Compliements of www.ernieshouseofwhoopass.com
Tonight I had one of the most truly tasteless adventures of my career. I was the resident on call for the ICU at a large teaching hospital. During an otherwise quiet night I was frittering away my time reading a.t. as usual. On my last pass thru the unit before bed, the nurse mentioned that one of our male patients had a problem with his, you know, foreskin.
As it turned out, whoever put in his foley catheter retracted his foreskin and had not replaced it. As a result, with a little swelling of the 'ole glans, the foreskin tightened, venous return was impaired, and the loose tissue beyond his retracted foreskin had blown up like a balloon. This is commonly referred to as paraphimosis, and if left untreated can lead to necrosis of the glans penis (i.e. your dick can rot and drop off). Simple, I thought, give urology a call. I did. He said to
reduce it by squeezing the sucker until the swelling goes down a little and pull the foreskin back down.
Now I like playing with another guy's doodles just as much as much as the next guy, but this was fucking ridiculous!! I squeezed and pulled and yanked and lubed and twisted so much It reminded me of my days as an altar boy. The poor bastard at the other end of the thing wasn't enjoying it too much either, even when I reminded him that some men payed big cash for this sort of action. We both watched a good part of the hockey game on TV, him puffing and writhing away underneath his oxygen mask, and me yanking fruitlessly on his member. Having succeeded only in producing a mangled, bloody, swollen, slippery piece of pecker (again reminiscent of my catholic days), I ran away bravely - call in the expert.
The urology resident is a giant of a man, standing at least six foot five. His approach to the problem was equal to that I've witnessed only by those in the surgical profession (usually orthopedics). I've never seen anything like it. Donning his huge rubber gloves, he grabbed either
side of the man's foreskin, placed his foot firmly on the patient's chest, and gave a gargantuan pull, a la Paul Bunyan, while pushing the pud's pointer in the opposite direction with his mighty thumbs. There was an almost palpable rip/POP, and the ill-fated foreskin was noted to be
once again "back in the saddle." The poor bastard with the penis almost died from pain, mind you. I was awed. Urology IS cool.
So remember kids - your foreskin is your friend. If you pull it back, push it forward again. And I guess if you pull it back and push it forward a whole bunch of times really fast for about an hour, remember to leave it in the 'foredeck.'
Tonight I had one of the most truly tasteless adventures of my career. I was the resident on call for the ICU at a large teaching hospital. During an otherwise quiet night I was frittering away my time reading a.t. as usual. On my last pass thru the unit before bed, the nurse mentioned that one of our male patients had a problem with his, you know, foreskin.
As it turned out, whoever put in his foley catheter retracted his foreskin and had not replaced it. As a result, with a little swelling of the 'ole glans, the foreskin tightened, venous return was impaired, and the loose tissue beyond his retracted foreskin had blown up like a balloon. This is commonly referred to as paraphimosis, and if left untreated can lead to necrosis of the glans penis (i.e. your dick can rot and drop off). Simple, I thought, give urology a call. I did. He said to
reduce it by squeezing the sucker until the swelling goes down a little and pull the foreskin back down.
Now I like playing with another guy's doodles just as much as much as the next guy, but this was fucking ridiculous!! I squeezed and pulled and yanked and lubed and twisted so much It reminded me of my days as an altar boy. The poor bastard at the other end of the thing wasn't enjoying it too much either, even when I reminded him that some men payed big cash for this sort of action. We both watched a good part of the hockey game on TV, him puffing and writhing away underneath his oxygen mask, and me yanking fruitlessly on his member. Having succeeded only in producing a mangled, bloody, swollen, slippery piece of pecker (again reminiscent of my catholic days), I ran away bravely - call in the expert.
The urology resident is a giant of a man, standing at least six foot five. His approach to the problem was equal to that I've witnessed only by those in the surgical profession (usually orthopedics). I've never seen anything like it. Donning his huge rubber gloves, he grabbed either
side of the man's foreskin, placed his foot firmly on the patient's chest, and gave a gargantuan pull, a la Paul Bunyan, while pushing the pud's pointer in the opposite direction with his mighty thumbs. There was an almost palpable rip/POP, and the ill-fated foreskin was noted to be
once again "back in the saddle." The poor bastard with the penis almost died from pain, mind you. I was awed. Urology IS cool.
So remember kids - your foreskin is your friend. If you pull it back, push it forward again. And I guess if you pull it back and push it forward a whole bunch of times really fast for about an hour, remember to leave it in the 'foredeck.'
