Question to SW - We have a mutual civilian friend

[Esquille]

I just want to drop this question here, feel free to chime in even if you're not a SW.

I've very sparsely been hobbying since before the pandemic; more a lurker than a participant - rarely indulging in new ladies apart from the ones I've taken a favor to. However, as my once-favorites exit from the industry, I find myself seeking new providers.
Since about the end of the pandemic, I've had the (mis)fortune of discovering mutuals of civilian friends working in the industry. Two in total, one definitely too close for comfort to even think about seeking services with, but the other at somewhat arms length. Normally, I wouldn't think about it, but this particular lady has garnered a notoriously positive reputation as a provider - leading me to always wonder "what if?", and as you would expect, it's a fantasy perhaps wishing to be fulfilled.

Mind you, the one that is too close to comfort, I've had the pleasure of meeting in a social setting, and the other I have not met (yet?), but the likelihood of meeting through mutuals as pretty high.

Now, I'm not married, nor do I have a significant other; so my only risk is having my hobby be discovered.

From the SW's perspective, what do you think of this situation? Do I stay the course and stay away from contacting them as a client? How would you feel encountering a mutual acquaintance/friend as a client in the industry, or perhaps encountering a client from the industry through a mutual friend?
Mutual feigned ignorance to eachother as a SW/hobbiest in a social setting goes without saying...

This is not to say I don't trust the provider to keep their clients confidential, but the mutual friend is very likely to be aware of the provider's extracurricular activities; so perhaps the risk is there, and of course, I understand this goes both ways.

 

[Slobus]

Say and do nothing, discretion is the better part of valour imho.

That said, serendipity does happen on occasion.

 

[TigerFlex5]

Stay away! Do not link the two situations to her, regardless as a client or civilian, you will regret it one day.

 

[honeybear69]

I just want to drop this question here, feel free to chime in even if you're not a SW.

I've very sparsely been hobbying since before the pandemic; more a lurker than a participant - rarely indulging in new ladies apart from the ones I've taken a favor to. However, as my once-favorites exit from the industry, I find myself seeking new providers.
Since about the end of the pandemic, I've had the (mis)fortune of discovering mutuals of civilian friends working in the industry. Two in total, one definitely too close for comfort to even think about seeking services with, but the other at somewhat arms length. Normally, I wouldn't think about it, but this particular lady has garnered a notoriously positive reputation as a provider - leading me to always wonder "what if?", and as you would expect, it's a fantasy perhaps wishing to be fulfilled.

Mind you, the one that is too close to comfort, I've had the pleasure of meeting in a social setting, and the other I have not met (yet?), but the likelihood of meeting through mutuals as pretty high.

Now, I'm not married, nor do I have a significant other; so my only risk is having my hobby be discovered.

From the SW's perspective, what do you think of this situation? Do I stay the course and stay away from contacting them as a client? How would you feel encountering a mutual acquaintance/friend as a client in the industry, or perhaps encountering a client from the industry through a mutual friend?
Mutual feigned ignorance to eachother as a SW/hobbiest in a social setting goes without saying...

This is not to say I don't trust the provider to keep their clients confidential, but the mutual friend is very likely to be aware of the provider's extracurricular activities; so perhaps the risk is there, and of course, I understand this goes both ways.

I was going to say, why not give me both of their names.....I will see them and let you know if you are missing anything! That way your hobbying side will know that A) You are missing out on a truly great experience or B) Fun....but one and done or C) You are not wasting your time by not calling them. I always try to help those in need!!
HB69.....was here??!?!?

 

[Chunky Protoss]

Nah don't bring a bag full of awkward with you. Better to leave them alone

 

[dynomyte]

When I have a friend or acquaintance who owns a local business that offers something I need/want, I purposefully give my business there to support them. My massage therapist is a friend of a friend for example. I say go for it if you are able to maintain discretion and respect any boundaries she sets.

Since you have no personal strings to risk, I personally see your concerns as perpetuating the taboo nature of the industry. I get the sense that your hesitation is rooted in your concern that people look at your participation in this industry as you doing something morally wrong which contributes to the stigma of the sex work industry. If you want to spend your dollars on a mutually consensual relationship and support someone's business while doing so, I see no reason you shouldn't.....especially as a single man.

 

[Tango Urilla]

Bang them all, you only live once!

 

[MikeO]

I was going to say, why not give me both of their names.....I will see them and let you know if you are missing anything! That way your hobbying side will know that A) You are missing out on a truly great experience or B) Fun....but one and done or C) You are not wasting your time by not calling them. I always try to help those in need!!
HB69.....was here??!?!?

Gee, HB.... you are soooooo altruistic. Were you thinking about help out by seeing the two ladies separately or as a duo? We all need friends like you! On another note, during a session I once discovered that the provider was a university classmate of my daughter and I just sensed that was a bit too close for comfort and I didn't see are again. However, she had indeed satisfied the "My Daughter's Friend" fantasy and she laughed and responded saying that I'd fulfilled her "My Friend's Father" fantasy. .Naughty Canada!

 

[Tango441]

This is on every hobbyists mind that they could run into someone who has a connection through normal life. And if I found out that even though I didn't know of a connection that they had to my regular life and didn't say anything, I would be rather concerned. If it were me, I wouldn't do it. There are a lot of lines being crossed. Potential of the unknown also. You don't really know what the fallout could be if things go the wrong way. Even as a hobbyist, I respect every providers private life, and I hope for the same in return. If you must go ahead, at least be upfront about it, talk about the mutual connection and give them the chance to decide for themselves. And the connection, how does this affect them and how would they react should they find out. You might be unpleasantly surprised. Anonymity is what everyone wants. Sorry for the lengthy rant.

 

[dynomyte]

This is on every hobbyists mind that they could run into someone who has a connection through normal life. And if I found out that even though I didn't know of a connection that they had to my regular life and didn't say anything, I would be rather concerned. If it were me, I wouldn't do it. There are a lot of lines being crossed. Potential of the unknown also. You don't really know what the fallout could be if things go the wrong way. Even as a hobbyist, I respect every providers private life, and I hope for the same in return. If you must go ahead, at least be upfront about it, talk about the mutual connection and give them the chance to decide for themselves. And the connection, how does this affect them and how would they react should they find out. You might be unpleasantly surprised. Anonymity is what everyone wants. Sorry for the lengthy rant.

You might need to change your quote attached to your name from "seize the day" to "tread carefully"!

 

[ArgoHater]

You might need to change your quote attached to your name from "seize the day" to "tread carefully"!

More like "Caveat Emptor".

 

[Shaquille Oatmeal]

I think it is a toss up.
I dont think it is wrong to fuck a friend of a friend.
You are not married, no strings attached.
And she is not a relative of your friend.
So I think it is okay.
However if your chances of meeting her is high in civi life, then it could get awkward.
And your hobbying risks being exposed to friends.
If that does not matter, then go ahead and see her.
If your chances of meeting her irl is low, then I dont think it matters.
Maybe in this case the best course of action is to just ask her, and if you really want to see her assure her of discretion and if she's okay to see you and consents, have fun.
I dont think asking will prompt her to snitch on you with your friend, because am assuming she'd like to keep her activities under wraps as well.

 

[Hands95]

Have a semi-pro massage lady, and through her, met a friend in the same line of work. Hit it off with her but she wasn't in it for long. A bit of research showed only 3 degrees of separation between us. Fortunately, there is also geography between us. In another case, a longish-term FWB could be connected with the standard 6 degrees of separation. Anytime you meet someone new, you don't know who you don't know.

 

[massman]

Need to avoid this.

 

[McKenna King]

Honestly from a provider’s POV - just don’t do it.

Most of you have mentioned the discretionary risks or issues to yourselves…but only one of you thought of the provider and the awkward position or risks this could put them in.

I was recently put in this position. I was DMd by someone who is a mutual of a mutual. Even though he messaged me anonymously I very quickly realized who it was. I’m literally close friends to his wife’s best friend! It put me in a very awkward position of now having to keep this information to myself (even though he didn’t book me) and I honestly don’t deserve the weight of that on my shoulders. And having to run in the same circles as my friend and his wife.

Sure, you might not have a gf/wife to worry about. But contacting this SP can make her feel very exposed and uncomfortable. Especially if she’s not out to any of her friends.

Not everyone wants to keep these secrets from their friends or family members and putting that unnecessarily upon a provider is really not fair to them. Yes we’re professionals and discretion is part of the job, but this is a very unfair situation to enter into when you know a provider’s true identity and you breech the privacy of their personal lives.

Then there’s always the risk that one day things turn sour, that SP doesn’t want to see you again for whatever reason, you get bitter and let this slip to a friend and that friend tells another friend. Now all your mutuals know and that providers personal life is forever changed or even damaged (Not saying you would do that. Just a hypothetical.) Or even worse, you also have that SPs true identity and can hold that leverage over their heads to try and make them see you again.

No. Leave the fantasy in your mind where it belongs.
Just don’t do it.

 

[TexasJake]

Don't cross the streams! Providers and clients both want and need discretion in this puritanical world we live in. Remember this hobby can affect relationships, jobs, security clearance and even life insurance. Regardless of your current relationship status, you don't need a scarlet letter on you and neither do they.

 

[Theredmilf]

Not a friends situation but a neighbour right on my street booked me without letting me know ahead we were neighbours and then tried to book again w his GF and it was a hard no for me! I don’t need all the wives here coming out with pitchforks!!

There are so many phenomenal ladies to pick from, just stay away from potential drama and book someone you have less risk to bump into. And if you ignore all this advice maybe just don’t disclose your connection at all. Privacy is important for safety in this community so it’s wise to keep it as best you can.

 

[Needluv]

Can I hook up with her? You know... for you, on your behalf.

 

[Alison_xox]

As a provider , I don’t mix Alisonxox with my personal life.
It’s just a big NO for me.

 

[canuckhooker]

I think there are a lot of different circumstances that can arise here and people have to value discretion and be careful. I have had this happen to me a couple of times. Once at a spa where I booked a well reviewed lady. We were doing a duo and she made a comment about something that we both had in common in "civvy life". She then dropped the name of her ex-husband and the light came on. Her looks were quite different from when I knew her, still very attractive but different. Not only did I know her, but a couple of times she actually worked for me. (Gig type jobs, part time, casual) Anyway we had a session and I know we both were discrete about how and where we remade our acquaintance. I even repeated with her.

On another occasion at a spa, after the flip the MA making conversation mentioned something and I said, I know about that and some people who were also involved. We then determined that we knew the same people. Again, we both knew to be discrete and keep our meeting to ourselves.

I think the key is that as long as you are comfortable with the situation, (e.g. not walking into a room to find your Father's BFF naked on the table) and both remain discrete there is no need for an absolute rule. Sometimes worlds collide and if you handle it intelligently and respectfully there should be no issues.