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should i dump him?
- Thread starter kat19
- Start date
assoholic said:..you said it yourself, you know what to do you were just looking for someone to confirm your decision. Your only 19, your whole lifes a head of you, you met when you were only 15. Few relationships that start that young last into adulthood.
i guess my name threw you off but i'm almost 26. and the thing is i am ready to settle down and get married, have kids, etc. and we had talked about that, but nothing was going to happen untiil i'm done with dancing, which I plan to quit in may. but having someone be there emotionally for me is very important, and that's why i'm confused at his behaviour and wonder if maybe he's a bad choice to settle down with.
Hey Kat19, your the only one that knows for sure what your emotions are , and we don't know your history with this person, but personaly, that was one of the most selfish displays I have ever heard about, I don't know if there were any other insensitive acts demonstrated by your boyfriend, but I'm sure this one was defanitly an eye opener. I'm sure if you think back you will probably find other acts of selfishness. Who knows whats to come in the future with this person. I'm not about to tell you to dump him or give him another chance. Your going to have to make a decision on whether or not this is the type of person you want to spend your life with. What other things has he done to piss you off. Will you be able to over look what he did. A big part of being in a relationship is being there for your partner when things are good and when things are bad, he seems to have failed this test miserably. Only you know the answers to that, and only you know what decision you should make.
Good luck.
Good luck.
.. a cool boyfriend and a man you want to share your life with and raise kids can be two different things. It sounds like you want to enter a new phase in your life, maybe leaving him behind is a start. All I really can say is this, he wont change just because your married, so after 4 years you know what your getting. Knowing what to do is the easy part, its doing it thats tough. Your young and if your a dancer probably attractive so you are already blessed twice, cheer up, suck it up and make a big decision, and dont look back.
Sorry about your loss.
The kneejerk reaction is that you should dump this guy. The fact that you haven't yet, however, indicates that you are pretty attached to him, and are perhaps looking for reasons to stay with him.
My suggestion would be to sit him down, tell him how his lack of compassion has hurt you, and see what his reaction is. Maybe something major is happening in his life that he hasn't talked to about.
If you have this discussion, then you should be able to see if their is any chance of the relationship surviving.
The kneejerk reaction is that you should dump this guy. The fact that you haven't yet, however, indicates that you are pretty attached to him, and are perhaps looking for reasons to stay with him.
My suggestion would be to sit him down, tell him how his lack of compassion has hurt you, and see what his reaction is. Maybe something major is happening in his life that he hasn't talked to about.
If you have this discussion, then you should be able to see if their is any chance of the relationship surviving.
You can never hold people accountable for what you think they should do. If you are looking to dump and need an excuse, then this is it. He may not handle death the way you do. Does that make him wrong? No, just different.
If you both thought exactly the same then you wouldn't need him.
If you both thought exactly the same then you wouldn't need him.
This is one of those situations where I am just ashamed to be a guy. He's the one that Oprah always finds and parades as the norm for guys. Dump his ass and don't look back. You gals should go for higher standards. He doesn't cut it.
Kat, if you are going to him for emotional support, well you may well never be happy. That is just not what us guys do best, close girlfriends are better for that.
Any guy who tries to "be there for her" is only fooling himself into thinking he can actually fill that role. What he can do is stand by and listen, what he can't do is "feel" for her.
Sounds like he is a regular guy who is being asked to be someone he is not. If you like him, stay and get your support elsewhere, otherwise dump him and go find yourself a metrosexual. Know that many of the things you have stayed with him for may not exist elsewhere.
Just one old wop's humble opinion.
Any guy who tries to "be there for her" is only fooling himself into thinking he can actually fill that role. What he can do is stand by and listen, what he can't do is "feel" for her.
Sounds like he is a regular guy who is being asked to be someone he is not. If you like him, stay and get your support elsewhere, otherwise dump him and go find yourself a metrosexual. Know that many of the things you have stayed with him for may not exist elsewhere.
Just one old wop's humble opinion.
..nah I disagree, we can all relate to loseing a loved one and just being there and listening is usually what woman want.This guy couldnt even bother to do that. If he knew how close she was to her Grandmother then he's a selfish ass, and will probably always be a selfish ass.
This thread reminds me of something I read a while back...
http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/waiwai/0108/010831sexless.html
Kind of makes Kat's boyfriend look like Mr. Sensitive, but nonetheless I think he should have been there for her when she needed him.
http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/waiwai/0108/010831sexless.html
"It was the night of my mother's funeral. My husband got all randy and made me do it with him 'cause he said my mourning clothes made me look sexy," she tells Josei Jishin. "I'll never forgive him for that."
Kind of makes Kat's boyfriend look like Mr. Sensitive, but nonetheless I think he should have been there for her when she needed him.
