So I got this buddy --

[King Midas]

Married several years with two kids.

Got into the hobby, on business trips and at home. Posted reviews here and on other hobby sites. Posted ads on CLs. Partied hard with escorts and his buddies. Did not cover his tracks well because --

Wife found out. Printed off his reviews, board posts, CL ads - everything. Tracked his movements well enough to know who he was with and when. Documented everything. Confronted him and left with the kids.

She wants a divorce. No interest in alimony or profits from the house. (Well, I suppose if he offered, she wouldn't refuse.) Her entire focus is on child support and full custody of the kids -- decision making and limited access for him. She reasons that he is unfit to parent, given his hobbying, and has threatened to divorce due to adultery and tell everyone they know about his hobbying if he doesn't give her custody.

There is potential for huge damage to his personal reputation if she does this, but can she? Are printouts of reviews and posts appropriate court evidence? Do people still use adultery as a reason for divorce? I thought we had no fault divorce in Ontario?

And, no, it's not me. Buddy and I were stupid together but I stopped before it went too far. He kept going.

 

[wet_suit_one]

Such are the dangers of pooning, writing and marriage.

Sure glad I'm single!

 

[calloway]

She sounds like a very smart lady and a caring mother.

 

[The LoLRus]

So I got this buddy

Does your "buddy" have the initials KM by any chance??!!

I'm placing the blame solely on wifey, if she had been banging you........ooppss........I mean your buddy properly there would have been no need for buddy to see SP's

 

[Mr. Lucky]

It was you who got him in to the hobby

 

[danmand]

Canada has no-fault divorce laws, they get the same treatment if he
screws around or if he doesn't.

I find it hard to believe that a judge will find someone unfit for parenting
because he has been seeing prostitutes.

 

[Questor]

I find it hard to believe that a judge will find someone unfit for parenting
because he has been seeing prostitutes.

I don't find it hard to believe. From the judge's perspective, if wifey can find out about hookers by looking on web browser, so can kids.

 

[tboy]

I don't find it hard to believe. From the judge's perspective, if wifey can find out about hookers by looking on web browser, so can kids.

and??? Judgements are based on the principals of law, not personal opinion. If people can be found guilty (in this case, guilty of being an unfit parent) based solely on opinion, then our whole judicial system is at risk.

I'd fight it, I mean hell, movie stars have been caught seeing hookers, senators, and hell, paris hilton was seen in a cheesy porno sucking some dude's cock and she's still worshipped by millions......

 

[WhaWhaWha]

She reasons that he is unfit to parent, given his hobbying

Family courts do not see it that way. Only thing they will look at is the residence of the kids by the time of the first appearance. Whether dadisa whore monger or not.

There is potential for huge damage to his personal reputation if she does this, but can she? Are printouts of reviews and posts appropriate court evidence?

As long as he used an alias and did not clearly identify himself in the reviews he has plausible deniability.

 

[masterchief]

Wife found out. Printed off his reviews, board posts, CL ads - everything. Tracked his movements well enough to know who he was with and when. Documented everything. Confronted him and left with the kids.

How long has she known. If it's been some time that she's known about it before asking for a separation/divorce..his lawyer could push for thew fact that by her inaction she condoned the adultery.

It doesn't matter for the breakup of the marrige but it could be used in family court.

 

[BallzDeep]

She could play the disease card, him possibly giving to her, he was pooning instead of taking the kids somewhere. He could say they never had sex, he had to get it somewhere.........either way he's fucked, she's not going to forgive him and his child support and lawyers fees will be off the chart.

I can't imagine the feeling of getting caught. His life as he knew it is over, doesn't matter what he makes, she'll get a good portion. That is the risk of pooning, high risk, little reward.

 

[eldoguy]

Ask any divorced guy!

Women can take a walk with the kids! Don't need excuses or stories! Men pay, wifey gets 1/2, end of story! You can fight the good fight, pay lawyers till your bankrupt! The end result if wifey has no criminal record she has custody till they are of age. Judges don't care who did what with whom! That was back in the old days adultery was a right to dissolve a marriage.

 

[Cycleguy007]

Women can take a walk with the kids! Don't need excuses or stories! Men pay, wifey gets 1/2, end of story! You can fight the good fight, pay lawyers till your bankrupt! The end result if wifey has no criminal record she has custody till they are of age. Judges don't care who did what with whom! That was back in the old days adultery was a right to dissolve a marriage.

Not true... My buddy has full custody of his 5 children and his ex pays HIM child support.

 

[Questor]

Coupla things....

First off, his marriage is DEFINITELY over, for good. She has made up her mind long ago and has built a case against him that is indefensible.

The sooner he accepts that IT IS OVER the better.

That means no trying to reconcile, negotiate, bargain, make excuses etc. IT IS OVER!

Next he needs to be pragmatic and decide how he wants to settle things as best as is possible, given the circumstances.

The first step in this is to fall on his sword and tell his wife he is truly sorry and apologize for his transgressions and that he understands and agrees that she could/should never forgive him. Whatever he needs to do to TRY to make it so she does not hate his guts and wants to hang his nuts over her mantle.

Then he needs to say that he understands her position and that he really is in no position to negotiate over custody. But emphasize that just because he won't fight doesn't mean he doesn't care for his children. That he will do whatever she thinks is best for the children, and that he trusts she won't use them as a weapon to hurt him. And that despite his whoremongering, that the kids are better off with a father in their life than not.

There is no-fault divorce in Ontario so the whoring isn't relevant.

However, when it comes to custody the courts ALREADY favour an unfit mother over a perfect dad so he will have an uphill battle. And YES she will be able to claim his moral character is bad and the Judge WILL take that into consideration BIG TIME. The rules of evidence are pretty lax in custody battles as it is the best interests of the child that are paramount and the rights of the parents to supress what may be remotely relevant evidence are minimized.

Best he rolls over and hopes she thinks she won and will have mercy so wont' want to beat up on a dead body. Then there is a chance that the issue will fade quietly and he may have some chance to recover a relationship with his children some day in the future.

If he says he wants to fight for his kids etc... he is NOT fighting for them... he is fighting for himself and to win a fight he already lost.

and??? Judgements are based on the principals of law, not personal opinion. If people can be found guilty (in this case, guilty of being an unfit parent) based solely on opinion, then our whole judicial system is at risk.

I'd fight it, I mean hell, movie stars have been caught seeing hookers, senators, and hell, paris hilton was seen in a cheesy porno sucking some dude's cock and she's still worshipped by millions......

Well, there you go King Midas. Which advise would you offer to your friend? Hey, if you're lucky, tboy might agree to represent him in court. ROFL.

 

[james t kirk]

I would concede the marriage is over.

It now becomes about what is best for the kids I would say and he should ask himself sincerely if he is equipped to be the custodian of the children.

If he is a good father and he is quite capable of raising the kids (hobbying doesn't affect one's ability to parent) then he needs to fight for at least 50 50 custody.

If he knows in his heart that he is really not cut out to be the custodian, that he is in fact immature, then he should do the right thing and pay his support payments according to the damn tables and work with his wife.

 

[tboy]

Rub: I agree, the system is broken but to find someone guilty based on the judge's personal opinion? Get real. They make judgements based on the rule of law even if those laws are Fucked up. For eg: If someone is arrested and charged with assault, they cannot just say in court: oh I feel he might kill someone next time so I'm going to charge him with murder and put him in jail for 100 yrs.......yeah, no grounds for appeal there

As for the vasectomy, that's more a comment from Questor, that's beneath you your holiness.....

The "buddy" didn't break any law in any sense of the imagination so the judge cannot base his ruling on the fact that he's a criminal, and the defending attorny can easily cite cases where it has become more acceptable to use the services of sps just by the number of ads, reviews, members on this board etc.

If her whole reasoning of him being unfit because of his sexual habits, then her case is thin at best.

Yes, unfit mothers get the kids ALL the time but not without any visitation from the fathers.

 

[BallzDeep]

If his kids are really young and still in the fun stage, the heartache for him might be hard in not seeing them as much, at any age really.

Anyone who's been through a divorce and didn't get to see their kids as much want to comment on this?

 

[papasmerf]

With respect, counsellor, I beg to differ.

The issue is not whether buddy broke any law (I agree he hasn't). It's about the wife mounting a preponderance of evidence of the home that he would provide for the kids. If she found the evidence, how hard would it have been for the kids to eventually stumble across the same? How many credible child psychologists and social workers could you find to provide expert evidence that a hobbying parent is preferable to a non-hobbying parent?

Along those lines I think this man should seek professional help for his addiction and show the courts he admits he has a problem and wants to overcome it. Courts love it when people addmit they have a problem.

 

[Questor]

The "buddy" didn't break any law in any sense of the imagination so the judge cannot base his ruling on the fact that he's a criminal,

I agree that it is not a criminal matter

They make judgements based on the rule of law even if those laws are Fucked up. For eg: If someone is arrested and charged with assault, they cannot just say in court: oh I feel he might kill someone next time so I'm going to charge him with murder and put him in jail for 100 yrs.......yeah, no grounds for appeal there

So why are you citing a criminal case as an example of how judges rule in a child custody case?

and the defending attorny can easily cite cases where it has become more acceptable to use the services of sps just by the number of ads, reviews, members on this board etc.

If her whole reasoning of him being unfit because of his sexual habits, then her case is thin at best.

Good luck with that. LOL That whoring around in your marriage is a normal thing to do and such a parent can provide a safe, loving, and stable home for a young child is a given.

As for the vasectomy, that's more a comment from Questor, that's beneath you your holiness.....

Ahhhhhh. I didn't know you cared.

 

[luckyjackson]

Agree with JTK. He should be guided by what's best for the kids, and in this case it sounds like life with the mother.

I agree that hobbying doesn't automatically disqualify you for the parenting of the year award, but fellas like this need to face a truth about themselves. If hobbying made him happy, he's always going to want to do it, and that's not fair or honest to her. I'm not judging, I was guilty of the same behaviour for years.