Monogamy is bullshit

[LisbethNova]

It took me until the age of 30 to finally accept that monogamy is bullshit. In fact, the very idea makes absolutely no sense at all to me and the idea is terrifying.
Now being in the hobby world and seeing a number of lovely married men, I realized just how much monogamy does not work and that many women (and men) are in complete denile that this is something even humanly possible.
From what I have analyzed in my experiences both in and out of the hobby world, majority of people cheat and if they are not already cheating, then they are in one hell of a torturous relationship where they are either in denile about sexuality or have lost interest in sex altogether... or maybe they just play the skin flute to keep their sanity, (my guess is that this is probably VERY true).
Hobbying in my opinion is not cheating, but is simply a release for those stuck in such mongamous relationships. I can honestly say that if my man went and paid for a service, I would find that a hell of a lot less threatening than if he were to be screwing someone from work.I have come to understand that most married gents who hobby probably feel the same way.
I often wish the wives of these gents would see the value in having more sexually open relationships. But I often wonder, if their wives and girlfriends were more open, could these men handle it?

What are your thoughts?

 

[rt-24]

I agree with you 100% (im single, fwiw)

 

[GPIDEAL]

I don't think monogamy is total bullshit, however, I agree that hobbying isn't necessarily cheating, as it is a release and can keep frustration out of a marriage that can threaten it in the long run.

 

[bolt.upright]

As a guy married over thirty years, I like the way you think.

If I found out my wife was doing the same thing that I am, I think I'd be okay with it. It's hard to say when it's not happening (as far as I know). As for myself, I'm seeing SP's once or twice a week because I enjoy it very much. I was monogamous for thirty years and it definitely was very difficult at times.

 

[rhuarc29]

I don't think monogamy is total bullshit, however, I agree that hobbying isn't necessarily cheating, as it is a release and can keep frustration out of a marriage that can threaten it in the long run.

I guess it's an issue of semantics, because it is technically cheating...though it's not as bad as other avenues of cheating. The same risk of hurting your SO exists either way though.

I also don't think monogamy is total bullshit. I think the bullshit part is marriage itself. The only way I'd ever get married is if my SO seriously wanted that and I felt entirely comfortable with her. It's not important to me to get married. I think that marriage is definitely a ball and chain, and no relationship should really be like that.

 

[GPIDEAL]

I guess it's an issue of semantics, because it is technically cheating...though it's not as bad as other avenues of cheating. The same risk of hurting your SO exists either way though.

I also don't think monogamy is total bullshit. I think the bullshit part is marriage itself. The only way I'd ever get married is if my SO seriously wanted that and I felt entirely comfortable with her. It's not important to me to get married. I think that marriage is definitely a ball and chain, and no relationship should really be like that.

It may be technically cheating, but hobbying isn't a love affair but a release for the frustration of a lack of sex. I know a guy who's wife found porn on his computer and she was very pissed off (even called the priest). One might argue that she's not doing enough for him as a wife. (He doesn't hobby).

 

[bazokajoe]

Bottom line,it works if you want it to work.Both parties need to work at it.Yes,seeing an escort is cheating.Stop trying to justify your actions by saying it isn't cheating.

Your only fooling yourself.

 

[Titalian]

Very Interesting post. On Monogamy.

Does love & monogamy still exist in today's age? Yes, although love seems to be more common than monogamy.

"News of politicians' extramarital affairs seems to be in no short supply lately, but if humans were cut from exactly the
same cloth as other mammals, a faithful spouse would be an unusual phenomenon.

Only 3 percent to 5 percent of the roughly 5,000 species of mammals (including humans) are known to form lifelong,
monogamous bonds , with the loyal superstars including beavers, wolves and some bats.

Social monogamy is a term referring to creatures that pair up to mate and raise offspring but still have flings.
Sexually monogamous pairs mate with only with one partner. So a cheating husband who detours for a romantic
romp yet returns home in time to tuck in the kids at night would be considered socially monogamous...
Some scientists view both social and sexual monogamy in humans as a societal structure rather than a natural state.

"I don't think we are a monogamous animal," said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle.
"A really monogamous animal is a goose – which never mates again even if its mate is killed...
"Monogamy is invented for order and investment – but not necessarily because it's 'natural.'"

 

[LisbethNova]

I have posted this thread topic on 3 different forums and it is interesting the difference in responses... I should be clear I don't think monogamy is bullshit for everyone.. but it is for a lot of people and I am making such a blunt statement to attract some attention to the topic.
Too often I think the general population assume that monogamy is the norm, and in the hobby world many people posting in the forums seem to think of this world as a bunch of cheaters. Meanwhile many married men I meet are not hobbying because they really WANT or get off on cheating on their wives, it's for a variety of reasons like a lack of communication or openness about sex, which I think is something definitely taught to women from a young age. Women are taught that sex is bad and sex must be tied to monogamy and love and otherwise is shameful. If more women had a positive outlook on sex then maybe they would be more willing to explore in their relationships with their husband.

 

[katcalla]

I second that.

 

[VirginJohn]

It took me until the age of 30 to finally accept that monogamy is bullshit. In fact, the very idea makes absolutely no sense at all to me and the idea is terrifying.
Now being in the hobby world and seeing a number of lovely married men, I realized just how much monogamy does not work and that many women (and men) are in complete denile that this is something even humanly possible.
From what I have analyzed in my experiences both in and out of the hobby world, majority of people cheat and if they are not already cheating, then they are in one hell of a torturous relationship where they are either in denile about sexuality or have lost interest in sex altogether... or maybe they just play the skin flute to keep their sanity, (my guess is that this is probably VERY true).
Hobbying in my opinion is not cheating, but is simply a release for those stuck in such mongamous relationships. I can honestly say that if my man went and paid for a service, I would find that a hell of a lot less threatening than if he were to be screwing someone from work.I have come to understand that most married gents who hobby probably feel the same way.
I often wish the wives of these gents would see the value in having more sexually open relationships. But I often wonder, if their wives and girlfriends were more open, could these men handle it?

What are your thoughts?

I think that cheating is relative to what is defined within the marriage as deception is usually involved when people do that. As long as you are dealing with another human being where you are taking money out of the relationship and giving it to another woman and exposing yourself at risk of an STD at the expense of the SO not knowing about it then it 100% is cheating. It may not be on the same level as other affairs, but it's extremely dishonest and unfair to the SO.

If you are not happy with the monogamous relationship then a release with another woman is a symptom to a problem there, because if you are not satisfied with one, then you can't be satisfied at all and want more. That's more like a spiritual problem than a release problem.

 

[VirginJohn]

I have posted this thread topic on 3 different forums and it is interesting the difference in responses... I should be clear I don't think monogamy is bullshit for everyone.. but it is for a lot of people and I am making such a blunt statement to attract some attention to the topic.
Too often I think the general population assume that monogamy is the norm, and in the hobby world many people posting in the forums seem to think of this world as a bunch of cheaters. Meanwhile many married men I meet are not hobbying because they really WANT or get off on cheating on their wives, it's for a variety of reasons like a lack of communication or openness about sex, which I think is something definitely taught to women from a young age. Women are taught that sex is bad and sex must be tied to monogamy and love and otherwise is shameful. If more women had a positive outlook on sex then maybe they would be more willing to explore in their relationships with their husband.

I think a man not communicating about his wife about hobbying is a major rift already in the marriage. A more progressive approach is if the man talked to his wife about that or went to marriage counselling. If she doesn't get it then why did they get married in the first place if there is such an issue about that?

 

[VirginJohn]

If you buy a good sex-toy or masturbator you can have a good quality of a release looking at escort pics and that is a "release" that is not cheating since money is not going out of the relationship and you are not risking STDs you can pass to the SO. Personally, I have never used a sex-toy during any monogamous relationship since I still view that, in itself, as cheating mentally, where the lines of virtual cheating and real cheating can get blurred. This is still, morally, wrong, but I got disillusioned since my marriage didn't work out and this is my way of protest.

 

[asterwald]

Men who are worth a lot of money and dumb enough to get married deserve getting nailed by the courts.

 

[wangbang]

It took me until the age of 30 to finally accept that monogamy is bullshit.

It's nice when a woman finds her "masculine" side.

 

[asterwald]

It's nice when a woman finds her "masculine" side.

I think a woman's testosterone rises as she gets older. And in men it declines. That's probably the reason older women are more prone to complaining about their mans lack of initiative. Testosterone is the sex drive hormone.

Here's Sly at like 70 on Test. I deffo plan on taking it after 55.

 

[Titalian]

I think that cheating is relative to what is defined within the marriage as deception is usually involved when people do that. As long as you are dealing with another human being where you are taking money out of the relationship and giving it to another woman and exposing yourself at risk of an STD at the expense of the SO not knowing about it then it 100% is cheating. It may not be on the same level as other affairs, but it's extremely dishonest and unfair to the SO.

If you are not happy with the monogamous relationship then a release with another woman is a symptom to a problem there, because if you are not satisfied with one, then you can't be satisfied at all and want more. That's more like a spiritual problem than a release problem.

I think a man not communicating about his wife about hobbying is a major rift already in the marriage. A more progressive approach is if the man talked to his wife about that or went to marriage counselling. If she doesn't get it then why did they get married in the first place if there is such an issue about that?

If you buy a good sex-toy or masturbator you can have a good quality of a release looking at escort pics and that is a "release" that is not cheating since money is not going out of the relationship and you are not risking STDs you can pass to the SO. Personally, I have never used a sex-toy during any monogamous relationship since I still view that, in itself, as cheating mentally, where the lines of virtual cheating and real cheating can get blurred. This is still, morally, wrong, but I got disillusioned since my marriage didn't work out and this is my way of protest.

You seem to be pointing your finger at men, which is not the truth !! Women also cheat.

 

[Titalian]

I have posted this thread topic on 3 different forums and it is interesting the difference in responses... I should be clear I don't think monogamy is bullshit for everyone.. but it is for a lot of people and I am making such a blunt statement to attract some attention to the topic.
Too often I think the general population assume that monogamy is the norm, and in the hobby world many people posting in the forums seem to think of this world as a bunch of cheaters. Meanwhile many married men I meet are not hobbying because they really WANT or get off on cheating on their wives, it's for a variety of reasons like a lack of communication or openness about sex, which I think is something definitely taught to women from a young age. Women are taught that sex is bad and sex must be tied to monogamy and love and otherwise is shameful. If more women had a positive outlook on sex then maybe they would be more willing to explore in their relationships with their husband.

Again this is an exaggeration, The poor females in a relationship are not always the angels they seem to be.

 

[LisbethNova]

[/B]

Again this is an exaggeration, The poor females in a relationship are not always the angels they seem to be.

Oh god no.. plenty of women are cheating...

 

[GPIDEAL]

If you buy a good sex-toy or masturbator you can have a good quality of a release looking at escort pics and that is a "release" that is not cheating since money is not going out of the relationship and you are not risking STDs you can pass to the SO. Personally, I have never used a sex-toy during any monogamous relationship since I still view that, in itself, as cheating mentally, where the lines of virtual cheating and real cheating can get blurred. This is still, morally, wrong, but I got disillusioned since my marriage didn't work out and this is my way of protest.

I must take issue with your statement bolded by me.

What if the guy has tons of money such that it makes no difference in lifestyle or retirement? Is a marriage simply defined by matrimonial wealth? What if he practices safe sex in his hobbying?

A man can gamble the family wealth, and that isn't cheating.

If you're going to talk about cheating, it is perhaps best defined by being dishonest but sometimes, honesty is not the best policy. There are mitigating circumstances. (I'm not married but I can't say that I would cheat myself).