The art of the insult

[danmand]

These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words ......
Insults then had some class!

1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play.
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends..."
- Oscar Wilde
9 "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.
22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill

 

[Robert Mugabe]

“Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”
― Winston Churchill
“A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.”

― Winston Churchill

 

[trm]

“He did not have political principle . . . he had short-term opportunism allied with a capacity for self-delusion which made Walter Mitty appear unimaginative.” Denis Healey on Harold Wilson.

“An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street, and when the door was opened, Attlee got out.” “He is a modest man with much to be modest about.” Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee

He would make a drum out of the skin of his own mother in order to sound his own praises.” Lloyd George on Winston Churchill

“He can’t see a belt without hitting below it.” Margot Asquith on Lloyd George

“She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.” Boris Johnson on Hillary Clinton

“I have only two regrets: I didn’t shoot Henry Clay and I didn’t hang John C. Calhoun.” Andrew Jackson

“He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.” Winston Churchill on Stanley Baldwin

“History buffs probably noted the reunion at a Washington party a few weeks ago of three ex-presidents: Carter, Ford, and Nixon — See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil.” Bob Dole

“Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.” Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle

“Here was a young whippersnapper, malaria-ridden and yallah sickly, sickly. He never said a word of importance in the Senate, and he never did a thing. But somehow … he managed to create the image of himself as a shining intellectual, a youthful leader who would change the face of the country.” Lyndon Johnson on John F Kennedy

 

[danmand]

“He did not have political principle . . . he had short-term opportunism allied with a capacity for self-delusion which made Walter Mitty appear unimaginative.” Denis Healey on Harold Wilson.

“An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street, and when the door was opened, Attlee got out.” “He is a modest man with much to be modest about.” Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee

He would make a drum out of the skin of his own mother in order to sound his own praises.” Lloyd George on Winston Churchill

“He can’t see a belt without hitting below it.” Margot Asquith on Lloyd George

“She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.” Boris Johnson on Hillary Clinton

“I have only two regrets: I didn’t shoot Henry Clay and I didn’t hang John C. Calhoun.” Andrew Jackson

“He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.” Winston Churchill on Stanley Baldwin

“History buffs probably noted the reunion at a Washington party a few weeks ago of three ex-presidents: Carter, Ford, and Nixon — See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil.” Bob Dole

“Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.” Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle

“Here was a young whippersnapper, malaria-ridden and yallah sickly, sickly. He never said a word of importance in the Senate, and he never did a thing. But somehow … he managed to create the image of himself as a shining intellectual, a youthful leader who would change the face of the country.” Lyndon Johnson on John F Kennedy

The last one is sinister

 

[Robert Mugabe]

The last one is sinister

Gore Vidal said something similar. He was related to Kennedy. Through relatives being married or whatever. He said Kennedy was a great guy to socialize with but one of the most ineffectual presidents. Got the US into Vietnam and decided to stay even after being warned to get out.

 

[onomatopoeia]

"You're unlucky.".

 

[corrie fan]

From performance evaluation reports for British army officers

Somewhere there is a village missing it's idiot.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Ugarte:
You despise me, don't you?

Rick:
If I gave you any thought I probably would.

(Casablanca)

 

[SchlongConery]

“She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.” Boris Johnson on Hillary Clinton

 

[anon1]

May your ship come in ladened with gold.

And it still not be enough to pay your doctor bills.

 

[tml]

I once heard, or read, that in the Middle East if a man of questionable or evil character passed away it was considered poor taste to bad mouth him. So, people would just say "he was a good provider", and nothing else.

 

[onomatopoeia]

To a younger man, speaking out of turn:

"Your advice is unsolicited, unwanted and unneeded. One day you'll make some man an excellent WIFE".

or

"One of your moms should have taught you some manners".

 

[Robert Mugabe]

"Seeing as you have neither good looks nor intelligence going for you, you should really work on your manners."
(My mum)

 

[taya6ix]

Writing in a black sharpie marker under the toilet seat the joke is in your hand! lol

 

[trm]

The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn't let them into the family brokerage business. Lyndon B. Johnson

 

[curr3n_c1000]

 

[Travelman123]

In 1930's Hollywood Jean Harlow was introduced to Dame Margot Asquith wife of a British Prime Minister.
Apparently, Ms Harlow had trouble with with the pronuniation of the surname.
Ms Asquith replied " The H is silent like the T in Harlot".

TM123