Over 50 and never been married
- Thread starter Mable
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Well, for me, as one over 50, I`ve never had a `significant other` so can`t comment on your situation, but as for me, back in the day, (circa 1990`s), I tried the whole dating thing. Hell, I even placed a few personal ads in the local paper, (anyone remember that?). I finally resorted to hobbying, have never looked back!
Im 47.
my parents have been married for over 50 years. dad worked full time and mom worked part time and stayed home with the kids. they were very much a team but my father was the captain. it was never a dictatorship but they both had different roles and it worked really well raising 4 kids one which was mentally challenged.
fast forward to me as young adult. my parents relationship was my framework. Ive had several long term relationship the longest lasting 5 years. came close to buying a house with her. lived together with most of my long terms. there was always a divide and never a team. I was never a fan of how my girlfriend chose to live their lives since it directly impacted my success and failures of my life and choices. they always wanted their individual freedom of choice at the cost of my choices. essentially I couldnt live the life they wanted since it contradicted my direction and choices. I need to be the captain like in my parents relationship. ensuring the survival and success of it. my partners always seemed incompetent when it came to making decisions both financial, personally, professionally, etc.
at my age now Ive become much more strict in what I want in a partner. if they arent going to tow my line I have no interest in a relationship. Ive worked to0 hard and hit every goal and milestone to invest in someone who will make choices that will fuck up my shit.
this is why I like prostitutes. sex with none of the issues.
love is bullshit. its really lust. our biological imperative releasing endorphins, dopamine or whatever to get us to fuck, make babies wash rinse repeat. Ive been in love many times and after the honeymoon period 6mths to a year they become less interesting and I see their shortcomings and flaws. that once sexually attractive woman becomes common place and undesirable.
my parents have been married for over 50 years. dad worked full time and mom worked part time and stayed home with the kids. they were very much a team but my father was the captain. it was never a dictatorship but they both had different roles and it worked really well raising 4 kids one which was mentally challenged.
fast forward to me as young adult. my parents relationship was my framework. Ive had several long term relationship the longest lasting 5 years. came close to buying a house with her. lived together with most of my long terms. there was always a divide and never a team. I was never a fan of how my girlfriend chose to live their lives since it directly impacted my success and failures of my life and choices. they always wanted their individual freedom of choice at the cost of my choices. essentially I couldnt live the life they wanted since it contradicted my direction and choices. I need to be the captain like in my parents relationship. ensuring the survival and success of it. my partners always seemed incompetent when it came to making decisions both financial, personally, professionally, etc.
at my age now Ive become much more strict in what I want in a partner. if they arent going to tow my line I have no interest in a relationship. Ive worked to0 hard and hit every goal and milestone to invest in someone who will make choices that will fuck up my shit.
this is why I like prostitutes. sex with none of the issues.
love is bullshit. its really lust. our biological imperative releasing endorphins, dopamine or whatever to get us to fuck, make babies wash rinse repeat. Ive been in love many times and after the honeymoon period 6mths to a year they become less interesting and I see their shortcomings and flaws. that once sexually attractive woman becomes common place and undesirable.
IDK afraid of commitment and trust. Condition to always think about your best interest and fear love. Like a form of incel but in a form of lacking the ability to gain your partners trust and receive consent to form a union.
I am too set in my ways and I like it that way. I am finally content with myself and life the way it is. I don't like change and am very strict in what I look for in a partner.
I read a book once by a "dating guru" and he said before marriage you have to look out for all the red flags. If you love the person so much that you are willing to accept them as is then that is your choice to live with them. Men tend to ignore the red flags and go along until a breaking point, women will put up with them for only so long and then try to change us. I don't think I could ever live with someone else. I always wanted a relationship where we only talk and see each other on the weekends unless a random family or rare weekday event. Keep it fresh and exciting with the buildup to the next time.
I read a book once by a "dating guru" and he said before marriage you have to look out for all the red flags. If you love the person so much that you are willing to accept them as is then that is your choice to live with them. Men tend to ignore the red flags and go along until a breaking point, women will put up with them for only so long and then try to change us. I don't think I could ever live with someone else. I always wanted a relationship where we only talk and see each other on the weekends unless a random family or rare weekday event. Keep it fresh and exciting with the buildup to the next time.
Not 50 but as the years go by the odds become more remote. While Einstein married and had a family, his sentiments about the desire for solitude mirror my own:
"I gang my own gait and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties I have never lost an obstinate sense of detachment, of the need for solitude — a feeling which increases with the years . . . Arrows of hate have been aimed at me too, but they have never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world with which I have no connection whatsoever. . . I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity."
FYI, "Gang my own gait" is just archaic English meaning "I did it my way".
"I gang my own gait and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties I have never lost an obstinate sense of detachment, of the need for solitude — a feeling which increases with the years . . . Arrows of hate have been aimed at me too, but they have never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world with which I have no connection whatsoever. . . I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity."
FYI, "Gang my own gait" is just archaic English meaning "I did it my way".
Your significant other knows why. She's just trying to stir up shit. Imagine if you started asking around the room of the old hags over 50 why they never married how would that go?
It's probably best to get married in your 20's.
As time marches on, you get set in your ways, you enjoy doing what you want without having to consider someone else. If you have friends that you see, a girlfriend, a dog, etc. and you're happy overall, then why get married ?
More than the guy who has never been married, what I find interesting is people that are currently married (men or women as far as that goes ) who will tell you that if they ever found themselves single again, they would never get married again as long as they live. When you ask them why they aren't even sure, but the common answer is that they are perfectly happy being alone and doing their thing. They don't need someone else to complete them.
And of course the other side of the coin is the guy (and we've all met them) who just can't be single. Like Paul McCartney. He just has to be married. I know a couple of guys like this. When they are single, they are just miserable.
As time marches on, you get set in your ways, you enjoy doing what you want without having to consider someone else. If you have friends that you see, a girlfriend, a dog, etc. and you're happy overall, then why get married ?
More than the guy who has never been married, what I find interesting is people that are currently married (men or women as far as that goes ) who will tell you that if they ever found themselves single again, they would never get married again as long as they live. When you ask them why they aren't even sure, but the common answer is that they are perfectly happy being alone and doing their thing. They don't need someone else to complete them.
And of course the other side of the coin is the guy (and we've all met them) who just can't be single. Like Paul McCartney. He just has to be married. I know a couple of guys like this. When they are single, they are just miserable.
