Serious Relationships with SPs
- Thread starter waynec
- Start date
good luck. no matter what you hear from everyone, only you and her will know the answer.
all relationships have good and bad items - between man / woman as well as grocery store and supplier
be honest - with her as well as yourself
enjoy - live for BOTH today and tomorrow
all relationships have good and bad items - between man / woman as well as grocery store and supplier
be honest - with her as well as yourself
enjoy - live for BOTH today and tomorrow
Good luck. It is very difficult. They lead very different lives. If you are sure she will be giving up her "night job" then the odds would probably be the same as with any other girl. However, if she keeps on working in this industry, given the fact that you met her as a customer ( I assume) IMHO, it is very difficult. Hard to deal with reading reviews about the woman you are dating.
Its not for everybody 
but I am sure a FEW guy's can handle it right, just a small few thou. Good luck.
but I am sure a FEW guy's can handle it right, just a small few thou. Good luck.Who is supporting who ????
Is she getting a straight job ...OR manybe you provide her with the temporary break ..... then she goes back when she is tired of you or wants to go on a spending spree .... & dumps you...... seen that often through the years.
Is she getting a straight job ...OR manybe you provide her with the temporary break ..... then she goes back when she is tired of you or wants to go on a spending spree .... & dumps you...... seen that often through the years.
It is possible to make it work, however it does require a deal of patience, honesty, understanding and communication on both parts. Just like any normal relationship it will only go as far as you want it to and as far as realistically possible. Don't go into it having and unrealistic expectations (that she won't have any hiccups to the change in her income or that she wont have any problems with body image or sex etc...) and talk to her about your fears and apprehensions. If it's meant to work out, it will - if not, it won't.
Good luck to you both.
Good luck to you both.
Yes
Oh, BTW is SHE considering dating YOU? lol
Complex question and issue, but as I have commented in many posts, ALL relationships are fraught with hazards.
Just keep in mind that a very wise woman once told me that EVERY woman who retires from the life goes through a period of guilt and regret. Just be prepared and hope she is one who can come out the other side with a comfortable self image.
waynec said:
Oh, BTW is SHE considering dating YOU? lol
Complex question and issue, but as I have commented in many posts, ALL relationships are fraught with hazards.
Just keep in mind that a very wise woman once told me that EVERY woman who retires from the life goes through a period of guilt and regret. Just be prepared and hope she is one who can come out the other side with a comfortable self image.
Last year I met a chick in POF and we start to talk and after 2 weeks of talking we were going to meet up but one of these nights where I was surfing the web in some escort sites...I found her....she was listed as an Escort....I called her pretending to be a potential client and indeed it was her when I asked her for the truth she denied it...I found everything very fishy to me so let her go.
Do not get involved with a sp or ma. Unless she leaves the business then only consider her, too much heart ache and she will lie about her life! The only way she will leave is because money isn't there for her anymore! Or money is no longer the issue. Save yourself some grief.
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Noir said:It is possible to make it work, however it does require a deal of patience, honesty, understanding and communication on both parts. Just like any normal relationship it will only go as far as you want it to and as far as realistically possible. Don't go into it having and unrealistic expectations (that she won't have any hiccups to the change in her income or that she wont have any problems with body image or sex etc...) and talk to her about your fears and apprehensions. If it's meant to work out, it will - if not, it won't.
Good luck to you both.
Hoowww yooou doooing !
I think you nailed it
You really have to know the person under the "sp" cover. If it is the "sp" cover you are attracted to then I suggest it is infatuation. I would not encourage this but that being said I met my "soulmate" this way. She does not do sp work anymore as she has a real life job. You do have to have a thick skin to accept her past sp experiences, but when you have been the customer this goes both ways. I never sought this result and was just very, very lucky to meet such a wonderful person. We both decided it really doesn't matter how you meet the "right" person, if that is the "right" person. The other benefit of meeting this way is that we knew we were very sexually compatible! 
I think that starting a relationship with someone (be they escort or not) with the expectation that they will make significant change to their life and/or personality is asking to be disappointed.
People do change, but they rarely change the way we want them to.
Speaking from experience (being an SP myself), it is certainly possible to have a serious, committed relationship with an escort, provided that you are OK with what she does for a living, and that you are able to deal with the implications of her job. As with any relationship, open and honest communication is key here. You need to be able to identify and communicate your insecurities, worries, concerns, boundaries, etc.
She may quit her job as an SP, or she may not. But as I stated above, starting a relationship on the grounds that your partner will change is begging for trouble and heartbreak. If you can't deal with who she is and what she does right now, my advice to you is to walk away.
People do change, but they rarely change the way we want them to.
Speaking from experience (being an SP myself), it is certainly possible to have a serious, committed relationship with an escort, provided that you are OK with what she does for a living, and that you are able to deal with the implications of her job. As with any relationship, open and honest communication is key here. You need to be able to identify and communicate your insecurities, worries, concerns, boundaries, etc.
She may quit her job as an SP, or she may not. But as I stated above, starting a relationship on the grounds that your partner will change is begging for trouble and heartbreak. If you can't deal with who she is and what she does right now, my advice to you is to walk away.
But...
...what if they SAY they are going to change?
Per the OP...he says this gal has "plans to stop working"....
I TOTALLY agree that it is foolish to go into a relationship based on an assumption that the person will change (as per your stated or unstated desires) or that you can change them. In my observation, females are frequently guilty of this...often times thinking a guy is great "except for"...and then assuming that exception is something that will somehow and in someway be eradicated.
But..is it unreasonable to expect someone to keep their word? If they say they are going to change...to believe that that will?
genintoronto said:
...what if they SAY they are going to change?
Per the OP...he says this gal has "plans to stop working"....
I TOTALLY agree that it is foolish to go into a relationship based on an assumption that the person will change (as per your stated or unstated desires) or that you can change them. In my observation, females are frequently guilty of this...often times thinking a guy is great "except for"...and then assuming that exception is something that will somehow and in someway be eradicated.
But..is it unreasonable to expect someone to keep their word? If they say they are going to change...to believe that that will?
I think most girls in this industry plan on quitting the biz at some point or another. So, to me, saying that you 'plan to stop working' is not saying much.MLAM said:
How concrete are her plans to quit? Has she taken steps to stop working? Does she have an exit strategy in place already? Savings or another job lined up? Or was she just saying that she'd like to quit escorting, eventually?
But my point was that if her being an escort right now is a deal breaker for the OP, he would most likely be better off walking away from this potential relationship. I am only making assumptions here, but if her job is an issue for him right now, chances are that it will remain an issue even if/when she does quit.
More generally, I think that my point re: expecting people to change, stands. Yes, people often want to change, promise to change, and even take steps toward changing, and sometime are successful at making the desired changes. But entering a relationship based on the expectations that your partner will change the way you want them to -- whether they promised to or not -- is setting yourself for disappointment. If you can't deal with and accept your partner as they are now, what makes you think that you are going to be able to deal with and accept who they will be in 6 months, 2 years, 5 years from now?
Just being brutally honest here...
It is something that is unique to those that work as sex workers; but there are always exceptions and different circumstances.
There are some ladies that may find it difficult to look at themselves in the same light as a civilian lady. Knowing that men found you attractive because of your physical attributes and slept with you because of that can really wreak havoc on a ladies self-esteem and self-worth - especially if one doesn't have their emotional support system in place. It can either inflate one's ego or decompress it to the point of nothingness. Some ladies deal with this through: compartmentalization, a sheer understanding of the situation and really mulling through introspective thoughts, never even giving it a second thought or depression. Once a lady has quit and may start to think about it, she may unearth some unresolved feelings and have problems dealing with them.
If a lady start to base her physical beauty, self-worth and self esteem on her clients she will surely feel like nothing when she doesn't have men swooning around her and complimenting her (even as empty as some compliments may be). Having someone tell her on a regular basis that she's beautiful and knowing that people are coming to see her because you are attractive will change once she has no one handing out those compliments.
Sex may become difficult or unwanted and lack emotion because it was something that was done daily, with strangers. If she didn't wrap her head around doing each call and focused only on the dollar amount, she may have some problems to resolve with her body image and sex. I have read that some ladies disconnect themselves from their future partners sexually because it is difficult to 're-live' those working moments, or sex may be seen as a source of release for the male partner thus making it undesirable to her. Some ladies may have to (re)learn how to enjoy sex because they become used to holding off their orgasms while working. There are so many possibilities that one could go through!
Am I saying that every working lady will go through all of these thoughts/emotions? No - but, sitting down and looking introspectively, I could only imagine what some ladies may go through once they leave this industry.
MLAM said:
It is something that is unique to those that work as sex workers; but there are always exceptions and different circumstances.
There are some ladies that may find it difficult to look at themselves in the same light as a civilian lady. Knowing that men found you attractive because of your physical attributes and slept with you because of that can really wreak havoc on a ladies self-esteem and self-worth - especially if one doesn't have their emotional support system in place. It can either inflate one's ego or decompress it to the point of nothingness. Some ladies deal with this through: compartmentalization, a sheer understanding of the situation and really mulling through introspective thoughts, never even giving it a second thought or depression. Once a lady has quit and may start to think about it, she may unearth some unresolved feelings and have problems dealing with them.
If a lady start to base her physical beauty, self-worth and self esteem on her clients she will surely feel like nothing when she doesn't have men swooning around her and complimenting her (even as empty as some compliments may be). Having someone tell her on a regular basis that she's beautiful and knowing that people are coming to see her because you are attractive will change once she has no one handing out those compliments.
Sex may become difficult or unwanted and lack emotion because it was something that was done daily, with strangers. If she didn't wrap her head around doing each call and focused only on the dollar amount, she may have some problems to resolve with her body image and sex. I have read that some ladies disconnect themselves from their future partners sexually because it is difficult to 're-live' those working moments, or sex may be seen as a source of release for the male partner thus making it undesirable to her. Some ladies may have to (re)learn how to enjoy sex because they become used to holding off their orgasms while working. There are so many possibilities that one could go through!
Am I saying that every working lady will go through all of these thoughts/emotions? No - but, sitting down and looking introspectively, I could only imagine what some ladies may go through once they leave this industry.
