#70 Nice Guys
Posted May 1st, 2008 by Justin · 24 Comments
To celebrate the big 7-0 post, I’m going to write about Asian Nice Guys. You know who they are … If you’re an Asian gal, then you’re probably smirking because not just a few come to mind. And guys, if you’re a nice guy by birth like me, then you’ve probably found yourself hating your life at some point or another.
Asian guys have heard girls toss around these types of comments every so often: “Oh, Tim, he’s such a nice guy” (so this is alright, still hopeful, he’s on her good side, still no flat-out rejection) “Yeah, Johnny, he’s so nice…I only like him as a friend.” (this might hurt a bit because he’s been led on to think otherwise) “Oh Yeah, Lee’s definitely got the Nice Guy Syndrome.” Okay, so now according to girls, some Asian guys have a sickly illness that causes them to only “want to be friends” and place a post-it in big words across their forehead: NICE GUY. Some guys can take that fact and move on, but others will definitely hold a reasonable amount of grudge year after year.
According to “ The Modern Man,” A Nice Guy is:
- Is nervous around women
- Is shy in social situations
- Is intimidated by women and feels like he needs to impress them
- Doesn’t know what to say to women (usually linked into trying to impress women)
- Is too nice to women, like he would be to his grandmother
- Calls women too often, not allowing them to miss him
- Tells women that he has ‘feelings’ for them too early
- Behaves submissively or weakly around women
- Tends to accept a woman’s demands, just so she will spend time with him or continue talking to him
- Becomes a ‘doormat’ for women and puts his own needs aside
- Listens to all of woman’s problems and discusses them in the way her girlfriends would
- Gives away his power to women, and allows women to become the ‘boss’
- Always seems to ask women what they want to do, instead of being a man and taking the lead
The unfortunate thing is that many of these characteristics come with the Asian culture, values, and customs: being passive, non-confrontational, indecisive, humble, modest, etc… which is the opposite from what modern girls are looking for: a leader, confident, smooth, one who speaks his mind, and not to leave out tall and masculine. Thus, you’ll find more often Asian guys quickly being tossed in the Nice Guys “tissue box” and used to the max whenever a girl needs a shoulder to cry on, whenever she wants to feel accepted, or whenever she needs to be picked up from the airport. You name it… But never in her right mind, will she consider him for a boyfriend. Or if she gives him a chance in the relationship, it sucks to find that she was never serious about him in the first place. She just needed someone for the time being but will eventually run off with a Bad Guy.
Okay, you’ve been there and done that. So what now? Many people say opposites attract. An Asian Nice Guy could possibly be attracted to a girl who will make decisions for him also known as bossy or controlling, putting himself at risk of being taking advantage of (to the max again I might add). This might work for some. Asian Nice Guys oftentimes put themselves in a bad situation by being too infatuated with pretty girls. When he deems Girl A to be attractive, he will do anything for her which includes not even noticing that she’s nice *ahem, flirty* to all guys. These guys will also be led on by many girls finding, ultimately, that it was nothing. This can’t be good either.
Asian Nice Guys can also end up with girls who have learned it the hard way that they actually need someone who will care for them and raise a good family aka “settle down.” Asian Nice Guys need to know how to protect themselves because they can’t expect girl A or girl B to look out for them even if she looks like an angel or seems to be nice at the time. But in rare cases, he will run into a nice, genuine, sweet, and smart girl (pretty or not) who will not take advantage of him and appreciates all the things he does for her. If you’re a nice guy, then don’t freak out when the time comes. Be yourself. There’s no need for you to pretend to be tough, hard to get, something you’re definitely not. Learn how to speak up for your own needs and know your personal boundaries. And most importantly, run after the damn girl and never take her for granted! Looks can be deceiving and painful, but sweet girls last and bring out the best in you. Trial and error and learn for yourself what works. Good luck!
It's so accurate, it's scary.
