a red light without some bum asking for cash. The other day i was approached be an attractive young girl in her late teens early twenties asking me for some coin. I told her "why don't you take up prostitution like most girls in your predicament?" Okay it wasn't very nice, but i couldn't see anything wrong with this young women that would forbid her from getting a job. Except her laziness. For some gut wrenching reason i don't feel this wheelchair bound fellow was of this sort and was really needing help. How could i not have compassion for someone down on his luck, and who was confined to a chair? Thats not really me, or is it?


Even if he was an addict i didn't have to give him cash, but i could have bought him a hamburger and french fries. Instead i just turned my back and walked out. I just feel like crap for doing that, and whats making it worse right now is Barry Manilow's song Mandy is playing on the radio. How depressing. They say Christmas Time "Tis the Season" but there really should be no season. Those who are in need are in need 24/7, 52 weeks of the year, or at least until good fortune comes there way.
I have to appease my sole, and help someone who needs it. Sometimes i wish i could be as cold as ice, with no conscience, but i think there are enough assholes in the world.

What would have some of you done? Flipped him a couple of bucks, maybe not twenty, but a few anyway, or turn your back? (Like moi) --- Kev

 

[ycghiydvo]

My ex was a social worker. She never gave money to any "street people." It was her opinion that there were services all over every metropolitan area that could assist someone like that. She would know. If they were persistent, she would direct them to a social service agency, depending on their situation. She is normally a pretty easy mark for stuff like that, but for some reason, she never gave them any money.

 

[xarir]

Some years ago I was walking home from work. The streets were quiet as most people had already left the downtown core. It was around 8:30 or so - a bit late to be finishing work but still relatively early in the night. It was a fine November night. The sky was clear and there was a snap in the air as the thermometer had started to edge down. It was one of those nights when you know that the stars are shining brilliantly above and that it'd be an inspring view if it weren't for the ghostly orange glow of the streetlights above your head.

There was a young lady standing close to a building; I suppose it was warmer that way. I don't know why but she struck me as being a runaway kid. She was well dressed (casual but neat) but seemed out of her element. She seemed as unsure of herself as her surroundings. She had a couple of duffel bags with her. I assumed that she had all her belongings with her in those two bags.

As I passed by her she called out to me tentatively, "Sir?" Then again almost with desperation "Sir?"

It was the second one that got me. It was a plaintive voice. An honest sounding voice. A young voice. A sad voice. It was a cry for help. It was a plea.

And I walked by without ever acknowledging her existence.

That voice has haunted me for years. What if I had stopped and given her a loonie or $5 or $20 or whatever? What if I had tried just a little bit to help her? And whatever became of her? Where is she now? Did she survive? Is she OK?

I'll never know of course. But that cry of help in the darkness of a city street has been with me since I heard it. And I know that I will always hear that plea because I wouldn't take even a few seconds to stop and help.

Her voice stays with me still. I try now to devote some of my earnings to charity. I try to ensure I take the time to drop whatever coins I have into cups and hats of people who obviously need some help.

But her voice is still there calling out to me. "Sir? Sir?"

 

[Poseidon]

The Christmas season does add to the guilt. I think people are more in the giving mood since we are all brainwashed by the barrage of Christmas advertising. I’ve heard there are a lot of panhandlers that make a good living, some average better than the minimum wage earners. Good Pan handlers, have good schemes in looking like a street kid, invalid, and bum, which all adds to their act of being poor. Usually you can tell that it’s an act if they appear to be healthy and I usually ignore these people. But to the people that are needy and “beg for money for food,” I normally refer them to a food bank or give them my loose change. After all, what’s a few coins missing in your pocket in exchange for giving a brief moment of happiness to a fellow human being?

 

[Kev]

xarir thats how i think this might go down if i don't try to do something to help others. I don't need this on my conscience. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" ...and all that.

----------------

I didn't post it but i did mention to this fellow that there has to be a better way to get something to eat than begging in a ATM machine. His answer was he was being confined to wheelchair it was next to impossible to get himself to these food banks and such. I don't feel sorry for most panhandlers but for this one individual i felt i should have helped him. --- Kev

 

[SlitMan]

Unfortunately, Christmas does bring on some added guilt at this time of the season. Don't you feel like such a scrooge for not helping someone who is down and out ?? !!

Its interesting some of us have not problems dishing out 250+ dollars for seeing an SP but are unwilling to flip someone a loonie or twoonie. I wouldn't feel to bad we are all selfish in our own ways. I don't think you're alone as I would have probably done the same.

Reason being there are services out there (altho limited) where they can get some help. Charities provide food, shelter and other forms of help to some degree.

I used to give out loose change (loonies, twoonies etc) but where does it end when you run into one on every other corner?

What really did if for me was when an old lady (was a story in the papers a while back) milked her so called handicap panhandling. She was raking in a couple hundred dollars a day (maybe an exaggeration) from sympathetic people passing by. At end of day she would go home to a fully furnished apt. ... and she even had a large projection TV !!!!!!

She just ruined it for all the legit panhandlers and I for one will not feel guilty passing by without donating ! I donate to charity now.

 

[jwmorrice]

Here's a link to an interesting series of articles on homelessness that John Stackhouse did for the Globe and Mail, back in 1999. A lot of food for thought contained therein.

http://www.forde.ca/social_comment.htm

jwm

 

[Kev]

Maybe what i am trying to do is only please my sense of dignity. To do the right thing. I was raised to have empathy for others, some how i think i lost me way. I could tell my mother that i seek the companionship with ladies for payment, she would be upset but it would wear off pretty quickly, but if i told her this story she really wouldn't be impressed. My mother is like Mother Teresa, minus the religous part. --- Kev

 

[Marshall Stack]

I was with my S/O looking at cameras at Henry's last year. We went into McD's for a coke afterward when we were acosted by a panhamdler. He wanted $5 for a bite to eat.

Instead of cash, I ordered food for the sob. What did he do? Threw me a dirty look and walked away. Guess I killed his little scam. Or perhaps it was the McDonald's food that insulted him... I dunno.

Kind'a changed my attitude towards those that beg for money though.

 

[[ALIMEISTER]]

A buddy of mine and me were driving down Old Finch one night (around 2am) after a party. For those of you who have driven by Old Finch know how creepy it is when the lights go out. We passed a young girl, 19 wearing a backpack waving to us on the dirt road. At first we passed her, and something just made me turn around and pick her up. And no it wasn't the thought of getting lucky. We asked where she was going and what she was doing here. She seemed lost and told us how she was from Sudbury and was visiting a friend but couldn't get a hold of her. She asked for a ride from some guy and in return he asked for sex. She denied and he dropped her off at the middle of nowhere.

Anyways she asked to be dropped off at a major intersection and claimed she knew where to go from there. I asked whether she had enough money to spend the night, and regardless I gave her a $20. She thanked us and left. Till this day, I can never forget her amazing smile.

 

[seven]

As has already been stated by others in this thread, we all pay hefty taxes that go into social programs for people like this. Another point to consider is many panhandlers are quite simply lazy and just can't be bothered to earn money like the rest of us.

I don't really think it is a question of laziness. I think what most people view as laziness is an underlying mental illness which doesn't afford them a normal 'working' life. Many of the homeless suffer from schizo, bipolar, or severe addictions. You just have to walk down Hastings from Main to realize that. Talk about Zombie central.

]Originally posted by Pallydin
Finally, the idea of karma is an interesting one....what do you think karma says for people who help another person get that next hit of heroin or bottle of whiskey?

I don't believe in Karma, but regardless, I think it is about what your motivation is, not the actual outcome of your actions. Motivation is how you measure right from wrong. I agree, in part, with your theory of tough love, but I think it is over applied in society to justify our own inaction.

 

[George OTJ]

I think that there are probably as many scammers out there as there are truly needed people. Unless you can tell the difference, I think the best approach is to research some of the charity groups that help feed/clothe/house those in need and donate time or money to them. These charity groups come in contact with the poor and needy on a daily basis - they can probably tell the scammers from the needy a lot better then you and I.

I don't general give to charity and I'm probably not going to change my ways. However when the time comes, I plan to donate my estate to charity: 1/3 to needy poor kids; 1/3 to the homeless; and 1/3 to battered women. The problem is finding the right agencies.

 

[bishop]

Wow this thread comes at the perfect time, lately I have been at odds about giving to the homeless. for a long time I did not give anything to the homeless, although I felt sorry for them but I never gave because quite frankly I have an extremiest personality. If i were to start giving to street people it would become habitual and i would end up giving up lots of my money. But then a year or too back I started giving litttle by little and ended up pretty much giving to every street person I saw. But now I am back to not giving anymore, because I pretty much came to a revolation after being scammed a few times by homeless people and their hardluck stories, as well as a friend of mine who came up with a nice hardluck story and took off with alot of my money. It all did not come together until one day just a month ago, during the thanks giving holidays, I was at a 7-11 buying a pack of cigarettes. I started talking to a homelss guy, and I ask him "why are you not wiht your family at thsi time of the year?" anyways he tells me that his mother lives up north and he has no money to get there. So I ask him how much is a ticket he says 35, I was not gonna let 35 bucks get in the way of giving this man a chance to see his mother and spend the holidays together. SO i gave him 40 and wished him a happy thanksgiving. The next day I see him as I drove by the same spot, when supposedly he was goning to spend the weekend with his mother. I do not blame him at all for lying to me, he was just doing what instinct told him to do, the fact was he probally had an addiction like most other street people and could not help himself, playing on sympathy is basically engraved in their mind. They just do what they know to survive.

Now I still give but I give to my my friends whom I adore and to my family. To the homeless I go and buy food and give it to them.
Pretty much I am willing to give everything I have to someone who truely needs it, but honestly IMO most street people even if you gave them a million dollars would just spend it on coke and be back on the street the next day. Once street people have lived long enough on the streets, they get to a certain stage where you have to treat them like kids, and restrict them from getting your money because they lack self control.

What would be best is to give to childrens charities and help young adults while they can be saved. Once they are on a downward spiral all you can do is offer them a prayer.

Depressing but true; some people are just F*cked in the head and their is nothing in the world you can give or do to help them help themselves.

 

[Kev]

bishop...

The problem to is alot of these homeless ones are mentaly ill, so even if your were to give them money chances are they wouldn't use it responsibly. They probably would spend it on Leaf tickets or stuffed animals.

I remember my mother who had an acquaintance that was schizo. When she was off he medication she would do really weird things. One day she shows up in her new car. This women didn't even have a job. How did she managed to swing that? Who knows. --- Kev

 

[Annessa]

Originally posted by Kev What would have some of you done? Flipped him a couple of bucks, maybe not twenty, but a few anyway, or turn your back? (Like moi) --- Kev

You see... with me I give to the homeless/panhandlers/etc. a few times a week, whether it's left-over take-out or some spare change or a cigarette.

You need to understand that in the world there are a dimension of people, Well the homeless/panhandling/etc. world has there own dimension of people. There are those that are too lazy to get a job *normally I just wish them the best and tell them to do something with their life their's always time* There are those that are addicts of sorts *normally I just tell them there's always time to get help* AND THEN There are those that are mentally ill & those that through too many "hit's" in life lost everything, Those people I give to because I can relate, plus I actually take the time and speak with them, even a few minutes. You'd be surprised what some of them will tell you. I SWEAR you won't forget some of them.

Humanity begins and ends with yourself sometimes. Can you wake up in the morning and know/feel like evryday you make a difference in at least 1 persons life and it doesn't matter how big or how small, even making someone genuinely smile or laugh.

Next time LOOK IN THEIR EYES *hugs* and you'll know the ones that need it and deserve it because somewhere along the way WE as society allowed MANY things to get so bad.



All the best,
Annessa

 

[booboobear]

the problem with giving money to panhandlers. As has already been stated by others in this thread, we all pay hefty taxes that go into social programs for people like this. feel good is not a good reason to do it.


PAL

Hate to rain on your parade pallydin but of the hefty taxes we pay very very little goes in to social programs .


Each street person is different some are young and capable of working ,some are addicts, some are mentally challenged and not
able to hold a normal job. Does the goverment provide mentally challenged people with a free plac to live and free food , I don't think so.

I don't always give but when i do i don't care if the person spends it on crack or food , for some people crack is food , it's not up to me to judge.

 

[seven]

I don't always give but when i do i don't care if the person spends it on crack or food , for some people crack is food , it's not up to me to judge.

I agree. We all deal with the reality fate has chosen for us the best way we know how.

 

[wrong hole]

I always give street people money, it's a way to buy my conscience and help me alleviate some of the guilt, if only for a moment, at the disparity of wealth. It's not being altruistic, it's for my own well being. I don't really care if the street people spend the money on drugs or food as long as it makes them happy for a little while.

 

[onthebottom]

There

were two guys in Union Square in San Fran, I think they were brothers. One had a sign that read, "I need a beer" the other "I want a beer", clever marketing. When ever I'm going to be in a place with a lot of pan handling I'll stop at a fast food restaurant and get a bunch of $1 gift certificates - that works if you really want food.

OTB

 

[Snake Pliskin]

Well, this thread is a tough read if you try to do it all at once.

Jenn and Vanessa and Annessa, those stories were touching. I almost shed a tear. Almost (must maintain manly man image!).

For what its worth:
http://www.volunteertoronto.on.ca/