Throwing Away Relationships

[danmand]

The problem as I see it, is that hobbying makes you lose interest in women of your
own age. When you are seeing 20something girls several times a week, a middle aged
women of your own age are not that attractive physically and sexually.

The inevitable result is of course that the hobbyist will end up old and lonely,
if a heart attack does not take him out au flagrante.

 

[smylee52]

Update: During the spring I met a really nice civilian lady. Long story short, we hit it off, went out on our first date and all indications were that it was a go. Then for some reason, I backed off completely. My reasons were: too busy with work, got too much enjoyment seeing SPs, didn't want to put in the effort, didn't want to spend money on dates without an immediate ROI, and, even though relationships can be great, I was afraid of becoming trapped in one.

Anyway, recently I began having second thoughts and re-established communication with her. She said she was wondering why she never heard from me. She said she liked me, wanted to start a relationship, but of course we never followed through on our dating for the reasons I mentioned above. So, now she's seeing someone else - too late. Now, I'm beginning to wonder what the hell's wrong with me. Some guys can't establish a rapport with a woman for the life of them, and here I am throwing opportunities like this away, and the odd thing is, I liked her. That's fucked up.

You are not alone in this dilemna . It's just become too easy and affordable to get laid without strings vs a relationship that needs emotional investment . Question is which suits your life at this point . You say you liked her which is nice but I suspect if you were crazy about her you would have seen her again .

 

[james t kirk]

I have a similar attitude towards relationships and the ease of SP's etc, but when I think of myself being old as dirt and in the same pattern? I cringe.

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Think Swinging Lifestyle.

 

[sweetm]

Hey Doc,
I apologize if taking my advice from your old thread, of contacting her was wrong. My reason for suggesting you contact her was to see if she was still interested and available. Well she was interested at the time, but now not available. At the very least you know she was interested in starting a relationship with you.

I agree with some who've replied that if you truely were interested in this woman you would have pursued the relationship in the Spring regardless of your hobbying. As to your question as to "what the hell is wrong with you"?
I'd say nothing. You aren't the first to throw away a possibility of being happy with the "one" and you certainly won't be the last. Guys have been fucking up good things all the time, especially myself.

It's easier to know the path we are on when we are by ourselves. We get into a comfortable routine. There is no expectations and no one to disappoint or be disappointed by, but the risk of finding that someone to celebrate or highs and console us in our lows is so worth it. Like Frank said some of us are at a point where the value af being in a long term relationship outweigh the short term gratification of singular encounters. You just have to know what you want and you'll find it. We all do.

 

[danmand]

You guys are the largest collection of Drama Queens I've ever come across. Listen, if you've got financial resources -- you'll never be alone. Period!

If we were queens it is safe to assume that we would be on another board.

 

[blackdog]

You guys are the largest collection of Drama Queens I've ever come across. Listen, if you've got financial resources -- you'll never be alone. Period!

Remind me not to hang out with you or your friends.

 

[Malibook]

So you pulled the plug after the first date.
So what?
If you didn't feel right about it, for whatever reason, it is best not to persue it.
Even if you did persue it, there is a good chance that nothing would have developed, and even if something did, there is a very good chance that she would have simply been your future ex-girlfriend or if things went really great, your future ex-wife.

 

[drlove]

So you pulled the plug after the first date.
So what?
If you didn't feel right about it, for whatever reason, it is best not to persue it.

The thing is, I'm regretting that decision a bit now. Reason being, I felt ambivalent about going through the process (jumping through hoops, as it were) of building a relationship with her. This feeling was enhanced by the fact that I knew it would be so easy to go back to the hobby - almost like a drug!?! You know, if it wasn't for the ready availability of SPs, I would almost certainly be with her now.

 

[drlove]

you definitely shouldn't have called her back at this time.

I contacted her via e-mail - less intrusive.

 

[Malibook]

The thing is, I'm regretting that decision a bit now. Reason being, I felt ambivalent about going through the process (jumping through hoops, as it were) of building a relationship with her. This feeling was enhanced by the fact that I knew it would be so easy to go back to the hobby - almost like a drug!?! You know, if it wasn't for the ready availability of SPs, I would almost certainly be with her now.

I think a sincere relationship is supposed to entail much more than just sex.
If you equate a potential girlfriend with SPs, perhaps you are not ready for a real relationship that is based on more than just sex.
Nothing wrong with this if she is just in it for the sex and/or cash but this is not what I consider a relationship in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense of the word.