As my parents are going away again to South Africa for the next 6 months, I've become really emotional and introspective as to how much I love them... I'm really going to miss them and it surprises me that at this stage in my life (mid 20's) I still yearn for their guidance and love. Maybe that's silly? Maybe I'm alone in how I feel... but I thought I'd ask my fellow Terbites if they felt the same about their folks? I was looking at my parent's pic on my pc and it brought on a flood of emotions... my mum looked so pretty sitting with my dad, and I thought about how much I appreciated their wisdom and unconditional love irregardless of my actions/accomplishments.
Parents
- Thread starter hickorysticks
- Start date
I'm almost 40 and I feel the same way. My dad has alzhimers starting and it is tearing me up inside watching him go through it.
You are not alone
So as I've said, you are not alone.. I do feel the same way too.
May God keep us and our families in the best of health, and happiness.
I wish your parents a pleasant and safe journey. You are not alone about how you feel. That is the sign that you and your family are united, and love one another no matter what. Many people don't care about their family or parents anymore, as i have seen around in my neighborhood.hickorysticks said:
So as I've said, you are not alone.. I do feel the same way too.
Sorry to hear about your fathers Alzheimer.. I have worked in a Seniors home, and it did bring me to tears while working there. I ended up quitting my work there because it was too much for me to handle. I felt too attached to the people there.a 1 player said:
May God keep us and our families in the best of health, and happiness.
Cherish your parents
Because before you know it, you may not be able to...
I am mid forties... As a younger man, I took my parents pretty much for granted same as most young men I guess... Then about 15 yrs ago we lost a member of our family. My sister passed away suddenly in her sleep. We took solace in the fact that it was a peaceful ending and she did not suffer. This event, however tragic, brought the rest of us all closer together.
Now I make it a point to visit the folks as often as possible, and I always make it a point to see them on my sister's birthday and the anniversary of her death.... No parent should have to outlast their child.
As I've brought up in other threads, my father is also a cancer survivor... so:
Cherish your parents... I certainly cherish mine!
Because before you know it, you may not be able to...
I am mid forties... As a younger man, I took my parents pretty much for granted same as most young men I guess... Then about 15 yrs ago we lost a member of our family. My sister passed away suddenly in her sleep. We took solace in the fact that it was a peaceful ending and she did not suffer. This event, however tragic, brought the rest of us all closer together.
Now I make it a point to visit the folks as often as possible, and I always make it a point to see them on my sister's birthday and the anniversary of her death.... No parent should have to outlast their child.
As I've brought up in other threads, my father is also a cancer survivor... so:
Cherish your parents... I certainly cherish mine!
It's a blessing to have both your parents together.
My parents are divorced, and it really sucks during celebratory events.
Consider yourself lucky, Hickorysticks.
My parents are divorced, and it really sucks during celebratory events.
Consider yourself lucky, Hickorysticks.
It is very cool...
...that you adore your parents, and presumably they adore you. If you guys really have a positive relationship, how could you not miss them?
Insofar as me and my mom, we have a very love / hate relationship. It is NOT as functional or healthy as I would like, but I long ago realized that she wasn't going to change, that it was up to me to simply draw the boundary lines. My mother grew up in an era / culture where parents related to their children in a certain way, and that way doesn't work for me.
In a way it makes me sad...because when I was growing up, my mother and I were WAY CLOSE. VERY CLOSE. Everything you'd expect in a positive way from a single mom and her son against the world type of situation. I was amazed when people / friends would talk about their relationships with their parents, when I knew I could talk to my mom about anything, and did. We spent hours just talking...car rides...listening to her old Motown records.
Even when I became a young man, my mom and I were still pretty cool. We'd go out for dinner, things like that. She was so proud that her son could afford to take his mother out to a fancy restaurant...lol.
The split started my senior year in high school, when the time to go to college came around, and my mother didn't support me. She just had no reference point...she hadn't gone to college (how ironic that later I would SEND her to college, and she would go on to pursue a Ph.D), and everything she heard from the "white folks" at work was that kids went to college and fucked off, wasting their parents money. There was no telling her I was different, that I was a (relatively) bright and gifted student. I couldn't convince her, my high school counselors couldn't convince her, the counselors and leaders of the special program I was in for gifted minority students couldn't convince her. Things got so bad that I actually moved away from home before I graduated from high school...and only saw my mother again at the graduation itself, and when she helped me move into the dorms at university (I am sure she couldn't believe I really had managed to get in and go without her help). I sent myself to college, my own dime, with very little contact and support from her.
The split widened when I was going to graduate...and for no reason other than spite (IMHO...she denies it)...my mother refuse to come to my university graduation. She just wouldn't admit that I had done it.
We recovered from that, and had several good years (the years I was sending her to school), but another split came when she took things for granted regarding how I was going to support her Ph.D aspirations. It was an ironic twist, though it was more complicated than that (some personal family stuff and history that came to a head).
That got patched up after a period...some more years of things being keen, culminated with me bringing her to Canada to be closer to her grandson.
Currently, there is again a rift. She isn't happy about having come to Canada, only to have the ex and I split, and she have to return to the U.S. and try to restart her life. I don't blame her, to be honest, but I have my own shit I am dealing with, so I've only got some much bandwidth for sympathy...
This will pass too, with time.
Anyway...all that to say...be glad you have a positive relationship with your folks.
...that you adore your parents, and presumably they adore you. If you guys really have a positive relationship, how could you not miss them?
Insofar as me and my mom, we have a very love / hate relationship. It is NOT as functional or healthy as I would like, but I long ago realized that she wasn't going to change, that it was up to me to simply draw the boundary lines. My mother grew up in an era / culture where parents related to their children in a certain way, and that way doesn't work for me.
In a way it makes me sad...because when I was growing up, my mother and I were WAY CLOSE. VERY CLOSE. Everything you'd expect in a positive way from a single mom and her son against the world type of situation. I was amazed when people / friends would talk about their relationships with their parents, when I knew I could talk to my mom about anything, and did. We spent hours just talking...car rides...listening to her old Motown records.
Even when I became a young man, my mom and I were still pretty cool. We'd go out for dinner, things like that. She was so proud that her son could afford to take his mother out to a fancy restaurant...lol.
The split started my senior year in high school, when the time to go to college came around, and my mother didn't support me. She just had no reference point...she hadn't gone to college (how ironic that later I would SEND her to college, and she would go on to pursue a Ph.D), and everything she heard from the "white folks" at work was that kids went to college and fucked off, wasting their parents money. There was no telling her I was different, that I was a (relatively) bright and gifted student. I couldn't convince her, my high school counselors couldn't convince her, the counselors and leaders of the special program I was in for gifted minority students couldn't convince her. Things got so bad that I actually moved away from home before I graduated from high school...and only saw my mother again at the graduation itself, and when she helped me move into the dorms at university (I am sure she couldn't believe I really had managed to get in and go without her help). I sent myself to college, my own dime, with very little contact and support from her.
The split widened when I was going to graduate...and for no reason other than spite (IMHO...she denies it)...my mother refuse to come to my university graduation. She just wouldn't admit that I had done it.
We recovered from that, and had several good years (the years I was sending her to school), but another split came when she took things for granted regarding how I was going to support her Ph.D aspirations. It was an ironic twist, though it was more complicated than that (some personal family stuff and history that came to a head).
That got patched up after a period...some more years of things being keen, culminated with me bringing her to Canada to be closer to her grandson.
Currently, there is again a rift. She isn't happy about having come to Canada, only to have the ex and I split, and she have to return to the U.S. and try to restart her life. I don't blame her, to be honest, but I have my own shit I am dealing with, so I've only got some much bandwidth for sympathy...
This will pass too, with time.
Anyway...all that to say...be glad you have a positive relationship with your folks.
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Hey man,hickorysticks said:
I'm 51 and still feel strongly towards my folks. They don't get away that much anymore (as they are in their mid-80's) but the strength of emotion has grown if nothing else.
It's a good thing!
Bless all the single moms out there. Heaven has reserved a special place for them. Single moms who work at 2-3 jobs raising 4 kids. Incredible!MLAM said:
My parents and grandparents live in Montreal, and I only get to see them 4-5 times a year, due to crappy work schedule. I wasn't even able to be with them over christmas, which is a big celebration in my family.
It's always comforting to have family backing you up. No matter how close your friends are, there's always an extra intimacy coming from family. But just think of the wonderful reunion when they get back
A1: I'm truly sorry to hear about your dad's Alzheimer's. It's heart rending seeing a loved one lose themselves, little by little. My good thoughts go with you.
It's always comforting to have family backing you up. No matter how close your friends are, there's always an extra intimacy coming from family. But just think of the wonderful reunion when they get back
A1: I'm truly sorry to hear about your dad's Alzheimer's. It's heart rending seeing a loved one lose themselves, little by little. My good thoughts go with you.
I agree. This is the third time it has happened to my family, twice before with grandparents. Fortunately, it is still in the beginning stages and there is some 'quality' time left.4pack said:
Don't worry 6 months will fly by. Just make sure you keep in contact with them every week and you'll be fine.
What you're feeling is definitely natural and you're extremely lucky to have both parents alive and together. I lost my mom to cancer about 5 years ago and it made me truly appreciate how important parents are, even in your adult years. At the very least they are a shoulder to lean on when you're down in the dumps.
What you're feeling is definitely natural and you're extremely lucky to have both parents alive and together. I lost my mom to cancer about 5 years ago and it made me truly appreciate how important parents are, even in your adult years. At the very least they are a shoulder to lean on when you're down in the dumps.
I really appreciated this thread - I am early 30's and I'm finding that i'm already bracing for the day when I have to bury one of my parents. It will leave a huge void for me, remembering the long-past innocence of Saturday morning cartoons and hockey practices, with my parents always steering me down the right path.
They're both still alive and I bet they'd love to hear from me....gonna call them right now
They're both still alive and I bet they'd love to hear from me....gonna call them right now
Guys thankyou so much for your responses and affirmation... last night I was really nostalgic about my parents leaving again, especially as the last time my mum got sick with Malaria (while in Mozambique). She recovered well enough and they both went on to really enjoy the rest of their stay/work there, but I do find the older I am the more I worry for their safety/health. I am very blessed to have a wonderful and loving step father who takes good care of my mum. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in how I feel~
Thanks everyone for sharing and yes I'm very fortunate both my parents are still alive and well. Including my biological dad, whom I went to visit over Christmas.
ps. I'm a woman (noticed a few guys commented thinking I was a man, but unfortunately am not)
Thanks everyone for sharing and yes I'm very fortunate both my parents are still alive and well. Including my biological dad, whom I went to visit over Christmas.
ps. I'm a woman (noticed a few guys commented thinking I was a man, but unfortunately am not
)I'm so sorry to hear that... I understand how debilitating Alzhimers can be and the loss you are experiencing watching someone you love go through that.a 1 player said:
