SP Perspectives - Comments?!?!
- Thread starter elvis777
- Start date
You nutjob! Now go make some sandwiches for Elvis. I'm going to go deep fry some beer for the after party!
Elvis, I totally know what you were going for here, and it's appreciated by me 
Because sp's really do get dicussed in detail (as is expected with a review board) but sometimes it's a little exposing and makes you feel a little vulnerable, especially with the occasional reviewer or commentator that takes things to an unclassy level of exposure (though many of you guys are just thirsty for that kind of info! Pretty intimidating for some of the shy ladies)
Almost thought of posting a story, but stopped myself short for the same reason already covered. The only people who I would dare post a funny story about would be the ones who were kinda jerky or unkind to me, and then I wouldn't bother posting it because it wouldn't be so much funny as it would be recounting something bitter. As for some of the genuinely funnier stories, I'm just too afraid of scarring some poor guy who goes "Hey, that weirdo she's laughing about is me!" and then cry into their pillow about what a weirdo their sp thinks they are.
I could tell you a funny story from when I wasn't working as an sp, but was mistaken for one. I was doing some flyering for a fitness centre and was dropping one in a mailbox of a house when the door opened and there was this little old 80-something man looking at me inquisitively and smiling. I was mildly embarassed and apologetic (because really no one ever wants flyers, do they? Flyer people don't actually want to have to look you in the eye while they're littering your mailbox) and he asked me what the flyer was for, smiling with shiny eyes and nodding all the while. Then this car pulls in to the driveway and this late-30-something woman gets out and strides up the walkway briskly, her dark eyes fixed sharply upon me, and demanded in a thick New-York-Jewish accent "Yes? Who are you? What do you want here? Who is she?" Okay, even more shy and embarassed, and worried that she thinks I'm trying to sell something and rip him off, I get even more apologetic and just explain that I was with a fitness centre and handing out flyers, while she glared at me unwaveringly with these mean,sharp, obsidian eyes, pursing her magenta-smeared lips together with skepticism. And with complete disdain she interrupts me with "Are you that girl?! Are you that girl who's been coming to see my father?!" while simultaneously the little old man reaches out for my hand and strokes it going "Sure, and aren't you a sweet-heart? Aren't you princess? What a sweet girl you are!" The woman starts squawking at me, flaring her nostrils and pointing her finger at me "Who are you?! What have you been coming to see my father about!? What have got to do with him?! You have no business here! I want you to leave!" More cooing and petting from my left side, inviting me to come inside, and more shrill protest and interrogation from my right. The fact that I had a stack of flyers in my hand didn't seem to convince her that I wan't this mysterious girl who'd been, uh, "interfering" with her father, so I retrieved my hand from the old man gently and retreated with "Ah, terribly sorry, I didn't realize.....uh, I really am just handing out flyers for....no, of course you're not interested, I'll just.....uh, yeah, okay....bye'"
I'm sure it's okay for me to relate THAT story.
-Fay
Because sp's really do get dicussed in detail (as is expected with a review board) but sometimes it's a little exposing and makes you feel a little vulnerable, especially with the occasional reviewer or commentator that takes things to an unclassy level of exposure (though many of you guys are just thirsty for that kind of info! Pretty intimidating for some of the shy ladies)Almost thought of posting a story, but stopped myself short for the same reason already covered. The only people who I would dare post a funny story about would be the ones who were kinda jerky or unkind to me, and then I wouldn't bother posting it because it wouldn't be so much funny as it would be recounting something bitter. As for some of the genuinely funnier stories, I'm just too afraid of scarring some poor guy who goes "Hey, that weirdo she's laughing about is me!" and then cry into their pillow about what a weirdo their sp thinks they are.
I could tell you a funny story from when I wasn't working as an sp, but was mistaken for one. I was doing some flyering for a fitness centre and was dropping one in a mailbox of a house when the door opened and there was this little old 80-something man looking at me inquisitively and smiling. I was mildly embarassed and apologetic (because really no one ever wants flyers, do they? Flyer people don't actually want to have to look you in the eye while they're littering your mailbox) and he asked me what the flyer was for, smiling with shiny eyes and nodding all the while. Then this car pulls in to the driveway and this late-30-something woman gets out and strides up the walkway briskly, her dark eyes fixed sharply upon me, and demanded in a thick New-York-Jewish accent "Yes? Who are you? What do you want here? Who is she?" Okay, even more shy and embarassed, and worried that she thinks I'm trying to sell something and rip him off, I get even more apologetic and just explain that I was with a fitness centre and handing out flyers, while she glared at me unwaveringly with these mean,sharp, obsidian eyes, pursing her magenta-smeared lips together with skepticism. And with complete disdain she interrupts me with "Are you that girl?! Are you that girl who's been coming to see my father?!" while simultaneously the little old man reaches out for my hand and strokes it going "Sure, and aren't you a sweet-heart? Aren't you princess? What a sweet girl you are!" The woman starts squawking at me, flaring her nostrils and pointing her finger at me "Who are you?! What have you been coming to see my father about!? What have got to do with him?! You have no business here! I want you to leave!" More cooing and petting from my left side, inviting me to come inside, and more shrill protest and interrogation from my right. The fact that I had a stack of flyers in my hand didn't seem to convince her that I wan't this mysterious girl who'd been, uh, "interfering" with her father, so I retrieved my hand from the old man gently and retreated with "Ah, terribly sorry, I didn't realize.....uh, I really am just handing out flyers for....no, of course you're not interested, I'll just.....uh, yeah, okay....bye'"
I'm sure it's okay for me to relate THAT story.
-Fay
AT LAST!!!!!!
THANK YOU FAY!!!!! You are like a breath of fresh air!!!
I thought I was going to go insane!!!
At last someone has the ability to see the "forest through the trees" and not infer that I wanted them to reveal all the insepid nasty mean spirited details to embarass their clientelle.
Aside from Fays comments (and her wonderful - yet harmless, anecdote) I spent the good part of yesterday realling at the irony of the fact that us men (and I'm going under the assumption that 99.9% of SP's clients are men) can post, in excrutiating and intimate detail their experiences with a SP (names, dates, times, positions, hygene, attitude, conversation topics, grasp of the english language, standard of performance for a particular position etc. etc. etc.) and yet when one of the "club" suggests a forum for the "other side" to share in their experiences (in a humourous and NOT mean-spirited way) and then proceeds to get flamed. . . . to quote Steve Tyler of Aerosmith. . ." somethings wrong in the world today. . ."
Again, Fay's story above is exactly the kind of story I was looking for. You'll note from my earlier post that I called for industry related AND non-industry related tales. . . .
I've said it before and I'll say it again - lighten up!!!! Ejoy life! Remember, its not a dress rehersal (and yes, you can quote me on this!)
E
THANK YOU FAY!!!!! You are like a breath of fresh air!!!
I thought I was going to go insane!!!
At last someone has the ability to see the "forest through the trees" and not infer that I wanted them to reveal all the insepid nasty mean spirited details to embarass their clientelle.
Aside from Fays comments (and her wonderful - yet harmless, anecdote) I spent the good part of yesterday realling at the irony of the fact that us men (and I'm going under the assumption that 99.9% of SP's clients are men) can post, in excrutiating and intimate detail their experiences with a SP (names, dates, times, positions, hygene, attitude, conversation topics, grasp of the english language, standard of performance for a particular position etc. etc. etc.) and yet when one of the "club" suggests a forum for the "other side" to share in their experiences (in a humourous and NOT mean-spirited way) and then proceeds to get flamed. . . . to quote Steve Tyler of Aerosmith. . ." somethings wrong in the world today. . ."
Again, Fay's story above is exactly the kind of story I was looking for. You'll note from my earlier post that I called for industry related AND non-industry related tales. . . .
I've said it before and I'll say it again - lighten up!!!! Ejoy life! Remember, its not a dress rehersal (and yes, you can quote me on this!)
E
Is it really so hard for you to comprehend that SP's don't want to jeopardize their business? Or that, even if you won't take offense, other people might?
You really spent a good part of yesterday pondering why no SP responded? Dude, you should get a life; otherwise, you might wind up dead & naked on a crapper like...what's that guy's name again?
You really spent a good part of yesterday pondering why no SP responded? Dude, you should get a life; otherwise, you might wind up dead & naked on a crapper like...what's that guy's name again?
Re: AT LAST!!!!!!
Your under the mistaken assumption that this is a "club" of equals. Its not.elvis777 said:
"I'm curious to hear about those funny little incidents that occur. eg the client calls out his wife/girlfriends name etc. or forgets/changes the "stage" name he has given the SP"
Right...so now you weren't asking for SP/client stories.
Nice try. How in the name of God can this be so hard to understand - we are paid to be discreet. This aspect is as important, if not MORE important than sex.
You know what this makes me think of? Some guy tagging along behind a doctor as he makes his rounds in a hospital, saying;
"Hey c'mon, lighten up huh!? I know you guys take that whatchucallit, hypocritical oath or something, that 'do no harm thing', but it's totally, like, not entertaining me watching you do boring doctor stuff, so I'm going to poke one of these sick dudes with a stick cause it'd be really cool, I mean, c'mon, where's your sense of humour 'n' stuff? You really should lighten up or something!"
You think that my client's right to total privacy is superceded by your right to be entertained, and my unwillingless to throw away my professionalism is something I should 'lighten up about'?
Incredible.
Another point you may not have considered - there are a lot of unbalanced people in this world, and very often paranoia is a component. Suppose I saw a client who seemed fine, but maybe stops taking his meds, reads TERB, thinks he recognizes himself, freaks out and books me again.
How fun do you think that session's going to be?
I don't think you realize that part of what I do is walk into a potential ambush with every call. You piss somebody off online, so what - they can't find you.
For us? All it takes is a phone call.
Right...so now you weren't asking for SP/client stories.
Nice try. How in the name of God can this be so hard to understand - we are paid to be discreet. This aspect is as important, if not MORE important than sex.
You know what this makes me think of? Some guy tagging along behind a doctor as he makes his rounds in a hospital, saying;
"Hey c'mon, lighten up huh!? I know you guys take that whatchucallit, hypocritical oath or something, that 'do no harm thing', but it's totally, like, not entertaining me watching you do boring doctor stuff, so I'm going to poke one of these sick dudes with a stick cause it'd be really cool, I mean, c'mon, where's your sense of humour 'n' stuff? You really should lighten up or something!"
You think that my client's right to total privacy is superceded by your right to be entertained, and my unwillingless to throw away my professionalism is something I should 'lighten up about'?
Incredible.
Another point you may not have considered - there are a lot of unbalanced people in this world, and very often paranoia is a component. Suppose I saw a client who seemed fine, but maybe stops taking his meds, reads TERB, thinks he recognizes himself, freaks out and books me again.
How fun do you think that session's going to be?
I don't think you realize that part of what I do is walk into a potential ambush with every call. You piss somebody off online, so what - they can't find you.
For us? All it takes is a phone call.
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Oh, I think this one is fairly innoccent too, I just was reminded of it by another thread, and it does actually involve work as an sp:
I did once have (not recently) a client who was a Born Again Christian who tried to save my soul after our session together. He waited until after the services to tell me this, and the last half-hour of our time together was spent with him trying to convince me to abandon my wicked ways while I looked nervously at the clock and tried to take it good-naturedly.
I think it's okay to tell this one because (Fay stifles a giggle) I'm sure he's not the only BAC who occasionally breaks down, hires an sp, and then tries to redeem his actions by saving her, and I highly doubt that he lurks around on terb and therefore won't be scarred if I tell this.
But I think that's really it for my stories.
I did once have (not recently) a client who was a Born Again Christian who tried to save my soul after our session together. He waited until after the services to tell me this, and the last half-hour of our time together was spent with him trying to convince me to abandon my wicked ways while I looked nervously at the clock and tried to take it good-naturedly.
I think it's okay to tell this one because (Fay stifles a giggle) I'm sure he's not the only BAC who occasionally breaks down, hires an sp, and then tries to redeem his actions by saving her, and I highly doubt that he lurks around on terb and therefore won't be scarred if I tell this.
But I think that's really it for my stories.
Me, Baby! I would like to be served on a large silver platter carried by six strapping lads and have my arrival as the 'dish of all dishes' heralded by a battalion of naked bagpipers and a shower of silver confetti.
You may also wish to release a flock of white doves if funds permit.
As you may recall, Mr. Zydeco, you foolishly squandered most of our cell's hard-earned entertainment budget last month on root beer and performance artists. One of them is still lodged in the pantry.
You may also wish to release a flock of white doves if funds permit.
As you may recall, Mr. Zydeco, you foolishly squandered most of our cell's hard-earned entertainment budget last month on root beer and performance artists. One of them is still lodged in the pantry.
Ophelia,
Out of respect and admiration for your ability to be discretionary and never reveal or share one single humourous anecdote from your profession or outside life, and in keeping with your desire to remain completely secretive, I wish to assist you in this sysyphian task.
Therefore, in order to help you avoid temptation to "spill the beans" of our time together, I will resist the urge to partake in your services again, ever.
I guess I will have to concentrate my time with other SP's who engage in the despicable practice of sharing a lighter moment with others (a terrible burden I know, but someones gotta do it)
Just trying to do my part to facilitate your philosophy.
E
Out of respect and admiration for your ability to be discretionary and never reveal or share one single humourous anecdote from your profession or outside life, and in keeping with your desire to remain completely secretive, I wish to assist you in this sysyphian task.
Therefore, in order to help you avoid temptation to "spill the beans" of our time together, I will resist the urge to partake in your services again, ever.
I guess I will have to concentrate my time with other SP's who engage in the despicable practice of sharing a lighter moment with others (a terrible burden I know, but someones gotta do it)
Just trying to do my part to facilitate your philosophy.
E
Ophelia, dear ..
Honey, are you alright. You must be devastated and heartbroken.
Um, what time is dinner?
LD
Honey, are you alright. You must be devastated and heartbroken.
Um, what time is dinner?
LD
Geez, Elvis, don't you know ....
Feminists HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR!
_____________________________________
Ok. Just to placate you and leave poor Ophelia alone ... Here is a story of a client that didn't know he was one.
I was riding the subway home from a class last week, in animated chatter with a classmate. The subway was not terribly crowded and we decided to stand.
Across the car a slightly drunk man stood up and offered me his seat. I politely refused and continued talking with my friend.
Not satisfied, he insisted I take the seat, commenting that he had "made this grand gesture, in front of everyone. I couldnt possibly refuse"
I started to feel a little sorry for him (in between my giggle fits) and just as I was about to give in, he looked straight at me and said "Sit, spot!"
I burst into hysterical laughter, and replied. "Honey, if you want to talk to me like that, it'll be $200 bucks"
Damned if he didn't reach into his pocked and hand me a $20. I, of course, grabbed it and sat down with an effusive smile and jubilant "Thank you".
On the seat next to me was a lovely little fuzzy toque. He wanted me to put it on, but I refused, since i have just bought the BEST winter hat that can be had. I pointed to my friend, suggesting she might take it. l
She, not losing a beat, said she wasn't comfortable with putting on a strange hat.
He leaned in close to her and whispered. She said "OK". Sure enough, into his pocket he goes again and hands her a $20 as well. She grabbed it and put the hat on her head.
His friend, who sat incredulous throughout the entire interaction had a minimal grin on his face. I looked and said "You think we are awful for taking advantage of the drunk, don't you?" The friend replied, "Naw, he's got plenty!"
We got to our stop and said happy goodbyes. WE plan on sushi next week.
I have now, of course, violated no express or implied expectation of privacy in repeating this story. But I'd still hope the man, who will clearly recognize himself if he reads this, takes as much joy in the interaction as we did.
Gotta love Toronto
Feminists HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR!
_____________________________________
Ok. Just to placate you and leave poor Ophelia alone ... Here is a story of a client that didn't know he was one.
I was riding the subway home from a class last week, in animated chatter with a classmate. The subway was not terribly crowded and we decided to stand.
Across the car a slightly drunk man stood up and offered me his seat. I politely refused and continued talking with my friend.
Not satisfied, he insisted I take the seat, commenting that he had "made this grand gesture, in front of everyone. I couldnt possibly refuse"
I started to feel a little sorry for him (in between my giggle fits) and just as I was about to give in, he looked straight at me and said "Sit, spot!"
I burst into hysterical laughter, and replied. "Honey, if you want to talk to me like that, it'll be $200 bucks"
Damned if he didn't reach into his pocked and hand me a $20. I, of course, grabbed it and sat down with an effusive smile and jubilant "Thank you".
On the seat next to me was a lovely little fuzzy toque. He wanted me to put it on, but I refused, since i have just bought the BEST winter hat that can be had. I pointed to my friend, suggesting she might take it. l
She, not losing a beat, said she wasn't comfortable with putting on a strange hat.
He leaned in close to her and whispered. She said "OK". Sure enough, into his pocket he goes again and hands her a $20 as well. She grabbed it and put the hat on her head.
His friend, who sat incredulous throughout the entire interaction had a minimal grin on his face. I looked and said "You think we are awful for taking advantage of the drunk, don't you?" The friend replied, "Naw, he's got plenty!"
We got to our stop and said happy goodbyes. WE plan on sushi next week.
I have now, of course, violated no express or implied expectation of privacy in repeating this story. But I'd still hope the man, who will clearly recognize himself if he reads this, takes as much joy in the interaction as we did.
Gotta love Toronto
Honey, are you alright. You must be devastated and heartbroken.
I am...as I slowly drown in this vale of tears, I only wish, oh, so wistfully now, that I had obeyed the sultry Mr. Elvis and dished about clients...oh what a fool I've been!
Oh? Dinner? At eleven pm sharp. We shall be dining on roast of ass in duh! sauce served on a heaping pile of obtuse.
After a refreshing dessert of dumb-as-dirt a la mode, we'll adjorn to the parlour for another bracing round of "Give 'em enough Rope'!
Sound like fun?
I am...as I slowly drown in this vale of tears, I only wish, oh, so wistfully now, that I had obeyed the sultry Mr. Elvis and dished about clients...oh what a fool I've been!
Oh? Dinner? At eleven pm sharp. We shall be dining on roast of ass in duh! sauce served on a heaping pile of obtuse.
After a refreshing dessert of dumb-as-dirt a la mode, we'll adjorn to the parlour for another bracing round of "Give 'em enough Rope'!
Sound like fun?
"I will resist the urge to partake in your services again, ever."
But honey!? I've changed my tune! You were the most amusing client ever - I still giggle when I recall our first night; you out on the balcony shouting at pigeons. And for the life of me, I just couldn't get you to take off your 'He-man, Master on the Universe' Underoos. It was just so darn cute!
Oh, and at dinner, after? You WERE right! Your filet 'o' fish burger was better than my big mac! Now that I think about it, I'm pretty darn sure you're right about everything!
C'mon...give me another chance? I'll even try to...how do you say? It is so hard for me...oh yes! Have a "sense of humour". Somehow I know being around you will bring out the urge to point and laugh! You are just that wonderful!
Love,
Ophelia "Big Mean Feminist Who Peed in Elvis's Cornflakes" Black
oxo
But honey!? I've changed my tune! You were the most amusing client ever - I still giggle when I recall our first night; you out on the balcony shouting at pigeons. And for the life of me, I just couldn't get you to take off your 'He-man, Master on the Universe' Underoos. It was just so darn cute!
Oh, and at dinner, after? You WERE right! Your filet 'o' fish burger was better than my big mac! Now that I think about it, I'm pretty darn sure you're right about everything!
C'mon...give me another chance? I'll even try to...how do you say? It is so hard for me...oh yes! Have a "sense of humour". Somehow I know being around you will bring out the urge to point and laugh! You are just that wonderful!
Love,
Ophelia "Big Mean Feminist Who Peed in Elvis's Cornflakes" Black
oxo
