Question for the ladies: How do you handle regular clients who fall in love with you?

[mypussykat]

Sometimes guys just won't get it that I'm not interested in a relationship outside of the business. Anyone have any tricks of the trade to get rid of unwanted Romeos but keep them as clients? I've tried to say that I don't date while I work in the industry, but he just keeps persisting. Should I just say I'm too busy to see him anymore? But I don't want him to get mad and stalk me. He knows so much about me already. Help. I'm already screening his calls.

MPK

 

[Saint-Germain]

Hi PussyKat,

Is he a good client of yours? In other words did you have a good "working" relationship with him prior to his proposition? It doesn't really matter at this stage because what should matter is how you feel about him. Hopefully you are not in love with him because that would be another story. I will take the position that you are not interested as you have mentioned in a relationship "outside of the business."

First of all, he has to respect your wishes if that is what you wanted. Are you prepared to lose him as a client if push comes to shove? The problem with a lot of these type of men is that they simply have no idea on how to win a woman's heart. Most people beleive that by becoming persistent it pays off. Well, it does the opposite. If he continues to bother you by calling frequently, then I would call that harassment. You may have little choice but to cut him off completely. Most men who engage the services of an SP realize that it is purely a business transaction. If the SP is willing to have a relationship, then it is her responsibility, but if she indicates it is strictly business, then he has no right to bother you persistently. If you feel uncomfortable about the matter, then you will have to shut him out. There is a difference between a friendly (saying hello) call and a call to get into your life for good.

Do not panic my dear. Just say no firmly if he does call again. Tell him he has no hope at this stage and to ask him to respect your wishes. Tell him you are simply not ready for any relationship right now- and don' just say it in a nervous or doubtful way. Be firm and business-like about it. Practise using your voice and train yourself so that your voice does not give yourself away. You have been as honestly as you can possibly be.

If you have any other concerns, you can always PM me.

Don't worry, stuff happens all the time. Just keep doing a good job.

Count St.Germain

 

[midLifeCrisis]

Saint-Germain, your advice implicitly assumes that this guy is rational. This assumption is a little shaky.

mypussycat, your rationale for not simply telling him you won't see him shows you perceive him as a blackmailer. My advice? Be brutal and leave no room for doubt in his mind as to what your attitude towards him. Tell him you don't want to see him socially or professionally because he scares you. Full stop. Block his eMails, block his calls. And if he stalks you, call the cops. Dealing with blackmailers on their own terms only makes things worse.

I know you only asked for help from the ladies, but hell, I've heard a lot of this kind of story and anyway, I can dress up if you want me to.

 

[zydeco]

Hey mypussykat, that's some real sound advice that you got from Saint-Germain. I would just add that the vast majority of guys will not go to the extreme of stalking. Also keep in mind that notwithstanding the fact that "he knows so much about" you - You must know an awful lot about him as well - which reallly diminishes the likelihood of most guys acting inappropriate in these circumstances.

 

[TheNiteHwk]

Could not have put it better myself...

"Be brutal and leave no room for doubt in his mind"

IMO MLC is right on the money. I have seen this all to often. Basicly you have to tell him to FO. Good-bye. Get out of my life. That's it. That's All. Good-Bye forever.

 

[zydeco]

mypussykat - Me again - Just a quick follow up to my previous post. My advice also assumed that your dealing with a reasonably "normal" guy. If he's a flake then I think that midLife Crisis has hit the nail squarely on the head. (unfortunately dressing up is not an option for me)

 

[twinkle]

Mypussycat........

Even thought the advice given by some of the men above is correct when it comes to letting a 'regular' guy (I mean non client) know that you are not interested in dating them or SOCIALIZING with them outside of business BUT .........when it comes to doing the same with a clueless, NEEDY, lonely, disrespectful, emotionally unstable and pushy client who does not understand the BOUNDARIES of this biz.........
YOU HAVE TO HANDLE THIS WITH KIDS GLOVES!!!!!!!!!
Especially because as you said he knows a lot of your personal info. This is part of the reason I prefer married clients, they are much more likely to 'understand' this business relationship, and rarely ask for FREE TIME.

And some regular clients over time think they are entitled to free time, or dates or very reduced fees for extended appointmemts or travel,etc. because they think they are 'special'. Thinking and asking us this puts us in a VERY UNCOMFORTABLE position because we have to REMIND you what this relationship realistically is. Just because a an escort is VERY 'FRIENDLY' with you dont expect her to do the same things your friends do with you for FREE, unless you are willing to pay for friendship/dates! And with some guys YOU GIVE THEM AN INCH AND THEY TAKE A MILE, they come to expect it and MUCH MORE in the future! SO we dont want to open a can of worms. That is rude and disrespectful of us and our time. We are not running a dating sevice, that is what Lava Life, etc. is for.

I have gone through a similar scenerio and some guys DO NOT get the word no. He asked me out for FREE on many occassions and I declined each time and he did not get the hint. He would call me constantly just to 'check up' on me and say hello, on my business line, I would change the conversation into asking if he wanted to make an appointment and end the call abruptly . I bluntly told him I do not want to go out on dates with him, that did not work. I started to feel so uncomfortable that I did not even want to see him for money anymore. So I blocked his email and phone number thinking that would be the end of it but.....this just angered him because he knew I was trying to avoid him and did not want to talk to him anymore. He would call fro public payphones or other numbers I was not familar with. I got a male friend posing as my boyfriend to call him to scare him away. But guess what, he called me back, out of the blue 6 months later, have not heard from him since.

And many men do not take REJECTION well (especially if they have been rejected by women their whole life, and then to be rejected by a prostitute I think hurts some guys fragile EGO even more) and if they are social hermits and lack social skills especially when it comes to relating to women.

First difference is you are in the escort industry and he can blackmail you or make your life difficult in many ways, especially if you are doing incalls. Or depending on how much info you told him he may tell your famil or friends or employeer, etc. This is the reason why I do not get too close to my clients anymore, especially the single ones, because they have little to nothing to loose generally, if they want to hurt/blackmail you. Even regular clients can turn on you, so dont let your guard down. Look what happened to the girl who posted that her regular client of 2+ years secretly videotaped her. Its unfortunate you cant trust most people.

You need to tell him clearly that you will not see him outside of the paid for time, but not in a overly harsh Fuch Off type of way, but stern and direct. Remind him, in business time equals money and your time as a busines woman is valuable. I dont think you will feel comfortable seeing him as a client anymore, anyways because you dont trust him or his motives. That typ of needy client is not worth the money, it is better to loose him IMO. Tell him you have a boyfriend now and if he persists tell him that his actions make you feel uneasy.
If he does not stop calling get a guy friend posing as a boyfriend to call him.

Just another stressful reality of this biz.

Good luck and PM me if you would like to talk

 

[train]

Two of my favourites have run into this situation . Once it starts it very rarely goes away . Idiots that can't take a hint need to be dealt with in a very definitive and permanent fashion . One lady had a minor disaster where the guy tried to blow her cover with family .

My advice ....you should always have a previous appointment .

 

[twinkle]

...............
My advice ....you should always have a previous appointment .

Can you please explain this statement. I dont understand what you mean by the above statement.

 

[Magus]

Tough love ...

I agree totally with MLC and NightHawk - don't give an inch.

I was a lurker for a long time before I joined this board and it doesn't take long to realize that a lot of folks on the board have a problem understanding the difference between friendly service and personal attraction.

I daresay we've all had moments when we thought there was more to a relationship with an SP than just business - and maybe there was - but it was almost certainly something closer to friendship than to a relationship. It's the risk of any professional relationship - it's called transference. People fall in love with their teachers, doctors, (especially psychiatrists) etc., all the time.

You need to be kind but firm, for your sake and for his, and if that doesn't work, get help fast. Don't take any chances, as someone said earlier, a lot of guys don't handle, what they see as rejection, at all well.

 

[Ripper77]

Re: Question for the ladies: How do you handle regular clients who fall in love with you?

Sometimes guys just won't get it that I'm not interested in a relationship outside of the business. Anyone have any tricks of the trade to get rid of unwanted Romeos but keep them as clients? I've tried to say that I don't date while I work in the industry, but he just keeps persisting. Should I just say I'm too busy to see him anymore? But I don't want him to get mad and stalk me. He knows so much about me already. Help. I'm already screening his calls.

MPK

My advice,1- dont keep him as a client.2-tell him its strictly business,3-this guy could be a nut,have no more contact with him.

 

[twinkle]

Sounds like SOUR GRAPES to me........

It was quite a while ago but I distinctly recall that you initially were introduced as a sort of part time GF whose availability was limited to a very select few. I remember a post (by Bigguy, I think) describing you as a sort of quasi-GF who still charged money but the encounters were highly personal extended outcall dates covering an entire evening or at least a hefty hunk of it. I'm probably describing it badly but you WERE touted as a kind of GF for hire instead of the usual hourly pay for play. Please correct me if I've got it wrong.

BTW, I "applied" via PM for a spot (time share?) on your roster and you REJECTED ME because "I got around too much". I had absolutely no problem with your assessment at the time because I WAS getting around a fair bit in those days and you were completely entitled to select only those who met all your criteria for personal friendship etc. So this isn't SOUR GRAPES- I've never even met you.

But it seems likely that this client who is now practically stalking you is doing so in the mistaken belief that he is in some kind of special "relationship" with you. You were offering personal friendship, loyalty etc. - not just sex. I doubt that this makes even the slightest difference about how to get out of this mess, but it might at least shed some light on how you got into it.

Nearlynormal........... your post sounds like 'sour grapes to me'!
What relevance did the things you brought up in your post have to her question? None. What purpose did it serve? Nothing but self serving. Look at everyone elses post they ONLY offered her CONSTRUCTIVE advice on how to solve this problem..... ASK yourself WHY you were the ONLY ONE, in this entire thread....... who brought up a past unrelavant 'gripe' and decided it was necessary give her a lecture/blame instead of advice? Sounds like a vendetta to me and a fragile male EGO.

This is a perfect example of some men not taking REJECTION well (especially when its from an escort), and Nearlynormal has never even met her, LOL!!!!!
That fact that mypussycat, as you said, REJECTED you as a client many months ago, because of her own personal comfort level, you know feel it is was necessary to lecture her/blame her/spew your anger......... under the guise of I am "just trying to help" and "it might shed some light on how you got INTO IT". Whatever!

Reality Check:
Firstly there is no such thing as a quasi GF or "part time Girlfriend for hire" when someone is PAYING an escort, she never is the 'clients' REAL girlfriend, and most reasonable men understand the realities of this BUSINESS relationship and like to keep it that way (because a real GF would never be so hassle free, LOL).

IMO Guys are generally not falling in love with US but with the unrealistic fantasy image he has of us (and what type of girlfriend he thinks we may be), which if not a TOTAL ACT, is just only a very small side of us. I dont show my clients all the various facets of me and my personality, because it is a business relationship. AT YOUR JOB DO YOU SHOW YOUR 'CLIENTS' ALL THE VARIOUS SIDES OF YOU? Of course not. Well this is our JOB and we are real people, with many sides to our personality.

In real life you dont 'pay' a girlfriend or a friend EVER, plain and simple! The term GFExperience means just that...... a 'temporary' stress free, 'fantasy experience' and anyone who thinks that this 'fantasy' extends past the paid time "is believing what he WANTS to BELIEVE". So what if she is 'friendly' and offers extended engagements to a select few, what is your point? She is selling and he is buying friendly, discreet temporary companionship and sex. Many upscale SP offer this exact same type of service.

BTW- this is a very personal business whether it is for 1 hr or 24hrs. Almost like my very personal business relationship with my gyno, but I dont get this business relationship confused (or put him in an uncomfortable position and disrespectfully put pressure on him to like me and date me) just because he is a very friendly, nice man, and I ask him about his kids and tell him about my vacations, and he sees me naked in the first 2 minutes of my appointment, and sticks his finger in my vagina.
His wife, kids and friends probably will have a totally accurate and different (maybe negative) image of him. Think about it...... do you guys act the same way you act at WORK as you do at home or with close friends outside of the work environment? Of course not .....we all WEAR DIFFERENT HATS depending on who we are with and where we are. Thats reality!

 

[BigBlack]

Any guy that is falling in love with a sex provider is usually pretty desperate in the first place. Danger!!! There is a fine line between love and hate for some of these lonely types rejection turns things to the "hate" dial. Becareful. The more he knows the more he can hurt you.

The only thing I could think of to scare a guy like that away is to say you have a boyfriend...but this has to be said initially. If you say it now he'll say "didn't you tell me you don't date while sp'ing...you lied..I wasn't good enough, ect...not good! When you told him that you don't date while you work as a escort, it indicated to him that you are single (remember try to put yourself into his head).

You say he knows a lot about you already. Mistake! Too personal! A john is a john period. A prostitute is a prostitute period. That is the relationship He doesn't and shouldn't know so much about you. In my case I'll stop an escort if she wants to get too personal in the conversations. It happens to me all the time. I start getting hit up for financial advice, health, fitness advice, even crap like daycare, relationship stuff. I guess it's a compliment but some of these girls want to tell me their life story. I just push for the contact.

Sex please, then leave please...don't call me up once in a while to drum up business, I'll call you (that happens far too often).

Good luck, stay safe,

BBLACK

 

[twinkle]

Any guy that is falling in love with a sex provider is usually pretty desperate in the first place. Danger!!! There is a fine line between love and hate for some of these lonely types rejection turns things to the "hate" dial. Becareful. The more he knows the more he can hurt you.

You say he knows a lot about you already. Mistake! Too personal! A john is a john period. A prostitute is a prostitute period. That is the relationship He doesn't and shouldn't know so much about you. BBLACK

This is the reason why I stated in another thread that some clients should not be asking us or expecting us to tell them intimate details of our life ( such as......where else do you work, where do you go to school and what are you taking, what is your real name, do you live here, are you married, do your friends/family/ know what you do? etc.) Most guys would not like it if the tables were turned and they were asked such intusive questions.

This is actually a BIG pet peeve of many escorts, including myself, it also puts a DAMPER on the session. This may be appropriate SMALL TALK during a regular date BUT.......our business relationship is NOT a REGULAR DATE. If someone is persisiting and does not get or want to get the fact (and this happens way too often) that I am not comfortable discussing certain things about my life be prepared to hear a LIE. As we see above some men may turn on us in the future and use this info. to cause us harm. So dont take it personally if the next time an escort abruptly changes the subject if you are prying into her personal life.

 

[twinkle]

Re: LIMITED RELATIONSHIP THINGY........

I PM'd her with a few questions about her limited availability, mainly out of curiosity but also to find out if it was outcall or incall, how much etc. So that was my application. Poor choice of words on my part. She checked my terb posts and politely advised me that I was too active for her tastes. So, in my own words, I was rejected but I didn't feel rejected in the way you're suggesting. ..... Why should I mind if she wanted someone who was less of a hobbyist and more into this limited relationship thingy.

Thats one of the many beauties of terb.... and trust me you are not the only guy who has been rejected because a lady has read a guys previous posts. I know for a fact that it t happens all the time. How someone conducts themselves on this board will positively or negatively (escort or client) affect their business or if they may be accepted as a potential client or not ! Ask one of the most popular guys on this board, I remember him stating this once.

And I dont know this 'escort' and never read her post/ad you are referrring to but I bet my life on it she did not say she wanted to attract clients for a real "relationship thingy" (anything other than an ongoing "strictly business, but friendly business relationship thingy") with a limited amount of men....... as opposed to serious hobbyiests (BTW whatever that means, lol).

And some escorts DO NOT want to see clients such as what someone once coined.....
"SAMPLERS" -hobbyists who jump from girl to girl, with absolutely no intentions of looking for 1 or 2 regular ladies to see on an ongoing basis. Guys who even if they are pleased will not become regular clients. That is their choice if they like variety, but it is also her CHOICE not to see that type of clientelle. And can you blame her?

Any good business person wants to attract a REGULAR clientelle. Someone who they can establish an ongoing business relationship with. For most well run, long lasting businesses..... REGULAR CLIENTS are their "bread and butter" (law firms, restaurants, dry cleaners, escorts, etc). In any business, if you spend time 'investing' into making any client happy you are doing this in hopes that he will come back and patronize your business more and on a regular basis, and see your competitor less or not at all. Thats just a smart business practice. Especially in this business. Of course a smart lady in this biz would PREFER to establish connections/business relationships with 5-10 very REGULAR clients a month (for many reasons including, higher level of comfort for both parties, safety reasons and LE concerns) ......as oppossed to having to see 20-30+ different men a month. And walking into a different scenerio each time.

Every girl in this biz, whether she does 1hr apppointments or dinner dates wants a "regular client , business relationship thingy". And FYI the 1hr clients fall 'in love' just as much as the extended engagements guys.

 

[train]

Can you please explain this statement. I dont understand what you mean by the above statement.

Quite simply she should never be available for any future "dates" with this guy .

 

[rdhaired_vixen]

I had this happen too me. I lost a good friend and client, becuase he fell in love. He asked me to marry him, i of course declined and said "this better be a friendship ring"

He was hurt and theres no way around hurting him.and unfortunatly you will end up losing your client.

It's one of the upsets of being a good gfe i guess...and talking to him in generic and business terms is only going to make it harder.

I'm sorry for you, it will hurt both of you...but you cant string anyone along..its not right ...

good luck...

and fyi J**.... i miss you ol friend...

 

[james t kirk]

I had this happen too me. I lost a good friend and client, becuase he fell in love. He asked me to marry him, i of course declined and said "this better be a friendship ring"

He was hurt and theres no way around hurting him.and unfortunatly you will end up losing your client.

It's one of the upsets of being a good gfe i guess...and talking to him in generic and business terms is only going to make it harder.

I'm sorry for you, it will hurt both of you...but you cant string anyone along..its not right ...

good luck...

and fyi J**.... i miss you ol friend...

This is very interesting.......

I have a question for you?

Why did you say no???

Ok, sure, he's a client, he knows your history, etc. but so what, he obviously accepts all that.

But if you miss him, there must be some sort of feeling there.

 

[fernie]

Isn't that a dumb question, Kirk? You can enjoy someone's company and like them even as a friend, but not want to marry them. Or even see them off the clock.

Fernie

 

[Mrs_Stiffler]

I think the kindest thing to do, and the most professional, is to tell him honestly how you feel and that you can't insult him by faking feelings you don't have, and end the business relationship as well. As was stated, you will both be hurt for a while, but why prolong the inevitable?