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Separation advice needed

T

Tithead

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Mar 20, 2003
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I have a friend who wants to divorce her husband. She has asked him to leave their house.. he won't. He asked her to leave.. she won't.

What can she do now to move this along? Can one of them be forced out of the house or are they pretty locked in?

Looking forward to hearing advice here... thanks.
 
They need to each see a lawyer to work out a separation agreement so that each protects their position before moving out of the matrimonial home.
 
Not to jump to any conclusions but...

...is he abusive and or violent? Has there been any adultery on his part?

Talk to a Family Lawyer ASAP.
 
Tithead said:
I have a friend who wants to divorce her husband. She has asked him to leave their house.. he won't. He asked her to leave.. she won't.

What can she do now to move this along? Can one of them be forced out of the house or are they pretty locked in?

Looking forward to hearing advice here... thanks.
Click to expand...

Seeing a lawyer is the best idea. The lawyer will advise her NOT to leave the house...unless it is an abusive environment. Neither one can be forced to leave. They will have to make some other arrangement such as separate sleeping arrangements and such. I know that's a lousy setup, but unless one of them decides the atmosphere is unbearable... Do they have children? In that case, for the sake of the children, they need to be adults and pursue whatever course is best for the child (which unlike the advise of a lawyer, may be for one of them to leave to ensure a stable environment for the child).

I've experienced exactly this scenario and there is no "good" solution...just the lesser of evils.
 
Re: Re: Separation advice needed

Rivera said:
Seeing a lawyer is the best idea. The lawyer will advise her NOT to leave the house...unless it is an abusive environment. Neither one can be forced to leave. They will have to make some other arrangement such as separate sleeping arrangements and such. I know that's a lousy setup, but unless one of them decides the atmosphere is unbearable... Do they have children? In that case, for the sake of the children, they need to be adults and pursue whatever course is best for the child (which unlike the advise of a lawyer, may be for one of them to leave to ensure a stable environment for the child).

I've experienced exactly this scenario and there is no "good" solution...just the lesser of evils.
Click to expand...

Its not physically abusive in the slightest but I can't imagine it being too pleasant psychologically if the other shoe were to drop. There are two children (8 and 10) involved. They are not close with their father.

I really appreciate everyone's advice. Thanks so much.
 
Peace4u said:
Tithead---wondering what is your relationship to this woman.Just a friend or more?
Click to expand...

It's more, Peace4u. She's the first woman I have ever truly loved.
 
I'm a family lawyer.

I run a banner ad on TERB. Under the Family Law Act, both married partners have the right to stay in the matrimonial home. The only ways to over-ride that right are as follows: 1. One of the partners agrees, either informally or in a separation agreement, to leave; 2. A judge makes an order that one of the parties leaves and that the other gets to stay inthe house.

In actual fact, residing in the matrimonial home is tied up with who gets custody of the kids. The main criteria for a judge's "call" re who gets to stay is whether one of the partners is violent or "out of control" in some way and what are the best interests of the children.

If the kids have lived in the same neighbourhood for several years and are in the middle of their school years, a judge will often allow the parent who has gotten custody to stay and will hoof the other parent out. The residing parent may be made to financially compensate the leaving parent to some degree, depending on whether there's enough $ to go around.

(In actual fact, even without a court order, usually one of the partners cannot take living together anymore and "cracks" and moves out. It's all a matter of time.)
 
If I was the guy, there's no way in hell I'd be leaving the house. No matter how much of a she-devil she was. Leaving the house is strike one against you.
 
Actually, you're right.....

... He who leaves the house often loses custody of the kids by default. And losing custody normally leads to losing your right to stay in the house and to a decade or so of paying child support. So tactically it makes sense to hang in there.
 
Thanks for the advice

Some great posts that are really helping.

What would be the official first step for her to get this ball rolling? I assume it would be to announce her plans, move into a separate bedroom and consult a lawyer? Maybe the lawyer first...

What kind of position would it put her in to admit she is having an affair before this separation announcement? Does it make any difference if she does after?

Thanks again all.
 
It makes no difference if she's having an affaire. Divorce these days is "no fault".

Until she moves into a separate bedroom, she's not "separated". She will also have to stop eating with the husband guy, stop watching tv with him and generally live as a stranger under the same roof.

No harm in talking to counsel before doing anything. That way she'll know what she's getting into. She can get a free half-hour consult with many lawyers. Check the Yellow Pages or call the Law Society for a referral at 947-3300.
 
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