Parents

[Steve Stifler]

Ditto.

I love my parents immensely.
When I think back to how they struggled to put food on the plate for me and my younger sister...it boggles my mind.
They were first generation over here in canada with practically nothing, yet they managed to feed, cloth us.
I'm pretty sure they put up with major bullshiat at their work cos english wasn't their first language etc etc.

I like to think of them as my friends now. We go out for lunch from time to time, and god have mercy on anyone that tries to fuck'em like they used when they were younger and working.

Love'em to the end, you won't have any regrets that way.


steve.

 

[Thunderballs]

I don't think you really appreciate your parents until you become a parent yourself. You sort of put them on a pedestal thinking that they should have all the answers and you resent any mistakes that they may have made with you. That is until you have kids of your own and then you realize that they are just people trying to muddle through life and raise a family. They don't have all the answers and they do make mistakes. Having kids of my own certainly opened my eyes to the fact that they are just people trying to do their best for you and are indeed fallible like you.

 

[onthebottom]

I've always been very close to my parents as well, my father died 8 years ago and I still miss him terribly. As it happens, my mother is in Ohio visiting for several weeks, getting some quality grandchildren time in. I've always said that the biggest advantage that I have is I had great parents growing up.....

OTB

 

[RTRD]

All of this...

I don't think you really appreciate your parents until you become a parent yourself. You sort of put them on a pedestal thinking that they should have all the answers and you resent any mistakes that they may have made with you. That is until you have kids of your own and then you realize that they are just people trying to muddle through life and raise a family. They don't have all the answers and they do make mistakes. Having kids of my own certainly opened my eyes to the fact that they are just people trying to do their best for you and are indeed fallible like you.

...is so true - but especially this: I don't think you really appreciate your parents until you become a parent yourself.

When I became a parent - the very day I did - it finally hit me:

There is someone in this world who feels about me the way I feel about this kid.

That was so powerful - it hit me like a ton of bricks. It put EVERYTHING in a different light...EVERYTHING now had to be examined from a different perspective.

You sort of put them on a pedestal thinking that they should have all the answers and you resent any mistakes that they may have made with you. That is until you have kids of your own and then you realize that they are just people trying to muddle through life and raise a family. They don't have all the answers and they do make mistakes.

Again - truth.

My mom had it tough with me. Tough. And it took me becoming a parent to understand how tough.

How tough it must have been to raise a kid who really was smarter than you (in the most meaningless of ways) and had a fucking opinion on everything? Who thought he had a solution for everything, and wondered why you couldn't just see and do things his way?

I had expectations - some based on natural instinct, some based on what I observed with others and their parents - and insofar as I was concerned, my mom was letting me down. I am not talking about material things or anything like that. It was just that I really felt a mom should be different than the way my mom was.

Then one day - when I was an adult, but before I became a parent - my mother said something to me. She said that given the circumstances, she had a choice...she could be my mother, or she could be my father.

She figured it was in MY best interest that she be my father.

I understood what she was saying, trying to explain why my childhood had gone the way it did, and for years I made sure to thank her whenever I could for the instrumental role she played in me becoming the man I am.

But -it wasn't until *I* became a parent that I understood what a sacrifice that was for her. She had only one child...and she never got to be his mother. Every time I had a boo boo, and she wanted to kiss it, she instead had to ask me what the hell I was doing and if I had learned better. Every time she was afraid for me, and wanted to hug me and hold me tight and tell me it would be ok, and she would fix it, she instead had to let me know that I was responsible for myself, that I would grow by working my way through whatever I was dealing with, and her job wasn't to fix things for me.

She had to make me a man, when I am sure at times all she wanted to do was just dote on and love her boy.

That fact tends to be the common touchstone of our issues now - now that she is done raising me, all of her maternal instincts are pouring out...but having raised me as she did, I tend to view our relationship more as peers than Mother and Son. I have always related to my mother as "a man" so to speak - she didn't hand out very many warm and fuzzies, and accordingly, I am in fairly short supply myself. Really, while I love her to death, and would see no harm come her way, I do have to remind myself...this is your mother...be patient with her...really, all this is about is that she loves you, and she is finally relating to you the way she has always wanted to...never mind that you are about 30 years past that point.

God, it must break her heart to be so proud of me, to adore me so much, and for me to be almost cold towards her.

Sigh.

 

[RTRD]

Thanks...

...that you adore your parents, and presumably they adore you. If you guys really have a positive relationship, how could you not miss them?

Wow MLAM. You've been through so much with your mum. It took alot of courage to share that, and I thankyou for it. It sounds to be a very complicated history and I can appreciate the hardships you must of had to endure growing up in a single parent home.

After my parents divorced it was incredibly hard on all of us kids as it shook the very foundations of which we grew up on. We pretty much lost my father after that for many many years-- he was just nonexistent in our lives and suffering his own sense of loss. Although I cannot help but commend my mother for staying with him as long as she did through the abuse and mood swings. They were married for almost 19 years. Thankfully both my parents are doing well now and seem to be happy and settled. My mum, by getting remarried to one of the sweetest men on earth, and my father by letting go of the past. He also has mental health issues which were a huge predicator in his abusive tendancies.

But all that to say you are a strong person and it's quite a feat to have been so independant and accomplished so much. You worked really hard and it's evident it has paid off. And again, it shows alot about your person, that you were willing to share all that. I truly hope things work out well for you and your mum.

ps. and yes I adore my parents/siblings tremendously...

...for the kind words.

 

[Cycleguy007]

This Is:

I don't think you really appreciate your parents until you become a parent yourself.

Probably the best line of the thread!