My gf doesn't cum

[james t kirk]

I've been in this exact situation before, only she was a white mid-30s girl.

I tried EVERY trick in the book.

The truth was:

1. She was raised in a good Anglican family from eastern Ontario where only sluts did it.

2. Her sister was too into boys for her parents, so she went the other way.

3. No, she wasn't a lesbian, she had never even cum by herself

4. She felt guilty even masturbating

5. She just wasn't into it.

I blame it all on her upbringing. She was brought up to believe that good girls keep a dime between their knees at all times (this was actually a phrase I leanred from her).

I remember the last time I saw her (this is a true story). I was practically doing hand stands to get her to cum. She's totally into it (or so it seemed). Right in the middle of it, she stops, she says to me, hang on, she calls up her voicemail at work and changes her outgoing voicemail message. (She was obsessed with her OGVMM - updating them throughout the day). Then she lays back down and sighs and says "Ok, where were we"

I got up, showered, realized that this was what it was, and never saw her again.

 

[mrsCALoki]

Real men don't care.

Real men do not need to care. They make us cum.

 

[dirkd101]

Totally. You (she) might also want to try getting a little drunk, or a little high, if you both do that. Finding some "external" way to relax her can often be effective.

Alcohol could be the key here. A little drunk, the stress of the day is lessened, don't set it up as pre-sex drinking, just a regular night, sex isn't even on your mind, conversation and drinks. Turn the conversation towards sex after she has had a couple. Ask her questions like what it is she enjoys the most when you two engage in it and does she have any fantasies, is there something that she likes particularly. Once the juices of the mind start going, the desire and juices of the loin will follow. If she doesn't have the big one, don't put stress on you or her or all bedroom activities from here on in will be no fun at all.

 

[mmouse]

Has she cum before? With a different partner, or by herself?

Never, not with anyone, and she doesn't masturbate - I know this for a certain fact.
She claims to never think about sex and has no sexual fantasies as far as I can discover.
Lost cause perhaps? shame because she's hot, smart and a good fuck, except she's not into sucking cock and never cums of course.

 

[fun-guy]

Maybe she's faking it.

She's faking a no cum?? lmao

 

[dirkd101]

She's faking a no cum?? lmao

Doesn't want him to know how much she really enjoys him trying to get her off, great strategy and I would employ it as well, except for that little part when I bust a nut. It's tough to hide that evidence.

 

[spraggamuffin]

Remember these Asian Lady love you long time.

 

[richaceg]

inhibitions plays a big part on why most women don't "cum". if she wants to she can. it's all about letting go. my gf has been like this for about a year into the relationship. she thought she was "cumming" (and so did i) because she soaks the bed. until one time she just thought she'd let it go and forget about the worries of turning me off of whatever i might smell or see (she thought she'd squirt or pee...whatever). next thing you know, she was shoving my face on her kitty...giving me a nice face-wash. that was orgasm #1. then, lays me back, straddles me and started pumping like there's no tomorrow...changing pace once in a while but you will notice when the lady is about to when she doesn't care what's going on around her. in the end, she got orgasm #2...me almost choked to death because she thought she's still holding on to the sheets but actually it was my neck...got a really big gash from her nails on my neck and shoulders.

 

[TPO]

Have a nice meal, couple of drinks maybe smoke a joint. Watch some porn to get you both in the mood and take it slow and easy. Maybe a sensual massage and lots of oral before intercourse.

 

[canada-man]

maybe it's mental?

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

Never, not with anyone, and she doesn't masturbate - I know this for a certain fact.
She claims to never think about sex and has no sexual fantasies as far as I can discover.
Lost cause perhaps? shame because she's hot, smart and a good fuck, except she's not into sucking cock and never cums of course.

It is a head thing, not a body thing.

You have to get past the mind -block in her head.

Some women just can not let go.

That is the short answer anyway.

 

[legmann]

she doesn't masturbate - I know this for a certain fact.
She claims to never think about sex and has no sexual fantasies as far as I can discover.

Jesus, I think you've found the problem here.

Girls need to know how to get themselves off first, before anyone else can do it for them. Not masturbating, and not thinking/fantasizing about sex are hardly considered normal, by any stretch. These are all healthy mechanisms we're expected to ingulge in and enjoy.

This is a far bigger problem than just not knowing how to 'let go' or anything similar; this sounds like someone who has no sexual drive or desire, period.

 

[NYguardianangel]

I've been with a girl for a while and she just won't cum. She's mid 30's, chinese, one previous partner and inexperienced. Loads of foreplay, lick and finger and fuck for hours, she grinds and soaks the bed, but never reaches a peak.

Any tips?

I never read all the replies, but if your GF does all the above and "Soaks the bed" my dear boy; soaking the bed is the cumming part.... I just saying, if you get a lady to enjoy herself to the point the bed is soaked; exactly what more are you looking for? She peaked,

Just my opinion, but

 

[Conway_Stewart]

This
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http://www.zeitgeistyreport.com/arti...female-orgasm/

 

[hhdan]

ok..this may sound stupid

I had the same thing with an asian gf before. It really started to bother me especially since the my ex was also asian and would cum 2 or 3 times for every one of mine. The crazy thing was, we went to Hong Kong for a holiday and I decided we should go for a massage and I specifically took her to one that had a very "open" menu. 1 room, 2 tables, 2 women..and a 2 hour retreat. Things started to heat up after about 30 minutes and before I knew it she was moaning and calling me to come to her. Next thing I knew she was cumming. After that she was far less inhibited, although she didnt cum all the time there where times when she went crazy.
I agree it is all in her mind, she just cant get past it. Keep trying, you will find a way.

Cheers

 

[Libra]

My opinion is that she sounds very inhibited by our standards (western men). She just may well have never pleasured herself, but no fantasies? I just can't believe that. So she is inhibited enough not to even admit to fantasizing.

I think the most important thing is for her to feel very relaxed and be able to trust you. And put a large focus on the romance and intimacy.

That's all I am going to say because I think thats by far whats most important.

 

[letsn0twastetime]

I agree with 'most' replies. try to get her off before your start intercourse by doing clit stimulation. if shes its 'dirty' use some exterior stimuli as well like watching some porn or trying some mild dirty talk. You just need to reassure her its not 'dirty' but natural and it's ok for her to let go.

 

[trm]

I think you should stop listening to all of the well-intended advice and advise her to see a sex therapist. It sounds like she needs professional help.

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

I think you should stop listening to all of the well-intended advice and advise her to see a sex therapist. It sounds like she needs professional help.

That will only make it worse and this is if she will actually go. She will let her mind think to much even more. Like somehow something is wrong with her.

It is mind block that a therapist can help with but the person has to be willing and I bet she is not.

I was very sexually active in my youth but I didn't cum with men. I did masturbate and I knew how to cum clitorally {spelling?} but I just didn't. About my mid 20's I would cum via clitoral stimulation only and that was still rare. Had to be lots of oral, never via intercourse and to allow a man to go down on me was a struggle for a while. I was always the one who preformed oral but never dated men who returned the favor, so by the time I was in my mid 20's, it was a newish experience for me still even though I lost my V- card at 13. I still very much enjoyed sex and never really thought anything was missing.

Now my lovable asshole who I have been with for 4 years now was able to change all that. I was able to go past my own mind blocks, fears, embarrassments, etc and experience sex the way I always wanted. I was able and am still able to try all the new things I wanted and still want to do. I never had multiple orgasms before him. I never squirted, never had big clitoral O's with penetration and things that I felt were to taboo before, I am trying and enjoying.

This may not seem important to you, but please understand, I am and always was a slut. I love sex. I love it even more now of course, but I would do your normal list of GFE or at least as much as my partner wanted of that menu, 3-somes, 4-somes, outdoor sex, anal, CIMWS, swap partners, just girls, etc. from about 16 years old. So you would think that I would have no issues with being able to cum. However, I was always the performer for most of my sex life. Always the giving partner and never really taking.

Now that I have opened myself up with the right man who made me feel comfortable to explore the sexual woman I am and want to be, the list is now huge. Full PSE - BDSM, stripping, shows, toys, rimming both giving and receiving, squirting, dress up and role play, just to name few. The sky is the limit. Some things are still hard for me. If I feel like I want to put on a little strip or toy show, I still drink 3-4 drinks/glasses of wine, but I know now it is my own mental block to get over. I happen to want to get over it though. So I am trying all the time to get past certain things.

The BF has made me feel comfortable to explore those areas of my sexuality. I would now, if I ever changed partners, be able to let myself go enough to cum the way I want with a new man, but the possibility of me reverting back to some more vanilla stuff is huge. I don't think I would strip or do toy shows for any other man. I don't think I would yet feel comfortable.

I am telling you people this in hopes that some of you may be able to help your woman/women reach their sexual potential as well with the understanding that for ladies it much more then just the physical act and there is so much more going on for her that you may not even know about. I can tell you that my BF sure as shit didn't think that one day I would be asking him to help me shop for anal toys that I want to play with him, or have me ask him to let me strip for him, or have me ask him to tie me up to the bed and get a little BDSM action going on. He would have been happy to just do the normal GFE stuff, and I can go back to that if I wanted too. Point is, he is there for me mentally, physically and sexually as all 3 are different. At least for the woman, they are.

Now may not be the time, you may not be the guy, she may never let go. Or it may all work out, but ultimately it is up to her. You want to be that guy she opens up with, you have to find how to "her" as in her inner core, past all the fears, mind-blocks, trust, etc.

There is the long answer to my earlier short answer reply.

 

[krayjee]

I used to have an Asian lady like that. She sees sex as immoral and dirty thing by the way she was raised. She refused to watch porn or giving me a BJ. She covered her face with the pillow on our first few encounters. It was like just making love to a flexi sex doll whenever I was doing her, but you can hear her moans whenever I gave her a tongue job. One lady friend suggested me to try with a silver bullet vibrator on the right edge of her clit while stroking her G spot with mid finger. I tried that and she did cum even tho' she denied it in shame. I think it was in her head which sees sex is a shameful dirty thing to do. I knew she cum by seeing her biting her lips, her toes curled up and her stomach tightened with muscle contractions. Its all in her head not to let it go. One thing you have to bear in mind is they have sexual feelings when they get wet by foreplays. If they didn't get wet, then it's a different story.