R.I.P. - Funniest Epitaphs!

[kbluejayk]

There are many funny epitaphs on tombstones around the world!
like that of one William Bright, a cycling enthousiast.....

"Here lies the body of wee Willie Bright,
He put out his left hand and turned to the right"

I'm sure we will see many more!

 

[Meesh]

"I TOLD you I was sick"

 

[Drunken Master]

Life's a jest, and all things show it;
I thought so once, but now I know it.

-John Gay's epitaph.

 

[Speedo]

An oldie but a goodie direct from Boot Hill...

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.

 

[duMaurierguy]

On the tombstone of atheist John Hamilton:

Here lies John Hamilton. All dressed up and no where to go.

 

[keeferz]

Here lies the body
of Johnathan Blake
who stepped on the gas
instead of the brake

 

[kbluejayk]

Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me for not rising.

 

[kbluejayk]

A lawyer's epitaph in England;

Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

 

[kbluejayk]

Under the sod and under the trees,
lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

 

[kbluejayk]

In an English cemetry;

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be,
Prepare yourself and follow me.

 

[kbluejayk]

In the same English cemetry, some tourist 'wag' has etched the following:

To follow you, I'm not content,
Until I find which way you went!

 

[kbluejayk]

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England;

On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.

 

[PeppyLaPew]

Here lies the bones of Screwy Dick
He was cursed at birth with a corkscrew prick.
His life was spent in an endless hunt
To find the girl with the corkscrew ****.
He finally found her but then droped dead
That son-of-a bitch had a left hand thread

 

[WhaWhaWha]

Benjamin Franklin

A Printer

Food for Worms

 

[kbluejayk]

Medway, Massachusetts;

In memory of
Mr Peter Daniels
16-08-1746

Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,
Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,
Who too early in the month of May,
Took off his winter flannels

 

[kbluejayk]

Whiting, Vermont

Brighan Young
Born on this spot
1801
A man of great courage
And surperb equipment

 

[kbluejayk]

Burlington, Massachusetts

Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake,
who died for peace and quietness sake;
His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin',
So he sought for repose in a twelve dollar coffin.

 

[kbluejayk]

Bath, England;

here lies Ann Mann;
She lived an old maid
but died an old Mann.

 

[kbluejayk]

Bayfield Mississippi;

Here lies my wife in earthly mold,
Who when she lived did naught but scold.
Peace! Wake her not, for now she's still,
She had, but now I have, my will.

 

[kbluejayk]

Plymouth, Mass.

Here lies the bones of Richard Lawton,
Whose death, alas! was strangely brought on.
Trying his corns one to mow off,
His razor slipped and cut his toe off,
His toe, or rather what it grew to,
An inflammation quickly flew to.
Which took, alas! to mortifying,
And was the cause of Richard's dying.